by Kim Karr
“I know I am!” Tori yelled from the kitchen as she poured some vodka into her glass of orange juice. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been out with the girls!” Without a doubt, Tori could claim to be the most physically fit mom of our group. Almost nothing prevented her from keeping her strict workout schedule at the local YMCA. She had muscle definition in places I couldn’t even imagine having muscles at all.
Together, we were excited to have a few nights of fun without catering to the needs of our families.
…………………
I sat with my back to the stage. I had immersed myself so deeply in the conversation that I barely noticed karaoke had ended and a band had started setting up on stage. My friends and I were laughing hysterically at the fools we had made of ourselves during our poor rendition of Aretha Franklin’s song, Respect. Downing a few drinks prior to our performance gave me the courage to embarrass myself on stage.
In the background, a voice emerged from the microphone.
“Testing…one, two, three…Testing…”
The hair on the back of my neck stood upright. My body seemed to recognize the smooth and soothing voice, but my mind could not recall it.
I quickly spun around in my seat and stared at the figure on stage. We sat too far away from the stage, and the terrible lighting in the bar restricted my view.
“What’s the matter, Kaitlyn?” Shannon sounded concerned. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“That voice. It sounds so familiar. I’ve heard it before,” I stammered.
“Honestly Kaitlyn, the sign on the door said this band is debuting tonight and besides, who do you know that lives at the beach?” Tori asked.
“No one, I guess,” I sighed.
But, there was something about the voice that I recognized. I felt sure I had heard it before.
The mysterious voice began to sing and my thoughts drowned out the conversation around me. I dug deep into my memory grasping for any recollection I could muster.
Nothing sprang to my mind. But, that soothing melodic voice, crept up the back of my spine, tingling and sensuous, radiating through my chest. I just could not conjure up the face connected to the voice. The timbre resonated familiarity, but the perplexity remained.
“Seriously, Kaitlyn, what’s gotten into you?” Tori looked at me wide-eyed. “You don’t look so good.”
I didn’t realize it until she said it, but my face felt flush and my palms felt sweaty.
“I don’t know, guys. I just can’t explain it. I think I know the lead singer of this band. What was the band’s name again?”
“Big Five, or something cheesy like that. Why?” Lisa piped up.
“I don’t know. I just can’t place it…”
The voice on the stage mesmerized me. The face connected to the voice remained a mystery as the conversation swirled around me. I sat there and considered just getting up and walking toward the front of the stage to get a good look and quickly solve the mystery. But, to avoid looking like some desperate middle-aged groupie heading to the stage for attention, I stayed seated and half-heartedly listened to Tori drone on about her workout routine and her ‘clean eating’ diet.
Suddenly, the voice was behind me.
“Kaitlyn?”
The girls at my table froze. Their eyes looked up at the mystery man standing behind me. I whirled around to see who caused my friends’ jaws to drop in awe. My breath caught in my throat while my heart immediately began pounding in my chest. A face from a long forgotten past stood in front of me.
His name immediately sprang from my lips, “Chris!”
“Wow, Kaitlyn. I can’t believe it’s really you.”
“Chris,” I said again almost breathlessly, “how long has it been?”
“Eight years and five months, almost to the day,” Chris blurted without even taking time to think about it, as if he had been etching hash marks on his wall for each passing day.
“Unbelievable,” I said with a hint of nostalgia as my mind tried to drift back to a time I had tried earnestly to erase from my memory. But, immediately I snapped myself back into reality.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I live here. I write music by day, and play music by night. Our band is working on its first album….what…are you doing here?” Chris looked around the table. The girls stared up at him. I could not tell if they were ogling him because he was stunningly gorgeous, or if they were just shocked by the fact that another man, besides my husband, so obviously took my breath away. Deep down, I hoped they didn’t even notice my breathless anguish.
“Oh wow, where are my manners?” I said, embarrassed. “These are my friends… Lisa, Shannon, and Tori. We’re here for a ladies’ weekend retreat.”
The girls continued to look up in awe. Chris looked as handsome as ever. His breathtaking physique defined itself beneath his tight black T-shirt. They sputtered and stammered their hellos, and he politely smiled. But, his eyes quickly diverted and caught my gaze. Those same dark eyes that melted my heart more than eight years ago were searching mine. I hoped my friends were not aware of the pounding in my chest. The awkward, yet intimate moment stirred emotions I had not felt in many years.
“Well, I guess I better get back to the stage. The boys are ready to play again,” Chris smiled amiably at my friends. His eyes searched mine and he beamed, that same wide grin that once made my heart turn flips in my chest.
“Ok,” I grinned back, trying to suppress the feeling that was welling up inside of me. “I’ll see you around.”
I watched Chris walk back toward the stage. Shaking my head in disbelief, I looked back at the girls sitting around the table. They all stared at me in wide-eyed astonishment.
“What?” I blinked my eyes innocently.
“Who. Was. That?!” Lisa asked, emphasizing every word.
“Oh, that was just a guy I knew from high school,” I shrugged indifferently.
“No, Kaitlyn.” Tori remarked emphatically. “That was not just a guy.”
“Yeah,” Shannon announced, looking over my shoulder, “Wow.” She stared in his direction, bewildered.
“Guys!” I snapped. “Stop staring, ok? He really was just a guy I knew from high school….who I happened to be in love with at the time.”
“Whoa, I bet that was a blast from the past!” Lisa exclaimed.
“Yeah,” I sighed, “something like that.” I looked down at the trembling hands in my lap. I had no idea that seeing him would stir up so many emotions in the pit of my stomach.
“Oh honey,” Shannon patted my shoulder. Finishing her sentence seemed unnecessary. I felt her sympathy.
The rest of the night blurred by as my mind focused on the tranquilizing voice that poured from the speakers. Occasionally I would sneak a peek toward the stage. I could feel his eyes settling on me, even in the darkness.
His voice, gravelly and breathless behind the microphone, felt warm and comforting like a soft blanket on a cool night. The quiver in my stomach and the tremble of my hands were evidence of the effect Chris had on me. Ashamed, I tried in vain to hide my anguish. Occasionally, Shannon would pat my hand, out of sight from the rest of the girls. I smiled meekly at her as she nodded her head in understanding.
“So, are you guys ready to call it a night?” Shannon’s eyes looked tired as she sipped her last Cosmo.
We all agreed, began to gather our purses, and stood up to leave.
“Kaitlyn,” Chris spoke from behind me again.
The sound of his voice startled me, and I dropped my keys.
“Oh, sorry,” he said as he quickly bent down to pick them up.
“It’s ok,” I laughed, “I’m not usually so clumsy.”
His fingers brushed mine as he handed them back to me. The tingle from his touch radiated up my arm. I heard a nervous giggle escape from my lips. My hand flew up and covered my mouth, and I immediately felt embarrassed.
“You really made my night,” Chris declar
ed with a crooked grin. “I can’t believe it’s been eight years.”
“Me either,” I concurred.
“See you again tomorrow night?” he asked hopefully, “I mean, let’s not let another eight years go by.”
“Absolutely,” I agreed without thinking. “We’ll be here all weekend. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“Great!” he replied, flashing his perfect smile at me.
As hard as I tried not to notice, Chris looked absolutely amazing. His black T-shirt clung to his well-formed chest. The smoldering intensity of his eyes staring into mine sent chills rippling through my body. “I look forward to it,” he admitted.
“I just can’t believe it’s really you.” I could barely contain the elation in my voice. Without thinking, I reached out to hug him. He seemed shocked, but welcomed the hug.
He enveloped me in his arms and whispered, “I’ve never forgotten you.”
His breath was hot against my ear. I inhaled the mixed aroma of aftershave and breath mints as I tried to burn his scent into my memory. A breath escaped my lungs and lodged in my throat. ‘I’m a married woman,’ I rebuked myself. Quickly, I pulled away from him and practically ran to catch up to my friends.
“Oh my goodness, girl! Tell us everything!” Lisa exclaimed as we walked into the living room of our condo.
“What’s there to tell?” I asked.
Shannon spoke up. “Well, for starters, did you see the way he looked at you? And did you see the way he looked in that shirt? Wow!”
I laughed nervously. While these girls were my closest friends, I did not feel emotionally prepared to rehash the history I had with Chris, nor did I feel strong enough to reopen old wounds I had spent years trying to heal.
“C’mon, Kaitlyn. Give us the scoop,” Tori whined. “We want to know about this hot mystery guy.”
I sighed, preparing myself for the heartrending wave of emotion I knew I was about to experience by divulging the intimate details of my past.
My mind, as it creaked open the lid of the proverbial can of worms, drifted back to a time and place it had only visited in my dreams since the girl I once knew well, but barely recognized anymore, had sped away in her fully packed VW Jetta with hope to start a new life in college.