“He would disagree.”
We reach the ambulance before I can respond. I set her on her feet, and one of the medics helps her to a bed.
“Don’t leave me.” Sutton reaches for me.
I throw a questioning glance to the medic. He nods, giving me permission to join her.
The body bag is on the other bed. I feel like throwing up again, but I hold myself together for Sutton. Kade would want me to. In my mind, I see him smiling at me in thanks.
I’ll never see that smile again.
Why wasn’t it me?
I stand between Sutton and the body bag, hoping she doesn’t see it. She grabs my hand and answers the medic’s rapid-fire questions in a monotoned voice. All I can think about is the long black bag behind me. More specifically, what’s inside.
Who’s inside.
My stomach lurches again. I swallow down the bile and focus on Sutton.
“You’re going to need stitches,” a paramedic tells her. “We have to take you to the hospital. Then there will be more questions about the accident.”
Sutton turns to me, her eyes shining with tears. “Can he come with me?”
“I’m sorry, no. But he can meet you there.”
Tears spill onto her face.
“I’ll call your mom.” I help her back into my jacket and take a deep breath. I also need to talk to Kade’s parents, but I don’t tell Sutton.
“Can you meet me there too?”
“If you want me to.”
She nods quickly, then grimaces and puts her hand on her temple.
I turn to the medic. “How long do you think it’ll be before they let me see her?”
“Hard to say. She’s going to need a lot of stitches.”
“Okay.” I turn to Sutton and squeeze her hand. “I’m going to drop off Ella, then I’ll meet you at the hospital.”
“And you’re going to call my mom?”
I nod. I’ll have to call her before I break the news to Kade’s family.
“We’ll take good care of you,” the paramedic assures Sutton.
She doesn’t look convinced.
I squeeze her hand again. “I’ll see you really soon. You’ll be okay?”
Sutton swallows, then nods. “As much as I can be.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you there.” Then I whisper to the medic not to let her see the bag.
Ella’s pacing outside. “Is everything okay? I mean, Sutton’s not hurt, is she?”
“Just needs stitches.”
“She’s lucky.”
That’s up for debate, but I don’t say anything. We head back to my car. “I have to call her mom, and I need to tell Kade’s parents before the cops do.” I glance around at the officers swarming the scene now. We pass Kade’s car, and I notice his side is almost completely caved in. His side window and the windshield are completely shattered.
I shudder.
Ella sighs. “I don’t know how anyone survived that.”
I can’t bring myself to answer. All I can think about is what Kade must’ve been thinking. Did he know he was going to die? Sutton said he told her goodbye, so he must have.
My heart breaks even more than it already has. I clear my throat, determined not to shed any more tears for the time being. I need to be strong for Kade’s family.
“What do you want me to do?” Ella asks.
I want her to go away. I hardly know the girl, but we decided to go to the post-graduation party together after we both got dumped. Our stupid exes cheated on us with each other. We went to the party together to spite them. Now she’s the one helping me through the worst night of my life. It’s not like she’s a bad person. She’s sweet enough. But I don’t want an acquaintance, not even a nice one, with me right now.
“Anchor? Let me help.”
“Okay.” I draw in a deep breath. “Call my parents and let them know what’s going on. They’ll know what to do.”
“Sure. Or you can call them, and I’ll drive. Do you want me to? I’m not sure you’re really up to it.”
I shake my head. Nobody drives my baby. I’ve only even let Kade drive her a few times, and I’d trust him with my life.
Ella frowns. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me know.”
“Right.” Like that would ever happen. I climb into the driver’s seat and start the car. She purrs to life and I turn on the headlights.
Kade’s broken, mangled car lights up.
Everything crashes down on top of me. I punch the steering wheel. Again and again. The horn blares a few times. Tears blur my vision. Anger and heartache choke me. I scream at the top of my lungs. I scream and I scream.
I’m never going to see Kade again. Never be able to call him in the middle of the night for our ridiculous conversations that only make sense to us. He’ll never pull another prank on me and laugh until he can’t breathe. We’ll never do anything together ever again.
Graduation doesn’t mark a new beginning. It marks the end of everything.
A hand rests on my arm.
I struggle to breathe. Ella didn’t ask to be here through this with me. I turn to her. “I’ll take you home.”
She shakes her head. “I’m going to take you home. You need to let me drive.”
I can’t argue with her, so I climb out and hand her the keys. I don’t know why I took them out. I’m just not thinking straight.
Ella starts the car and turns to me. “I know how much the car means to you. I’ll be careful.”
“Thanks.” Guilt stings me for wishing she’d go away.
Now it’s time to make some calls. Do I call Sutton’s mom first, or my parents?
I call Sutton’s mom because she’ll want to head to the hospital to see her daughter. Plus, I need her there in case it takes me a long time at Kade’s house.
Never have I dreaded a conversation more than right now.
Anchor
My knees knock together as I ring Kade’s doorbell. Only it’s not his anymore.
“We’re right here, honey.” Mom squeezes my arm.
Dad tightens his grip around my shoulders. “Do you want me to do this, son?”
I shake my head. “They should hear this from me.”
Mom sniffles. She’s barely holding herself together. Kade was like a son to Mom and Dad in the same way I’m like a son to his parents.
Footsteps finally sound on the other side of the door. Someone fumbles with the locks before the door slowly opens. Mr. Steyn appears, wearing a thick bathrobe and with messy hair. His brows come together. “Anchor? Brady? Greer? What’s going on?”
Dad squeezes my shoulder.
I clear my throat. “Um… Mr. Steyn, I have to tell you and Mrs. Steyn something.”
His face pales. “Is something the matter?”
“Can we come inside?”
He nods and steps aside. “Marley! Come downstairs!”
We plod to the family room, where Kade’s two sisters are watching a movie.
“Turn it off, girls.” Mr. Steyn’s tone sends a chill through me.
“What’s wrong, Dad?”
The room seems to spin around me as the girls question him, then Mrs. Steyn comes downstairs with her own barrage of questions.
Somehow we all end up at the couches—me with my parents on one, and the Steyns huddled together on the other.
“Where’s Kade?” Mr. Steyn asks.
My heart thunders so loudly, I can’t hear anything else for a moment. This can’t be happening. It just can’t. But it is.
The lump returns to my throat and I blink back tears. Then I repeat the story I told my own parents over the phone, starting with the awful moment of rounding the corner and seeing the two cars. Recognizing Kade’s rarely-seen-around-here imported sports car. Knowing immediately that it was him and Sutton, who had left the party maybe fifteen minutes before Ella and me.
I break down before I see their reactions, though I can hear their wails. Mom gets up to comfort them. Dad pulls me into an emb
race, momentarily reminding me of all the times years earlier when his hugs could fix everything.
Nothing can fix this.
Ever.
I let him try to comfort, though. He wishes he could fix this as much as I do. But my life will never be the same again, and worse yet, Kade will never get his life back. There are no take-backs. When we were kids, we were always demanding take-backs.
At some point, Dad says we should go. I wipe my eyes and try to pull myself together, then I turn to Kade’s family.
His mom looks up to me, her face red and splotchy. “Did he suffer, do you know?”
“Sutton was there. It sounds like it was pretty quick.” I don’t really know if it was, but how can I tell her otherwise?
“Oh, Sutton. Is she okay? I didn’t even think about her!”
“She’s at the hospital. I think she’s only going to need stitches.”
“Do her parents know?”
I nod. “I called Sutton’s mom and told her.”
Mrs. Steyn pushes up from the couch and hugs me. “Thanks for—” She leans her head against mine and sobs.
I wrap my arms around her and try to keep myself together. It doesn’t work. I sob again.
After some time passes, she steps back and wipes her eyes. “He really loved you.” Her voice is so wobbly. “I know guys don’t like to use that word much, but he did. And he knew you did too. He did.”
I try to reply, but can’t. So, I nod and step back, somehow finding my voice. “If you need anything, just let me know. Anything.”
She wipes her eyes. “Thanks, Anchor. We’ll call you.”
The thought of coming back here without Kade feels like a punch in the gut. “Sure, whatever you need.”
Dad reiterates my offer to help, then my parents and I show ourselves out. I try not to look at the pictures of Kade on the wall. I can’t deal with my insides being ripped out and stomped on any more than they already have.
Once we step outside, I take a deep breath of the cold night air and glance down at my jacketless tux, my bloodstained shirt, and remember my promise to stop by the hospital to see Sutton. Her parents are heading over, so maybe she wouldn’t notice my absence.
Except I know she will.
Mom and Dad trudge toward our house, then Mom turns around. “Are you coming?”
I just want to curl into a ball in this very spot and never move again. It takes me a moment to answer. “I have to go to the hospital.”
“Are you hurt?” Her eyes widen.
Not physically. “I promised Sutton.”
Dad turns to me. “I’ll drive you. Why don’t you grab a jacket? There’s a chill in the air tonight.”
In more ways than one. I nod and clear my throat, trying to get rid of the lump that won’t go away. Maybe it never will after this. I can’t imagine ever feeling better.
Not with Kade having died.
I find myself inside our house. Even our home feels different. Will nothing ever be the same again? Maybe it’s just me.
Mom turns to me. “Are you sure you want to go to the hospital? If Sutton’s parents are going to be there, you don’t really have to be, do you?”
“I think we need each other right now. Nobody was closer to Kade than the two of us.”
She nods, her mouth curving down. “I understand. I just don’t want to let you go anywhere.”
I wrap my arms around her. “I’ll be back, Mom. I promise.”
“Kade probably told his mom he’d see her tonight.”
Something inside of me cracks. I can’t respond.
“Anchor’s going to be fine,” Dad says. “I’m going to drive him. You stay here and get some rest. Let Lincoln know what’s going on if he wakes.”
My younger brother. I hadn’t even thought about him since all of this started. He looks up to Kade. He’s going to be crushed.
Dad turns to me. “Go grab a coat.”
“Okay.” I go to the bathroom first and again notice the red stains on my white shirt. I’m not sure if it’s Sutton’s blood or Kade’s. It’s not something I want to think about, so I don’t. I just do my business, then head for the front door, grabbing my black leather jacket.
The drive to the hospital is quiet. Dad doesn’t even turn on any music. I almost do, but then I don’t. The silence is better.
Inside, we search to find a receptionist, then Dad finds out where Sutton is. It feels like we trek across half the hospital before we find the right waiting room, but at least the artwork everywhere gives me something to think about other than my best friend.
Sutton’s parents aren’t in the waiting room. Hopefully that means she has all her stitches now and can go home soon. I’m sure this is the last place she wants to be. It is for me.
Dad finds a nurse and tells her we’re there to see Sutton. I sit in an overstuffed chair and watch some fish chase each other in an aquarium.
“You should be able to go in soon.” Dad sits next to me.
“Is she okay?”
“Sounds like it.”
I cross my arms. “How could this have happened?”
“I’m sure there’ll be an investigation. We’ll get answers.”
“He wasn’t drinking. He doesn’t do drugs. That can’t be it, Dad. That’s not Kade.”
He nods. “Someone could’ve fallen asleep. Maybe the other driver was at fault.”
“Has to be.”
“Nobody from the other car survived. I asked.”
I sigh. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No. I heard that alcohol was involved on their end. It wasn’t Kade’s fault.”
I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.
Exhaustion—body and soul—overwhelms me. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. Maybe in my dreams Kade is still alive.
Soon, I’m in my backyard, playing catch with Kade and Lincoln. We’re all laughing about something stupid. Linc drops the ball, and Kade finds something nice to say to him, just like he always does. He cheers my little brother up with a kind word and a lopsided grin.
That grin.
Someone shakes my shoulder. I open my eyes and find myself in the hospital waiting room.
“No.” I close my eyes to return back to the ball game with Kade and Linc.
Dad shakes me again. “Sutton wants to see you.”
Sutton. Right. Kade would want me to be there for her. I shake my head and open my eyes. “Okay. I’m awake.”
Dad pats my back. “I’ll be right here. Take as long as you need.”
A tired-looking nurse with a friendly smile leads me through a maze of halls until we finally reach Sutton’s room. It’s packed. Her mom, dad, stepmom, and step-siblings are in there. Only her brother Rogan is missing—he and his fiancée are in LA with their a rock band.
Her dad’s family clears out, and the room goes quiet.
Ms. Scott turns to me and gives me a hug. “Thank you for coming.”
I return the embrace. “It’s the least I can do.”
“How are you holding up?”
I shrug. “About as well as expected, I guess.”
“How long are you staying here?”
“I don’t know.”
“Long enough for me to run home and grab some clothes? Sutton’s dress is now evidence.”
“Sure.” I slide out of my jacket and rest it on a chair. “Take as long as you need.”
Sutton’s mom gives me another hug. “I can’t thank you enough, Anchor.”
“It’s no problem. Really.”
“My dress is also ripped,” Sutton says. “I couldn’t wear it home, anyway. Oh, and they took your coat. Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.”
Ms. Scott makes her way out of the room, kissing Sutton on her forehead before leaving.
Sutton and I look at each other without speaking. She has a bunch of stitches on her face and one arm. Based on the rip in her dress and the blood stains, I guess that she probably has more und
erneath the hospital gown.
I clear my throat. “So, I told his family. They asked about you.”
She grimaces. “How are they doing?”
“Horrible.” No point in sugar-coating it.
“Me too.” She looks away.
“Me three.” I sit in the chair next to the bed where her mom had been sitting and try to think of something to say. Nothing comes to mind.
She finally turns to me. “I keep thinking this is a nightmare and I’m going to wake and find out none of it was real.”
“I wish.”
“What am I going to do? My entire life is wrapped around Kade. Our summer trip, classes together at Harvard. Everything.” Tears shine in her eyes.
“You don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”
“What about you? I know you guys had a lot planned together.”
I draw in a deep breath and hold it before slowly releasing it. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. We’ll have to take it one day at a time, you know? We can figure it all out over the summer. Maybe we’ll be strong enough to go on by then.”
She closes her eyes. “I hope so.”
So do I.
Sutton is quiet so long I’m sure she’s fallen asleep. Then she speaks. “Will you hold my hand, Anchor? I don’t want to be alone.”
I take her hand in mine and rest my head against the mattress. “Neither do I.”
Then I go back to my yard to play ball with Kade and Lincoln.
Sutton
The house seems especially large and empty when Mom and I step inside. It started feeling that way after my brother moved to California to pursue his singing career, but now it feels hollow. Or that could just be me. Probably is.
Mom closes the door behind us. “Miss Alice is making your favorite.”
I nod. “Tell her thanks. I’m not really hungry, though.”
“You need to eat.”
“We’ll see. I’m going to take a shower and wash the hospital off.” Not to mention the blood. I still have dried blood in places. The nurses tried to wipe it all off, but I’d insisted that I would take care of it. As morbid as it sounds, I couldn’t bring myself to have it cleaned away yet. It was my last physical connection to Kade.
Mom hugs me, then we go our separate ways. I plod up the stairs, leaning on the rail. Usually, I bounce up, skipping every other stair. Nothing seems to matter now. Nothing to bounce for. Nothing to live for.
The Only Things You Can Take (Wildflower Romance #2) Page 2