by Jenn Lees
She couldn’t muster one.
“When you get close to someone and let your guard down,” he continued, “you find out things you don’t like. That’s inevitable. But you choose to love them anyway, Siobhan. When you open up your heart, you risk them not accepting what you truly are.” He moved even closer so there was nothing between them. “I’m afraid of a few things at the moment and you’re the only one I’ll admit that to.” His hands held her arms in a gentle grip. “My greatest fear is losing you.”
Rory put his arms around her, pulling her to him; his body heat pressed the full length of her front. “I’ve never been afraid to come to you, my wife, naked in body and soul. When I love you ...I am me. No one else sees me like that—only you...my woman. All I can be is me.” He paused for a heartbeat, his eyes searching hers. “I have promised to love you no matter what I see. And I will. I’m yours for all time, Siobhan. Whatever time may bring us.”
Rory’s words, first heard in the future, echoed within her.
His breath moved the loose strands of hair on her cheek, tickling her face with a soft touch. “Gra mo chroi, please don’t take from me everything—everyone—who holds my heart—my life—together.” His voice was small, as if he knew he’d just contradicted his opening determination to not beg. He remained still, not moving the rest of the way to her; the inches between their lips seemed like light years.
Can I live without this man? This incredible man who has just bared his soul?
No.
She had to love Rory despite his choices, despite their circumstances or any disappointment in him she might feel, or any possible hints of neglect.
She should have known, for she married a leader, and she would have to share him with his people.
Rory’s gaze hadn’t faltered.
“We have to work on this.” She lifted her hand to his face, pressing her fingers to his cheek and stroking his lips with her thumb. “It can’t stay like this.”
His expression softened at last. “Aye, lass, it won’t.”
He tilted his cheek into her palm and Siobhan kissed him, his eyes closing and his lips holding her caress.
A crack thundered from behind them, far to the south. A ripple of vibration ran beneath them, skimming the earth as it flowed over and under the ground on which they stood. The echo of that crack reverberated through the night air. Knocked right through her, through her body, and Rory’s pressed to hers. Its loud boom sent birds screeching as they shot out from their night perches. The horses, including Boy on the other side of the gorse, shrieked. The light pounding of the hooves of deer awakened by the din, echoed along the hillside beside them.
Jake woke with a startled cry and Siobhan slipped from Rory’s embrace to bundle Jake in her arms. She held their toddler close, shushing and rocking away his whimpers as Rory came to her side and put his arms around them both.
Rory held her like a vice, and she locked her gaze with his.
“Och, lass. Let me take you home now. It’s started.”
Chapter 33
The Gorse Covered Mountainside
“Daddy,” Jake cried.
Siobhan climbed onto the mare, and Rory lifted Jake into her arms.
“Ssh, sweetheart, we’re going home now.” Siobhan placed Jake in front of her, still wrapped in her clothes, and tucked him into her coat.
Rory helped Micah pack up and load the other horses, then Micah lead the way back out of their sheltered campsite.
Rory rode behind Siobhan until they left the gorse and could ride two abreast and Rory pulled Boy in beside her.
“He’s so faithful to you, Rory. Micah would do anything for you.”
Rory gave a curt nod and glared at Micah’s back, jaw clenched.
“It was my fault, Rory. I made him.” She spoke to the side of his face.
Rory jolted in the saddle. “You must have given him some incentive.”
“I promised an interview for his father with Bethany Watts.” Siobhan chewed the inside of her cheek.
“Really?” Rory’s whisper was hoarse. “After knowing what trouble he’ll be in the future?”
“It required a bribe.” She fiddled with the reins. “He’s loyal to you.”
The rocking of the horse’s gait had lulled Jake to sleep. His head leaned heavily against her, his soft curly hair right beneath her chin. Her breath hitched and warm tears flowed down her face unstoppable.
“Siobhan, mo chroi, what’s goin’ on?” Rory leaned over from his saddle and placed an arm on her shoulder. “The last time you were like this...all emotional, you were pregnant with Jake.”
The horses’ hooves clopped on the path. She sniffed her nose clear and wiped the wet from her face with the heel of her hand.
“Are you pregnant?” Rory asked.
Siobhan blinked. Am I? She sat straighter and sniffed, forcing calm into her voice while ice danced in her stomach.
“Maybe.”
“I’ll take you to the medical centre when we return. It’s never too late for Aunty Bec. She’ll understand.”
ONCE THEY UNLOADED the horses, Siobhan and Rory headed toward the medical centre after sending a message to Bec. Siobhan cuddled Jake; her baby’s eyes were half closed, and his head lolled against her. They by-passed the hall which hummed with people gathering.
“Discussing the boom they heard, no doubt,” Rory said as they slipped through the compound’s buildings unnoticed.
Xian strode along the corridor toward them, sharing his stare between her and Rory.
“The place shook, and the buildings weren’t the only things rattled. The people are meeting in the hall.”
Rory glanced at Siobhan. “I need to do something first, Xian. The Chief Council knows what to say. They can reassure people until I arrive.”
“Okay,” Xian continued along the corridor.
Siobhan cradled Jake and gave Rory a half smile. “I’ll put Jake to bed, first.”
“No. I want you to see Aunty Bec now,” Rory said. “The Chief Council and everyone else can wait for her too.”
Bec walked through the doors of the medical centre, her dressing gown tied tight around her, and her hair pulled back in a loose bun. The puffiness of sleep surrounded her eyes, and she looked all of her seventy-odd years.
Bec peered first at Rory, then at Siobhan. “Rory will put your toddler to bed while we have a chat.”
Bec turned to Rory after he took Jake from Siobhan’s arms and they held a brief whispered conversation.
“On you go, son,” Bec spoke louder to Rory. “Siobhan will be along soon.”
Rory gave her a silent nod and left.
“You’re the only person he’ll take orders from without question,” Siobhan said while she and Bec stared at Rory’s back disappearing along the passage.
A soft laugh escaped the older woman’s lips. “He’s known me all his life. I attended his twin birth. I’d like to think he considers me a mother figure, even though no one could replace that wonderful woman.” Bec looked into Siobhan’s eyes. “Such a shame you never met Caitlin. She would approve of you. You’re exactly what he needs.”
The pricking behind Siobhan’s eyes gave way to streams of tears moistening her face.
“Come, sit down, Siobhan,” Bec said.
Siobhan stepped closer to a trolley.
“No, dear. Come with me.” Bec guided her to a room off to one side where a two-seater couch, with barely stuffed cushions and low arms, sat against the wall. Bec sat and handed Siobhan a hankie, and Siobhan wiped her nose on the fresh cloth.
“You’ve had an eventful day,” Bec said from the other end of the couch.
Siobhan snorted a laugh. “Understatement.”
“Care to tell me about it?”
Siobhan dragged in a faltering breath, all pretence of control escaping her. “I’m not very good at this.” Tears slicked her face as she stifled chokes.
“Not good at what, dear?”
“This married thing. It’s really hard.”
“Uh, huh.”
“It’s all supposed to work out, yes? You meet the guy. He’s absolutely gorgeous and wonderful and everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Literally. And more, ’cos he can travel through time and is an awesome fighter and everybody looks to him to see them through the mess.” Siobhan dragged air through a clogged throat.
“I sense there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Bec said.
“But...” Siobhan waved the hankie around. “Oh, a whole lot of stuff...”
Bec shuffled closer and placed her hand on Siobhan’s. Bec’s was cool and thin, and the veins stood out like a blue delta on its back.
“Were you expecting instant success? No issues? No struggles? The perfect man?”
“No.” Siobhan sighed. “I just thought it would be different. Not easy, far from it, considering we’re from opposite—no, opposing—worlds.” Siobhan paused, regaining control over her breathing and her emotions. “I thought he’d realise. Oh, I don’t know. No one’s perfect but...”
“You thought you’d found what they call your soulmate.”
“Yes, that’s it!”
“You believed you would meet that special someone, and everything would work out?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not who your soulmate is, Siobhan.”
“No?” Siobhan’s brow tightened. “Who is it, then?”
“A soulmate is the person who stays with you for a lifetime, for as long as that may be. Is there during the great times; by your side during the hum-drum boring bits of life; and with you, walking beside you, pulling you through, when the hard times come. Learning about you, and themselves, while it’s all happening. And loving you even more when it’s done. No matter what has to be done to get there.”
Siobhan sniffed. She’d told Rory they had to work on it so at least she was on the right track. The tightness in her chest returned and her emotions exploded. She threw the hankie over her face and let the sobs come.
“Rory whispered you might be pregnant, Siobhan,” Bec said when her crying eased.
Siobhan nodded behind the hankie. “I’m late.”
If she was, then it would be time to initiate her plan. Siobhan dropped the sodden cloth from her eyes to see Bec had tears in hers.
“I’m sorry, Bec. All this talk of soulmates and you lost yours this summer. I’m so stupid—”
“No, dear.” Bec’s words were thick as she held Siobhan’s hand. “Not stupid, only human.”
Bec was so easy to talk to. No wonder she was the person Rory had always gone to about the important issues in life since his parents had passed. Bec listened with eyes full of compassion, and the wisdom seventy-and-more years of life often gave a person.
Then it all came out. Those things Siobhan would never tell Rory, but at last she could say to someone.
“Bec, when I travelled to the future, I was dead.”
Bec’s head twitched a little. “Pardon?”
“When I went forward in time and found out about the famine after the volcanic eruption, the one that occurred tonight.” Siobhan swallowed at the memory. “Well, I had died having a baby.”
Bec pulled back, eyes wide and blinking often. “How?” She took her hand away from Siobhan’s. “What was it that we didn’t save you, girl?” Bec’s questions came fast, her hands trembling in her lap.
“I had placenta previa, according to Murray.”
“What did Rory-of-the-future say about it?”
“He told me I had to make sure I didn’t die.” Siobhan stifled a sob at the memory.
“Rory asked you to alter the past?” Bec’s eyebrows shot into her hairline. “That’s not like him.”
“He was a broken man after I’d died.”
“I bet he was.”
“Future Rory felt he’d made some mistakes and blamed himself for the tight spot the Communities will be in. But a volcano and a famine couldn’t be his fault. Stocking supplies, as we are, will hopefully avoid the pressure future-Rory felt to make the decisions he did.”
Bec clasped her hands and looked beyond Siobhan. “Placenta previa. Yes, that is something we may not have been able to handle.” She spoke more to herself and pursed her lips so the wrinkles radiated out from them like the sun’s rays. Then she looked Siobhan in the eye. “Why did I attempt to manage that? We should have sent you off to the Bunker. They’d have the equipment to deal with an obstetric emergency, safely perform a caesarean and deliver you a wee bit early. And they’d have the equipment to deal with a pre-term neonate.” Bec bore an unblinking stare into Siobhan.
“You weren’t there, Bec,” Siobhan said in a small voice.
“Why not? Where was I?”
Siobhan swallowed, trying with all her might to calm the expression on her own face.
Bec tilted her head slowly, understanding dawning on her features. “Oh. I die before you have this baby.” She turned away, nodding to herself, then she sighed. “So, I’ll be with my soulmate soon.”
“Oh, Bec, I’m sorry—”
“We have to get you to the Bunker the moment we confirm you have problems,” Bec interrupted.
“Rory doesn’t know.”
“Doesn’t know what, dear? Oh, you’ve not told him you...in that future?”
“No. And I never will. So, promise me, Bec, that you won’t. Patient confidentiality, please.”
Bec raised her eyebrows only slightly. “Very well,” she said. “I think I understand why you’re not telling Rory. He would never allow changes to history. It would have been a dire future for him to ask you to change things now.”
“It was. You haven’t heard the half of it.” Siobhan’s shoulders sank a little. “Rory hasn’t divulged to the Chief Council everything I saw, and I don’t think he will unless he needs to.”
“So, there are more problems than a volcano causing a famine?”
“Yes.” Siobhan opened her mouth to speak further but Bec put up a staying hand.
“I don’t need to know. If what you say is true, I’ll be out of it.” Her grave expression turned into one of conviction. “I have every confidence in your man, Rory. He’ll know how to handle it.”
“Yes, he will.” Siobhan spoke with the certainty she had of her man’s ability to deal with the coming crisis. “But I must be there for him. Help me please, Bec.”
“Yes. If you are pregnant, I’ll tell Christine of our plans if you have any complications. I won’t mention specifics, just complications. So, if it is this pregnancy in which you...well, we’ll have you at the Bunker before the third trimester when this obstetric complication becomes serious. Okay?”
“Thanks.” Siobhan rested against the couch.
“Now.” Bec stood up. “Let’s examine you and see what we’re up against.”
Chapter 34
Invercharing Community, 2063
Dimmed skies had started two months ago, after the resounding blast that signified the eruption. Rory raised his face to the breeze blowing off Bheinn Fionn and gazed at the granite spine jutting through the grass-covered mountainside and leading off to the distance. He pointed to the elongated, fluffy clouds that skimmed along the grey rock.
“Those clouds are like the longboats of the Vikings,” he whispered to Siobhan.
They stood together, along with the whole Invercharing Community, at the cemetery on the back hill, for the burial of Rebecca Hamilton. He dropped his gaze to the freshly filled grave at his feet.
“Maybe Bec’s soul will rise up to that longboat and sail away to meet your Uncle Brendan,” Siobhan suggested.
Rory looked above the Viking boat cloud, to the thick ash-cloak covering their dome of sky, deepening the grey hue of the familiar clouds. The wind blew his loose hair across his face, leaving strands stuck to his tears. Siobhan’s cool, small hand slipped into his.
“The generation that established the Invercharing Community are steadily leaving this world,” he placed his other hand loosely over Siobhan’s. “Leaving ours to deal with the co
ncerns of this life.” A wisp of jealousy gusted through Rory’s thoughts. “They are now free.”
Siobhan’s grip tightened in his. Rory’s moments of panic at her attempt to leave a couple of months ago had subsided and he put her uncharacteristic behaviour of that night down to her pregnancy hormones. They had promised each other they would ‘work at it’. He looked down at her upturned face. The corners of his mouth pulled, fighting with the flatness of grief.
“What?” Siobhan frowned.
“One out. One in.” He shrugged.
“Yes, it usually goes that way.” She turned away and tugged him after her and they descended the steep hill. The icy wind chilled Rory’s cheeks.
“Winter’s here.” Rory drew Siobhan to his side, and they hiked down the hill with the other mourners. “We must make sure we have a grand Christmas this year, a special celebration despite those who’ll be missing.” He summoned thoughts of winter festivities to chase away the ache.
Christine and Kendra walked ahead of them, arms wrapped around each other. At the base of the hill, just before entering the compound’s fence, Christine turned to them.
“Siobhan, I’ve been thinking over yesterday’s ante-natal exam.” Christine looked from Siobhan to Rory, then her lips tweaked half a grimace. “I’ll need to speak with you both at your earliest convenience.”
“Earliest convenience?” Rory’s heart staggered a wee bit. “This is soundin’ official. What’s going on?”
Too many things had gone wrong recently.
“I...I just need to talk to you both.” Christine rubbed at her ear and then turned back to Kendra, and they made their way through into the compound’s back building.
“It’s okay.” Siobhan tugged him forward. “We can see her after the wake.” She smiled but it was a hesitant one.
“You know about this?”
She faced ahead and resumed walking.
He stopped and planted his feet. “Tell me.”
Siobhan’s stride continued and stretched the arm of her hand held in his. She turned. “Not here, Rory.”
He pulled Siobhan along in silence all the way to their quarters. “Okay,” he said when he’d closed the door.