by Devin Nishea
She looked at me like I had three heads.
“Because you said ‘dang it’ really loud! I thought you hurt yourself or something,” she said.
“Oh, yeah, I’m fine girl.”
I laughed, trying to play it off.
She looked at me strangely, nodded her head, pursed her lips and walked back to her desk closing the door behind her.
I must have been really loud, especially if she jumped up and came to see about me.
“Okay, Zen, get it together, girl,” I thought to myself. I stood up from the chair and scanned my office to see what I needed to take home with me to work on for the night.
I packed my bag with my laptop and the notes from our meeting and turned the lights off in my office.
As I opened the door to my reception area, Sarah swiveled around in her chair and just looked at me with a smile on her face.
I looked up from my phone and saw Sarah’s expression.
“Umm, what’s wrong with you?” I asked slowly.
“Oh, nothing…nothing at all,” she said with a smirk on her face.
“Yeah, right. Spill it, what’s up?” I asked.
She adjusted herself in her chair and asked, “You like him don’t you?”
I felt myself becoming uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to say, so I said the first dumb thing that came to mind.
“What? Who are you talking about?” I asked.
Sarah gave me that ‘you know who the heck I’m talking about look.’
I looked at her and smacked my lips and said “Uh, no, I do not.” At this point, I was trying my best to get out of the office as fast as I could.
“Uh-huh,” she said, shaking her head. Zen, it’s okay, he’s a handsome guy and he seems to be one of the good ones.”
“Why is that Sarah, because he’s a lawyer or have you been talking to him behind my back?” I asked.
“No, not talking to him, but I pick up on body language and his body language says a lot when he’s around you,” Sarah said.
I didn’t let her know this, but I picked up on his body language as well and read the same.
“Okay, Sarah…not your business. I’ll see you in the morning!” I said walking away.
Sarah laughed and said, “You only say that when I’m right, you know that right?”
“Good night, lady!” I said getting on the elevator.
As the elevator door closed I fell against the back wall and let out a deep sigh. I was so glad this day was over and done with.
As I was walking to my car, my phone began to ring. I looked down and saw it was Jake.
“Oh my god, Jake, I can’t deal with you right now!” I said out loud. I let his call go to voicemail. I got in the car and sat there for a few moments reflecting over the last thirty minutes of my work day.
I realized that if I continued to allow what went on today, especially for as long as it did, I’d be in a heap of trouble—sooner rather than later. All I could do was shake my head at myself. I was in control of this situation, no one else. Me.
At that moment, I knew a gym date was in my future. I badly needed to sort through this mess!
Chapter 17
The acquisition was almost complete and I could not be any happier about it. This meant, no more late nights or early mornings. No more being the last one out of my department most evenings. No more overtime. I’d have my not-so-social life back!
But, at the same time I couldn’t help but to think that I wouldn’t see Isaiah on a regular basis any more. Well, technically, I could. BUT. Yeah, no. I had to keep reminding myself he was still married and I didn’t need that type of drama or any drama for that matter in my life.
Today, we were meeting for the last time before meeting with the company and the rest of the managers. It was crunch time. Everything looked good and we thought everyone involved would approve.
“Sarah, could you come in here please!” I yelled from inside my office.
“Yes ma’am, what can I do you for?” she asked.
I was still looking down at the spreadsheets when she came in. I said not skipping a beat, “Don’t forget to have pastries and coffee in the conference room tomorrow for the meeting.”
“Yes ma’am, I placed the order this morning and I’ll pick it up on the way to work in the morning,” she said.
“Awesome!” I said still looking at the spreadsheets.
“Zeeeeennnn,” Sarah said singing my name.
She broke my concentration and I looked up at her.
“Hey, girl, you alright?” Sarah asked.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “This acquisition has been all over the place. I apologize. After tomorrow, the old me will be back.”
Sarah smiled and said, “Yeah…okay!” She laughed as she walked out of my office.
I sat on the couch in my office and took in a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. When that didn’t work, I got up and walked over to the window and just gazed outside looking over the city’s skyline.
I don’t know why I was stressing out the way I was; I had gone over the spreadsheets more than enough times to know that everything was going to be fine and everyone involved would be happy.
I don’t know why, but I decided to call Isaiah. Maybe he could calm my nerves. I picked up my office phone and sat at my desk looking at the dial pad…still contemplating dialing his number. I had the receiver up to my ear so long until the phone started to make that annoying buzzing sound. I hung up the phone. I sat there again shaking my head at myself while, at the same time, laughing at myself.
I don’t know what it was about this man, but as of recently, I couldn’t keep him off my mind. No matter what I did—going for runs, going to the gym, he was even showing up in my dreams now! The more I tried to put him out of my head, the more he showed up. UNINVITED!
Sarah buzzed my office phone.
“Yes ma’am,” I said.
“Xenia, Isaiah is on the line for you,” she replied.
Are you kidding me? See what I mean? I think of him and somehow he shows up. This was beginning to freak me out even more.
“Thanks, Sarah, send him through,” I told her. Well, hello there, Sir. Let me tell you something funny.” I didn’t even give him the opportunity to say hello.
“I was just about to call you,” I said.
“Beat ya to it!” he responded laughing.
“Yes, you did,” I said. So, what do you have for me? Please do not tell me there is some problem that has popped up at the last minute,” I said.
“No problem at all. I was actually just calling to check on you. I know this is your first big project in your new role and I wanted to see how your nerves were holding up,” he said.
“Truth moment—I am freaked out of my mind! That’s actually why I was going to call you. In hopes that you could calm my nerves. I’ve looked over those spreadsheets one hundred times this morning,” I said laughing.
“Oh, really now? YOU were calling ME to calm you down? I am shocked and surprised,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I surprise people sometimes, Isaiah. I’m not as bad as you think,” I said.
“Nope, I don’t think you’re bad at all. I do think you’re way too guarded,” he said.
The phone went silent. It seemed like forever. He was right. I was guarded. But who could blame me after how my relationship with Jake ended. Granted all men aren’t like that, but come on, give me some slack.
“Hello?” Isaiah said.
“I’m here. Maybe I am too guarded. But, you know sometimes a girl has to be, Isaiah.”
“I understand. I have to be honest, since I’ve been separated, I’m a little guarded. But, I don’t let it consume my life and keep me from getting to know people,” he said.
He had a point.
“Well, it takes me a while to allow people into my space. I take that very serious, so if I allow it, I hate when people don’t treat it as a gift,” I told him.
“I totally get that. I�
�m the same way. Contrary to what you may want to think of me, I don’t have a huge circle of friends I interact with. Especially since I moved here; but back at home, I didn’t have a lot of friends either,” he said.
Man, I felt comfortable talking to him. My nerves had actually calmed down considerably and I was uber-glad about that.
“Xenia, I hate to do this, but let’s talk business for a few moments. Did you have any questions about the contracts that were sent over by the messenger?” Isaiah asked.
“Uh, no. No, everything looked good. I even understood what I was reading this time,” I said as we both laughed.
“Good! We made a lot of progress over the past few weeks I see,” he said.
“Sure did.” I said. “I’m actually excited about being able to understand these contracts now,” I said.
“I see you are. You caught on pretty quickly,” he said.
Sarah peaked her head into the office and I motioned for her to come in.
“Isaiah, can you hold on for a second please?” I asked him.
“Sure thing…” he replied.
“Zen, I hate to interrupt your phone call, but I need your signature for this package that’s going out today,” Sarah said.
“Oh sure, hold a second,” I told her.
I took Isaiah off hold, “Hey Isaiah, I have to go. Do you mind if I call you back later?” I asked.
“Not at all, Xenia. But before you go, how about we meet for lunch today?” he asked.
I froze. I couldn’t say anything. I must have had a panicked look on my face because Sarah’s facial expression changed as if she were asking if I were okay, without saying a word.
“Ummm, let me get back with you on that,” I said. I hurried and hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
I couldn’t believe I hung up on him like that! I know he must’ve thought I was some kind of crazy woman. Heck, I thought I was a crazy woman!
“You know you didn’t have to get off the phone with him, right? All I needed was your signature right there,” she said as she pointed to the one line.
I shook my head and said, “Yeah, it’s okay. I needed to get off the phone anyway.”
“Okay, Xenia…” she said shaking her head at me.
“What? What is it now?” I asked.
She took a deep breath, like she was carefully choosing her words.
“You know you want to go out with that man. I don’t know why you keep playing around. He keeps asking you out and you keep dodging him. One day he’s not going to ask anymore,” she said.
I didn’t like anything she said, but she had a point.
“Sarah…” I said.
She stood there looking for me to say something smart. I didn’t. She walked out.
This can’t be my life right now. It felt like I was stuck between a rock and hard place concerning Isaiah. I didn’t know what to do! If I go out with him, I could possibly fall for him; which is not ideal due to him still being married. If I don’t go out with him, I could potentially miss out on getting to know someone that could be a pretty good friend. But now the question is can men and women really be friends and nothing more?
This was too much for me to handle. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.
I picked up my cell phone to call Amy.
While I was dialing her number a text from Amy came through.
“Girl, call me!!!!!!!! ”
“GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess what? No, you’ll never guess! He asked me to go to Jamaica!” she exclaimed.
A smile came across my face instantly.
“What!? Your first trip together? Or am I so out of the loop, that I’ve missed your first trip?” I asked.
“No, this is our first trip. He’s asked before, but I was a little uncomfortable going since we didn’t know each other that well,” Amy said.
“You told him yes, right?” I asked.
“But of course! I need to go swimsuit shopping like yesterday…” she said. “You down this weekend?”
“But of course sistah! I wouldn’t miss a shopping trip like this for anything in the world,” I assured her.
By this time I almost forgot I was calling her for advice. But I didn’t want to bring her down with my crazy story.
As Amy was telling me about her trip, I zoned out for a bit thinking about Isaiah. What if I were making a mistake not getting to know him? What if I needed him in my life? I know he’s separated, but what if he’s the man of my dreams? I did tell myself I would do things differently when I decided to date again.
“Zen. Zen! You still there?” Amy asked.
“Girl, yeah, I’m here. I’m sorry,” I said. I zoned out for a minute. You have my undivided attention. When are you guys leaving again?”
There was a brief second of dead air.
“Zen baby, talk to me. What’s going on?” Amy asked.
I knew it. I was about to bring this positive vibe down with my crazy.
“Amy, I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said.
“Yeah, well…whatever. Talk,” she demanded.
I let out a deep sigh and rattled off my situation with Isaiah. After bringing her up to speed on everything, I braced myself for her response. Some days she was straight, no chaser, and other days I couldn’t call it.
“Zen, you’re like a sister to me. So, girl, don’t mess with this man. Yes, he’s separated, but, he’s still married…” she said. I don’t care how much he wants to tell you his sob story about how things are going bad with his marriage, don’t fall for it!” Amy begged.
I know everything she was saying was true, but part of me honestly didn’t care. Part of me now wanted to get to know him. I don’t know why, but I just did.
“Okay, that’s all I needed to hear,” I said.
I could feel Amy’s side eye through the phone.
“Zen...” Amy said sternly.
“Amy, don’t worry. I’m good,” I assured her.
“Okay…” she said slowly.
“Alright, girl, I’m serious don’t worry. I’ll see you this weekend. Now I have to go and finish preparing for this meeting,” I told her.
We disconnected the phone and I sat in my office in silence, replaying what Amy said. Nothing good would come of me and Isaiah. Nothing at all.
I picked up the spreadsheets once more and began to scrutinize them..
I never called Isaiah.
Chapter 18
The day finally arrived. I was nervous, exhausted and felt nauseous. I didn’t sleep the night before. I think I may have gotten two hours the entire night.
I pulled myself out of bed to get ready for work. I’m glad the meeting wasn’t until mid-morning. This would give me enough time to gather my thoughts after getting to the office. That also meant I didn’t have to rush to the office. Sarah was taking care of the pastries and coffee. I just needed to calm my nerves.
I walked into the kitchen half asleep to start my coffee pot. I walked back into my room to pick out an outfit. I had to look professional but chic at the same time. I decided to go with my black and white suit and for the added touch, I chose my new purple pumps.
I walked back into the kitchen to fix my first cup of coffee. I knew this was going to be the first of many today. While I was in the kitchen I turned on the radio to really get myself moving. I turned it to my favorite morning show, and they were talking about love and relationships.
I walked back into my room to hop in the shower. When I walked back into my room I decided to check my phone to see if any work emails had come through.
My message indicator light was blinking and I saw that I missed a text from Isaiah.
Hey Zen. Just wanted to send you good vibes for today’s meeting. See ya soon.
I smiled at the text and decided to respond later because it was getting late and jumped in the shower.
After rushing to get out of the house on time, I sat in the car for a few minutes to catch my breath. I was starting to sweat a little
and I needed to cool off. My phone went off again and I grabbed it to see who was texting me.
Jake.
Hey Zen. We haven’t spoken in a while I wanted to check to see how you were doing. Hit me back when you have the chance.
Okay, Jake, I definitely don’t have the time for you right now. I put the phone down and started the car. Then I realized I hadn’t responded to Isaiah’s text. I picked the phone up again and responded to him. It was short and to the point. We’d see each other later this morning.
When I finally got in to work, I had another coffee in hand from Black Bean. I was surprisingly not rushing into my office. I think I had finally calmed down or my coffee had finally kicked in.
I normally zoom past Amy’s desk and into my office but today I stopped to say good morning. Even she was surprised.
I placed my things down on my desk and took a deep breath and let the last of my nerves go.
There was a knock on my office door and when I looked up, I saw it was Isaiah and Glen. They were early!
I smiled at them both and said, “Gentlemen, please come in!”
They proceeded to come in and sat down on the couch.
“Are you ready, Xenia?” Glen asked.
“You know, yes, I am. I couldn’t sleep last night, but my coffee has finally kicked in and I am ready to knock this out of the park! Then, I will celebrate tonight by relaxing,” I said.
“Relaxing sounds good,” Isaiah said. Then drinks it is after work. We can all meet at the bar down the street from here.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said. Lord knows I needed a stiff drink to take the edge off.
“I’ll have to pass on this one,” Glen said. I have to pick up the little guy tonight.”
Great! Glen let me down. I was going to use him as a buffer. Now, it was only going to be myself and Isaiah. Nice. I think this was a set up.
“Awe,” I said disappointingly. Well, we will certainly toast to you. How is the little guy, anyway?”
“He is awesome. Other than us losing sleep, he is doing very well,” Glen said smiling from ear to ear.
“That’s great to hear.” I tried not to sound too disappointed that he was leaving us high and dry later. I just needed to stay on my pee’s and que’s. I’m sure Isaiah was happy that it would just be me and him for happy hour. Maybe I would invite Sarah. I’ll figure that out later.