A distant thumping pounded out above us. “Do you hear that?”
“Too heavy to be footsteps.” He straightened. “We should go.” He took one final glance around the cluttered space. “The Oliphants might have returned to check on us, or to search for Kylie.”
After last night, I got the feeling they kept a close eye on the inn during the anniversary week. It begged the question of why, if they were concerned for our safety, they kept it open. They must be confident of their debunking skills if more incidents came to light on their watch.
“Good call.” I snapped a few shots, continuing our documentation of the phenomenon. “I get the impression they wouldn’t be thrilled with us for breaking into their basement, let alone if they realized why we’re really here.”
There was also the risk they would find the basement door open and lock us in, but unless they had magic on their side, I wasn’t too worried about them trapping us.
“The family has no official stance on the haunting or the attacks on guests.” Linus gripped my hips and lifted me with preternatural strength, allowing me to haul myself one level higher with ease. “I doubt they would appreciate us poking into their family history.”
Though he didn’t need it, I still reached down for him. He clasped forearms with me and leapt, grasping the wood under my knees with his free hand. There was a time when he would have held his weight back from me and done it all himself, but I was slowly breaking him of his old habits.
Never again would he face an obstacle alone. That’s what marriage meant to me, a partnership where burdens were distributed equally.
“They don’t know what they’re missing.” I grunted when I helped tug him beside me. “The right promo can do a world of good for your business. To borrow from Kylie, morbids love this kind of stuff. There are plenty of folks who don’t go for the hardcore hauntings but love to stay in a place where there’s documented activity.”
The documents, being witnessed by humans, were totally unreliable, but still. More bang for your advertising buck.
“Unless the family is involved.” He stood and offered me his hand, pulling me to my feet. “Or was involved, originally. They might wish the inn’s notoriety would fade.”
“Nah.” I shrugged when he glanced back at me. “At the very least, they’re not discouraging the rumors. The family could have closed up shop this week, but they chose not to turn us away. We’re talking generations who haven’t had a moral problem with booking potential victims. They’re cashing in whether they want to acknowledge it or not.”
“I hadn’t considered it in that light,” he allowed. “I assumed they preferred to ignore the otherworldly aspect, as humans often do.”
“Ignore it and maybe it will go away?”
“Precisely.”
“There’s the financial aspect too.” I tended to remember that better than him. “It must cost a small fortune to keep a place this size running. Without capitalizing on its infamy, it might be hard keeping it booked in such a remote location.”
The family, however unwitting they might be, were enabling the cycle just by keeping their doors open. One week every thirty years was hardly a crippling blow…unless you were already in financial straits. That might explain how they agreed to take Linus’s money without losing sleep over possibly condemning guests to a mauling.
The noise amplified as we climbed higher, but it took me a second to grasp I wasn’t hearing it through the walls. Cletus had gone to inspect on his own and was broadcasting the sound to Linus and me.
Whoever had come calling for us—I was still betting on a search party for Kylie—gave up halfway into our return trip to the surface. That suited me fine. I preferred a hot shower to entertaining hysterical relatives. But as I was imagining what Linus and I could get up to during said shower, we exited the subbasement into the basement, and the knocking resumed.
The ignore it and maybe it will go away school of thought definitely did not work for me.
We exited the pantry and shut it behind us, careful not to leave behind grimy handprints. There was no time to wash up first, so whoever out there was refusing to take the hint no one was home would have to suck it up and deal with the smell and the stains on us.
Linus beat me to the front door and opened it on a middle-aged couple dressed for square dancing. That was alarming enough, arriving in costume in the middle of the night, but their presence shot familiar tingles up my spine. The recognition was mutual, and their bright eyes goggled.
Vampires.
“You’re L-L-Linus Lawson,” the male stammered. “The Grande Dame’s son.”
“Actually,” I chimed in, peeking over Linus’s shoulder. “It’s Linus Woolworth now.”
“Grier Woolworth.” The female dropped her jaw then elbowed her…mate? “That’s Grier Woolworth.” She dug in the purse hung on the crook of her arm. “Can we take a photo with you? Both of you?” She beamed up at us. “No one back home will ever believe us otherwise. What are you doing way out here?”
“We’re on our honeymoon,” Linus said smoothly, turning his head to kiss my cheek.
The vampires laughed and whooped at the joke, until they realized it wasn’t one.
“Really?” The female deflated. “You could have gone anywhere in the world, and you ended up here?”
Before she injured Linus’s feelings, I wedged myself in front of him. “Why don’t you tell us more about why you’re here?”
“Oh. Shoot.” She clutched her phone to her chest. “I must have left my manners on the dance floor.” She stuck out her hand. “I’m Barbara Rogoff, and this is my husband, Benny.” She beamed as we shook. “Benny and Barb. That’s what everyone calls us. You can too.”
“Thanks.” I retrieved my hand before she stuck it in her purse as a souvenir. “What did you say you’re doing here?”
“We drop in every thirty years. The haunting, you know. That’s why you’re here, right? It must be.” The glitter-flecked tassels on her skirt quivered with excitement. “I can’t believe you’re joining us.”
Return trips to family-owned properties spaced thirty years apart were risky ventures. Humans aged plenty in that time. Vampires…not so much. Maybe that explained the wild getup. They must adopt a different persona each time and use a touch of vampire glamour to sell the fake identities.
“Barb.” Benny placed a hand on her arm, cleared his throat, then addressed me. “We called to reserve a room and were told the inn was booked. We had a competition near here, so we figured it wouldn’t hurt to drop by before we left the area.”
Unless they were kicking up their heels in the local Food Saver parking lot, I had trouble believing that.
“Yours is the only car in the lot,” she added, “so we thought we would knock and see if anything had changed.”
“You’re really here on your honeymoon?” He chuckled manfully. “She let you get away with that?”
“Benny.” Barb paled, a neat trick for a vampire. “Don’t forget who you’re talking to, hon.”
“Apologies,” he said quickly. “We can wait for the next cycle.” He shrugged. “We’ve got the time.”
Square dancing vampire ghost hunters.
Now I had seen it all.
“Give us a minute.” I shut the door and drew a privacy sigil on the frame with my pen. “What do you think?”
Linus furrowed his brow. “You’re actually considering this?”
“Two potential suspects for our arsonist just fell into our lap, so yes.”
“Bold move,” he murmured, eyeing the door like he wanted to nail it shut.
“Desperate move,” I countered. “Especially if they’re worried that we’ll solve the mystery and break the cycle.”
Amusement looked good on him. “You think so?”
“I know so.” I slid my hands around his hips and squeezed his butt because it was there, and it was mine, and why not? “Just think of the parades the locals will throw in our honor for ending the reign
of terror.”
“I would settle for sparing more human lives.” His lips twitched. “Though a parade would be nice.”
One of the things I loved most about Linus was the fact he was willing to play with me. He was rusty at first, and I stumped him on the regular even after years together, but he was getting better. More importantly, he was having fun too. I don’t think he’d had nearly enough of that in his life until now.
“Remember you said that.” I gave his buns a farewell pat. “I’ll eat your half of the candy when they invite us to ride on the Local Saviors float.”
“You’re sure you want to do this?” He searched my face. “Can I be honest?”
Flattening my palm over his heart, I waited. “I prefer that, yes.”
“I don’t want to share you.” He braced his forehead against mine. “This is one time I would rather look the other way.”
“But you won’t.” His core of integrity was one of the things I admired about him. “Even if I offered you a free pass, you would still pursue this. It’s who you are—who we are.”
“You’re right.” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “Let me pretend to be selfish a moment longer?”
“Take all the time you need.” I tilted up my chin and kissed him. “The vampires have a history with the house. We can mine them for factual knowledge on the haunting.” Excitement tingled in my fingertips. “Even if they’re not our firebug, we’ve got a real shot at cracking this with their help.”
“They are harder to kill than humans.” He tugged a cobweb from my hair. “All right. Invite them in.”
“For the record, we’ve done extensive testing on the privacy sigil. We’re safe to have wild monkey sex in our room or any other room without vampire hearing picking up the details.”
A flush turned his cheeks rosy. “Goddess, Grier.”
“What?” I rubbed the sigil off the door. “You were thinking it too.”
“I…” He cleared his throat. “Well, yes.”
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I kissed him long and soft. “I mean that.”
A hitch in his voice betrayed him before he got out the words. “I know you do.”
“They’re so cute,” Barb whisper-screamed to her husband as I opened the door. “Adorable.”
Linus didn’t squirm, but a lesser man might have in his shoes. Personally, I feared for his cheeks. Barb looked like a pincher.
Taking his hand, I gave it a squeeze. “You’re welcome to stay with us.”
“On the condition the Oliphants approve,” he added. “This isn’t our home to allow guests.”
“I’ll dial Mr. Oliphant up now.” Benny performed a quick shuffle step. “This is fantastic.”
“He’s a new man once he straps on his dancing shoes.” Barb shot me a wink. “He has moves.”
Most vampires had better than human coordination and reflexes. Based on the sample, I wasn’t sure if Benny got shorted or if he was that used to playing human when he got his boogie on.
Cletus appeared at my shoulder and set his hand there in a protective gesture.
“This is our wraith, Cletus.” I patted his bony fingers. “He won’t hurt you.”
The widening of their eyes told me they for sure saw him, but that was to be expected with vampires.
“Best vacation ever,” Barb squealed, spinning in a circle. “I can’t believe our luck.”
Asking a vampire their age was the height of rudeness, but I couldn’t get a bead on these two. Their choice of extracurricular activities, plus their manners and excitability level slanted them toward the younger end of the spectrum, in vampire years. But there was a near tangible weight to their presence on my senses. Because there were two? Or because they were old? Hard to tell.
“Mr. Oliphant would like a word with you.” Benny passed over the phone. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course.” Linus accepted the cell and conducted a low conversation with the innkeeper.
“He’s so elegant.” Barb sighed after Linus turned his back. “I’ve seen pictures, but wow. He reminds me of the porcelain dolls my grandmother used to keep seated at her formal dining room table. Perfect hair, perfect clothes.” She touched the golden cowboy boot charm on her necklace. “We weren’t allowed to play with them.” Her mouth thinned. “There was always something so sad about that.”
A pang radiated through me at how well she had pegged Linus within minutes of meeting him. He would hate that. I was just teaching him to leave his masks in storage, and here was someone looking on his naked face and seeing more than he would ever want to share with a stranger. Maybe I was wrong to push him, but I couldn’t shake the mental picture Barb had painted. It meshed too well with how I envisioned his perfect childhood.
The Grande Dame had raised him to be the High Society ideal. He was a prince among practitioners, a god among mortals. But he had been so lonely and so tired of the pretense. I owed it to him to open his eyes to the possibilities before he chose to leave them wide or screw them shut tight again.
“We’re in the honeymoon suite.” I redirected the conversation away from Linus. “You’re welcome to any other room.”
“We’ll stay downstairs.” She winked. “We’ll give you newlyweds some privacy.”
“We appreciate that.” I checked with Linus, who was handing the phone back to Benny. “All settled?”
“Yes.” Linus rejoined me. “Do you want to shower before dinner?”
“Let’s.” I hooked him by the collar then leaned around him to smile at Barb. “Make yourselves at home.”
“We’ll do that.”
The shuffle of feet and murmur of voices relaxed my shoulders, banishing tension I hadn’t noticed racking up since our arrival. Then it hit me. The problem. This house was wood and plaster and not much more. It lacked a soul. The quiet had been grating on my nerves, but I hadn’t understood the root cause.
Fiddlesticks.
I was a grown woman on her honeymoon for pity’s sake.
The last thing I ought to be was homesick.
Halfway up the stairs, I gagged on a pungent whiff of rotten eggs.
Magic peppered the air, but it moved in the opposite direction.
“Do you smell it?” Barb called from the base of the stairs. “That’s how it always starts.”
“Hard to miss.” I covered my nose with the neck of my shirt, but it didn’t help. “Goddess, that’s rank.”
“Just wait.” Benny emerged, slung his arm around Barb’s shoulders, and laughed. “It gets worse.”
“We have photos from previous years if you’d like to see them,” he offered. “They’re in my cloud.”
There it was, the offer I had hoped for, a lead on the mystery, but it couldn’t have come at a worse time.
With two expectant vampires gazing up at us with starstruck excitement, I had no choice. “Sure.”
The couple scattered, and I thumped my head against Linus’s chest. “Whose idea was it to invite them in again?”
“I believe it was…” he trailed his cool fingers up my right side, the tips brushing my breast, “…yours.”
“Linus,” I moaned, leaning into him. “You’re punishing me.”
“Me?” His lips found mine, and my back hit the wall. “I would never.”
Proving two could play his game, I slid my hand between us and relished his groan. “You were saying?”
“I apologize.” His teeth found my neck and worried the delicate skin. “Profusely.”
Knees liquifying as his hand covered my breast, his thumb teasing my nipple, I almost wet my pants when Barb yelled up at us, “We’re ready.”
“Be right there,” I managed after my lungs remembered what to do with oxygen.
“Go shower.” Linus dropped his hand. “I’ll entertain them until you finish.”
“Are you sure?” I had yet to drop mine. “Really sure?”
Eyelashes fluttering as I explored his length with my thumb, he
rasped, “Yes.”
Unable to resist nibbling on him too, I raked my teeth over the shell of his ear. “I love the way your breath catches when I—”
“Do you guys want any snacks?” Benny hollered. “There’s popcorn and cookies in the kitchen.”
“Tell you what, you take the first shower.” I trailed my fingers up Linus’s zipper and across his belt on my way past. “I’ve got a feeling you need one more than me.”
A nice cold one.
Six
Benny, Barb, and I gathered around the table in the dining room, and they vibrated with excitement. I ought to be happy they had proof of their relationship with the inn, but the groan of old pipes made it all too easy to focus on the shower happening upstairs…without me.
“We set up motion cameras in the halls last time.” Benny pivoted his laptop toward me, and Barb mashed the play button, eager to share their findings. “We didn’t catch much activity, but we did get this.”
On the screen, a shadow split into two and then into four. The blurs prowled the hall like cats, their eyes bright in the darkness. Their target was clear. They aimed straight for the tripod, knocking its legs out from under it. One of them leaned in front of the camera and hissed a warning.
Chin on palm, Barb shook her head. “What do you think they are?”
“I have no idea.” I watched again from the start. “They’re bold. That’s for sure.”
“We have run-ins with them each time.” Benny spun the computer around, clicked a few times, then showed me another clip lined up for watching with a date sixty years earlier. “I can’t decide if it’s the same ones or not.”
The scene played out the exact same way. A shadow appeared, it split into multiples, and it attacked the video equipment.
Thinking of Linus’s wounds, I asked, “Have they ever hurt you?”
“A scratch here and there,” Barb admitted, “but that’s all.”
“They were slow to heal.” Benny showed me his arm. “This one stuck around.”
How to Survive an Undead Honeymoon (The Beginner's Guide to Necromancy Book 8) Page 5