by Devin Nishea
I extended my hand and said, “Hi, Rodney, nice to meet you. You guys sounded amazing tonight. I’m a big fan.”
“Wow, thanks for that,” he said.
“Hey man, thanks for coming out to support,” Rodney said to Jake.
“Man, no problem. Thanks for letting me know, it set our night off,” Jake said. “But, hey I know you gotta pack up your stuff, I just wanted to let you know I did come out. Give me a call next week, maybe we can get together for drinks.”
“Sounds good man. Zen, it was nice meeting you.” Rodney said, walking back to the stage.
“Wow, you know people in high places I see. Jake, thanks for tonight. I really needed this.”
“I know! Why do you think I’ve been trying to get you out of the house?” he said smirking.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you were right—this time,” I said.
As we walked back to the car, we talked more about life, our dreams and what we wanted to do with our futures. By the time we got back to the car, my feet were screaming!
“Oh, my gosh, my feet are killing me!” I said.
“Yeah, well I can’t carry you,” he said joking.
“You wouldn’t carry me, even if I begged?” I asked.
“Nope.” he said.
“Hmph. I hear you,” I said taking off my shoes.
“I’m kidding. I would carry you, IF you asked,” he asked.
“I’ll keep that one in mind.” I said looking at him smiling.
Before dropping me off at home, we stopped to get Krispy Kreme donuts.
“YES!!! The light is on! Thank you donut gods!” I exclaimed.
Jake almost killed us pulling into the parking lot. It seemed like he crossed 3 lanes of traffic to get there!
“SLOW DOWN!! Man, you have a pregnant lady in the car,” I said laughing.
“Yeah, but like you said the light was on, I had to get here,” he said.
We ordered our donuts and he drove me home. After pulling into the drive way, he opened my door and walked me into the house. Before leaving, he walked through the house to make sure everything was how I left it.
I walked him back to the door.
“Thanks, Jake, for a great evening. Thank you for taking my mind off everything for a few hours,” I said.
I hugged him. Hard.
“You’re welcome Zen. You don’t have to keep thanking me,” he said hugging me back. It was really my pleasure.
“I know. You know my hormones are jacked up,” I said, laughing.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” he said. Well, everything looks good in here, so, I’ll give you a call tomorrow?”
“Yeah, give me a call tomorrow,” I said.
He kissed me on the cheek and I closed the door behind him. After closing the door, I leaned against it, taking in what transpired throughout the night, which made me smile.
I took my phone out of my purse and sent Amy a quick text.
Everything went great. I had a great time! Even saw Isaiah at the Jamaican restaurant and it didn’t really phase me. I’ll tell you about that one later.
Chapter 29
About a month later, Isaiah and I finally synced schedules so we could “talk.” This should be an interesting meeting. Especially given the fact that he has not been around and has ignored me and my calls every chance he could.
I was at work one day and Sarah buzzed into my office.
“Zen, Isaiah is on the phone for you,” she said.
There was a brief pause.
“Zen…” Sarah said.
“Yes, Sarah I’m here.” I said taking a deep breath. Send him through.”
I mustered up a smile before picking up the phone, so he wouldn’t think I was in some kind of funk or had an attitude because he called.
“This is Xenia,” I said.
“Well, hello there, Zen. It’s Isaiah,” he said.
“Oh, well, hello there. How can I help you today?” I asked.
“I was calling to see when we could get together and talk,” he said.
“Sure, let me look over my calendar. I have some time this week actually around 2 PM if you’re free to come to the office,” I said.
“Oh, the office? I was thinking after work,” he said.
I paused briefly and took deep breath.
“After work? How about Black Bean?” I asked.
“I was hoping to talk to you away from people,” he said. Is your house off limits?”
“Actually, it is off limits,” I said.
“Wow, okay. Can we meet at the park by the carousel?” he asked.
“Sure, sounds like a plan,” I said. I’ll be there around 5:30 PM.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then,” he said.
I disconnected and didn’t bother to say good-bye. I sat back in my chair and took a few deep breaths. Soon after, Sarah walked into my office.
“Zen, I just wanted to check on you,” she said.
I didn’t bother looking at her. I was looking out of my office window, choking back tears.
“I’m fine…” I said.
She didn’t say anything else, I heard the door close and felt a tear escape from my eye.
“Damn hormones,” I said out loud.
I wiped my tear and got back to work. Needless to say, I could hardly concentrate on my work. All I could think about was my meeting with Isaiah.
As I was packing up to leave for the day, I sent Amy a text letting her know what was going on.
Hey girl, meeting Isaiah after work at the park by the carousel. So, if I go missing, you know what to do.
Part of me was kidding about the last part of the text, but just in case, I needed to cover my bases. I know he wasn’t exactly happy about my keeping the baby and I’m sure that was what the conversation would partly be about.
“Sarah, I’m heading out to meet Isaiah. Just FYI, here’s where I’m meeting him,” I said. I handed her a piece of paper with the park’s name written on it.
“Okay, thanks,” she said. You think you’ll be okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I do, but just in case.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning,” she said slowly.
I waved and disappeared behind the elevator doors.
I couldn’t help but to be nervous as I pulled into the parking lot. I felt my upper lip get wet with sweat. I looked in the rear view mirror to make sure everything looked okay.
When I was getting out of the car, my phone went off. I looked down to read the text, it was from Amy.
Okay, gotcha, send me a pic of what you have on today. Good luck and remember don’t look into his eyes. This is how we got into this in the 1st place
I laughed at the last sentence and it was definitely true. I looked in the back seat for my flats so I could change my shoes. I snapped a picture for Amy and sent it to her.
As I was walking through the park, I took in the scenery. I smiled at the kids running after each other and playing with their friends.
I came to the carousel and there was no sign of Isaiah. I walked over to the pond to watch the ducks. I felt a tap on my shoulder and I froze for second.
“Hey, Zen, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said. “Sorry I’m a few minutes late.”
“Hi,” I said.
We found a bench and sat in silence.
“You look amazing, Zen,” he said.
“Gee, thanks. Swollen ankles or at least I think they are. I can’t see my feet anymore,” I snapped.
He didn’t say anything.
“I know you’re upset with me. I’m sorry for not being there for you and the baby—our baby…” he said.
I cut him off.
“MY baby. Remember, you want nothing to do with him or me,” I said.
“It’s a boy?” he asked.
I cut my eye at him and looked back at the carousel.
“Yes,” I said.
“You can’t look at me now?” he asked.
“Nope. I don’t know who yo
u are. I thought I knew, but that person obviously doesn’t exist,” I said. “You hurt me.”
“I know. I apologize—for everything.” he said.
“I know trying to reconcile with my wife didn’t help,” he said.
“I’m not upset about the reconciliation, I’m upset with your reaction to my being pregnant and your thinking there was only one solution,” I said. “Did you even tell Keely about the baby?” I asked.
I finally turned and looked at him. It was his turn to look at the carousel and sit in silence.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I said.
“She has suspicions that something more went on between us than just being colleagues,” he said.
“How much longer are you going to keep this from her?” I asked.
“I know I’ve kept it from her long enough and I know I need to tell her, but this is a tough situation for me,” he said.
“Imagine how I feel, actually carrying the baby and not having your support—at all!” I exclaimed. “Isaiah what is it that you want from me?”
There was silence for a few minutes after I asked this question.
“Let me be clear. I’m not asking for us to be together,” I said.
“Okay. I guess, I’m asking to be in the baby’s life?” he said slowly.
“You sure about that?” talking slowly, I asked..
“I’m sure, Zen. I just need time to get my words together so I can tell my wife and figure out how we’re going to tell the kids,” he said.
“Isaiah, I hate this is so messy. But, if you’re serious about all of this, you need to tell her soon. The baby is almost finished cooking,” I said. “We need to figure how we’re going to co-parent this child.”
He took a deep breath. I looked at him. He looked at me. We sat on the bench in silence for a few moments. I began to play with my hands. Whenever I played with my hands, that meant I was nervous or uneasy about something. Isaiah noticed.
“Zen, no need to be nervous,” Isaiah said.
“No need? Are you kidding me? You’re about to tell your wife I’m carrying your child and I shouldn’t be nervous? Really!? How do you think she’s going to react?” I asked.
“Not good. Honestly, we’re in a good place, she and the kids are preparing to move here. She’s going to flip,” he said.
“Just so she doesn’t try coming after me, then we’re good,” I said.
“No, she wouldn’t do that,” Isaiah assured me.
We watched the kids play in the park and sat in silence. I felt Isaiah looking at me.
“What is it?” I asked not looking at him.
“Nothing. Well, not really nothing, but I don’t want you to think I’m a horrible person. I got scared that night and panicked,” he said.
I didn’t say anything because I felt a lump forming in my throat and my eyes began to water. I tried hard to hold back tears but it didn’t work for long.
“I’m sorry, Zen,” he said.
I nodded my head and turned my head so he couldn’t see me wipe a tear away.
“Listen, I gotta go. Can we finish this up later?” I asked getting up.
“Now? I was hoping we could get a bite and start putting together a plan,” he said.
I don’t know what happened, but I flipped! Now he wants to be swoop in and be super dad!?
“You are a piece of work! One day you’re telling me to get rid of it, now you want to draw up plans?!” I yelled.
“Zen, lower your voice, people are looking,” he said.
“Let them!” I exclaimed. “You can’t come six months later and think everything is going to be easy now.”
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I turned around and rushed towards my car. Isaiah followed, calling my name, but trying not to yell too loud.
When I got to my car, I had to fumble in my purse for my keys.
“Zen, wait. You can’t run away from this. What’s important is I’m here now,” he said.
“Oh, I know I can’t run away from this! But, you on the other hand…” I said before he cut me off.
“I’m here now and I’m sorry,” he said.
I stood there in utter shock at how quickly he thought I should forgive him for leaving and not checking on me the past six months. I couldn’t hold it together any longer, I began to cry—uncontrollably. He held his arms open to hug me. I didn’t want him touching me, but I needed a hug and for someone to hold me as reassurance that things would be okay.
“You’re either all in or you’re not,” I told him through my sobbing. You need to be about action, I’m not moved by your words any more Isaiah. I know this isn’t the situation we wanted to be in, but we’re in it.”
“I know, Zen. I know,” he said calmly.
His hug calmed me down. We stood there in silence as tears rolled down my face. My hormones were haywire! I couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed by my sobbing. As I stopped sobbing, he looked at me and smiled.
“Zen, I’m here. I know I left months ago, but I’m here. I want to be in this child, our child’s life. I want him to know his father,” he said.
I looked at him wiping my tears. This time, I didn’t match his smile. I was serious about being about action and not just saying what he wanted to do.
“I want that as well. I don’t want you thinking I’d try to keep you from your child, because I wouldn’t do that. I just need you to be there for him, nothing else,” I said.
I looked at him and he looked at me. Silence overtook us. Then, he leaned in to kiss me. I turned my head.
“Isaiah,” I said shaking my head. That…isn’t going to happen again. I fell for it once, not again.”
“You’re right. I apologize,” he said.
“Listen, I gotta go,” I said looking at him.
“Okay. Maybe we can sit down again over dinner and draw up a plan before the baby gets here,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said getting into my car.
I drove away and watched him disappear in my rear view mirror.
Chapter 30
The baby had grown faster than I thought and I couldn’t believe my belly could actually stretch that far! Now, eight months pregnant, I couldn’t believe the end was drawing near. All I could think about, at this point, was getting my body back. I missed being able to see my feet, bend over, put my own shoes on; you know, the things you take for granted while not being pregnant.
Oh, and how could I forget the awesome, attractive waddle that I had become accustomed to for the past two months?
I hurt in places I never knew could hurt or even existed. I couldn’t find comfortable positions so I could sleep at night. But, one of the most amazing things was watching the baby move inside my belly. I couldn’t believe it, the first time I realized it. I was sitting in church one Sunday and Amy pointed it out to me; needless to say, after that, we were no longer paying any attention to service. We were in awe.
Isaiah was pretty much still absent, even after we met in the park. We never met for dinner to draw up a co-parenting plan, like he said he wanted. He claimed to be swamped with work. He only called once to really talk and check in on the baby’s progress. By now, I’m sure his wife and kids had moved to the city.
I’m glad I didn’t get my hopes up. I couldn’t afford to stress out about him because I had the baby’s health to consider. More importantly, I didn’t want to go into early labor worrying over his lack of support. Although, it would have been nice to have his support, I had all I needed from my circle.
“Zen, girl, it’s your mama. How are you doing today? Feeling okay?” she asked.
“Hey mama, I’m doing okay. How are you?” I asked.
“Oh, chile, I’m good. I’m a little tired today and not sure why,” she replied.
“Well, are you eating good?” I asked.
“Girl, yeah, I am,” she said. She sounded annoyed with the question.
“Well, I know how you are sometimes. You don’t like to eat balanced meals and regardl
ess of what you say, it’s good for your health,” I said.
“You always trying to run me. I’m YOUR mama, not the other way around,” she said.
I laughed and said, “Okay, mama. How’s daddy?” I asked.
“He’s good. He’s outside cutting grass right now. How’s that grandbaby? Still cooking?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am…still cooking, thank God. He’s been giving me heartburn the past week.”
“Well, they say if you have heartburn, the baby will have a head full of hair,” she said.
“Really? Wow, well we shall see in a few weeks,” I said.
“I know and I can’t wait. Listen, baby, I know you may not want to talk about it…” she said.
Oh, Lord, I knew what she was going to talk about and she was right, I didn’t want to talk about it.
“What is it, mama?” I said.
“Have you tried calling the baby’s father?” she asked.
“No ma’am. Not since the last time we talked about him.” I said. “Mama, he knows my number and where I live, thanks to you. If he’s too busy for the baby now, he’s definitely going to be too busy after he’s here. The ball is in his court now. I’ve already told him I wouldn’t keep him from his child. He needs to make the effort.”
There was silence and I knew what it meant.
“Okay, baby, I just want the baby to know his father, that’s all,” she said.
“I do too, but, I can’t make him. I know this is a sticky situation, but…” I said.
“I know baby,” she said cutting me off.
“Mama, I love you and daddy so much. Thank you guys for being there for me these past few months. I know you both wanted more for me, but thank you for being there,” I said.
“Awe girl, you’re welcome. What did you think we were going to do, leave you in the cold?” she asked. Things happen and while this wasn’t the ideal, it’s too late to dwell on that, you just need to focus on that baby and doing right by him.”
“Thanks, mama,” I said. I’m going to call you guys later, I’m pulling into work.”
“Alright baby,” she said disconnecting the call.
My mama always knew what to say to make me feel a little better. I honestly hope I was as good of a mom as mine was.
I waddled into building and when I got off the elevator, my staff was gathered around Sarah’s desk. I stepped off the elevator and looked at them, wondering what was going on.