“In the tub.” Sergio sighed heavily and turned off the water. “Unless you’d rather I take advantage of your nakedness.”
I hurried into the tub and sat, only to be immediately joined by him.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?” His deadly smile deepened as the water swished around our bodies. Slowly, with cat like precision, he moved until he was kneeling over me, almost chest to chest. “I’m seducing you so you’ll tell me all your secrets.”
“Oh,” I squeaked, unable to escape. “Isn’t that cheating?”
“So is that one of your things, Val? You like people to play fair?”
“Good looking people, people like you… they should always play fair.”
“Why?”
“Because you already have all the advantage!” I pushed back against the tub, water sloshing into my hair as he looked down at my breasts and breathed out a curse.
“I have all the advantage?” He raised his hand to one as it overflowed his hand and cursed again. “Yeah, I’m going to have to disagree.”
His other hand danced along my collarbone and then slid down my stomach until he reached the apex of my thighs.
I squirmed beneath the pressure of his touch.
“Talk to me,” he demanded, one deadly hand was massaging my breast while the other skillfully wreaked havoc on the lower half of my body. “Now.”
“No,” I moaned, nearly rising out of the water as he toyed with me over and over again. The bath water felt too hot, sweat started pouring down my face, and just when I felt like I was ready to lose my mind, he stopped touching me and leaned back. “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting more?” He tilted his head. “Relationships don’t work like that Val. You can’t just take. You have to give too.”
“Is this your way of asking for a sexual favor?”
“I don’t want sex.”
“Right.”
“I want you to talk to me.”
“And I want to forget about today.”
“And when you’re done using me, using us, what then?” Sergio asked, his tone was scary calm. “You’ll go back to being angry and sad and eventually you’re going to resent me, resent us, resent the whole situation. No, we deal with this now.”
“In the tub?” I threw up my hands and splashed the water, angry that he was making me talk when all I wanted to do was go curl up in the corner and rock back and forth.
“In the tub.”
“Now?”
“Now would be good.”
“You really will keep me in here won’t you?”
“I think you know where I stand when it comes to my threats.” He leaned forward again submerging his fingers beneath the water, I tensed at the first touch and then relaxed as a slow rhythm built within my body, images of her, images of him, images of everything flashed in my mind. One last touch.
One last vision of them holding hands.
In bed.
Married.
“I hate her!” I yelled slamming my hands against the water. “I hate that she ruined this! I hate that she left me! She abandoned me! My best friend! She lied to me! She betrayed me!” My voice was going hoarse. “And she had you!” I sobbed. “She had you, all of you! And I get the pieces! I don’t want the pieces, I know I said I’d try to make you happy and I’d work to make everything okay but I can’t function that way, I tried, and I can’t do that. I can’t live in constant comparison with a girl that up until today used to be my idea of perfection! You were married to the perfect girl, and now you have me, and I’m angry, so angry, that selfishly I hate being second best. I want to be first, Sergio. You were my first and….”
His mouth fused against mine as he gripped my body and pulled me against him, water spilled out onto the floor as his frenzied kiss had my arms flying around his neck, my legs fighting to wrap around his body as fast as I possibly could.
With one hand holding me, and the other pushing against the tub he stood and took a step out of the tub, pulling me with him, he didn’t let go as he pushed my body up against the tile wall and slid into me.
It was painful at first and then, my world split into two, like I was watching myself get completely taken by this man, this man that I was falling for, this man that I could love, this man that I wanted to love, this broken man.
He thrust his hips slowly, painfully slow, and then dug his hands into my flesh as he angled my body down onto him, his eyes locked on me, and I was lost, completely without armor as I let him see how I felt about him, allowed him in, his mouth found mine again.
And I knew that I was a liar.
I would take the pieces.
I would search for them.
I would keep them close.
I would mend them back together.
I would cut myself on them when he hurt me.
And the process of scattering them would repeat.
Only for me to collect the pieces all over again and continue the torturous cycle of being Sergio Abandonato’s wife — of being second.
Muscles bulged as he reared back, his eyes wild, like every ounce of control he’d held onto was slipping.
“Please,” I whispered.
I needed him, all of him, just this once. I lied again, because I’d always want all of him.
“Yes,” he hissed, punishing me with a harsh kiss only to thrust deeper, harder, until I thought I was going to pass out from the intensity of the feeling.
I clenched around him, holding on for dear life as my body collapsed against his, completely worn out, the tension in his shoulders released, still connected he kissed me tenderly and whispered, “I vow to never make love to you…”
My breath caught as anxiety built up.
“Where I made love to her.”
I sagged in relief.
“Val.” He kissed me again and again. “You aren’t her. I don’t want you to be her. I want you to be you. Just like I want us to have a chance to start with something good, something new. She would expect your anger, in fact, I’m sure she probably planned for it. Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to be angry, but don’t hold back from me out of fear.”
“I’m afraid I won’t be enough for you.”
“Want to know what I’m afraid of?” His eyes closed and then opened again, glassy. “Losing someone else. I can’t do it again, Val. I can’t—” He shook his head. “You get one chance. If you leave now, I’ll let you. I won’t chase you. I swear it. But if you stay in my bed tonight, you are mine. Wherever you go, I’ll find you, no matter what you say to push me away; I’m going to push right back. I don’t care if living with me is a version of your own personal hell. I want you. Here. Because I care. Because I see myself falling faster than I should. Because when I hold your hand, the world goes from gray to color. Because when I kiss you, I forget all about the pain of loss and remember the joy in being found.” He kissed my lips softly. “Because when I’m with you…I don’t want to be anywhere else. And that’s my confession, my truth. This, here, you, us, is what I want. No do-overs. No should haves, would haves, no if onlys. Just. Here. Now.”
“I want that too,” I said in a shaky voice. “I want us.”
“About damn time you start making sense, Val.” His smile was back. “Now, get in my bed.”
I must not have moved fast enough, because the minute he pulled away from me he was grabbing my arm and dragging me back toward the bedroom.
“Put on clothes and you’ll be punished,” he said in his threatening voice. “I’ll be back in five minutes.”
Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth — Joy gentle friends! Joy and fresh days of love! Accompany your hearts! —A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Sergio
I STARED AT the empty kitchen for a few minutes before grabbing two glasses of water and a few snacks.
Memories of Andi flooded my consciousness, but it wasn’t sadness I felt, it was peace.
; Finally.
I felt at peace.
Like her ghost was no longer following me around yelling at the top of its lungs for me to get my head out of my ass. I smiled as I remembered the dinner table where she used to bother the hell out of me. It was also the same table she had collapsed against when she almost passed out.
I made my way into the entryway and the sitting room, the table where I’d ripped off her clothes with my knife.
Where she was nearly killed.
I did a slow circle around the room and smiled to myself.
“Thank you,” I whispered to both nothing and everything. Andi’s death didn’t just teach me how to love. She’d taught me how to live, how to survive through the darkness, how to make it to the other side and not feel horror at my broken state but celebrate the victory of making it out alive in the first place.
Without Andi, I don’t think I would have ever fully appreciated Val. Andi helped me become a better person for Val. Had it been Val first, I would have ripped her to shreds, terrified the shit out of her, and most likely ended up getting shot by one of my family members. Andi had been able to handle me when I was my cranky bitter self.
And Val had come along when I needed healing, when I needed to talk, when I needed a friend.
I’d had both.
And like a self-proclaiming prophecy, Andi’s words came back to me.
She’d said she loved me, but that I’d find someone who would set my world on fire, someone who would be more than my friend, more than my lover, she would be my other half.
My soul mate.
I thought it had been Andi.
But, as I started making my way up the stairs, I wondered, if I had it wrong all along.
Andi had been my best friend.
My partner.
My first real love.
The first person in my life who loved me back, who saw me as loveable, who reached past the darkness and flipped on the light.
And Val.
Val was …
I paused.
I had no words for Val.
No way to explain to another human being how deeply she’d uprooted every single vulnerability I’d ever had and planted herself in its place.
I saw her coming.
I studied her.
I still wasn’t prepared.
Val wasn’t Andi.
And I didn’t want her to be.
I was thankful, that as I took that last step into my bedroom, it was Val waiting for me, Val shaking with nervousness even though I’d already seen every inch of her naked body twice by now.
Val, blushing from her rosy flushed cheeks all the way down to her toes.
Val, smiling like she saw me, marks and all, and embraced them.
Val, who, in a complete act of selflessness, didn’t ask me to push Andi away, but simply asked if I could make room for one more.
“I lied,” Val admitted once I walked back into the room with our glasses of water.
I set them on the table and joined her on the bed, pulling her into my arms. “About what?”
“Well, I mean, at the time I made a promise, but I’m going back on it.”
“What promise?”
“Not to kiss you.”
“You broke that a while ago.”
“Right.” She sighed, pressing her palm to my chest. “But you also said that you didn’t want my love, that you wouldn’t do it again, you told me not to fall for you, you warned me.” Another big sigh. “And I fell anyway.”
“I know.”
Val smirked. “Well that was arrogant.”
I kissed her forehead. “I know, because I feel the same way.”
“Please don’t.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t say it unless you mean it.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I don’t love you.”
Her eyes widened.
“I’ve known you less than a month.”
“True.”
“I will.”
“What?”
“I will love you,” I whispered against her lips. “Because I’m halfway there and I found out your favorite color a day ago.”
“And I know yours,” she whispered. “Brown.”
“The exact color of your eyes. A Valentina brown.”
Her breath hitched as she kissed my mouth softly. “I want to show you something.”
She quickly jumped out of bed. I would be an idiot not to watch as she charged out of the room, still naked, and then came right back in with a stack of paper.
“Here.” She thrust them in my face. “These, were from Andi.”
I started with the first letter.
And burst out laughing.
“Is she comparing me to the beast in Beauty and the Beast?”
“Yeah.” Val smiled. “Though I didn’t know she was talking about you at first…”
We talked about each letter late into the night, until I finally found the last one and frowned. “You didn’t open it?”
Val snatched the letter and turned it over. “I swear this wasn’t in my pile the other day.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.” Val stared at it like it was going to eat her.
“Open it.”
“But—” She sighed. “What if it ruins what we have and—”
“Val.” I kissed her soundly across the mouth. “Open the damn letter.”
“Okay.” She ripped it open as I peered over her shoulder.
Make sure he performs one of those numbers, you know which one, at least seven times a week.
Give him hell.
Find the one imperfection, left ear, you’re welcome!
Love him well.
Love her well, Italy.
In a way, you guys are more perfect for each other than we ever were, and if I know Sergio the way I think I do, I’m going to assume he’s already drawn that same conclusion. Best friends to lovers and now, Sergio, you have your soul mate, the one you’re inexplicably drawn to.
The one you would die for.
Silly boy, you were never meant to be with me in the first place.
It’s me who should feel guilty, not you guys.
Enjoy this life you have been given.
And, Sergio, for the love of God, take the woman on a honeymoon!
All my love, to my two best friends, my two favorite people…
Andi
Val didn’t cry.
I didn’t cry.
We both smiled at the letter and then burst out laughing.
“You know.” Val crossed her arms. “I’ve never been out of the country.”
“I think I’ll have to fix that.”
“I think you should.”
“You think Dante would house sit?”
“I think if you want your house to be still standing you’ll have someone else babysit him while he house sits, but yes.”
“Next week.” I shoved the letters onto the floor and pressed her back against the mattress. “We leave next week.”
“What about all the drama and hiding out and—”
“I’ll bring my gun.”
She smirked as she looked down.
“Both of them.”
“Oh good, I was worried.”
“I could tell by your laughter.”
She wrapped her legs around me and kissed down my neck. “I’m ready for more seduction.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “But this time, can I—” Her hands got all fidgety as she blushed and then covered her face with her hands.
“You’re too innocent for your own good. You’re going to end up killing me, aren’t you?” I groaned as she reached for me and started exploring, slowly, so slow that I was ready to scream.
“Yes, but, I’m a fast learner.”
“Yes.” I jerked up off the bed. “Yes, you are.”
“Sergio?”
“This is my punishment, isn’t it?” I groaned aloud. “I asked you to talk to me and now you won’t stop. M
eanwhile, I’m ready to explode and—”
“For an older man you’re kind of hot.”
“I’m not old!” I yelled, completely offended. “I’m barely ten years older than you.”
“Old.” She licked her lips and then me.
And I forgot all about her teasing as I was reminded yet again, how perfect she was, how right it felt, to be in her arms.
Love is love. There is no explanation, no reason, no path. It is what it is, and as it should be. —Valentina
Five months later
Sergio
“HOLY SHIT!” NIXON roared as he ran down the hall nearly tripping over his own feet in an effort to grab me. “Sergio! Upstairs NOW!”
Val pulled away from me and winked while her fingers grazed my ass. I let out a pitiful groan and tugged her into the corner, capturing her lips, I couldn’t get enough, I would never get enough. I loved her more now than I ever thought possible.
“Sergio!” Nixon roared.
“In a minute!” I yelled back.
“She’s in LABOR YOU JACKASS!”
“WHAT?” I jerked back from Val and took the stairs two at a time. “Where is she?”
“Her water broke and then she said she felt like she needed to push! I don’t know what the hell to do!” Nixon’s eyes were crazed as yelling commenced downstairs.
Soon Tex, Chase, and Phoenix were all in the room with me while Trace braced herself against the bedpost and screamed.
“I think I’m going to pass out,” Tex whispered to Chase. I could have sworn he was leaning heavily on him before Mil marched into the room with Frank and announced that someone was going to have to deliver the baby.
“Hurts so bad!” Trace said through clenched teeth and then turned her face in Nixon’s direction. “YOU!”
“Oh, hell.” Chase stumbled backward while Tex held up his hands in surrender.
Phoenix yawned. Then again, he’d already been through the whole process with Bee and was one of the best dads I’d ever seen — he actually hummed songs when he changed the little dude’s diapers.
“You’re on your own man,” Tex mumbled as they ran out of the room.
Frank mumbled something to Phoenix then pulled out his phone; I hoped to call the medics, because I sure as hell wasn’t a doctor.
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