by Nalini Singh
“Doo-doo?” Alexei shook his head. “What did I tell you, sweetheart? Wolves are definitely more sophisticated and elegant.”
The healer snorted. “Ignore him, kitten. He’s a boy, and as I’m raising two boys, I can tell you they’re mostly dirt and mischief—with a side helping of interesting bugs.”
Memory knew they were joking around in an effort to raise Vashti’s spirits, and it was working. The girl’s joy was an innocent thing, her pain and fear forgotten for short bursts as she tried to laugh. All the while, her blood continued to flow.
Clay cradled the little girl’s head with one hand, his other holding hers. “Noor can’t stop talking about you,” he said in his deep timbre. “She’s very proud to have a ‘big girl’ friend. I’m going to talk to your dad about bringing her over to visit you.”
Vashti’s happiness bubbled again.
Memory clenched her gut and hoped. Vashti was bleeding out, her psychic presence weaker and weaker because Renault wanted Memory. If Vashti died . . . Memory bit down so hard on her lower lip that she tasted blood.
Chapter 35
Psychopaths who kill for killing’s sake are ill-disciplined individuals who waste resources. At the core, they are driven by primordial urges that negate any assertions of intelligence.
—Amara Aleine
RENAULT’S PULSE RACED. He wasn’t used to the lack of control. Neither was he used to being the one who ran, being the weak one. But he’d realized he was outnumbered the instant the two changelings entered the basement—he’d already stretched his telekinetic abilities; he hadn’t had enough power to hold off the two aggressors.
As it was, he’d barely made it to his hiding place.
That he now lay on the floor, his cheek resting on the rough carpet, was a humiliation he would not forget. He’d punish Memory for this, for running from him, for her disloyalty after all he’d done for her, how well he’d kept her.
She would pay and pay again.
The next time he drew her out, he’d have to ensure she came alone. It could be done. He knew everything about Memory, every fear and every guilt. Something crackled in his pocket as he turned. His ace in the hole: the lock of hair that belonged to Memory’s mother, a memento he always kept close because it marked the day he’d found Memory.
Yes, she would come when he called.
Chapter 36
Empaths do an overwhelming amount of good. But, as with any other group, those of Designation E have their flaws and their vulnerabilities, and these elements of their psyche can have a catastrophic impact on their mental health.
—The Mysterious E Designation: Empathic Gifts & Shadows by Alice Eldridge (Reprint: 2082)
MEMORY SAT IN a hard plas chair while hospital announcements echoed against the cool white walls. She was waiting for Alexei to return from the small café attached to the hospital—he’d volunteered to go down and grab coffee and food.
Two hours had passed since they’d found Vashti. Neither Clay nor Tammy had eaten dinner yet, and Memory’s bones were pushing up against her skin. Whatever she’d done to track Renault, it had required huge amounts of fuel. But Memory wasn’t hungry. A rock was lodged in her abdomen.
Stable at last, the small E Renault had hurt slept in a room on the other side of the wall at Memory’s back. Vashti’s father was inside with her while Tammy stood conferring with the medical team at the end of the hall—it turned out that Tamsyn “Tammy” Ryder, DarkRiver’s senior healer, was also a highly qualified doctor who had full privileges at this hospital.
Clay kept watch close by the medical team.
There was no need to keep watch at this end; Vashti’s room was the final one in this hallway, with only a wall to Memory’s right.
“Empath?”
Jerking at the unexpected voice, she found Vashti’s father standing in the doorway to his daughter’s room. It took her a second to realize he was addressing her. “Yes,” she said, though her insides twisted at claiming the title. She’d brought a monster to this man’s door.
“My daughter would like to speak to you.”
A sudden cold shivered through her blood when she entered the hospital room and saw Vashti’s small body in the middle of the bed, tubes and wires going from the girl to various machines. Tamsyn had reassured her that Vashti would make a full recovery, but seeing the little girl this way, knowing it was her fault, it had Memory bleeding inside.
She’d locked her guilt and pain behind solid shields for hours, not about to allow them to leak around this very young empath. If Vashti was anything like Cordelia and the others, it’d make her feel bad when Memory was the one at fault. “Hi,” she said from near the doorway.
The little E’s forehead scrunched up. “You don’t taste bad anymore.”
Exhaling, Memory dared walk closer to the bed. “I’m sorry about that. I had to connect with the man who took you to track him. It temporarily altered my psychic scent.”
Expression clearing, Vashti lifted up a small hand. “Are you Memory?”
Nodding as she closed her fingers around the girl’s with gentle care, Memory said, “I’m sorry the bad man took you.”
“It’s not your fault—he has a hole inside him. He’s empty.” Warm, delicate life in every breath. “He said he wanted to lock you up so you could never escape.”
And this hurt and scared child had remembered and thought to warn her. “Thank you for telling me,” Memory whispered, her throat raw. “I have no intention of being caught.” She looked at Vashti’s father. “You know you have to alter your living area so he can no longer get a teleport lock?”
“Yes. DarkRiver has moved us into one of their apartments while the changes are made.” His voice was cool, but the hand he placed on his daughter’s forehead gentle. “She needs to rest now.”
Releasing Vashti’s hand, the girl’s eyelids already fluttering, Memory rose. Vashti’s father wasn’t Silent. Emotions seethed beneath the intense calm of his surface. Memory felt his cold fury at what had been done to his child, knew he blamed her. But she knocked on his mind nonetheless.
His eyes were hard when they met hers. Yes?
She’s an empath, Memory reminded this man who loved his daughter so very much. You need to learn to control your emotions beyond the surface.
His pupils dilated. I’ll be far calmer once you’re out of the room.
Memory left at once, guilt clawing at her with vicious strength. After pulling the door shut behind her, she walked toward Clay. The DarkRiver male frowned. “Better you don’t wander around while a psychopath’s hunting you.”
Nausea lurched in Memory’s stomach. Vashti was simply the first victim. Renault wouldn’t stop. He’d keep spilling innocent blood to get to her. “Toilet,” she muttered.
Piercing green eyes took her in before he pointed down and to the right. “Alexei’ll be back soon—wolf is right, you need to eat.” A pause. “Don’t worry about the little kitten’s father. Man’s still in shock.”
Not replying, Memory headed the way he’d indicated, but when she reached the facilities, she glanced back to see that Clay had just turned to answer a question from Tamsyn. Memory kept walking. Around the corner, down a flight of stairs, and all the way out of the hospital.
Though it was well after the midnight hour, the streets still buzzed with festivalgoers heading home. A couple walked ahead, the woman carrying a paper lantern she must’ve bought from one of the stalls.
The red of it glowed from the light within.
On the other side of the street stood a knot of young males, all dressed to the nines, with their black hair slicked back; they laughed and talked as they shared a packet of sweets. A group of women around Memory’s age wearing matching cheongsams—maybe a performance group of some kind—smiled coyly at the youths as they passed.
A quick-thinking boy offered them a sweet, and the wom
en’s bright laughter sparkled in the night air.
Memory moved on. She didn’t know where she was going. It wasn’t as if she could outrun her own disgust with herself. She’d never been like those laughing young women, never walked hand-in-hand with a man through the city streets, never been clean and shiny and new.
How foolish to have imagined that she could have Alexei for her own.
He was a creature of this world, of light. Memory was a nightmare.
When the couple ahead of her turned off on a side street, she didn’t follow them. Their happiness made her feel even more hollow inside. Tonight, however, she couldn’t avoid the happy couples and the smiling groups out for a joyous night. They were everywhere.
At one point, her eye caught on the lone figure of a man who sat in a chair on a porch just up from the sidewalk. He looked as alone as she felt, his gnarled hands clasped on his cane and his gaze on the endless night. Then the door opened beside him and another man emerged with two mugs. A smile lit the seated man’s seamed face.
Hugging Alexei’s jacket closed around her body, her heart a block of ice, she kept on walking. Renault wouldn’t come after her tonight; his telekinetic power had to be close to flatlining. As for any other psychopaths who might be walking the streets, she could block any connection they attempted to make. The nothingness wouldn’t suck her under.
But what if that’s your destiny? whispered a tormented piece of her soul. What if all this, trying to live a life, that’s the illusion?
Eyes hot, she ducked her head and continued to put one foot in front of the other, and when she scented salt air, she went in that direction. The wharf she found was bustling with stalls all open for the night. People milled around her, having conversations in so many languages that it became music in the air. She smelled things she’d never before smelled and her stomach finally woke up, rumbling in expectation. But she had no money, wasn’t used to being out in the world and needing it.
That seemed appropriate for a woman who didn’t exist.
Walking past the crowded area, she found a quiet spot on the sidewalk and, bracing her arms on the railing, stared at the silken dark glide of the water while her mind churned and guilt gnawed at her insides.
* * *
• • •
ALEXEI’S wolf had snarled when he realized Memory had slipped out of the hospital, but he hadn’t griped at Clay, even though the other man had been annoyed at himself for not keeping a closer eye on her. Alexei knew all too well that Memory was a woman who made her own decisions. If she’d decided to go, Clay couldn’t have stopped her.
“I’m sure Vashti’s dad said something to your E,” Clay’d told him, a muscle working in his jaw. “Man’s not in a good headspace.”
And Memory was a handy target.
Leaving Vashti under the cats’ more-than-capable watch, Alexei had headed out after his aggravating E who needed to be held, not walking the streets alone. He’d been planning to tease her into letting him cuddle her after he got back from the café. Prior to that, he’d swept the hospital for any sign of Renault in the company of another DarkRiver soldier while Clay kept watch outside the operating room.
His wolf grumbled the entire way to her, the wildness in full agreement with the human side of Alexei: he was allowed to growl at Memory this time. At least she wasn’t difficult to track—her scent was embedded inside him, until he sometimes thought he could scent her on his own skin.
But now, as he stood half a block away from her, any thought of growling at her disappeared. All he wanted to do was hold her. Head bowed and shoulders slumped for the second time that day, she looked so desolate and alone that it infuriated him. His Memory was a determined fighter, a tiny woman with the heart of a lioness.
Nothing defeated her. Not even a lifetime of captivity.
Striding across the distance between them, he put his arms on either side of her own on the railing, and pressed his chest against her back.
She stiffened. “Go away.” Instead of her usual defiance, he heard tears perilously close to the surface.
“Not a chance.” Closing his arms around her, he rubbed his face gently against her temple, a wolf attempting to give comfort.
Biting back a sob, she twisted; he thought she was trying to get away, but she turned and buried the side of her face against his chest. Holding her tight, he nuzzled her curls and tried not to act the enraged wolf at seeing her in such pain. “You saved a life today,” he reminded her roughly. “We would’ve never found Vashti without you.”
Hands fisting at his back, Memory said, “Renault only took her to get to me.” The words trembled. “I’m the reason she was taken.”
Alexei couldn’t hold back his growl this time. A couple of nonpredatory changelings nearby decided they’d prefer to walk on the other side of the road. The woman in his arms, however, smaller and far more bruised inside, looked up at him with a dark flash in her eyes. “Don’t you growl at me. I’m crying! You can’t growl at me while I’m crying!”
Delighted at the return of her fire, Alexei bent down until his nose brushed hers, her eyes locked with his. And he growled.
Glaring, she shoved at his chest without force. “Are all wolves so aggravating?” she asked, shining tracks on her cheeks but no new tears falling from her eyes.
Rising back to his full height, Alexei crowded her against the railing. “That’s my E.” The words sang inside him, a key sliding into a lock.
When a chill threatened to invade his veins, he shrugged it off. His fucking demons could go howl in the dark tonight. This was about Memory and about making sure she wasn’t hurting. “If you’re beating yourself up because a psychopath is doing psychopathic things,” he growled, “then you need your head examined.”
Though she had her arms tight around him, she growled back at him, doing such a good job of it that his wolf opened its mouth in a pleased grin inside him. Leaning down, he rubbed his jaw against her hair, her curls tickling his nose.
“I’m just one life,” Memory said, so much anguish inside her that it hurt him. “Is my freedom worth the horror suffered by innocents like Vashti?”
Alexei wanted to shake her. Gritting his teeth, he told himself to think this through, to be the rational strategist and not the infuriated wolf. Which was why he bent his head and, tugging her curls aside, nipped sharply at the tip of one ear.
“Ow!” Her hand flew up to her ear, and she tilted back her head to send him a glare of epic proportions. “If you’re not careful, I’ll bite you back again.”
“Do it,” Alexei dared, his wolf in charge.
Dropping her hand from her ear, Memory poked at his chest. “I’m talking sense. If I go back to Renault—” She cut herself off. “If I go back to him, I make him a more efficient murderer.” Her shoulders sagged again. “And if I stay out in the world, he’s going to keep hurting others to get to me.”
Alexei couldn’t stand it any longer, couldn’t stand that she saw value in everyone else and kept forgetting herself. Shoving his hands into her hair, he tugged back her head, intending to yell at her . . . but got caught by the pain in her dark eyes.
Right then, all he wanted was for her to know pleasure, know that the world could be better than horror and darkness and a cage.
Dropping his head, he kissed her.
Chapter 37
Wolves and intimate skin privileges? *fans face* Hold on . . . and watch out for teeth.
—From the November 2071 issue of Wild Woman magazine: “Skin Privileges, Style & Primal Sophistication”
MEMORY CLUTCHED AT the sides of Alexei’s T-shirt, the jolt racing through her an electric thing that threatened to short-circuit her senses. Whimpering low in her throat, she rose on tiptoe, wanting more of this wonderful, delicious contact.
Alexei nipped at her lower lip.
Used to wolf behavior by now, she parted h
er lips and he swept inside, stroking her tongue with his in an erotic seduction that had her thighs pressing together and her breasts suddenly tender. “Alexei,” she whispered against his lips when he gave her a second to catch her breath.
Eyes of wolf amber looking into hers before he captured her mouth again.
Pressed up against him as close as she could get, Memory responded without restraint, a lifetime of need coalescing into this one moment with a wild golden wolf. He nipped her lower lip again, this time tugging gently before releasing her. His chest rose and fell against her own, his mouth wet from her kiss.
She traced the outline of his lips with a trembling fingertip. “I’ve never felt so alive.” Every cell in her body vibrated. “Let’s do it again.” And again.
Groaning, he nuzzled a kiss to her temple. “Not here. My erection’s already threatening to poke a hole in my pants.”
Able to feel the hard protrusion against her body, Memory rubbed against him. That got her another nip on the ear as punishment. She smiled. Alexei wasn’t in any way distant tonight; he and his wolf were very much here with her. And those bites he kept giving her? Despite her earlier complaint, they startled more than hurt.
Her wolf was very careful with his strength.
Nuzzling her face against his chest, his scent delicious, she said, “What do we do now?”
“Renault isn’t going to come back tonight.” Growled words, but the hand he ran down her back was gentle. “Telekinetic resources aside, fucker’s a coward and we scared him.”
Memory’s eyes narrowed. “He tried to grab my mind, but I punched him back. Hard enough that it must’ve hurt.”
“Next time, kick him in the nuts, too.”
A laugh snorted out of her before she sobered. “Vashti?”