by Devin Nishea
“Well…” I said clearing my throat. I have to get inside, I have a big day tomorrow.”
“Xenia, you are so beautiful. Even if you are drunk,” he said.
We both burst out laughing. After a few seconds of laughter and we looked at each other again. I kissed Isaiah. At least I think I did. Maybe we leaned in at the same time.
While we were kissing, I opened the door to stop us. This kiss was hot and got me more bothered than I wanted to be at the moment.
He followed me inside, never stopping his kiss.
I didn’t want him to stop. So, I just ‘let go and let flow.’ I couldn’t help it and I didn’t want to. I don’t know what it was, but he kissed me so passionately. I felt so beautiful. Maybe it was the alcohol.
He pressed me against the door after closing it. He intertwined his fingers with mine and raised my arms on the door. It was so sexy. He reached down and rubbed my leg and began to pull up my skirt. At that moment, I snapped back to reality, opened my eyes and quickly stopped him.
“Gosh, umm, we gotta stop. This is going way too fast. I can’t do this, Isaiah,” I said, quickly.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” he said.
“I’m not completely innocent here,” I said. Thanks for the ride home, I’ll get my car later. Have a good night.”
I pushed him out the door. When the door slammed, I fell on the door and slid down to the floor. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I headed to my room to shower and called it a night because, clearly, I wasn’t in my right mind.
Chapter 24
Dear God,
Please guide my footsteps and help me to make the right decisions in my life because, clearly, I should not be left unattended.
I sat on my bed just thinking over my life, especially the past few months or so and I almost felt like my personal life was a recipe for disaster. I needed to get it together and quick!
Jake’s kiss made me realize how long it had actually been since I had kissed someone. Isaiah’s kiss reminded me of how long it had been since—well, you know.
I couldn’t handle all of this. I was not emotionally stable enough to handle this. I’m trying not to make any rushed decisions, but it was becoming too much. I really couldn’t talk to anyone about it right now. Not until I could actually put what and how I was feeling into words.
This was going to be another weekend of getting work done. Before starting on my project, I wanted to go for a run to clear my head before working.
Me and Isaiah’s kiss was still fresh in my head. I couldn’t shake it and it had been almost two weeks! This guy would not leave my head no matter what I tried. I couldn’t concentrate on anything that needed my undivided attention.
After hitting the pavement, two miles in, I had a flashback of me and Isaiah. I shook my head, like that was really going to help. After the third flashback, I stopped my run. I found a bench to stretch my legs and to get it together. My run was not working in my favor today. While I was sitting down, I watched the other runners in the park, I watched the families out spending time together and I smiled.
I smiled because it gave me hope that one day I’d be at the park with my family spending quality time together.
I got up to walk around the park before heading back home. I walked over to the pond and when I got there I was one of the few that were there. Some of the smaller kids were chasing one another and the ducks.
Eventually, I ran back home to shower and get my day started.
Later that day I was sitting in the kitchen working on my project, when I heard the doorbell. Another unexpected guest? I continued to work. The doorbell rang again, this time twice in a row.
I got up to see who it was. I looked out the peep hole to see who it was. Surprise, surprise. I opened the door.
“Hey Zen,” Isaiah said.
“Calling me Zen, now?” I asked.
“Yeah, I kinda figured after the other night, I could call you that now,” he said smiling.
I didn’t find it too amusing.
“So, you couldn’t call first?” I asked.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t answer,” he said.
He was probably right. I wanted to slam the door in his face, but then again I wanted him to kiss me again.
“You want to come in, no need to keep you standing out here,” I said.
He came inside and sat down on the couch. I was still standing. I refused to sit on the same couch as him. He smelled amazing.
“So, what are you up to today?” he asked.
“Work. I’m up to my eyeballs in it,” I said. “I can’t wait until this project is over with!”
“Another project? That’s a good look. Your bosses must have been impressed last time,” he said.
“Yep. They were,” I said.
There was dead air. We just looked at each other.
“Zen are you going to have a seat?” he asked.
“No, I’m good,” I said.
“You can’t just stand up the entire time,” he said.
“And just how long do you plan on being here?” I asked laughing.
“Not long…” he said laughing. You kicking me out already?”
“No, it’s not that, I mean you did show up unannounced,” I said.
“Okay, let me get to the point then. The other night, I had the time of my life with you. The kiss was something I’d never experienced before. The spark was something else,” he said.
“Just the kiss?” I asked.
“No, the entire night was amazing,” he said.
“That night was great. The kiss was pretty darn good, to the point it scared me,” I said.
I finally sat on the couch, but on the opposite end.
“I don’t want anything to scare you when you’re with me,” he said.
“I just got out of a relationship a while back and I’m trying to get over it still, and adding you to the mix confuses things,” I explained.
“I understand.” he said. The thing is, I still want to get to know you. I know my separation give you pause, but is there something wrong with us being friends,” he asked.
“No, it’s not, but what kind of friends are you talking about,” I asked. With benefits or without?”
He smirked.
“Zen, we’re both adults and I think we can handle whatever this turns into,” he said.
This guy thinks he’s slick! He just said he wanted to be friends with benefits without saying it. I almost forgot he’s a lawyer and can get crafty with his words.
“You’re funny. So you want to be friends with benefits, huh?” I asked.
“I didn’t say that, Zen.”
I smiled and shook my head.
“You didn’t have to say it.”
At that moment I decided to let go a little.
“So, what now?” I said.
“Not sure, whatever we want,” he said.
This was playing out too much like a movie. He got up from his side of the couch to sit next to me. I felt myself getting nervous and I repositioned myself on the couch. He leaned in to kiss me. I stayed in my same position not moving until I felt him pull me closer to him.
He kissed me passionately. I tried pulling away until I got tired of fighting it and then I melted into his arms. He picked me up and sat me on his lap. This could not go any further than this kiss. But my body was definitely saying otherwise. He began to rub my back under my shirt. I pulled his hand free from under my shirt. I will not do this…I will not do this.
“Isaiah, we have to stop,” I said flustered.
I knew it. I showed my hand way to soon and now I can’t stop these feelings. I leaped off his lap.
“You need to go, Isaiah. I have a lot of work to do today,” I said, walking towards the door.
“I’m sorry, Zen. I can’t help it when I’m around you I…,” he said.
I cut him off mid-sentence.
“Don’t apologize, just…you have to go.” I said. This
can not happen.”
He got up from the couch to leave. He looked good standing there in his sweats. I went to open the door and our hands touched. There was that magnetic energy again. I looked at him and he looked at me. He took me into his arms, again, and kissed me.
Okay, that was it, I couldn’t hold back any longer.
I rolled over in the bed and looked at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I know I said ‘let go, let flow’ but I wasn’t planning to let go like this! I will say, it was amazing. This man took his time and made every inch of me feel beautiful.
I looked over at him, while he was napping and smiled. I got up from bed and headed into the bathroom on a high. It seemed like I was floating on air. When I came back out Isaiah was awake.
“Well, sir, did you have a good nap?” I asked.
“I did,” he said smiling. Hey, listen, you want to get dinner later?”
“I’d love to but I’m behind on work for some reason,” I said, clearing my throat.
He laughed.
“Well, maybe I can drop something by for you later,” he asked.
“That’s sweet, Isaiah,” I said blushing. “I’ll let you know.”
Isaiah got himself together and left.
After he left, I got myself together and got back to work.
What did I just do? It hit me!
I just slept with a married man!!!!
Chapter 25
“Amy, hey it’s Zen. I finally wrapped up the project at work and now back in the land of the living. When you get this, call me, babes.”
I hadn’t spoken to hardly anyone since I started working on this project. Believe you me, I was glad that it was over and done with.
I felt like celebrating and, since Amy wasn’t answering her phone, I went through my phone to see who I wanted in my space for a few hours.
Everyone I called was busy so I guess it was all me tonight. I ordered pizza and decided to have wine as well. I checked my fridge to see what I had. I saw I was out of my favorite Chatham Hill wine so I called in my pizza order, threw on my sweats so I could pick up the wine and pizza.
I ran into the grocery store first for the wine and picked up chips and salsa, too. On my way out, I ran into Isaiah and his lady friend. The same lady friend he said meant nothing to him.
“Hi guys, how’s it going?” I asked.
No wonder he didn’t answer when I called earlier.
“Hi there, we’re good,” Isaiah said. “Just picking up some things for dinner.”
“Great, well you guys have a great evening,” I said as I rushed to my car.
His friend never said anything. Before going home, I swung by to pick up the pizza and rushed home to have a party by myself. After I got back home and settled in, I was almost glad no one answered their phone.
As soon as I sat down, my doorbell rang. This time I knew who it wasn’t. I looked through the peephole; it was Jake this time. What is going on that everyone wants to come by here unannounced?
I opened the door.
“Hi Jake.”
“Hey, Zen. I know, I’m sorry,” he said. “But I did see you called earlier. I dropped by because I was in the area.”
“Do better,” I said laughing. “Come in. I called because I wrapped up my project this week.”
“Good for you. You worked on that one for a long time, I know you’re glad,” he said.
“Yes, beyond glad. Tonight, I celebrate.” I said.
“We got pizza and Chatham Hill? Okayyyy,” Jake said. “What are you watching?”
“Not sure yet, still trying to decided,” I said.
My phone interrupted me.
“Excuse me for a second,” I said.
I walked over to my cell to see who it was. Isaiah. Now, why is he calling me? I thought he was having dinner with his friend? I sent him to voicemail. I turned to go back to the couch and my phone rang again. I sent Isaiah to voicemail again.
“I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” Jake asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You weren’t expecting anyone, were you?” he asked.
“Oh, no, not this time,” I said.
“Listen, I know you saw me out on a date a while back,” he said. I just wanted to make sure things were okay between me and you.”
I was a tad bit confused.
“Between me and you? What are you talking about,” I asked.
“The kiss, and then you saw me out with another woman,” he explained.
“Jake, dear heart. We aren’t together anymore. Meaning, we both can do whatever we want right?” I asked.
Jake had this look on his face like he wasn’t expecting me to say that.
“Well, I guess. Yeah, you’re right,” he said.
“Is that the only reason you came by here? Jake you’ve obviously been doing whatever you want for a while; we hadn’t been together in months. Did you think I’d be upset?” I asked.
“Umm, well nah, I didn’t think that,” he said.
“Okay, cool. We kissed one night after drinking, that was it. I will say at that moment it felt like old times, but we can’t go back to where we were,” I said. “If we did, it wouldn’t be now. I’m not over your cheating.”
Jake sat quietly for a moment.
“Understood. So, what do I have to do?” he asked.
“Do?” I asked. I was really confused now.
“To get you back in my life?” he said.
I was not expecting that.
“Jake, I can’t with this conversation right now. My pizza is getting cold and I’m starving,” I said.
I know I called him earlier to hang, but if he’s trying to talk about getting back together then he’s got to GO!
“I’ll call you later, okay?” I told him.
He looked so sad. But, I knew this game and I refused to fall for it tonight. So, I stood up and walked towards the door. He followed suit, thank goodness.
“Zen, I still love you. See ya,” he said walking out of the house.
I completely froze when he said that. I closed the door behind him and grabbed a slice of pizza as I plopped on the couch. I completely ignored what he said.
Did I still love him? Yes, I did. Why couldn’t he do this when we were together? He’s working harder to get me back than he was to keep me! What sense did that make? NONE!
I decided on watching an Independent film on Netflix. An hour or so into the film, my doorbell rang—again. I knew this couldn’t be Jake coming back! I got up to see who it was through the peephole.
I smiled at who it was as I opened the door.
“Hey, girl, I’m so glad it’s you. Get in here we need to catch up!” I exclaimed.
I hadn’t seen Amy in forever and I was glad she stopped by.
“Girl, I got your message earlier and since I was in the area, decided to stop by. I brought a bottle of wine for your collection, but I see you already cracked a bottle open,” she said laughing.
“I could always use another bottle,” I told her.
I sat the bottle on the coffee table as we sat on the couch.
“Okay, so, what’s been up girl?” Amy asked. I know we hadn’t really talked because of this project you were working on.”
“Other than that, that’s all I could do! Jake just left here about an hour ago,” I told her.
Amy was fixing her a glass of wine from the bottle I had opened and stopped pouring when I said Jake’s name.
“And why did he just leave here?” she asked slowly.
“Girl, please! No!! He stopped by to talk about getting back together,” I replied.
“Back together? He’s working overtime to get you back, huh?” Amy said laughing.
“Yes girl! It’s flattering and everything, but why is he working so hard now? When we were together, he didn’t work half as hard to keep me.”
“Well, Zen, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should hear him out. You never know,�
� she said. I mean the night he kissed you, you even said that the night was perfect, the conversation flowed and it felt like old times.”
I didn’t say anything after she said that.
“Hello, is anyone there?” Amy asked, sarcastically. You don’t have to tell me I’m right. I’ll take your silence to mean just that.”
We both burst out laughing.
“Girl, whatever. Why can’t they just get it right the first time? Men are always talking about finding and getting a good girl and when they get one, they don’t know what to do with her. I’m tired. You know how many guys I dated before we finally hooked up that took me through that same thing?” I said.
“Yeah, I know. We both have that track record. But, you have to keep the faith that the right one will be worth all the frustrations and heartache,” she said.
“Yeah, he better be worth it, because I am tired of this entire dating game thing,” I said.
I was thinking about telling Amy what happened between me and Isaiah, but I was scared! I think she read my facial expression.
“Okay, I’ve been trying to ignore it and be patient. What’s wrong? What’s on your mind?” she asked. I can tell something is on your mind so don’t try saying nothing.”
Dang it. I gotta work on my facial expressions. I mean, I wanted to talk to her about it. But, then again, I didn’t. I guess I was scared of being judged and didn’t want her to fuss me out for falling. I blurted it out.
“I slept with Isaiah…” I said.
Amy looked at me with a blank stare and didn’t say a word. I looked at her and scrunched my lips to one side.
“I know…you don’t even have to say anything!” I said.
Amy cut me off mid-sentence.
“I know you didn’t just tell me you spent the night with a married man; separated or whatever he is!?. Girl, are you out of your mind!? What is going on with you?” she screamed.
“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you,” I said. I already feel bad enough without you yelling at me.”
I really did feel bad. I worked so hard to stay away from this guy and not let my guard down, then bam! I let my guard down and did the unthinkable.