I tried to pull her away but it was like all of my strength had abandoned me.
“Fuck.” I slid to the ground, through Val’s arms and pulled my knees to my chest. “You need to go.”
She didn’t argue, but she still wouldn’t leave.
“Val, I’m warning you.”
Was she stupid?
I refused to look at her.
I already felt like shit. The last thing I needed to see was the anger in her eyes, the rejection, the vulnerability. I’d just taken her virginity and ran out of the room like demons were chasing me.
They were.
They clawed at my bleeding body, laughing, taunting, shaking me until I wanted to burn in hell — right along with my sins.
I wanted to be more than my past, more than the all consuming darkness, and for a few brief moments, I’d felt happy, the happiest I’d been in a long time.
But as soon as the happiness occurred, the guilt followed. Being inside her, knowing her in that way, it was like I was being forced to let go.
In order to accept her.
I had to let go of Andi.
I refused to do that.
I couldn’t do that.
“Damn it.” I rubbed my face with my eyes. “Val, I need to be alone. I’m sorry I’m being a jackass. But, can you please just leave?”
“No.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I barked, irritated that she wouldn’t just give me one minute to myself. It was all I needed. Just one damn minute to think things through. To process what had just happened.
To re-live the way she tasted.
The way she felt.
Even though it was wrong.
So damn wrong to feel — a completeness with her that I’d…
My fists shook. She was different from Andi, I knew that. What I didn’t expect.
Was for my feelings for her, after one encounter.
To be stronger.
And I hated myself for it.
Had I even loved Andi?
My chest ached.
And it wouldn’t go away.
She was the problem.
Val.
She needed to be the one running — there’d been a reason I kept a distance, and now I knew.
Oh, I knew all right.
She was dangerous — the power she already had over me was palpable, like something had changed even in the air between us, the swirling tension of sex, lust, hurt feelings… love.
“Get some sleep, Val,” I whispered. “I’m not good company right now.”
I tried to sound more gentle, more in control of my words.
“I think you need someone… maybe, even if that someone doesn’t do anything except sit next to you in broken glass.”
I glanced down, my feet were cut up, my hands were bleeding and bruised, and she was sitting on glass next to me, like it wasn’t piercing into her skin, like she was okay with the pain, because it was shared with my own.
With a sigh, Val held out her hand to me.
I stared at it like it was a foreign object. “It’s just a hand, Sergio.”
“No.” I bit down on my lip tasting blood. “It’s not.”
Val gripped my bleeding hand in hers and held it tight. “For now. It is. Make it simple, Sergio. I’m holding your hand because you’re upset. That’s all there is to it, okay?”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I nodded as I found myself squeezing her hand back as if it was a lifeline.
THE PLANE LANDED.
And I still hadn’t spoken more than a few sentences to Val. She’d changed into her clothes and started cleaning up the mess of glass.
I was dressed in my slacks and white shirt from the wedding, but my clothes felt dirty, tarnished. And I had no idea why.
After thanking the pilot, I sent a quick note to Nikolai to warn him about the mess and offer to pay for the damages. Not that he’d probably care, but still.
A Mercedes-Maybach waited on the tarmac, its engine running, and one of the Family associates, Darin, in the driver’s seat. The minute we stepped off the plane, he got out of the car and opened our doors.
“Did you have a nice flight, Mr. Abandonato?”
I dared not look at Val.
“It was turbulent,” she answered for me. “But a quick trip.”
Darin nodded his head, pieces of salt and pepper hair fell over his forehead. “Good, I’ll take your bags.”
His eyebrows shot up as he moved by me and grabbed the bags from the plane. I’d known him since I was a punk kid, his expression said it all.
She was beautiful.
Yeah, message received.
And she looked like the Family — like Luca.
“Get in,” I barked to her. “We’re out in the open.” It was a lie, nobody would dare touch us in Chicago, on our turf, but I didn’t want Darin making any more comments or looking at her for that matter.
Val nodded and slid across the plush leather seat.
I followed, waiting for Darin to hurry his ass up so I could get home and lock myself away from my new wife.
“I’ve never been to Chicago,” Val said in a small voice. “It’s colder than I thought.”
“It’s always cold,” I muttered. God save me from small talk.
She shook a bit next to me. “Do you think I can turn the heat up?”
Frowning, I glanced over at her hands only to see both of them clasped in her lap, shaking like leaves. When I met her gaze, her face was pale, like a ghost.
Hell, the last thing I wanted was to feel like shit about it, but I did.
Because this was all new to her.
On top of everything that happened on the plane, she was fully entering into my lifestyle.
And had no idea how to do it.
There was no manual.
No directions.
Nothing, but stay alive and watch your back.
I needed the girls.
With a sigh, I reached over to the panel in the back and turned up the heat and flipped on her seat warmer, then grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed.
“Yo,” Mil answered on the first ring. “You land?”
“Yeah.” I was suddenly exhausted. “Look, can you bring the girls over to the—”
“Dude, we’ve been at your house for the past two hours. I’m a mind reader. You can thank me later.”
“Or not at all,” I joked.
“You’re an asshole. Why do we keep you around?”
“I’m too expensive to kill?” I offered.
“Eh, nobody would even find your body. Mo’s got that shit locked down.”
“Word!” Mo yelled loudly.
“Are you guys watching gangster movies again?”
Silence and then. “They’re Trace’s favorite, and apparently you get special treatment when you’re pregnant.”
“Hear, hear!” a voice yelled in the background. I couldn’t tell if it was Bee or Trace, but did it really matter? The women were adjoined at the hip; it would be annoying if it wasn’t so necessary in our lives.
Family was everything.
Sighing, I said, “We’ll see you guys in about fifteen.”
“’Kay, and Sergio?”
“Yeah?” I croaked out, my vision blurring from exhaustion and stress. “What?”
“It may not be okay right now. But one day it will be.”
“That’s the problem, Mil, that’s the damn problem, isn’t it?”
She was quiet.
Mil and I had always gotten along. Being Phoenix’s stepsister hadn’t been easy for her and, on top of that, she was married to Chase of all people, she was quick, a fast talker, terrifying, and the only female mob boss in the history of the Cosa Nostra. She saw things other people didn’t see.
So my response probably wasn’t a surprise to her.
Because I knew, the day when everything was okay.
Would also be the day — that I let Andi go.
That would hang us, every mother’s so
n. –A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Valentina
I WOULD BE lying if I said I was okay, that I wasn’t feeling humiliated, angry, frustrated, confused. And yet, I was also sad.
Sad for him.
Because the battle was so evident in his face, in the way his shoulders slumped the entire ride through the city. He was upset.
And for good reason.
I was an interloper.
A stand-in for what he really wanted — what he’d always needed.
I would never take the place of what he’d had — but part of me wondered if that was how these things worked. I mean, I was a completely different person, I would never be her, but saying that out loud to him just seemed like a really poor life choice.
He had a gun.
And he’d punched the crap out of a wooden bar.
Nearly sliced open arteries with glass shards.
Yeah, he needed space.
But when you’re hurting — at least in my small, innocent mind, what you said was usually the opposite of what you wanted.
So I’d held his hand, terrified that he was going to turn on me. His wild eyes were more exhaustion than anger, now that we’d been driving for a few miles.
I felt lonely.
I missed Gio, Sal, and Papi, and my heart hurt when I thought of Dante being all by himself. Even Frank had grown on me, and now it was like I was ripped away from my old life and given a new one without anyone ever asking me if I was okay with it.
I knew Sergio was hurting, God, I could feel his pain, it was a tangible thing, his sadness, his anger, but, part of me just wanted someone to ask if I was okay.
I needed my hand held too.
I needed a hug.
Or even just something familiar.
We took an exit then drove down a long road that led to a huge iron gate. Something buzzed, and the gate opened.
The house was massive.
Two stories.
With a fountain in the middle.
Huge.
Fairy tale huge.
Hah, ironic, that I’d get part of the fairy tale, at least let there be a library or something.
Since I’d married the beast, give me books.
I gulped as a few men in suits shuffled out of the house and nodded toward the car.
Our door opened.
Mouth still gaping, I took a step out of the car and toward the stairs leading up to the house, just as a girl shot out from the double doors and ran at full speed toward us.
I backed up.
She stopped right in front of Sergio and winked. “I see Tex didn’t kill you.”
“Sadly, no.” Sergio smirked. “Your concern is noted, Mo.”
“Eh, what can you do?” She pulled him in for a tight hug and then turned to me. “Fresh meat?”
I opened then shut my mouth.
“I was kidding,” she said in a softer tone. “You’re young.”
Was that really what everyone thought about me when they saw me?
“Hell, Sergio, I could have sworn I found a wrinkle on my right eye, look.” She pointed to the side of her face while Sergio rolled his eyes.
“Mo, you’re twenty-three.”
With a sigh, she looped her arm in mine and leaned down. “You look like him. Like Luca.”
“I look like a man?” I blurted out.
Mo burst out laughing. “And you’re adorable, has anyone ever told you how sultry your voice is? It’s really low, deep, but sexy as hell. Don’t you think she’s sexy as hell, Serg?”
It was his turn to pale.
I turned into myself, nearly leaning on Mo as rejection threatened to choke the life out of me.
I was embarrassed.
Ashamed.
Did I smell like him?
Like sex?
Could she tell?
Every movement I made was a reminder that we’d been intimate, my thighs still buzzed with pleasure, I was sore, and my mouth was swollen.
“Not awkward at all, jackass.” Mo glared at him. “Leopards really don’t change spots do they?”
“The girls?” Sergio ignored her. “Inside?”
“Yeah, we were fixing up her room.”
I frowned. “Her?”
“Yours,” Mo said softly. “We figured after spending a few days with Sergio you’d want your own space away from the beast, so we made up a bad ass room, with enough clothes to drive any girl mad with envy. We got your sizes from Phoenix.”
“Phoenix!” Sergio yelled, “Where the hell did he get her sizes?”
Mo just grinned.
I was too tired to be upset that I wasn’t sharing a room with Sergio. He needed space, right? Maybe I did, too.
Maybe it was just too much.
Mo kept chattering about the clothes in my room, she was about two inches taller than me, which wasn’t anything new since I’d always been somewhat short. Her long, silky black hair met her waist; it was gorgeous.
She was gorgeous.
The sound of laughter filled the house as Mo led me toward a room and announced, “Look who I have!”
All laughing ceased.
The girls all turned their heads. They all had dark features, and were absolutely mind-numbingly stunning. To the point where I wasn’t sure who was prettier.
All of them?
One was at least eight months pregnant. She glowed more than the rest; her eyes twinkled in my direction as she elbowed the girl to her right, whose smirk looked like she’d won a bet or something.
“Hi.” I managed to get out and then, like a total loser; I burst into tears.
“Oh, honey!” One of the girls rushed forward and suddenly I had five women hugging on me and bringing me over to a large white couch.
“Pour her wine!” one yelled. “Get the chocolate!”
Within minutes, I had a huge glass of wine in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. Stunned, I stared at all of them as more tears streamed down my face. “I’m so sorry. I swear I’m normally not a crier. Well, I mean if you count lately I am, but—”
“Everything okay in here?” Sergio knocked on the open door.
One of the girls jumped to her feet and marched over the door. Without answering, she slammed it in his face and locked it.
I gasped. “Did you just slam the door in his face?”
“Eh, he’s fine.” She grinned.
My eyes narrowed. She looked familiar, like really familiar. And suddenly everything clicked into place. “You!”
Her grin widened. “Me?”
“YOU!” I nearly jumped out of my seat. “You were at the bank!”
“Nice to meet you Val, officially.” She put her hands on her hips. “The names Emiliana, but you can call me Mil. I’m Chase’s wife.”
One of the girls made the sign of the cross over her chest next to me as if to say good luck with that.
“I don’t…” I took a deep breath. “I don’t understand, what were you doing at the bank? And who was that other guy?”
“Robbing it?” Mil offered with a sly smirk. “I’m good with my hands.”
“Stop, you’ll give her weird Chase sex nightmares.” One of the girls to my right started rubbing my back, her smile was captivating, trusting. “I’m Trace by the way, Nixon’s better half.”
“Hear, hear!” Mo laughed, while the rest of the girls lifted their glasses in the air, the pregnant one held a water bottle to her lips and winked at me.
“Mo, which one are you married to?”
“The tall ugly one,” she said in a completely serious voice. “Really loud, yells a lot, often has dreams about using Sergio as target practice.”
“Tex?” I guessed. “Th-the Cappo?”
Mo snickered. “Please don’t stutter his name around him, he’ll be impossible to live with, already is.”
The girl with the water bottle sat near my feet. “I’m Bee.”
“You’re due soon?” I was glad that the conversation wasn’t about me anymore, because I knew
if I talked about me, about my situation, I’d feel sorry for myself, and I’d probably cry again, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of new friends, new family.
She nodded. “Yeah, any day now. I can’t wait to get this little monster out of me. Phoenix is stressing the life out of me as it is. If he was here he’d probably send me to bed.”
Phoenix seemed the darkest to me, but something fit about their situation, he would be protective about his pregnant wife, because without even knowing me, he’d acted that way toward me, as if I was important, even though I was a complete stranger.
“So.” Mil sat cross legged in front of me, bringing her wine to her lips. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Huh?”
“With the key you had, did you find what you were looking for?”
“Did you…?” I tried to piece the timing together. “How did you know I would be there that day?”
“We have our ways.” She didn’t say anything else, just drank more wine as her eyes locked on mine over her glass. When she set it down, she raised her eyebrows. “Well? Did you?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. “Yes and no.”
The girls got quiet.
A loud knock sounded on the door. “Son of a bitch, Mo! How many clothes did you buy?”
“You can afford it, you jackass!” she yelled back.
“You demo’d the entire room!”
“It needed it!”
The girls all fell into fits of laughter as he stomped off swearing.
I made a face. “What did you guys do?”
“Eh.” Trace waved me off. “You needed a room that was close to Sergio’s but didn’t have ghosts of the past, so we basically remodeled one of the bathrooms and upstairs living areas into a giant master suite. It’s gorgeous and there’s a connecting door to his room just in case.”
Hah, just in case.
I looked down at my hands and mumbled, “Thank you. I don’t know how to repay you guys.”
“Give him hell,” Mo said as my head jerked up. “That’s how you repay us, Nicolasi, give him hell.”
“I’m an Abandonato now,” I said in a defeated voice. “I was a Nicolasi all my life and didn’t know, and now I have a new name, one that doesn’t even—”
“—fit.” Trace grabbed my hand. “I would say to give him time, but, he’s had it. And Andi wouldn’t want him to be this way. In fact, she’d probably kick his ass if she could. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if she found out a way to haunt him.”
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