by K R Leikvoll
The flesh of the heart tasted peculiar—probably due to my lack of palate for spider meat. The black blood fueled whatever desire to sacrifice I may have had instantly as I began to regrow my arm. I wanted to close my eyes and endure the pain, but I couldn't risk it with Kirin still walking around like a zombie.
Her essence was strange to absorb. It was filled with an insane lust for power, mixed with love not for her actual child, but her demonic children. For a split second, I was cradling a much younger looking Vince in my arms. The next flash was that of a dark-skinned woman with deep purple eyes. The final child was Guinevere, staring up at me with a face filled with dark desires. It was weird to hold the first person I murdered in my arms and actually feel love toward her. Lilith loved all her children, but none as much as Vince. She poured everything she once was into him and he was perfect in her eyes.
I looked at the drained, gray, heart husk in my hand as I came back to my senses. Thankfully, my arm had regrown; I was willing to put up with being a puzzle piece person for the sake of life and having my full consciousness back. I discarded the heart and weakly dodged a poor swing from Kirin while I scanned down below for survivors.
Mortos was still alive, cursing loudly, while one surviving Evyan helped him try to fight off the last crew member. They were beaten to hell; the Evyan guard was hardly able to stand, but he still took every other swing.
Kirin tried to hit me again, and I was running out of energy no matter how slow he was. I was keeping up with my no-passing out rule so far. I only needed to find a way down and get Kirin out of his trance.
"Mortos," my detached, aching voice called to him down below. I blocked a weak attack to my even weaker friends. Bad idea on my side; I was barely able to leap out of the way from another heavy swing from Kirin.
"Luxza?" he called back up.
"Kirin is in some sort of trance. I'm not sure how to get him out," I replied, keeping my eyes on him to make sure I didn't lose my head.
"Knock him in the face. That is what we usually do," he said with a grunt as he kicked the corrupted crew member to the ground. They were breathing so hard, I thought they might pass out from exhaustion.
I was too weak to even manage a punch, and I was right-handed, but I needed to give my new left hand a try to make sure it was working. I curled it into an unsure fist as my brain rememorized my neural connections. I took a deep breath and waited for his next move.
He mumbled something in a weird gibberish language and struck downward at my chest. I side stepped it, trying not to trip and stick to the webbing, and punched him in the nose with my left hand. I expected it to be a mildly strong punch; instead, it propelled him several feet onto his back.
I shot the shadowy form of Vince a glare as he crouched near his dead mother. His eyes had zero sympathy for her. It was almost like he was happy to see her corpse. I suppose after ten thousand years of being around someone, you'd get sick of them, too. Besides, real Lilith died when she gave birth to her actual Divinus child. That corpse was just a dark remainder of all that she once was.
"Or will be," Vince whispered softly as his shadows began to fade.
As the darkness coalesced with me, the webbing gave out from underneath us. Kirin, Lilith's body and I all fell straight through the web. I let out a small scream, just quick enough to warn Mortos and the surviving guard. He caught me in his blood-soaked arms. They were shaking violently from being overused and only held on for a moment before he fell to his knees, releasing me.
Kirin, on the other hand, crashed into the ground, which somehow restored him to consciousness. He sat up sharply as Mortos and I did the opposite.
I didn't care how many corpses I was lying next to; I was fucking tired. I hoped the Evyan wasn't bleeding to death. It was a struggle to keep my eyes open. I had to avoid brain damage at all costs.
Kirin pulled himself to his feet with a nearby tree, holding onto his face. I watched him blink and try to remember where he was and what he was doing. I didn't have the energy to talk or look up at him anymore. I focused on the small bit of white light peeking through the web layers and tree canopy instead.
My mind was struggling from expanding and collapsing in such a short span of time. Well short, relatively speaking. I truly forgot who I was when I was fighting; both a relief and terrifying. What if I had never come out of that state? Would I be what I was meant to be or would it be the death of Val? The thought was giving me a headache.
"Why is it always my face?" Kirin asked from a few feet away.
"Sorry, boss. Sometimes you need a good knock to that pretty face of yours," Mortos eventually breathed out when he was able to.
"How long?" he asked us.
"Long enough to be no help," I grumbled, glancing at my new arm and hand. My palm lines were twisted into a different shape. Sort of like a triangle with a strange V at the bottom. It almost reminded me of the brand on Kirin’s leg.
"Time doesn't exist in the Void," Kirin replied, irritated by my comment.
I sat up uncomfortably and finally acknowledged the carnage around us. It was all death, blood and ashes. I had a feeling that's how things usually ended in war. To be honest, I was surprised Mortos even lived through the fight. I was mentally letting everyone but Kirin go to save myself from being traumatized. Not that it wasn’t an utter relief to have him alive.
Kirin walked past me and helped Mortos and the Evyan to their feet. "All of that eternity I spent thinking of what Naadea's next step will be without me here. I need someone to assure that the Evyans' keep their word and rescue our people," Kirin said, putting a hand on Mortos' shoulder.
"What are you saying, boss?" the captain asked with a nervous tone.
"They will never bow to the Evyans. They should be led by one of their own," Kirin replied. He took his great sword from his back.
"But –" Mortos tried to interrupt, but Kirin spoke over him.
"The only logical thing would be to send you back to the Hidden City to wait for our people... your people. This day I resign my spot as emperor. You will lead them now," he stated, trying to hand the sword off to Mortos, who stepped backward into a tree to avoid it.
"I am a bloody sea captain! An ex-pirate! Not a king!" Mortos said, denying the blade as if he feared to touch it.
"I'm a demon, not an emperor," Kirin replied. "You were there the day I said that. Besides, we don't need a sea captain on the battlefield."
Mortos had no choice but to take the sword that was forced into his hands. "And what? I leave you to die?" he asked perplexed.
"Yes. If the Nephilim can kill Lilith, she can kill the demons we face from this point on. Save yourself, you idiot," Kirin replied with a disgusted tone. "You don't have to perish like everyone else."
Mortos swallowed apprehensively and sheathed the blood-stained sword. "You are not giving me a choice, are you?"
"You'd have our people led by Evyans? People with no knowledge of our home?" Kirin replied. The Evyan that was still recovering let out a ragged cough. "No offense," he added with an eyeroll.
"None taken," the guard replied staring at the bloody mess around us. He didn't sign up for the job he was given that day, that's for sure.
"Fine, I'll take your damn sword, but I will not follow your ridiculous requests anymore," Mortos finally snapped, breaking the silence.
It was so dark; I just wanted to take a nap among the corpses. It's what I felt like. Or maybe it's what I became.
When Kirin came to pick me up, I flinched away from him instinctively. It didn't faze him; he knew what he wanted and apparently it was to pick me up. He nearly crushed me in his arms he hugged me so tightly. It hurt more than it was comforting.
I still ran my hand through his tangled, black hair and hugged him back. My head was pounding. Was the forest getting darker or was I losing consciousness? I expected Lilith's blood to hit with some kind of rush, but I felt more human than I ever had before.
"Wasn't sure if I'd see you again," he mumbled. "Wh
en I saw Lilith arrive, it was the only thing that kept me from madness: knowing you defeated her."
I forcibly removed myself from his arms and glared at him with all my remaining strength. "You can't go crazy. Ever," I said trying to sound less pathetic than I was.
He paused before replying. He first stared into my eyes with exhaustion that mirrored my own. "Shh," he finally whispered. "I'm proud of you. You did this all by yourself."
I was scared to tell him that it wasn't really me at all.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I never thought I'd be happy to be back on the Valkyrie. At least they didn't try to keep us away from each other, or at least Kirin didn't care anymore. His attitude had been strange since his most recent trip to the Void. He was cold and aloof, but still overprotective. To the point where he demanded that not a single person even set foot near his door under pain of death. A bit extreme, I'll admit. Probably would've been sexy under different circumstances.
That's why I was thankful for the chance to be with him behind closed doors; I got him all to myself and he was less cranky that way. We didn't really do much else besides fuck and sleep. That's all he was interested in. I could count the amount of conversations we had on one hand during our passage. It's okay; I didn't want to talk that much anyway.
But after remaining secluded in the room for a considerable period, it was time to prepare for the inevitable battle. It was the night before. The anxiety was like a person actually throttling me, making it hard to restrain my thoughts and feelings. Kirin was deep in his own mind, staring at the ceiling as it swayed, mute.
"What is the Void like?" I whispered, kissing his neck.
The v-word instantly pulled him out of whatever he was thinking about. He sat up sharply and pushed himself off the bed. Naturally, he grabbed some wine he had stored for his possible future self and began to guzzle it down. "Do you think I would be lying with you all this time if I wanted to think about it?" he asked after indulging in almost the entire thing without sharing.
The comment kind of stung. I sat up, keeping myself covered in the warm furs. "Typical you. Not saving any for me," I said trying to not let his attitude get to me. It did, though.
To my surprise, he smirked. Not with actual happiness; it was sort of sarcastic. He tossed a small flask onto my lap.
I glowered at him while I pulled the cap off with my teeth. It had been a while since I had any kind of alcohol, not to mention a liquid that wasn't Kirin's blood. The thought disgusted me when it wasn't in the moment. It tasted incredibly strong, unlike wine. It wasn't even wine at all; it stung and burned like it wasn't meant to be ingested by humans. With Kirin's eyes watching for a negative reaction, I took three more gulps before screwing the cap on. I tried to keep absolute composure, setting it down casually like it wasn’t burning my insides.
Kirin bit his lip, trying to hide some genuine smile of satisfaction. I knew what he wanted, yet again, as he moved back over to the bed. The liquor made me want to kiss him, so I did. He licked it off my lips and moved his hands through my hair. I moved his hands away trying to use my last hours wisely.
"Are you scared?" Kirin asked curiously. He held my face, looking for the truth in my eyes.
"Yes," I whispered honestly. "Are you?"
He shook his head no. "The first is always the most frightening. Don’t worry, I will protect you."
"Have you thought about…" I started to say. I stopped myself, unsure if I should say what I was on my mind.
Kirin crawled back into bed and pulled me into his arms. "Go on."
I took a deep breath. "What if we went back to Earth together?" I asked bravely. I could feel his heart pounding in his rib cage.
His eyes moved back and forth, staring at the ceiling again, picturing my home. "I've been focused on our task, not fantasies," he whispered, running a hand on my skin to soothe himself. "Why? Are you in love? Wanting to carry me away to another planet and hoard me for yourself?"
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"I have coddled you too much... given you too much hope for an impossible future."
I shoved myself away. "So it was the bond this whole time then?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest with a glare.
"Everyone I've ever declared love to is dead. No reason to curse you like them," Kirin said, clearly pleased by my reaction. I didn't understand him at all sometimes.
"Listen, I can't do this alone. I don't want to. I don't even know where I would begin to start," I said finally breaking down. I wanted to cry, but I held it in. No tears.
"Earth is going to be a joke when you return. Don't fear the unknown," he said softly. "I apologize for upsetting you, but you have to be strong."
"Idiot! You could come with me. We can end it together," I whispered, desperately trying to convince him.
Kirin reached into a trunk beside his bed full of his miscellaneous belongings. He pulled out something silver and made me turn. I felt cold metal against my skin. It was a necklace—a triangle with an ankh-like symbol marked on the inside.
"We will end it together," he responded as if he solved all our problems just like that.
My guts were twisted into knots when we started getting ready. Turned out those chests in Kirin's room weren't filled with liquor like I thought. He opened them one by one and removed his armor, which I had only seen him wear once before. It would've come in handy a hundred times over considering how many times he got mauled in the shoulder. I tried to think of it positively, like how I wouldn't have to protect him as much. Not about all the times we were in a bad spot because of our lack of protection.
It took him about half an hour to put all the pieces on. I watched him do it somberly. I didn't bother talking; neither did he. Each piece looked heavier than me. I'm not sure how he was comfortable or how he would even be able to move.
When it came time to put his cloak on, I helped him clasp it while I brushed his hair. "I get some of this right," I whispered. He was staring in the mirror to make sure everything was even, avoiding eye contact with himself. I kept a decent distance away from him as he turned around to avoid getting cut by his bladed shoulder plates.
"I almost forgot—your mother never wore armor," he said with a shrug I could barely detect under all the metal. "Though we didn't come completely unprepared."
Kirin opened a chest tucked in the corner and scooted it toward me. It was filled with silvery white metal pieces that all tucked together neatly and seemed like it might not be huge on me. I pulled the breastplate out with a shaking hand, studying the sigil. It was an A, with lines twisting in different directions like tree roots. I ran my finger over the engraving several times.
"It was Alexandra's… the first armor set she owned. It was a gift from her father—your grandfather—Sariel," he said softly as the memory took him far away. "She thought she had been renounced as his family, but he made sure to put the Ash family sigil on in hopes that it would keep her safe."
The black binding of a journal caught my eye as I shuffled through the different pieces. Wondering if it was Alex's, I reached in to grab it. Kirin was busy studying the sigil himself, probably thinking of her, too. I flipped through the first few pages, written with flawless, curved handwriting. Refreshing, since so many books I read were in demon handwriting.
"That's not for you," Kirin said sharply grabbing it out of my hands. "Get dressed. Meet me on the dock."
"Wait! I don't know how to put this on," I replied, trying to protest him leaving me alone while I was close to losing my mind.
"I'm sorry I cannot help you, Valentine. It's a sacred tradition that a warrior dons their own armor for their first battle," Kirin said, opening his door. Men and women of every race were yelling and moving things off the boat as quickly as possible. I wondered if they were as scared as I was.
He shut the door gently, leaving me by myself.
Or so I thought.
I took all of the pieces out and flipped them different ways trying to f
igure out what went where. It wasn't too hard to pull the chest plate— which everything else seemed to connect to—over my head. My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't latch the shoulder pieces on properly. I looked in the mirror for assistance, twisting in every direction for a better view.
I couldn't help noticing my face was gaunt again. My eyes were hardly orange anymore; the red pigment was taking over. They weren't beautiful like Kirin's wine-colored eyes. They reminded me of Vince. My entire face reminded me of him; it seemed wrong to wear an Ash sigil on my chest. My quivering fingertips pressed against the mirror, touching my face. Would anyone even recognize me when I got home?
I felt my armor being adjusted from behind, scaring me enough to swallow my heart into the pit of my gut until I realized who it was.
"I'm supposed to do it myself," I said, rolling my eyes and grabbing the plated wrist guards.
"Aren't you?" he asked, latching the left wrist guard with shadows.
"What do you want?" I hissed, not backing down to him. Out of all the monsters I had seen, I feared him the least. People on Praetis might've thought I was an idiot for that, but he was just the embodiment of all the messed-up things I had seen so far—everything I wanted to destroy.
"You won't let me see you off to battle? Deny me that right?" he whispered softly, as charming as could be.
"You have no rights. You're a dead man."
"And so are you, without me," he responded, latching the rest of the armor pieces simultaneously with shadows. "In fact, you are nothing without balance."
"Shut up for a bit," I grumbled, trying to figure out how movement worked by flexing my arms and knees.
"Wearing armor from the great Ashena family... all dead except for you," he said, lounging on the bed and ignoring me.