by Darren Shan
stand by and let such power go to waste. We need all the mages we can get. And I think she’ll want to join. That might even be why she came looking for me — personal feelings aside, she’s seen the Demonata in action and learned about the Disciples when they came to Slawter to clean up. She knows what the world’s up against, the war that’s being fought. Maybe she wants to help. I’ll have to broach the subject soon but I’m not looking forward to it.”
As wrapped up as he is with Juni, Dervish hasn’t forgotten about me. He still checks on me most nights, monitoring me, quizzing me about what I’m feeling, worried about what might lie ahead. We’re halfway through the lunar month. I’m just a couple of weeks away from the insanity again. Dervish isn’t treating it lightly. For all the time he’s spent with Juni and all the excitement and hope he’s experiencing, he hasn’t neglected his obligations to me. He’s been in contact with everyone he can think of, trying to find out more about my situation, if anyone’s heard of anything like it before. Working hard for my benefit.
He hasn’t mentioned the Lambs but I’m sure he’s thinking about them, just as I am, every night, unable to turn away from the thoughts of what must be done if the beast emerges and I change.
Heading out to the movies. I stick my head into the study, to let Dervish and Juni know I’m going. They’re sitting together on the floor, facing each other, fingers joined, eyes closed, breathing deeply. Working on a spell. They don’t hear me when I call.
I walk in and scribble down a note. As I’m sticking it to the front of Dervish’s PC, my glance slides to where Juni’s sitting. I can see her eyes glowing behind her eyelids. She looks creepy. I leave quickly and race down the stairs, not sure what it was that freaked me so much, only knowing that I’m glad to be putting some space between us.
Eating in a 1950s-style diner before the movie. Everyone excited and buzzing, except me. I keep thinking about Juni’s eyes, trying to pinpoint what it was about them that unnerved me.
Bill-E’s excited to be with us, though he finds it hard to join in all the talk. He’ll start to say something, then stop and think about the best way to phrase it. By the time he has the words straight inside his head, the topic’s changed. If he’d just be himself he’d be fine. But he thinks he has to be extra witty and cool around us, and by worrying and hesitating, he comes across as dumb and stumbling. I think about saying something to him but then I start thinking about Juni’s eyes again.
Reni sits beside me for the movie. After a while she takes my hand. I half turn to smile at her and she smiles back. I thought Loch’s death might drive a wedge between us but it hasn’t. She still wants to be my girlfriend. Maybe it’s even more important to her now than it was before — the more she focuses on me, the less she’ll brood about Loch.
I start to lean over, mouth dry, spinal cord tingling.
But then I think of Juni’s eyes again and it finally clicks. The glow reminded me of the fiery, eyeless sockets of one of Lord Loss’s familiars — the charmless hell-baby known as Artery.
I pull away from Reni. She stares at me, surprised and slightly hurt. I force a bitter smile. “Later,” I whisper. “I’m nervous, you know?” Letting her think I’m shy. Unable to tell her that thoughts of demons have set my teeth trembling, that I’m afraid I might accidentally bite her tongue if we kiss.
Reni smiles back and gives my hand a squeeze. “I know,” she says, finding it sweet. She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs. “When you’re ready, give me a shout. I can wait.”
I lay my head on hers and close my eyes, drowning out the sounds of the movie, trying to listen to her heartbeat, feeling her hair soft against my cheek — but not able to stop thinking about Juni’s eyes and demons.
As we come out of the theater I spot a homeless guy sitting by the side of one of the mall’s water fountains. We’re a long way off but he looks like the same one I ran into on the path home last week. As the others go to the restaurant again, for milk shakes, I stop and fix my gaze on the bum. I’m certain it’s him — same shaggy beard, long hair, old clothes, bunch of flowers in a buttonhole. And maybe it’s my imagination, but he seems to be looking back at me, returning my stare.
I start toward him, not entirely sure why but bothered by his being here, wanting to make sure it’s the same man. Then Reni notices I’m not with the group. She calls my name. When I don’t respond, she calls again, sharply.
“Sorry,” I mutter, taking my eyes off the bum. “Thought I saw someone I knew.”
“Who?” Reni asks.
“Nobody.” I smile when she frowns at me. “A teacher. But it wasn’t. Come on, let’s go order our shakes.”
“You’re in a strange mood tonight,” Reni comments, towing me along to catch up with the others.
Just before we turn the corner, I look back at the fountain. But nobody’s there now. The bum has gone.
Home. Troubled. Thinking about the bum. Probably nothing, just coincidence that I’ve seen him a couple of times. But it might be something more. We’re protected here from demons, Dervish has said it dozens of times. But some demons have human assistants. What if the homeless man is working for Lord Loss, waiting for the chance to knock me out and cart me away to a place where the demon master can set his evil hands on me?
I decide to tell Dervish. I might wind up looking like a frightened idiot, jumping at shadows, but it’s best not to take chances with stuff like this. I look for Dervish in his study, then his bedroom, but I only find Juni, sitting on the edge of Dervish’s bed, staring out the window, pensive.
“Hi,” I say. “Is Dervish around?”
“He’s gone for Chinese.”
“Oh.” The local Chinese restaurant does home deliveries, but Dervish doesn’t trust them to send the correct food. He always picks it up himself. “No worries. I’ll catch him when he’s back.” I start to leave.
“Grubbs,” Juni stops me. She pats the space on the bed next to her. There’s a long silence as I sit beside her. She continues to stare out the window. She’s so thin, I feel even bigger than normal sitting next to her.
“I saw you earlier, in the study,” Juni says.
“How?” I frown. “Your eyes were closed.”
“I could see through the lids — part of the spell. You looked scared. You ran away as if I frightened you.” I fidget uncomfortably. “Are you afraid that Dervish is falling in love with me? That I’m going to steal his love for you?”
“No,” I laugh. “That wasn’t it at all.”
“Then why did you look so spooked?”
“Your eyes.” I clear my throat. “They were like a demon’s that I fought.”
Juni tenses when I mention the D word. Then relaxes.
“We haven’t talked much about that, have we?” she notes softly.
“No.”
“I’m still haunted by what happened,” she whispers. “I’m dealing with it, but it’s hard. Knowing there are demons in the world. . . or tearing at the edges of it. . . wanting to grab us and destroy. . . ”
“I know exactly how you feel. I hate them too. They terrify me.” I blush at the confession. “That’s why I ran. I didn’t realize it till later, but your eyes reminded me of a demon’s. I panicked. It was silly, but . . .” I shrug.
“You think I have a demon’s eyes?” Juni asks, bemused.
“No.” I chuckle. “It was just magic. Dervish told me magic comes from demons, that the energy we tap into has seeped through from the Demonata’s universe. Every time we cast a spell, we use a bit of demonic energy. I guess it makes us look like them sometimes. This was just the first time I noticed it.”
Juni nods, understanding. Then, out of nowhere, she says, “Dervish is going to ask me to move in.”
“Oh?” I blink.
“I don’t know if I should.” She looks worried. “This has taken me by complete surprise. Maybe I need to slow things down. Stay away for a while. Give us all some space and time.”
I stare at her clumsily.
I can’t think of anything to say. I know nothing about stuff like this. After a few seconds, Juni laughs and lays a hand on my knee. “Sorry. I don’t expect you to decide for me. I just needed to say it out loud.”
“I. . . I think. . . I mean. . . Dervish likes you. Really likes you. I. . . I think you should say yes.”
“You wouldn’t mind?” she asks softly.
“No.”
“You’re sure?” Her fingers tighten on my knee. “Since I got involved with Dervish, I’ve noticed a change in your response to me. I wasn’t sure if you approved of our relationship. I thought you didn’t like me, that you didn’t want me to —”
“No,” I interrupt. “That’s crazy. I. . . No.” Smiling now. “It’s been strange, having you here, but I’m not against it. Honest. I’d like it if you moved in.”
Juni smiles blazingly. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear that.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. My blush darkens and spreads. She tweaks my nose, then gets up. “Come on,” she says, heading for the door. “Dervish will be back soon. We ordered extra in case you wanted some. You can help me set the table.”
Following her down the stairs, grinning to myself, delighted to find that I truly don’t mind if she comes to live with us. Figuring crowded might not be such a bad thing for this hollow old house.
Late Sunday. Juni was right. Dervish asked her last night if she’d come live with us. She agreed, but said it would have to be for a trial period. They’ll see how they get on and if things don’t work, she’ll move out again.
She made the big move today. Didn’t have much to bring. She’s moved around a lot this year, living out of a suitcase. She had a house once, but sold it when she accepted the movie job with Davida Haym. She’s been living in hotels since then. Says she has bits and pieces in storage, which she can get later, but there’s no rush.
Dervish is like a child at Christmas. When Juni left to check out of her hotel this morning, he spent the time polishing and cleaning, making sure everything would be shiny and perfect when she returned. He’s been dancing around the house like a pantomime figure, whistling, sometimes singing out loud.
Give me a break!
They’re in bed now. It’s nearly two in the morning. They’ve probably been asleep for hours but I can’t close my eyes. Worrying about lycanthropy. Magic. Juni moving in and how that’s going to change things. Loch. Reni. The bum. (I forgot to tell Dervish about him.)
I get up and dress. Pad downstairs and let myself out. Start walking, then jogging. Soon I’m running, breathing hard, breath turning to mist on the cool night air. I develop a stitch. Ignoring it, I run until it feels as if my stomach is on fire. Finally I stop and bend over, panting like a thirsty dog. When I can breathe normally I set off again, but only jogging this time, pacing myself.
It’s hard to jog at night. The forest is dark around me. Have to be careful where I put my feet. But I’m not afraid. The sounds and smells of the night don’t scare me. I’m safe here, on home turf.
I jog without direction, simply enjoying the exercise. Letting my feet guide me. Not keeping track of my route, confident I can find my way back.
Then I round a patch of briars and see scatterings of rocks and dirt — I’m at the entrance to the cave. I stop and squint suspiciously. Dervish hasn’t had time to fill in the hole. He stuck a crate down it and covered it with soil and small stones, so nobody would fall down into the cave, but that’s as far as he got.
I approach the hole cautiously, wondering if I’ve been drawn here by some external force or if it’s just coincidence. I listen closely for whispers but I can’t hear anything. Can’t sense anything either — no magical warmth within, or feeling that I’m being summoned.
I stop at the edge of the hole and stare down into darkness, thinking about Loch. It seems so long ago that we were messing around here, dreaming of Lord Sheftree’s buried treasure. Everything was simple then. You don’t recognize the good times in life until it all goes bad and you look back and see how lucky you were, how easy you had things.
I wonder where Loch is now, if there’s an afterlife, what it’s like if there is. Is he sitting on a cloud, plucking at the strings of a harp? Wrestling with angels? Being waited upon by beautiful women? Does he know the answers to all the questions in the universe? Has he come back as somebody else or as an animal? Or is there nothing when you die? I know people have souls, but do they vanish into oblivion when the body shuts down? Is life the start and finish of all that we are? Is Loch —
“You’re out late.”
A voice behind me. I whirl and spot the bum, half hidden by shadows, watching me with a little smile that’s hard to see behind the tangled bush of his beard.
“Who are you?” I shout. “Why are you following me?”
The man steps forward and I get my first good look at him. Dark skin, but I think the color has more to do with dirt than with flesh pigment. Black hair streaked with patches of grey and white. Small build. Cracked fingernails, but not caked with dirt as you’d expect — clean as a surgeon’s. Small eyes, blue or grey.
“You should be asleep,” the bum says. A deep voice. Hard to place the accent.
“Who are you?” I growl again, looking for something to defend myself with.
The bum walks past me, to the edge of the hole. Stares down, the same way I was staring moments before. “A grave fit for a king,” he murmurs, then looks at me and smiles crookedly. “Have anyone in mind for it?”
“Who are you?” I ask for the third time, but my voice is trembling now. This is no ordinary bum. There’s something powerful and dangerous about him.
The bum doesn’t answer my question. Instead he looks up at the sky — at the moon. “Won’t be long now,” he says casually, then skirts the hole and walks off, not looking back, disappearing into the cover of the forest within seconds.
I stay where I am for a minute, shivering. Then bolt for home, to wake Dervish — the hell with his beauty sleep — and tell him about the mysterious, ominous stranger.
Almost back at the mansion, ready to scream myself hoarse about the bum, when I slow down, frown, and pause.
Maybe Dervish already knows.
The bum knew who I was. I’m pretty sure he knew about the cave, too, and what happened there. And he definitely knew about the moon and what it’s doing to me — that was clear by his mocking tone. If he is a servant of Lord Loss, that would have been the perfect place to ambush me. I was alone. I didn’t know he was there until he spoke. He could have clubbed me over the head or injected me with a sleeping drug. But he didn’t. So I doubt he’s in league with the demon master. If that’s the case, he could only have known all those things if he’d been told. And Dervish is the only one who could have told him.
Flashback. Dervish’s study. . . him on the phone. . . checking afterward . . . finding the black folder with the numbers and names.
Figuring — the bum must be one of the Lambs. A scout, sent to keep an eye on me. Dervish promised to summon a magician to help, but instead he called in the Lambs, to be safe, in case I turn and he can’t handle me alone. The bum has been shadowing me ever since, ready to move quickly if need be.
I enter the house and creep up the stairs. I don’t wake Dervish or ask him about the bum. Just undress and crawl into bed. Cold. Stiff. Terrified. Alone.
A Secret Shared
EVERYTHING’S a blur. School, chatting with my friends, playing happy family with Dervish and Juni. Life goes on as normal around me, and I take part, the way I always have. But I’m not fully there. Always thinking about the moon, the cave, the bum, Dervish (possibly) scheming behind my back. Waiting for the change to hit. Going to bed tense every night, lying in the dark, wondering if this is when I’ll turn. Stiffening whenever one of my fingers twitches or my stomach growls. Terror when my lips lift back over my teeth in a wolflike snarl — then relief when I realize I’m only yawning.
I discuss some of it with Dervish but I’m reluctant to share ev
erything. The more I think about it, the more positive I am — he called in the Lambs. I resent him for that. There’s no real reason to. It’s not like he’s washing his hands of me. I’m sure he’ll be extra careful, that he won’t let them act unless I’m beyond saving. But why summon them so soon? He didn’t with Bill-E. He kept them in the dark. Dealt with it himself while there was still hope. I was sure he’d act the same way with me.
Of course, I’m different. We can’t work the Lord Loss angle anymore. Dervish didn’t call the Lambs in last time because he planned to fight for Bill-E’s humanity. If he won, Lord Loss would have cured Bill-E. If he lost, they’d have both been slaughtered by the demon master. Either way, no need for the Lambs. I’m not that lucky. There’s no escape clause in my case.
Also, there’s the magic. Dervish can deal with a werewolf but perhaps not one with magical powers. Maybe he’s scared, isn’t sure what I’ll be capable of when I turn, doesn’t feel he can handle me solo, wants the security of backup. Perfectly logical if he does. I can’t blame him for that.
But even so, I feel betrayed and the feeling won’t go away. I should talk with him, tell him I know he called in the Lambs, discuss my disappointment, give him the chance to explain.
But I don’t. Afraid to bring the subject out into the open, like when I first became aware of the magic inside me and kept it secret. Ludicrously hoping that I’m wrong about the bum, that things aren’t at such an advanced stage, that I can still be saved. Figuring if I don’t talk about it, maybe it will go away.
Grubbs Grady — human ostrich!
A week to go.
Today, at lunch, when we’re alone, Reni asks if anything is wrong. I haven’t been paying her the kind of attention she expects. She wants to know if I’ve lost interest, if I’m seeing or thinking about somebody else. She puts it lightly, tries to make a joke of it, but I can see the suspicion and hurt in her eyes.
I lie. Say things are the same as always. Make excuses. Tell her there’s a lot of confusion in my life — Loch dying (not that I put it so bluntly), Juni moving in with Dervish. I even mention exams and the future, pretending I’m worried about the direction I’m taking.
She buys it. Thinks I’m going through a midteen crisis, that it has nothing to do with her. Willing to wait for my mood to improve. Confident I’ll be back looking to put the moves on her once I sort through my problems. Never guessing that they might be the ripping-her-throat-open-with-my-teeth type of moves — if I turn into a werewolf next weekend.
Walking home slowly, watching for the bum. I’ve caught glimpses of him since that night at the cave, hanging around school, on the streets