The Misplaced Man: Who is in charge of his destiny?

by Nick James

  I knew this time would come. The people upstairs had been twitching since the Minister of Defence’s kinky dreams had made their way onto the Internet. They were now suspicious of everyone.

  My chair creaked as I leant back trying to think of a way to distract and redirect them away from me. I closed my eyes. My memory went back to playing poker and paying a waitress to take care of me as I played cards. That was a good night watching her head bob up and down as I raised my bets, shame I couldn’t focus and lost a ton. C’est la vie.

  It finally came to me. ‘I need a decoy,’ I mumbled as I clicked on the HR files. Give a nobody a better job and drop a few hints to management about his links to the government. They might think he’s a plant. Then hide some downloaded dreams on his hard drive. My smile got bigger.

  ‘Gotcha, Customer Service Agent Blades.’

  I had a five-minute argument with the HR manager about poor Mr Blades and the fact that I was commandeering him for my own department rather than customer services. Scissors cut paper, dickhead. I win again. Tonight I will be untouchable – oh yes, fuck you, HR.

  It only took me half an hour to arrive at The Limping Dragon, and there was Tony ‘The Tiger’ Thompson. A small, fat man with a passion for Kellogg’s Frosties, hence the nickname. He had been single since the day we met at school, and just like me he spends his money on food, drink and pleasure for hire. The difference being that he never minded the quality. Tony would sleep with a rotten log if it had a hole in it. He was renowned for giving a pregnant woman £5000 for a night of sex and breast feeding. He was one strange ranger.

  ‘Tony, how’s tricks, buddy?’ I called out as my coat concealing the USB drive with the stolen dreams was taken by Suzie Q the coat lady.

  She was an amazingly small, perverted woman who would do anything for the right amount of money. Standing at only four feet one, she could get into small places, like under a poker table. Happy memories, I thought, but that was spoilt by Tony who told me that he paid her to dress as a schoolgirl and give him a blowy in a cinema watching a Disney film. One sick puppy that boy!

  ‘Hey, Peanut, drink?’ Tony asked handing over a shot, which I dutifully drank straight away. ‘Good man. How’s work going?’

  ‘Living the dream, buddy,’ I said as usual, just our little in-joke. ‘How’s the life of a copper?’

  The balding, fat man shook his head. ‘Shit. Internal affairs are on my case again. They found out I banged a witness in a robbery trial and they also seem to think I stole coke out of the evidence room,’ he spat angrily and downed another shot. ‘Always trying to pin shit on me!’

  I quickly raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Did you do it?’

  ‘Well, yeah, you haven’t lived until you’ve snorted coke off a girl’s rack while you do the deed, my son,’ he said with a cheeky smile.

  Yes, the man is pure filth… Top bloke.

  Soon enough, we had downed the bottle of sambuca. We moved towards the gaming table, and that’s where we parted. Tony was always a card man, plain and simple. Being a copper, he knew how to read people. Whereas, I prefer dominoes and the feel of ivory on my digits. Let the games begin – oh, and more drinks.

  And I was right. My luck had changed. I finally started to win, even though my ivory blocks seemed to be shimmering. Must’ve been something I ate, I thought as I drank my beer. Two hours later, I found my money had increased by £1500. Just then, I felt a soft breast pressed against my neck.

  ‘My, aren’t we lucky tonight, Mr McAllister?’ came a teasing voice over my shoulder.

  I looked up and there stood a tall oriental beauty wearing a tight red gown, which allowed her modest-sized breasts to become more pronounced.

  I smiled my best grin. ‘With you in my life, I feel like I am, Miss…?’ I asked leadingly.

  She showed off a perfect set of pure white teeth that would make a supermodel feel crap. ‘Mai Lee, but please just call me Mai,’ she purred.

  I had never seen such a girl. Her eyes were dark and piercing. Her hair, so fine it floated in the air, was straight and black and reached down to her waist. ‘Care for a drink, Mai?’ I offered as I tried to pour on the charm.

  She gently tilted her head. ‘That would be lovely, but please finish your game. I shall wait over there,’ she said and pointed towards a booth in a dark corner.

  I watched her walk away, even though my other game players were coughing loudly trying to drag my attention back from watching her perfect buttocks bounce away. Eventually, I managed to drag my eyes back to the game. ‘Right, let’s do this.’ I chuckled.

  I pushed on to win. However, as most of the blood had left my brain and headed south, I lost money amazingly quickly, but I still walked away with a grand in my pocket.

  The barman handed me a bucket of ice with champagne and a pair of crystal glasses, which I was determined would help with international relations. I truly am a patriot, I thought to myself as I looked at the dusky-haired beauty. ‘Champagne, Mai?’

  She smiled a perfect smile. ‘Thank you, Mr McAllister,’ Mai said happily and patted the seat next to her. The booth was dark red leather, which creaked as you sat in it. ‘Did you win tonight?’

  ‘I’m here with you, so yes I did,’ I smarmed while pouring us each a glass. ‘And, please, call me Michael,’ I added before clinking her glass with mine.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tony walking arm in arm with Suzie Q. God knows what they were going to do tonight. I shuddered at the thought and knew I would receive a blow-by-blow account via text in the morning. I just prayed for no pictures… not again. Please, Lord, protect me, I thought.

  ‘I see your friend is in for a night of fun,’ she said with a tinkling giggle.

  I shook my head. ‘I believe he is,’ I said, sighing. ‘Do you work here, then? I haven’t seen you here before?’ My eyes nearly ruptured straining to hold eye contact and not let them roam down her toned body. ‘And, please, call me Mike.’

  She shook her hair letting her silken locks dance in the air. ‘Well, Mike, I am in town for a few days to take a meeting. My family knows the owner, and he has rented me an apartment for the week,’ Mai explained.

  The loss I felt that she didn’t live here surprised me. ‘So, where do you call home, Mai?’ I asked, letting my eye wander towards the split in her dress to see the best leg ever.

  ‘I share my time between Birmingham and Hong Kong, but I was called for a meeting to sort out problems with a supplier,’ she said sadly. ‘It shouldn’t take long, then back on the plane again,’ she added before taking a sip of her champagne.

  ‘Must be a very busy life for you, Mai, but at least you’re here now,’ I said smoothly.

  Slowly but surely the bottle was emptied; the night became longer. We managed to start kissing each other softly as the music filtered around the dimming room.

  Wordlessly, she took me by the hand and led me through a side door. I winced at the sight of the workbench. Three months ago, my furious handlers pulled me back here and introduced my hand to ‘Mr Hammer’. Not a good night, but this night was looking up. I just wished I hadn’t drunk quite so much. Luckily, I just kept my eyes on her gorgeous arse as we ascended into the unknown.

  We entered a modest flat, all earth tones and boring, just a typical transient flat. I followed her shapely form willingly despite my vision starting to swim. Finally, we stood at the foot of a comfy-looking king-sized bed. The passion grew between us, until she pulled away.

  ‘Strip,’ she ordered.

  And, yes, I did. Whilst it was graceful, you could’ve added a face plant into the mix. Finally, I stood before this oriental beauty all hard and happy. I let my eyes slide down the ‘still on her’ dress, but then I stopped and locked eyes on the area below her waist. Is that a lump? I thought before looking up and seeing her smirk. I didn’t notice the thing in her hand that she pushed into my stomach. ZZZZAAAAPPP!

  Pain exploded through my body, stomach contents flew out of my mouth and my lights wer
e turned out. My last thought was, this is not good!

  I managed to come around and noticed flashes of light from under my closed eyelids. As I opened my eyes, I saw a man with a digital camera taking pictures. I tried telling him to fuck off but very soon realised I was gagged and tied to the bed. Oh fuck! my mind screamed.

  The little man chuckled and talked in Chinese to someone else in the room. I tried to twist around but saw nothing, until the smiling little shit smelling of drink and cigarettes dropped a laptop in front of my face. He placed the memory card from his camera into it and pressed some buttons until images started to pass across the screen.

  My head dropped as I watched the still images and short real-time clips. There I was on my back and then front wearing dark glasses while Mai did her/his work. My traitorous penis playing along. As the video continued to play, a little bit of me died; I think it was my arsehole! Don’t get me wrong, I have done many things in my time, and lines can get confused when you get in groups, but sex is just fun. The main difference is…choice, and being awake.

  ‘Ah, you’re awake…Mike,’ came Mai’s voice, who walked around completely naked with things swinging. ‘Thank you for taking this meeting with me, it has been truly delightful.’ She then took a drag from a cigarette.

  I saw something glint in her other hand. It was a small folding knife with a curved blade, which looked like it was made to hug your neck.

  ‘F&*£ Y%$,’ I muffled, which just made her/him giggle.

  She moved to the floor on her knees and leant towards me squishing her false, yet still beautiful, breasts into my arm. Once again, I could feel ‘Mr Traitor’ twitch. Mai let her knife rest against my throat.

  ‘Now, we had fun and I would like to play again, but this is business,’ Mai said coldly and allowed her knife to draw blood. ‘You have been repeatedly late sending us product, you have used waitresses and tables for your pleasure, and, as you know, payment is due.’

  Done up like a kipper, I thought as I looked into her beautiful face.

  ‘We didn’t want to get to this point, but here we are…Mike,’ she purred and placed a kiss on the corner of my mouth. ‘We want twenty hours a week from all ages, as well as some from your top clients.’ She saw my eyes go wide. ‘We know it will be hard, but I’m afraid you don’t have a choice. Otherwise, our time here will become public. Although, I am not embarrassed about it as we make a nice couple, but I’m sure your parents, friends and your work will frown upon it.’

  I tried to get up while muffling swearing.

  ‘Calm down, baby, I don’t want to do this. The people who buy this product from us are nothing but scum, but it’s money and it’s a living,’ she explained, twirling the knife in her dainty fingers. ‘If you don’t do it, you’re done, baby. We have another that we are grooming, somebody higher up in the chain. So, you have a choice: up your game or fade away in embarrassment, but then I’m afraid I will come for you…professionally.’ She sliced my neck again.

  The man came over and took away the laptop. I heard the door close as he left. I watched Mai fold away her knife.

  ‘Now, Mike, business is done and I have just been told my plans have changed. I have to leave in the morning, but I would like to see you again,’ she said softly and started to release my bonds. ‘The choice is yours. Some more fun with me, or a night worrying alone.’

  I sighed. She was right, but could I stay with this possible killer…? No fucking way.

  Chapter 4

  Wednesday, 25 September 2019

  Sam Blades

  ‘Sam Blades, will you bloody stand still,’ growled an angry-looking Bunny.

  She was standing in front of me in her business suit. A black jacket and knee-length tight skirt with black tights and heels. Under her jacket she wore a white collarless shirt, which was lovely and tight and teasingly close.

  I reached out to have a squeeze. ‘C’mon, we have time.’ I chuckled and got a slap as thanks for my attention.

  ‘You are starting your new job today, and you will look the part,’ she snapped before walking around me. ‘Well, you look good enough.’

  ‘Why, thank you, milady,’ I said with a mock bow, and then received a slap to the head.

  She walked up to me and looked into my eyes. ‘Now, listen,’ she said earnestly. ‘I love you, but you are a bit batshit crazy with your music and films.’

  As I went to retort, she placed her slender finger on my lips.

  ‘Just keep your madness in. What are you going to do?’

  I dropped my head and mumbled, ‘Keep it in.’

  ‘And what happens if they share names with a movie character?’

  I sighed. ‘Nothing. Keep it in.’

  ‘Good, and if you hear some of your shit music?’

  ‘Keep it in. No singing or dancing,’ I lied, but she saw the gleam in my eye.

  Bunny put her hands on her hips. ‘SAM!’

  ‘I’ll be good, I promise,’ I whispered and felt her lips on my cheek.

  ‘Good boy.’ She patted me on the cheek and picked up her handbag. ‘Survive the day and I’ll let you undress me,’ she promised, giving me a sultry smile.

  ‘I’ll make you proud, Bunny,’ I said happily and watched her swaying hips as she walked to the front door. My mind raced with peeling layers off later tonight.

  She turned and gave me a look. ‘Love you, Sam,’ and walked through the door after blowing me a kiss. ‘Don’t fuck it up!’ she shouted from the hallway before the door closed.

  I stood alone with a smile on my face and a tightness in my trousers. ‘I love my life,’ I muttered before checking my watch and running to the fridge for something to sooth my nerves. My eyes flitted over the temple of food that is our fridge.

  ‘Apple…nope. Yogurt…ewww. Grapes… Oh, for fuck’s sake, Bunny,’ I muttered, chiding her taste. ‘Call this food… Oh sweet, Snickers bar… Yep, another breakfast of champions.’

  I grabbed the chocolate bar and headed off to catch my train. Despite nearly treading in some pavement pizza, I arrived in front of the glass and steel building. The workplace of heart-stealing bitches. For the second time I entered the building, which in the future would cause me much trouble and pain. If only I had known what was in store for me.

  I smiled at the stoic bitch behind the reception counter. ‘Sam Blades, it’s my first day,’ I announced, making the sour-faced sow look up from her PC. Solitaire must be kicking her arse today, I thought to myself.

  She barely acknowledged me and flicked her bony, clawed hand towards the lift. ‘Tenth floor and wait. Someone will come for you,’ she said in a monotone voice.

  I bit my tongue and remembered my promise to Bunny, who would fuck her up. ‘Why, thank you. Have a nice day,’ I said happily and walked away. Christmas dump in your drawer, bitch, I thought as I walked into the fresh-smelling yet silent lift.

  I stepped out of the lift and once again waited for ‘Mr Netball’, l mean Dufresne. My nerves were giving my stomach a kicking, but then I saw him coming. ‘Morning, Mr Dufresne.’ I tried not to ask how his tunnel was coming along.

  ‘Ah, Mr Blades, welcome. Now, come to my office and we’ll go through your introduction pack.’ He shook my hand, turned and guided me back to his grey hell.

  Luckily, it was the typical first day guff: fire and safety procedures, key card and overview of working hours. Then the fucker once again slipped in his model making, but this time I had nowhere to go. I’m going to kill him, I thought as he brought out a photo album.

  We broke for lunch and he took me to the canteen, where, shock horror, we were joined by his netball mate. I closed my eyes and for the first time ever prayed for a meteor to kill us all. Although, on the upside, I had a lovely pie and chips with jelly for pudding, which brought a snigger from a bunch of stick insect girls.

  After lunch and the image of grown men who clearly couldn’t get a date…ever, we headed back to his inviting grey office.

  ‘Right, Mr Blades, there ha
s been a slight change to your placement in our company,’ he said with a sigh. ‘You will be working in the customer security division. It’s higher pay, but also higher scrutiny,’ he explained.

  I should have listened, but all I could hear was Abba singing ‘Money, Money, Money’. Not the eighties I know, but it’s a classic. Focus, dick, my mind screamed as the man in front of me went, ‘Blah, blah, fucking blah.’

  Once again, we were on floor thirteen. ‘Oh, sweet Jesus, no,’ I murmured.

  ‘Here’s your new home. Customer security floor thirteen, unlucky for some,’ the HR manager said happily.

  I rolled my eyes. Can you believe having a thirteenth floor in a building made from steel and glass? Don’t they watch films? Has that ended well for anybody in a film? I am so sodding doomed, I thought as I followed the chuckling soon-to-be punchbag who thought thirteen was funny. I hate this ‘Mr My Office is on the Tenth’. Prick! That’s number two on the Christmas list for a surprise dump in the drawer, the netball playing freak. ‘Focus, Sam, you can manage this,’ I mumbled.

  ‘And here’s your boss. He’ll take you from here,’ said John Dufresne, knocking on an office door.

  We heard a muffled, ‘Come in,’ and walked in to see a tired-looking man. He stood up and walked over. He was tall and blond and just looked exhausted. ‘Hi, Michael McAllister,’ he introduced himself. ‘But, please, call me Mike. You must be Sam,’ he said, giving me a strong handshake. ‘Thanks for delivering him, John. I’ll see you later,’ he said, and then almost pushed the HR man out of the door.

  ‘It’s good to meet you, sir,’ I said, unsure about the over familiarity of calling him Mike at this early stage.

  Mike sat down and rubbed his face. He then smiled at me. ‘No worries, and it’s Mike,’ he reiterated before pointing to the door. ‘Sorry about that, but if you don’t get rid of him he starts talking about netball and models.’ He sighed. ‘It’s a good job these windows are sealed.’