by Lizzy Ford
If Deidre found pleasure in funnel cakes and warm socks, she found utter ecstasy in Gabriel’s arms. She didn’t remember his passion, the way he tasted and smelled and felt, or the movement of his muscles beneath taut, smooth skin. His velvety tongue was hot against her neck and her lips and as he pleasured her in ways she never experienced before. He wanted her, and nothing had ever made her happier in her life than when she saw the depth of his emotion in his eyes and lived through the consuming intensity with which he made love to her. Over and over, like it was their first time. Or maybe, like he really had loved her through the millennia they were together.
Their first afternoon of love was more than she ever thought possible. He wore her – a goddess! – out with his lovemaking and passion. Her own body burned with emotions she couldn’t control: love, happiness, and a hunger so deep, she thought she’d die before he sated her. Everything from the texture of his skin to the heat of his hands branding her was heaven to one unaccustomed to the sensuality of her world.
Deidre loved it. She reveled in every inch of his skin. She wasn’t expecting his gentleness or the level of his interest in exploring her body, a combination that rendered her breathless before her clothes were off. He was certain to take her to climax each time before seeking his own release, a practice she’d never participated, when she was a goddess who felt nothing.
Being with him, naked in bed, was the most natural, right and incredible experience. It reinforced what she had begun to doubt: This was where she belonged. Beside him, in bed and out, working together to run the underworld.
Dozing after his insatiable passion, she roused herself when one of Gabriel’s hands moved down her body. She rested on top of him, listening to his heartbeat. His chest was warm against her ear, and she drew loose shapes against his skin, beyond intrigued by the smoothness.
It was past midnight. The room was dark, aside from the glowing souls visible through the balcony doors. Gabriel had stayed with her for hours without showing any sign he was ready to leave.
“Happy?” His voice was soft and low.
“Very,” she replied. “This was the best day of my life, Gabriel.”
He laughed, the rumble of his chest causing her to raise her head.
“Why are you laughing?” she asked curiously.
“I guess our first night together was subpar, if today was so much better,” he replied.
A trickle of jealousy moved through her, but she dismissed it, unwilling to think about the woman he’d slept with less than two weeks before. He thought it was her, and she couldn’t tell him differently.
“I want every night to be like this,” she proclaimed.
“I agree.”
She returned her head to his chest. Did he still think they were dysfunctional, or was he as pleased as she was? She loved the feel of his warm skin against hers and breathed in his scent deeply.
“Thank you, Gabriel,” she murmured.
“For what?”
“For taking a chance on me.”
He squeezed her with his thick arms, and again she marveled at how he managed to be gentle with her when he was so strong. She never appreciated his strength or level of discipline, either, before this day.
“This is a good start,” Gabriel said.
She propped her chin on his chest, unable to see his eyes in the night.
“We’ve got a long way to go.”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“Trust.”
“Ah.” She absently traced a hand down his shoulder and large bicep to the roped muscles of his forearm. “But it’s possible, right? We’ll be happy?”
“Of course.”
She’d never heard such awesome words!
“We’re kind of doing it backwards,” he said with humor. “Normally, you build trust then sleep with someone.”
“But we already loved each other. We’re not starting from scratch,” she pointed out. “We’re starting in the middle.”
“It’s still something we will work on.” There was firmness in his tone that threatened to pull her happiness down a notch.
“I don’t want us to change this,” she said. “What if trust does?”
“We’ll deal with it. I won’t lose you again. We won’t spend our nights away from one another. Ever.”
Guilt fluttered through her, making her cold on the inside.
“You’re my mate, Deidre. I swear it on my duty as Death. I won’t walk away from you, no matter how bad it is,” he said softly.
She said nothing. She wasn’t certain why her chest felt tight enough to hinder her breathing while her eyes were watering. Why was she sad? He swore to stay with her forever, just like she wanted him to, and she felt sorrow.
Deidre tried to sort through her emotions and rationalize them. It was impossible. She didn’t know what to do to return to the heady high she’d been on.
“Do you love me Gabriel?” she asked.
“It’s hard for me to respond to that,” he replied.
“Why?”
He was quiet for a moment. One of his thumbs stroked the small of her back as he thought. Deidre waited, needing to know what it would take for him to love her. It was far more important than the bet with the human, but Deidre couldn’t help thinking about her deal and Darkyn’s threat to reveal everything to Gabriel.
It was the fourth day of their seven-day deal. She’d gone from hopeful to devastated in the course of the first two days. Right now, she felt like she was on the verge of an important break through with Gabriel. One that would result in her capturing Gabriel’s heart and keeping her own soul.
“Because every time I start to love you, you betray me,” he said at last.
Deidre flinched.
“I want this time to be different. I know you have a secret and made deals with the Dark One. I’m holding my breath, hoping none of that shit comes back to bite me,” he continued. “I guess a better answer is that I need time to heal before I can trust myself to love you, Deidre.”
He was right without knowing it. She had no way of guaranteeing him that something she’d done wouldn’t return to make them both miserable.
Like the deal she made out of emotion with Darkyn’s mate. In three days, Darkyn may come on behalf of his mate to collect by any means necessary. Darkyn had been correct about the human she dumped in Hell. Human-Deidre had no reason whatsoever not to give Darkyn the soul he snatched when the deal was up.
If Gabriel didn’t fall in love with Deidre in three days, he would be betrayed once more. This time, permanently.
For the first time in her life, Deidre didn’t know what to do.
“I did mean it, Gabriel,” she said in a hushed voice. “I have always loved you.”
“I know.”
“I never meant to hurt you. Ever. I never knew I was.”
“Oh you knew you were fucking me up,” he replied.
“But I didn’t know what that felt like,” she said.
“You do now?”
“Yes,” she said, tears in her eyes. “It’s like your soul is being torn in two.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“How did you bear it for so long?”
“Because I did love you, Deidre,” he responded. “Until you pushed me away the final time. Until you took an innocent human and condemned her to near-death for your selfishness. Katie didn’t deserve to have you mess with her like you did.”
She listened, not wanting to cry or acknowledge the level of pain she put him through for so long. She remembered talk to Rhyn’s mate, Katie, in the underworld, trying to understand what it was to love from a human standpoint.
“You made me choose between you and doing what was right in the underworld when I saved Katie and her daughter,” he continued. “I realized then you’d never understand or accept me for who I was. You wanted to break me, Deidre, by turning me against everything I was.”
Deidre thought back. The events he spoke of occurred just a few months before,
when Darkyn was attacking the Immortals and before Rhyn took over the Council That Was Seven. Once more, Gabriel was right. She recalled clearly the decision she’d forced him to make and kicking him out of her bed, the moment he resigned his soul to her to save his friend’s life.
Her plan had been near its finale. She was plotting her return with a chain of events that ended with the human that bore her likeness being turned over to Darkyn. At the time, she had viewed it all as part of a process. Any pain she caused was going to be short lived and quickly fixed, when she revealed herself to Gabriel once more and told him they could be together. Though she couldn’t recall the thousand-year process it took to reach this very place, she knew the end results.
“You couldn’t be Death if I didn’t have your soul,” she said. “It was the last piece of the puzzle. I had to have it, Gabriel. I didn’t mean to break you. I wanted you to understand what it was like to be a deity. Human emotion could only complicate that.”
“Human emotion … you didn’t have it before last week. How did you know it could complicate the role of Death? How is a sociopathic deity better at ruling the underworld than a compassionate human?” he returned with no heat. “You always thought my emotions were weaknesses. It was human emotion and compassion that made me your best death dealer.”
She listened. Sometimes, she thought it made sense. At other times, it didn’t, because her own emotions were too hard for her to control. She couldn’t make important decisions while wrangling her feelings. Yet Gabriel managed to. He had done it every day he served her as her lead assassin and he was doing it now as Death.
The reality of his stark words made her wonder what he would’ve done in the same situation. What if he couldn’t have been with her unless he gave up his underworld and power? Would he have taken a similar course?
“What would you do?” she asked. “I mean, if you had to choose between me and your world?”
“I did choose you. Every day, Deidre. Even after you rejected me,” he replied. “Until you took my soul a few months ago, I was there because I loved you and for no other reason. I could’ve walked away at any time. I would’ve spent every day with you, if you hadn’t done what you did.”
Her tears rose again. He was serious. He did love her. But no longer, because she’d been trying to make sure she never lost him. How much easier would it have been, if she simply accepted his love and walked away from the underworld? They could’ve both gone somewhere else entirely, wherever they wanted to go, without the underworld crumbling or the pain Gabriel was in.
The pain she was in or the situation where she might lose her soul in three days.
“I wish you could’ve told me this long ago,” she said.
“You didn’t have the ability to understand.” His voice was gentler.
“Is it too late?” she asked. “Can you ever love me again?”
“I just need time, Deidre.” He raised his hand to her face. She closed her eyes as he brushed away her tears. “You’re my mate. Everything that’s mine is yours. My heart, I can’t vouch for. I’ve gotta heal first.”
“I understand.” And she did, clearly enough that she felt the pain of her heart aching once more. “Is there anything I can do?”
“You know what.”
Trust.
She was beginning to hate the word. Though she didn’t want to in front of him, Deidre started crying.
“Gods, woman,” he said with a grunt. “Don’t start that shit. This is the first time we’ve had an honest discussion in about a million years.” He nudged her off him and onto her side then wrapped his arms around her and held her against him.
No words would come. Deidre sobbed, suddenly wishing she could go back and change whatever it was she did to start this chain of events. In three days time, she’d not only lose her soul, she’d lose Gabriel, too, this time for good.
The only thing that was clear was that her soul was lost. Before she went, she owed him the truth. But not tonight. Tonight, she’d take comfort in the arms of the only man she ever loved.
Day Four
Chapter Nine