Chapter Eight
No one would tell Hank anything.
When they’d arrived at the county hospital, they’d taken her back behind a set of double doors. He couldn’t see or hear anything that was going on. Every now and then someone would exit and he’d try and talk to them but they would just pat him on the arm and say that the doctor would be out as soon as they knew anything.
Pacing back and forth, the argument he and Alyssa had had this morning played over and over like a bad movie. She’d given him nothing but love and what had he done this morning when she’d reached out again?
He’d acted like an asshole, throwing her love back in her face like he didn’t need it. He needed it more than he needed air to breathe. Without Alyssa, life would be empty. He’d be alive for his son but there would always be the hole in his chest where his heart used to be.
He stared sightlessly out of the window and sank into a chair, the pain and desolation so acute he could hardly bear it. His fingers gripped the seat edge until his knuckles turned white and he shook as the first tears he’d cried in many years rolled down his cheeks.
He didn’t try and hide them or pretend he was too manly. His wife was fighting for her life and it didn’t seem right to act as if this didn’t affect him. He was being torn apart inside with fear and self-loathing and there wasn’t a facade he could muster that would cover it up.
“Have you heard anything?” Footsteps and then Seth’s voice.
Hank brushed at his eyes and tried to stand but fell back into the chair instead, his body feeling suddenly stiff and old.
“Nothing.” Hank shook his head and accepted the cup of coffee Seth held out to him. “No one will tell me anything.”
Seth scrubbed his fingers through his hair, his expression haunted. Hank remembered that Seth’s best friend in high school had died in an auto accident.
“Did you call your mom?” Seth asked softly. Their voices seemed to boom in the quiet.
“Yes. I talked to her and then to Luke. We decided not to tell him anything right now. Not until we know something. He was going to spend the night anyway. Alyssa was planning a special night for me Mom said.”
His last words sounded strangled as he tried to hold onto his composure. When he’d spoken to his mother and she’d said that Alyssa had wanted to have a romantic evening, just the two of them, it had almost done him in. That she could still love him after his behavior this morning stunned and humbled him.
“She deserves a hell of a lot better than me, Seth. If I could trade places with her, christ, I would. This shouldn’t be happening. I’m a fucking cop. We always talked about if and when something happened to me. But Alyssa? Shit, this is just not supposed to be happening. It’s supposed to be me.”
“I wish it was neither one of you.”
Hank’s head fell back against the wall and he stared up at the ceiling. “If…when she gets better I’m going to offer her a divorce.”
“What the fu–? Listen, you’re reacting to the stress. Alyssa loves you and doesn’t want a divorce. Hell, I admit I wasn’t sure in the beginning but I’ve seen you two together and I’m convinced. She loves you. You both can work this out.”
Slumping forward, his elbows on his thighs, Hank shook his head. “She deserves a better man. I’ve done nothing but hurt her since she came back. Do you know what she asked me this morning?” His voice filled with remembered pain. “She asked me to tell her I loved her. I fucking refused, Seth. I was mean and nasty and basically told her to leave. That’s not a man that deserves a woman like Alyssa.”
“I don’t think she wants anyone else, buddy,” Seth said grimly.
“I’m afraid I’ll just end up hurting her again.”
Seth squeezed Hank’s shoulder. “Just don’t do anything rash, okay? Think things through. You could end up losing Alyssa, Luke, hell, everything.”
Before Hank could answer, the double doors swung open and a tired looking doctor dressed in green scrubs walked toward them. Hank rose from the chair on shaking legs while Seth stood next him.
“Mr. Dixon? I’m Dr. Talbot.” The doctor’s gaze flickered over to Seth. “I’d like to talk to you about your wife.”
“You can talk in front of Sheriff Reilly. He’s my friend.”
“Fine.” The doctor nodded and consulted the clipboard in his hand. “Your wife has a nasty concussion, two cracked ribs, and a broken arm. She also has multiple cuts and contusions, one of which required stitches on her forehead. Basically she’s going to feel like hell for awhile.”
“She’s going to be okay? Is she awake?” Hank’s throat had closed up with the onslaught of relief at the doctor’s words.
“She’s banged up but she’s going to be fine. She regained consciousness briefly in the exam room and asked for someone named ‘Luke’. Is that you? We need your permission to operate on her arm so it can heal correctly. I have the forms right here. After that, she’ll be in recovery for several hours before being transferred to a hospital room.”
“Luke’s our son.” Hank reached for the pen and forms the doctor was holding out, trying to push away the disappointment that she hadn’t asked for him. She wouldn’t after the way he’d treated her this morning. He’d talked about how he couldn’t trust her, and now she couldn’t trust Hank to be there for her when it really counted.
He was a lousy husband.
“The surgery is going to take a couple of hours and add on the recovery time, well, you might want to go home and get some rest. She probably won’t wake up until the morning.”
This clown thought that he was going to leave his wife while she was in surgery?
“I’m staying.”
The doctor’s expression betrayed no surprise. “The surgeon will come out when he’s done and let you know how it went. Once she’s in a regular room you can be with her.”
Turning on his heel, the doctor disappeared back behind the double doors. Seth gulped down the last of his own coffee and tossed the cup into a garbage can.
“If you give me your keys, I’ll go by your house and get you a change of clothes. I know one of the emergency room doctors here who can probably find you a place to take a shower.”
Hank nodded and pulled his key ring from his pocket, his thoughts on Alyssa. She’d looked so fragile as he’d held her hand in the ambulance.
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
“You’ve saved my bacon a time or two,” Seth snorted. “Let’s call it even. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Seth left and Hank settled on the lumpy sofa in the waiting room. Alyssa had been hurt because of his own stubbornness. If he hadn’t been such a jerk this morning, she wouldn’t have been out on the road trying to put together a romantic evening.
He didn’t deserve anything special. He deserved to be horse whipped and to lose the only woman he would ever love.
How could he ever make this right?
For one thing, he could dig the rocking chair out of the garage where he’d shoved it when he was angry with her and put it back in its rightful place. Maybe that would show her he was ready to let go of the past and look to the future.
* * * *
Every inch of Alyssa hurt from her toes to the terrible ache in her head. She opened her eyelids slowly, the bright light making her groan. She tried to lift her hand to shield her eyes but it seemed to be trapped by a heavy weight. Grunting with the effort, she lifted herself up but had barely moved when two strong but gentle hands held her down.
“Easy, Lis. Lie still. You’re hurt.”
Hank. Her eyes adjusted to the light and she could see his drawn, pale expression as he looked down on her. There were deep grooves on either side of his mouth and dark circles under his eyes. He appeared to have aged ten years since she last saw him. She licked her dry lips and tried to speak but only a croak came out.
“Here, have a sip of water.”
Hank poured some water from a pitcher into a glass and held the straw to her lips. She
drank greedily, the cool liquid tasted like ambrosia on her parched tongue.
“Not too much. You don’t want to be sick.”
Looking around the room, she knew she was in a hospital. An IV was hooked to her right arm and her left sported a heavy cast. She reached up with her free hand and felt a bandage on her forehead.
Her thoughts were still fuzzy and muddled. Why was she in the hospital?
“How?”
Her ribs ached with every breath and it made speaking difficult.
“You were in a car accident yesterday, sweetheart. Someone ran a red light. You’re okay. You have stitches in your forehead, a couple of cracked ribs and a broken arm. They had to operate on your arm but you’re going to be fine.”
Alyssa tried to concentrate through the fog of painkillers she was sure they’d administered. Flashes and images floated by but she couldn’t make any sense of them.
“I was shopping.”
Hank nodded, his hooded eyes betraying nothing. A thought occurred to her and she grabbed his arm, panicked.
“Luke! Is Luke okay?”
“Easy, honey.” Hank patted her hand and smiled. “Luke is fine and with my mom. He wasn’t with you in the car.”
She settled back onto the pillows in relief. “I want to see him. I need to see my baby, Hank.”
“They don’t allow visitors under twelve but we’ll get him on the phone for you so you can talk to him.”
More pictures flashed in front of her eyes. “We had a fight.”
Hank winced and sat down in the chair beside the bed. “We did. It was all my fault. I’m sorry, Lis.”
Sorry he didn’t love her or sorry he didn’t say it? She was in too much pain to talk about it and her eyelids were getting very heavy.
“Can I have some more water?” she asked instead.
Hank let her sip from the straw. “I need to tell the nurses you’re awake. I’ll be right back, okay?”
She nodded, knowing she’d be back asleep before he got to the door. Tired and hurting, it was easier to let sleep overtake her than to deal with the issues of the real world. They would all be there when she felt strong enough to take them on.
Chapter Nine
“Do you want some more orange juice or coffee?” Hank asked Alyssa. It was still early in the morning, the sun barely up. Alyssa had woken up about five-thirty needing another pain pill. By the time she’d taken her medicine, they were both awake and figured they might as well start their day.
Alyssa was now sitting in her rocking chair, Hershey dozing at her feet, looking better today than she had all week. People said there was no better medicine than being at home and it appeared to be true. She had only been out of the hospital for forty-eight hours but already her color was healthier and she’d actually eaten some of her breakfast. She’d spent the first day at home pretty much sleeping most of the time. The best part had been the look on her face when she’d seen the chair by the fireplace. She’d smiled at him despite all the pain she had to be feeling.
“I’d love some more coffee but I can get up and get it in a minute. You don’t have to fuss.”
Hank had to hold in his frustration and smile instead. His lovely wife didn’t want people waiting on her but she was still hurt and in pain. The deputy in him wanted to order her to pipe down, relax, and let him take care of her. The husband in him preached patience and kindness. It was in that spirit that he ignored her reply and refilled her cup.
“You need to take things easy. Don’t overdo today. I’ll be giving Presley very strict instructions.”
Today would be the first day since Alyssa’s accident that Hank would be going back to work. Presley had offered to come spend the day and help out. There was no way Alyssa could take care of herself no matter what she might say. Hank would drop Luke and Hershey off at his mother’s house on the way to work to give Alyssa some quiet. Luke wanted to cuddle and hug and she wouldn’t say no even when it hurt. Even the dog wanted to jump up on her lap.
“I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”
For the most part she had been a cooperative patient. Last night he’d helped her take a bath and wash her hair. With her unwieldy cast, he’d had to help her off with her pajamas and into the tub. Propping her left arm on the edge, he’d gently soaped and rinsed her skin and hair – careful not to get her stitches or cast wet. Afterwards, he toweled her dry and rubbed lotion into her soft skin.
It had been pure torture. When she’d had the accident, he’d vowed to keep his distance, letting her decide if she had forgiven him for the things he’d said and done. But once they’d come home, it hadn’t been an option. With her hurt ribs and broken arm, she needed help with even the simplest tasks.
He’d never realized it before but taking care of someone was an intimate and very rewarding experience. Despite her protests that she could do it herself, she always smiled gratefully when she realized how difficult things were going to be for awhile. He’d loved her before, but now that love had grown exponentially at the thought that he might have lost her. It made him want to protect and care for her for the rest of his life.
Hank crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a mock stern expression. “See that you do, young lady. You won’t heal if you don’t rest.”
Alyssa sighed and looked down at the stack of books and magazines next to the chair. “I feel like all I’ve done is rest. I’m not used to just lying around like this.” She fiddled with the handle of her coffee cup. “I hate to even bring this up, but did you call my parents?”
The mere mention of Babs and Jim made Hank stiffen. His recent interaction with Alyssa’s folks hadn’t raised his opinion of them in the slightest.
“You’ll probably be surprised, but yes I did. I got one of the maids since they’re vacationing in the Caribbean. They did call me back though and offered to send a car for you if, and I quote, ‘Alyssa has come to her senses and is ready to return home.’ I told them you were still crazy and would be staying with me. If that’s not right I can always call them back.”
Hank squared his shoulders and waited for her verdict. She’d had time to realize the accident was his fault. Leaving, even with her parents, might seem like a superior choice.
Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Alyssa sighed in frustration. “You don’t need to do that. I’ll call them in a few days when I’m feeling better. I’m sorry you had to talk to them.”
Some of the tension drained out of him. “It wasn’t a big deal, Lis. Don’t worry about it. They just get to me, that’s all. Shit, they didn’t even ask about Luke.”
If he were being honest that still bugged the hell out of him. He was their one and only grandson and they didn’t give a tinker’s damn. The Wentworths only wanted Luke if they could control his every thought and action. Otherwise he was basically dead to them. With any luck it would stay that way.
“Luke has us and your mother.” Alyssa’s expression softened. “He’ll be fine. Speaking of fine, I better go wake up our son so he can go with you.”
She started to get up but Hank shook his head and waved her back into the chair. “Forget it, babe. I’ll get him up and dressed. Drink your coffee and re–”
She rolled her eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. “Relax. I know, I know. You won’t let me forget.”
Hank leaned down and kissed the tip of her cute nose, and to his relief she didn’t pull away. He was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. At some point she’d be healed and would probably want to leave.
“Maybe there’s something on television.” Hank handed her the remote. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Alyssa pressed a few buttons and the TV came alive with the station Luke had been watching last night – all cartoons, all day and night. Hank laughed as she settled back on the cushion to watch an animated talking dog solve mysteries.
“What were you expecting, Meet the Press?” she taunted. “I like this cartoon.”
“I like it too, sweetheart. Just the sound from t
hat show should wake Luke up.”
Hank headed down the hall, his chest tight with emotion. He hated seeing his beautiful wife battered, bruised, and hurting. He was also damn scared. Right now they were only skimming the surface, but eventually everything was going to come to a head.
He could only hope she still loved him after everything that had happened. If not, he hoped he could convince her to stay and try to win back that love.
He’d do anything to make her happy. Even if it meant letting her go.
* * * *
“He acts like I’m made of glass. I survived being hit by a car—you’d think he’d realize I’m pretty tough.”
Alyssa sat with Presley in the living room sipping iced tea and eating some fantastic chocolate cupcakes with a cheesecake center that Presley had brought with her. They had the house to themselves and Alyssa was enjoying the peace and quiet.
“You don’t have any idea, do you?” Presley shook her head and popped another bite of cupcake into her mouth. “Hank was devastated when he found out what happened to you. He was terrified you were going to die. Absolutely terrified.”
Alyssa wanted to believe that he was scared because he loved her, not because he would be losing Luke’s mother. These last few days she’d waited for him to utter even one word of love but…nothing. Nada. The rocking chair was the one ray of hope she’d clung to.
“For Luke,” Alyssa replied. “He was scared for Luke.”
“For himself,” Presley said firmly. “I saw how he looked when he was waiting for you to come out of surgery. Seth and I dropped off some fresh clothes for him and the man was in a daze. The only word I can think of to describe him is haggard. If anything happened to you, I don’t think he’d want to live.”
“I want to believe that.” Alyssa chewed on her lower lip, her thoughts a jumbled mess these past few days. The medication bore some responsibility but mostly she was confused. “I know you and Seth don’t have a very high opinion of me after everything I put Hank through, and I understand that. I really do. But I want you to know that I love him very much. I want him to be happy, Presley.”
Hank Page 7