“Thanks, I think.” He closed his arms around her as if to capture the moment. “If we don’t defy the odds of success, who will? Nico’s never let us down so far. Neither have you. The clones have one job and it might be easier than expected, since Felix trusts them and won’t suspect a betrayal from his brainwashed human soldiers. That just leaves the fight. And even if they detect the breach, it would be too late. Setting off the RWD could be done, even if our party onboard Farsight gets caught. It’s a small enough device to conceal and activate when the Fians attack.”
Jen slid her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight before placing just enough distance between them to look up into his eyes. “I volunteer to be on the team to board Farsight.”
The words felt like a punch to the chest. Eric released her from the embrace, his arms falling limply to his sides. “No.”
“You can’t just say ‘no’ like that.” Jen’s exuded calm acceptance. “I only agreed to work on Dana’s research if I’d be the one to apply it.”
Eric’s insides tightened and released in a sickening tremble of nerves. “I can’t let you be the one to carry the burden of death, even if it’s the Fians’ death, Felix’s death. It would lie too heavy on you.”
“That’s why I have to be the one to pull the trigger,” Jen said calmly. “I’d never do it if there’s another way. I’d never do it if the price gets too steep. My conscience will be humanity’s conscience. That’s the way it has to be, because if I create something I can’t control, and it ends up destroying far too much...that’s when the burden of blame would be too heavy for me to bear.”
Eric stared at her in denial. “I can’t let you do this. Going onto that ship is like...” His head was about to burst with thoughts of all the horrid ways the plan could go wrong. Especially once the team boarded Farsight.
“It’s like a one-way ticket to the most dangerous place in the universe right now,” Jen said, seemingly dauntless.
Her calm determination made Eric’s throat close up. “Then I’m coming with you.”
Jen shook her head ever so slightly. “I need Nico to work the RWD. If it’s not ready by then, he can finish it while we’re hiding on board. And we could barely fit two people inside one Bluedrop.”
“Then I’ll come after you on another Bluedrop...” But even as he said it, Eric knew that would be a mistake. A move out of emotion and not reason. The kind of move that could get them noticed by the Fians and cost them everything.
He struggled for a long moment at the thought of letting Jen expose herself to that degree of danger, but he couldn’t see another way. He’d promised her she could control the device. And he’d rather die than let her down. The finality of her decision rendered him helpless, and his knees buckled, causing him to collapse into the couch.
“You’ll take the serum.” It was the only thing Eric could think of. “If you have to be anywhere near the RWD when it’s activated, then the first batch of the serum goes to you.”
It was only a small relief, but Jen nodded. “As soon as we have a promising batch, Nico and I will take the serum.”
Despite that reassurance, Eric felt that same nagging hopelessness only loss could bring about. Chasing happiness felt like tracing a figure eight with his eyes. He couldn’t pinpoint where he’d started; there was no way to tell where it would end. Loop after loop, his eyes remained glued to it.
First his father, then Yalena, and now Jen willingly taking on the worst risk. Family was being stripped away from him. Eric looked up abruptly, taking in Jen’s gentle features. She was family to him. Eric reached out a hand and Jen took it, lowering herself to sit next to him.
He pulled her closer and planted a light kiss on her lips. “I don’t know what I would ever do if I lost you.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she replied softly.
Eric willed himself to believe it. “I’d like to do something when all this is over.”
It was arguably the worst time to bring this up, but he had no strength left in him to fight the sudden realization. It had come to him abruptly, but it wasn’t a foreign notion. It felt like he’d known it since the start, underneath it all.
Jen looked at him expectantly as he turned to face her head on, holding both of her hands in his.
“Jennevier Reynolds, if we survive this, will you marry me?”
Her face fell slightly, but it was enough to deepen the crack down the middle of his heart.
“Oh, Eric...”
A hot wave of embarrassment washed over him, so unlike any other time he’d been with her. It took a second for true awkwardness to seep into them both.
“That’s not what you want?” His voice sounded hollow and foreign.
In between heartbeats, it felt as if the world could end with a single ‘no’.
Pain streaked her angelic face. “I do want it, but not like this,” she whispered.
“I don’t understand.” Eric’s heart cracked a little deeper. Soon it would shatter.
It was only after it fully sunk in that she hadn’t said ‘no’ that he started to zero in on her nervous ticks. Jen was trembling. “This...this is not the right way to do this.”
“Do you want me to go down on one knee?” Eric had brushed off the thought. He trusted that silly conventions and traditions weren’t what mattered most. Only the way they felt about each other mattered.
Jen blinked at him, surprised. “I don’t mean that. I mean, we’re in the middle of a war, which I’m trying to finish by going on the most tricky mission I can imagine. And I’ve just created thousands of serum versions in a blind test of a new compound. I know a thing or two about probability. Our odds aren’t great.”
“I know that,” Eric said, feeling silly. “But why does it matter when I say it? It’s true. It’s how I feel. Why can’t we have at least that?”
Jen’s expression softened, then she leaned in to kiss him. “I love you.”
“And I love you,” he said.
She watched him patiently for a moment. “We can’t make this kind of decision out of desperation. I don’t want this to be how it happens—us cowering, holding on to a promise we might not get to fulfill, all for one last surge of hope as the biggest battle we’ve known draws nearer.”
Eric recognized there was some truth to her words, but at the same time, she didn’t understand. She didn’t realize this wasn’t a strategy. It truly was what he wanted, but she couldn’t take it at face value now.
Jen squeezed his hand lightly. “Instead, ask me when this is all over. When we’re safe. When we can dare to dream about what could be next.” She hesitated, sounding shy, like the first time they’d ever been alone. “Can you wait for me?”
Eric relaxed into the couch, pulling her into his embrace again. This was a promise he intended to keep. “Forever and a day.”
Chapter 21. All Is Fair
The next few days were so hectic that Eric didn’t much dwell on the proposal and Jen’s reaction. When the agreed upon thirty-six hours were up, Ronnie called, alone this time. She explained it was so the Fians wouldn’t get suspicious of the three clones gathering so often. She seemed to think opening one of their hoverbike vents for the Bluedrop wouldn’t be too difficult, technically speaking. According to her, remaining unseen by the Fians was another matter altogether, but Eric still considered the conversation as a decent progress in their plans.
Unfortunately, that was where their lucky streak ended.
Nico was nowhere closer to managing the range of the RWD. In his words, if they brought it onboard the Fian ship and activated it now, it would kill everyone aboard Farsight, which although not something Cooper ruled out, was too extreme to sit well with any of them. At the same time, Jen watched the numbers of viable serum solutions dwindle until she had only six candidates. Worst of all, every day she waited for test results and Nico worked on the range of the RWD was another day Farsight drew nearer.
This fact that didn’t escape Chris in the meeting E
ric had asked for when Farsight had crossed the Belt.
“I can create enough of a distraction for the Fians, but we’ll have to use most of our pilots,” Chris said. “That means it has to happen close to Earth.”
“I don’t think we’ll be ready before they reach us anyway.” Eric owed him the same level of realism and honesty. “We need more time to finish both the RWD and the serum. We’ll be lucky if they’re ready when Farsight reaches us.”
Chris growled, then ran his hands over his face. “We’ve got a little over two days left. Make it worth it.”
“Copy,” Eric said. “What’s your battle plan?”
“I’ll put STAR Academy students in charge of agile ten-person Earthling squads. The STAR Academy lieutenants can coordinate the flight maneuvers from Unifier.” Chris was so tense he barely resembled the pilot with the devil-may-care attitude Eric had once known him to be. “Sutton and Josie will coordinate the smokescreen around Jen’s Bluedrop. We’ll load their squads with the best pilots.”
“Of course.” Eric didn’t realize why Chris peeked at him mid-wince. “What?”
“For Sutton and Josie’s squads, I’ll need good pilots, STAR Academy pilots, to pull off the kind of stunts that would buy you enough time to connect to the Fian ship unnoticed.”
Eric understood, but he only swallowed painfully.
“I’ll need the top pilots from each of the STAR Academy classes, which means I’ll need Heidi.” When Eric didn’t comment on that, Chris went on. “Is she battle ready?”
Every fiber of Eric’s body fought the next words that came out of his mouth. “She will be.”
ERIC BARELY SLEPT FOR the next few days and he was far from the only one. Heidi trained in the STAR Academy simulator as hard as she had back in their first year, when she’d edged Dave out for the first pilot title. Chris called at random times, not seeming to notice if it was day or night, wanting to discuss flight maneuvers with Cooper and Heidi. And Jen and Nico barely left the lab.
But the real progress in the next few days came from Bako. He patched Jen through to the best scientists Mars had to offer. They replicated the last six viable serum candidates in their labs, confirming one of them as the safest compound of the bunch. It currently sat in final testing, which would take hours still. Thus, they also proceeded to work on alternate solutions, in case that last viable formulation failed in the final testing round.
The Fians drew closer and closer by the hour, bringing terror and tension to Unifier. And despite Bako’s help with the serum, the Martian navy was nowhere to be found. Without the navy’s bigger ships and with the dangerous mission of sneaking a Bluedrop on board Farsight, the conflict was left for the day the Fians tried to land on Earth.
On that day, Eric manned the control room with Cooper as the squads readied for the defense. The Fian ship came into view looking like a retro ghost. Plain gray panels had been sewn together, seemingly without concern for visual appeal—a reminder of apocalyptic times. The ship approached Earth, barreling past Unifier, preparing to enter the atmosphere over the north American continent.
“Here we go,” Chris said. The wide screen, which usually showed him in a desk chair, was now filled with the image of his Bluedrop.
“Are you sure you don’t want to coordinate from the Earth control tower?” Cooper asked.
“Nah,” Chris said quickly. “Those are my pilots out there. I belong with them.”
Eric nodded. Sutton and Josie would have the most intricate web of intertwining maneuvers to manage. It made sense for them to direct from Unifier, without the added burden of piloting while coordinating their squads. Chris, on the other hand, was probably more useful out there—like a general leading the army into battle.
“I’ve trained the Bluedrop squads as a last defense.” Chris sounded ready. “They know how to fly in Earth’s atmosphere. This is our territory and we’ll make the Fians feel that. Let them come.”
Little creases formed around Cooper’s eyes. “Then, it’s time. All pilots to the Bluedrops.”
Eric stormed down the corridor to Jen’s lab as multiple scenarios flew through his mind. He halted at the lab door, which had been left open. Jen’s raised voice forced him into keeping quiet.
“I can’t.” The words burst out of her. “I won’t.”
Eric doubted she was speaking about the mission, so he listened closely to what Nico said next.
“I wish we could wait for the last tests to be sure Batch 317 of the serum is our miracle RWD defense serum, but there’s no time. The Fians are here and it’s the best we’ve got. Take it.”
“I’ll only take it if we share it,” Jen said.
“This test amount?”
Even though Nico and Jen had their backs to Eric, he saw Nico raise a hand with the small vial in it. There weren’t more than a few drops of the amber liquid inside.
“Please, help yourself to my two drops.”
Jen swatted his shoulder. “Don’t joke.”
Nico let out a breath even Eric could clearly make out. “I’m not. Please take it.”
Jen shook her head, which caused a few strands of blonde hair to fall from her looped ponytail. “But what if you don’t have enough time to get away from the device when I activate it?”
“You know what.” Nico didn’t sound like himself.
“Which is why this doesn’t make any sense,” Jen argued. “We’ll both take it, so we can both make it out alive.”
“You know this sample isn’t enough for two people, be honest.”
Nico pulled Jen so they faced each other, their profiles to Eric. Frozen, Eric stayed still.
Jen scoffed, but she seemed defensive. “We don’t know anything for sure. Maybe the serum will protect us, maybe only partially. We can’t know for sure how much we’re supposed to take.”
“So make an educated guess?” There was a pause. “You have, haven’t you?”
Jen almost had a temper tantrum, shifting her weight in tiny steps in place. “What does it matter? I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m so fragile. I’ll have the same treatment as anybody else. We’re colleagues, equals, and we’re sharing this.”
Nico sighed. “Trust me when I say you’ll be doing it for me, if you took the entire dose. Please.”
Jen shook her head again, desperate, oblivious to the meaning of the pained stare Nico shot her, but Eric finally understood.
Nico placed a quick kiss on Jen’s lips, too quick for her to react with more than a stunned stare. “Forgive me,” he said, “but now you know why.”
Nico placed the serum in Jen’s hand, wrapping her fingers around it and giving them a squeeze, like he doubted she’d hold on.
Still speechless, Jen blinked a few times, possibly fighting tears. “I’m sorry, you know that I’m...”
Nico tipped his head back, breaking the eye contact between them. “You don’t have to say it, I know. Please let me do this for you.”
“It still doesn’t make sense.” Jen sounded nasal.
“Not to you.” Nico shrugged. “But love doesn’t have to make sense. Now, please, take it.”
Jen cast one final long look at him, before she opened the vial and brought it to her lips. She tipped her head back and its contents were gone.
His heart ripping and twisting, Eric turned around.
He couldn’t stop Jen from going on this mission. He couldn’t even punch his friend in the stomach for kissing her, because Nico was the one saving Jen’s life, but there was one thing Eric could do and he’d be damned if he didn’t.
With his heart thrashing in his ears, he ran to the commander’s apartment. He punched in the code and stormed in. “Heidi?”
“In here,” she called out from the bathroom. She was tying her hair into a high ponytail when he found her. “Am I supposed to be in the hangar already?”
Eric studied her waxy face, which bore the very clear signs of chronic fatigue. “No. You’re right where you’re meant to be. With your famil
y.”
It took Heidi a second too long to realize what he’d said. She looked sideways at him, eyes wide in shock, but it was too late. Eric’s fingers flew over the door monitor, activating a command he hadn’t used since he was ten. It had been a way to prank Cooper, leaving him locked in the bathroom until Eric had had his laugh. Now, he was using it to save Heidi.
The door clicked shut. By the sound of it, Heidi was putting her entire weight behind slamming at the door from the other side. “What did you do? Eric, they need me down there. Let me out!”
The sound of her fist against the metal echoed in the hollows of his memories. A reminder of how helpless he’d felt when he’d tried to save his father. He looked away, eyes growing misty. He’d be helpless no more.
“I’m not doing this for you,” Eric said. “We’ll find someone to fill in for you. Anyone else.”
“Oh, come on!” Heidi screamed from inside. “That’s not fair, you can’t just ask someone to enter this fight.”
Eric took a step away from the door, certain of his choice. “All is fair right now.”
Heidi groaned in response. “I was meant to be there. I’m one of your best pilots. Think about this!”
“I have thought about it. I’ve also grown up without a mother.” Eric’s voice grew louder. “I’m doing this for Cooper, and for Marcus. Doesn’t he get a vote? He can’t express it yet, but I guarantee I know what he’d say on this matter.”
“Eric!” Heidi banged against the door. “Let me out! This is not your call to make.”
But Eric returned to the living room with calm certainty in his heart. “The door unblocks in an hour,” he called back at Heidi. “Trust me, even if you don’t appreciate this, Marcus will...every day.”
As he walked out of the apartment, loud banging still sounded from the bathroom, mixed in with Heidi’s shouts. “Eric! Let me out! ERIC!”
Chapter 22. Like Toy Soldiers
The Hive Engineers Page 14