by K R Leikvoll
My first sip of water changed everything. My parched body instantly forced my head below the surface. The depths cut my skin with its icy temperature, but I didn't care. When I was at the point of nearly puking from drinking so much, I took the time to fill up my flask.
Next came the bad part. I made sure I was alone before I pulled my clothes off. Unlike my previous bathing experiences, I forced myself not to care. I wanted to let out a girlish scream from how cold the water was, but I held it in. I swam out all the way to my shoulders and started to scrub. Despite how horrid my skin burned, I didn't care. I had never felt as dirty as I did now. No way in hell was I going to skimp out on cleaning myself entirely.
By the time I pulled myself out of the water, my body was numb. Between that and how exhausted I was, it was really difficult to get my clothes back on.
The pair returned as if they had some secret way of knowing when I was done. I was thoroughly embarrassed when Kirin started taking off his clothes unabashed by my presence. Varnoc had paddled his way into the center of the pond by the time I decided to turn away. I'm almost positive my face was the darkest shade of red from how flustered I was. I sat down with Kirin's bag and faced the Ashlands way too late, only making it more awkward for myself. I would've preferred to give them more privacy, but that would've involved walking past them again.
"Valentine, let's go!" Kirin called from the other side of the pond. I put his bag on and tried to stand up. My legs didn't want to budge. Damn it. I tried standing only to stumble around like I was drunk. I fell back to my knees and looked back at them helplessly.
It only took Kirin a few seconds to rush over. His long, black hair was more drenched than mine and he was wringing it out in his hands.
"I'm sorry," I said stiffly. He took his bag off my back.
"We will find shelter at Rimestone Hold. You need to rest so you can walk again. If Lazarus shows up, we have to be able to fight," Kirin said, picking me up like I was made of feathers.
"I haven't eaten in a week. How am I even alive?" I mumbled. I knew it wasn't his fault, but it was the truth. How long could a person live without food? I'm sure I was getting close to the end of my fat reserves.
"Blood can sustain and replace food, but only for demons. It can fight off your hunger, but you still need to eat," he said quietly, keeping our conversation private as we approached Varnoc. Speaking of blood and sacrifice, Kirin's wound was deep. He had used some linen scraps to bandage it, but it was barely holding back the blood.
Even though the fight with the Minotaur was relatively short, I knew he was probably feeling the need to sacrifice. Despite the fact that he got on my nerves all the time, I was compelled to put my wrist in his mouth to extinguish the fire. Varnoc's presence made it too difficult to do at the moment. It was as if he was waiting on us so he could gape and complain.
The trip to Rimestone Hold was far colder than Himmel had appeared from the border. Wet hair made it ten times worse. I was shivering so bad that I was forced to put my arms around Kirin and cling to the warmth of his chest. Obviously, it was something I really didn't want to do, but survival is survival and I wasn't about to get hypothermia.
Luckily, we reached the hold as night was falling. The temperature was dropping so rapidly that I could see tiny icicles forming in Kirin's dark hair. The hold was only an eighth the size of Kirin's castle, but, holy shit, it was shelter. It was very plain: a simple stone square positioned in the middle of the now snowy wilderness. The large wooden entrance was completely unattended, abandoned by whoever or whatever it had belonged to.
"Let me investigate before we go any further," Varnoc instructed. He slowly opened the entrance and disappeared inside. I climbed out of Kirin's arms.
"We need to talk," I whispered, taking advantage of his absence. Kirin didn't respond. He didn't even look at me.
Varnoc called out to us. "Most of it has been damaged by the elements, but there is one bedroom and the parlor untouched." He beckoned us to come in.
The hold was a mess just as he'd said. Everything to our right was cut off by snow and rubble. To our left, there was an entrance to a single room, and the large open parlor. When people say parlor, I assume something fancy. This was a stone room with broken pieces of wood and rubble, but it was shelter. I was happier than I had been in weeks when I went into the bedroom and found a worn bed in the corner.
I was elated when I spied an old, dusty brush among the random debris. I carefully laid on the bed expecting it to crumble, but it seemed pretty sturdy. I could hear the sound of Kirin and Varnoc clearing the parlor as I started the grueling process of untangling my wet hair. They were piling up wood for a fire. It had been such a long time... I was actually excited for something like fire. I may as well have been a caveman.
The heat from the fire instantly filled the empty spaces, even reaching into my shoddy bedroom. The light danced off the walls revealing how dusty everything was. I watched Varnoc's shadow approach my door.
"I am going to try to find you some food, Nephilim. Any preferences?" he asked, rubbing a long blade on some kind of grindstone.
"Honestly, I don't know what's on the menu," I replied, tugging the brush through my hair. He chuckled understandingly before hopping out of the room. I could hear the sounds of him exiting the hold. I wanted to rest a little bit before I tackled the bullshit with Kirin, but it looked like that was going to be my only opportunity.
I walked out of the room into the parlor. They had built a decent-sized fire in the center of the room. Kirin was tucked by the wall, drinking wine and staring into the flames. His eyes slowly met mine from across the room. He took another long swig before patting the ground next to his side. I took a deep breath and made my way over to him.
"Before you answer me about the bond bullshit…" I started. He continued to watch the flames. "Do you need to sacrifice before the demon guy comes back?"
He swallowed more wine.
"I can handle the flames. You don't have to," he whispered. "I'm used to abstaining."
I could see blood still oozing from his shoulder wound. It was now or never with Varnoc possibly returning at any time. I pulled his dagger from his side and put it to my wrist.
"You need to heal that cut," I said, dragging the blade against my arm. My blood instantly pooled to the surface of the wound. I was alarmed to see that it was nearly black, but I decided against bringing it up when I already had another thing to tackle.
Kirin tried to pretend that he didn't want it. His gaze flickered from the fire to my wrist back and forth before he finally caved. I sat on my knees beside him and waited until he turned to me before lifting my wrist.
"Be gentle this time," I whispered softly, thinking about our previous blood swapping experience.
Kirin grabbed my arm in his hands and stared at the wound for a long time. So long I thought I might need to recut myself. He put his lips near the incision and kissed my wrist. The two seconds his lips were pressed against my bare skin gave me butterflies. I'm positive my face was the same shade as the fire. It gave me a weird twist of emotions that I couldn't comprehend completely because he finally moved to the wound. He was gentle as I asked. Gentler than he had ever been. He took one very deep swallow and released my arm.
"Before we talk about this," Kirin started, turning away from me slightly. "I want you to know that I am appreciative of you letting me use your blood for sacrifice."
"Same," I replied placidly. I really was. After all of the burning I had done, I was thankful he had extinguished my flames. I didn't mind helping him either, as long as he was controlling himself. I nervously pushed on his shoulder so I could get to his hair. He stared at me with a raised eyebrow before I waved the brush in his face.
"A bond," Kirin began as I kneeled behind him, "is typically formed through the Dark Sacrament. The Dark Sacrament is performed by a greater demon turning a mortal into a fellow greater demon through the dark ritual... For us, it is a little more complicated."
&
nbsp; "How so?" I asked quietly, pulling the brush through his hair. My hands were shaking slightly from anxiety. I was worried about his answer. I was more alarmed about my black blood and orange eyes than I wanted to admit.
"Bonds are formed between a demon and a victim. You are already half demon; there is no possible way for anyone to change that. I am already a demon; there is no way you can change me either. Demons do not share blood with other demons unless they are bound through the Dark Sacrament or against their will. For us to share blood, we are creating a bond like one formed through the Sacrament... without the Sacrament. Honestly, Valentine, I have no knowledge of a bond like ours. I've never heard of it happening this way before, though it feels no different," Kirin said staring intensely into the fire.
"No different from?"
"My bond with Guinevere."
"So it feels super terrible?"
Kirin's face grew incredibly serious. He turned toward me, trapping me in the corner.
"You know that's not what I meant," he said. His wine-colored eyes looked hurt.
"What does it feel like?" I asked. Kirin didn't turn away. I continued to brush out the final part of his long hair.
"Have you... felt anything?" he asked instead of giving me an answer.
I tried to think about it. I felt scared shitless that I was possibly turning into some sort of monster. I felt exhausted from walking for weeks. I felt anxious that I was never going home. It was hard to pinpoint what feelings he was talking about. "I'm not sure what you mean," I replied finally after not being able to decipher his words.
Kirin caught my hand and removed the brush. He set it down with his other hand, keeping my wrist in his grasp. My first reaction was to move away, but some deep, hidden part of me didn't want to fight it. It was incredibly awkward. Nowhere near as much as when he pulled me practically into his lap.
"Are you sure?" His face was inches from mine. The intensity of his stare was unwavering.
"Clueless," I whispered as my face grew hot. His free hand came forward and cupped my cheek.
"It feels like this," he murmured.
Kirin pressed his lips against mine.
I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was paralyzed by his touch. I could taste my own blood on his lips. The flavor instantly pulled me back into the stone prison when Lydris and Lazarus had done the same thing. Immediately I began my free fall down the hole of trauma. I could feel tears pouring from my eyes.
Kirin broke away. "I…" he started when he saw my tears. He wiped them away while I was still in shock. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," he whispered, "but I had to know."
Had to know what? I was thoroughly mortified. I didn't know how to react. Beyond the painful flashbacks of Lydris, I was embarrassed. As much as I hated to admit it, he was leagues above me. He was some kind of mythical bullshit, and I was a sickly twig. The contrast between us made me feel incredibly shy. I would've never expected in a hundred years that he would do something like that. I mean, half the time the guy fucking hated me! What was I supposed to do in that situation? Every single option seemed like it was the wrong one. The worst part of it all was that I could see he was taking my tears as rejection. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't! How the hell could I think about that stuff with everything else going on?
He stood up, flask in hand and walked away while I was deep in my mind. Just as he got ready to go out the main entrance, I called out his name. Kirin stopped and looked back emotionlessly.
"Where are you going?" I asked. My voice was shaking.
"On a walk," Kirin replied. He paused before leaving and took off his giant cloak. He tossed it into the room, I assumed on the bed.
"You'll freeze," I protested. He didn't reply. The heavy wooden door slammed closed. I couldn't stop myself from instantly breaking down into tears again.
I hated the emotions I was feeling. I hated his attitude, his narcissism, his temper, but part of me knew I had a soft spot forming. I couldn't deny it to myself. Every time he touched me, I could feel the connection. I was terrified of developing feelings. What if the next demon we fought killed him? I couldn't handle the grief of losing someone close to me again. Even if I did let him in... he was so unpredictable. I had very little experience with relationships—a little experimentation, but my reputation made it hard to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend. My current situation was literally otherworldly shit way outside of my ballpark.
Varnoc came back after I had finished crying, but it was apparent I had an emotional breakdown. I could see him studying my irritated eyes from the front entrance. He stomped some white snow off his hooves and made his way toward the fire.
"I was only able to catch a few brevlets," Varnoc said, holding up a few bloody rabbit creatures. He held the corpses out to me.
"Uh... what do you want me to do with that?" I asked awkwardly. Varnoc gave me an equally awkward stare.
"You cannot skin?" he asked, still trying to get me to take them. I shook my head no. He rolled his glowing eyes and sat across the fire from me. I heard the sound of a knife being unsheathed.
"So Maundrell mentioned that you met my demonic mother?" he inquired as he started to pluck and skin the feathered rabbit.
I shivered when a flash of her demented red eyes filled my brain.
"Unfortunately," I whispered, resting my chin on my knees.
"She is not really good with people," he replied with a chuckle.
"Did you ever have feelings for her?"
"A long time ago, yes, though there is no person that Lazarus loved besides Vince. Between her love for him and his controlling behavior, it made it difficult for Lydris and me to get close to her. Our bond was based on Vince's grand plan, not based on Lazarus' personal choices. All I feel now for her and her demonic lord is hatred," Varnoc replied as he started plucking the second rabbit.
"So you guys never did anything?" I asked remembering the sight of Lydris and Lazarus' using the third method to sacrifice... AKA fucking.
"Of course we did," he scoffed. "Just because you are intimate with your demonic master does not mean you are in love. Most demons do not even believe in such a thing. Only pleasure usually. I have noticed that greater demons have a powerful connection to our masters, though they seem to care less in return. Usually because they are focused on their bond with their demonic master. Maundrell has not bothered to speak with you about this?"
"He doesn't really like talking about all things that have to do with the Sacrament," I said trying to defend him. "I mean... he was forced into it without consent. At least if you manage the fire, that's the worst it can get, and we've been managing it together."
Varnoc let out a suspiciously dark laugh.
"Oh, Nephilim, he hates the Dark Sacrament for a far more sinister reason."
"And that is?"
Varnoc approached me and handed me the meat he had cooked on the opposite side of the fire. It was skewered on a small rod he had made from a sharpened stick.
"The Dark Sacrament binds you to Nakarius, eternally. When I die, when Lazarus dies... when Kirin dies... we will forever live trapped in the Void. Denied the pleasure of release from this torment. It would make any rational person despise the Dark Sacrament," Varnoc said with eeriness in his voice.
The idea of Kirin being eternally trapped with his fellow demons made me understand his disdain for his own kind. It was like he already knew he was being damn to a sort of hell. It made me question why he would fight to have them all destroyed when it would only speed up his own demise. The only conclusion I could come to was that he was selfless. More selfless than I would've ever thought.
My heart dropped. That probably meant James was in the Void too, didn't it? He never behaved like a demon around me; he didn't deserve that kind of afterlife. He was an angel; he deserved to be free in the stars, not bound to the nether. It hurt my heart so much to think of him trapped there. Kirin had mentioned that he believed James freed himself from the Dark Sacrament, but did that sever the bond wi
th the Void Lords as well?
I pushed my thoughts away and uneasily took a bite of the meat. It was bland since we lacked any kind of seasonings or sauces. I swallowed it like it was a rock. The moment it hit my stomach, my body remembered that it was hungry. I ate every single piece of meat Varnoc was able to cook and I still wanted more. I almost regretted it with how much my gut ached afterward. My body was having trouble processing food after such a long period of time without eating.
"Thank you for the food," I said politely before retiring to the room. I closed the dinky door, shutting out the light. I felt my way to the bed in the corner and crawled under Kirin's cloak.
I noticed that it smelled like him. His scent was hard to describe, but it was comforting and reminded me of the forest. I curled into a ball and tried to hold back the emotions I was going through. I missed James. I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to make sure that he was okay... ask him what I should do about my stupid situation.
When I woke, I was startled to find Kirin sitting against the wall in the room. He was staring intently at the floor. I would have usually assumed his expression was calm, but after what happened I could tell that he was depressed. It was confusing. Was he upset with my rejection or was he regretting his actions?
His wine-colored eyes flickered to me when he noticed I was staring at him. We watched each other for several minutes in silence. I wasn't sure what to say. I yawned and rubbed my face.
"How far is it to Light's Peak?" I asked, sitting up.
"Another few weeks. It would be faster if it wasn't frozen," Kirin said numbly. He stood up and held out a pair of fingerless gloves to me. I guess the rabbit creatures had some fur because the inside was filled with the same color fur as their feathers. When I slipped them on, they were cozy and fit perfectly.
"Where did you learn how to make these?" I studied the craftsmanship. They were pretty sturdy gloves and Kirin didn’t seem like he did labor beyond monster hunting.