I must have dozed off for a few minutes. When I woke up, I barely had time to form a coherent thought before a seagull swooped down and pecked at my legs. It felt like a thousand needles were prickling my skin. “Hey,” I barked, shaking my leg and flailing my arms. “Get the fuck off me, you stinking bird!” Did he think I was his next meal? So far, this morning had been surreal, and a carnivorous avian was par for the course.
My phone buzzed as I made my way back to the car. If it was Cole, I wouldn’t pick up, but it was the PI, so it merited a look-see.
To: Sloandriscoll
From: Adachitokyo
Sources confirm Noriko is a virgin. Her mizuage was bartered and gained by one Ken Fujiwara recently. The unheard-of amount is the talk of the hanamachi. There has been much speculation on Noriko’s whereabouts and her future plans. Mother and Grandmother are mum. Should I continue to investigate?
To: Adachitokyo
From: Sloandriscoll
What is a mizuage?
I hit send, hoping I’d hear back immediately. I calculated the time difference between the East Coast and Tokyo. They were thirteen hours ahead. It was eleven in the morning my time, so midnight over there. I hoped my detective was a night person. And just as I was thinking this, my phone dinged a reply.
To: Sloandriscoll
From: Adachitokyo
Ancient practice of money exchange for support of emerging geisha. Illegal in today’s Japan but still practiced on the down-low. Person who pays mizuage has full rights to deflower geisha.
Deflower? Didn’t that word go out of fashion with corsets and horse-drawn carriages? Did Ken purchase Noriko because of her Japanese ancestry and her virginal status? Was this all part of a hateful plan he’d hatched to get Cole on board? To guilt his son into marriage, with a pair of Petri dish children, and Noriko’s willing body as a bonus? None of it made sense. Then again, it explained everything. If Cole robbed Noriko of a future in Japan, he’d have to keep her regardless of my feelings.
I was enraged, yet at the same time, hurt and terrified because I knew Cole. He was in a bad place mentally, and the timing of this transaction couldn’t have been more perfect. My tears fell before I could stop them, and I crumpled on to the sand and reached for a seashell, one of millions that washed up from the depths of the Atlantic. I shoved down my jeans and began scratching a big S into my thigh. I pressed down hard, hoping the skin would break, but all it did was fade to white and then immediately turn bright red. I hadn’t actually broken the surface, but another swipe of the brittle shell would do the trick. Fortunately, the pain stopped me. I sucked in a ragged breath and tossed the seashell as far away as possible. I stood and yanked up my pants, muttering cuss words the entire time. I was not going to succumb to this dark world again. I’d come too far and refused to fall back into self-mutilation. I had to be proactive and face my anger and my fears.
I decided to confront Cole―no more avoidance or pussyfooting around. We’d settle this in a major knock-down-drag-out fight if necessary, but we’d have amazing makeup sex and get rid of Noriko once and for all. Let her keep the money Ken paid, and her precious virginity, and get the fuck out of our lives. I had to convince Cole that I was in this relationship for the long haul. All the gossip and speculation meant squat without proof. He couldn’t push me away on the off chance I’d tire of him. It was wrong in every sense. Sure, I’d jerked off to the sight of two men getting it on, but I was only human. It was hot and I got excited. Was that so terribly wrong? I didn’t fuck Trent, did I? I loved Cole.
Driving into the city was a much better option than taking the train. It was quicker, and I needed to get home in a rush. I’d been gone for three days, and God only knew what havoc Noriko had wrought in our home, not to mention any warped seeds she’d planted in Cole’s receptive brain. I left Max a voice mail, telling him my plans. Hopefully, he was too preoccupied with his friends and wouldn’t question my state of mind. I’d return the car as soon as I settled things with Cole.
It was close to four by the time I parked in front of our building and handed the doorman the keys. He’d find somewhere to stash the car until I could take it back out to Montauk. I was so relieved to be back I didn’t even notice the subtle changes in the apartment. I would become aware of them at a later time. There was Japanese music in the background when I turned the key and stepped into our foyer. I couldn’t determine if it was piped in on the sound system or coming from Cole’s phone. I walked into the living room and froze. Cole was in full-out shogun mode, dressed in his samurai outfit, sans the helmet. He was sitting on the floor listening to Noriko who was strumming some guitar-looking thing and singing to him in lilting Japanese. She was in a kimono, and her hair was artfully swept up in a French twist, with white flowers and jeweled pins cascading down one side of her face. Freddie lifted his head as soon as he heard me, and I signaled him to stay. Cole hadn’t moved an inch, too enthralled by the nightingale serenading him, oblivious to my return.
Noriko slanted a glance my way but didn’t stop singing. When she was done, Cole clapped appreciatively and said something in Japanese that made her smile. She crawled on her knees to his side and kowtowed respectfully at his feet. She looked like a beautiful Japanese doll. If I had a knife, I would have carved out her heart. Instead, I stood there paralyzed, watching this bizarre reenactment unfold. She moved away from Cole long enough to pour tea from the ornate pot Cole had purchased many years ago. It was an antique and worth hundreds of dollars. Allowing Noriko to use it was another sign that Cole was completely under her spell. She tittered as she poured, touching him on his hand and arm. Finally, she handed him his cup, making a big ceremony of passing it to him, all the while caressing him with her long and ladylike fingers.
“I’m home,” I said, loud enough to wake the dead.
“Sloan,” Cole startled. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough.”
“Come and have some tea.”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Sit down and we can talk over a nice cup of green tea.”
“I’d like to speak to you in private.”
“Can’t it wait?”
“No,” I said, not bothering to keep the anger out of my voice. If he didn’t get up in five seconds, I’d drag him kicking and screaming. However, he stood up, sparing us both the embarrassment. He turned to Noriko and muttered something in Japanese, which fried my ass. “It’s rude to speak in a foreign language when you’re with someone who can’t understand.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was just excusing myself.”
“And you couldn’t do it in English?”
“What’s this all about, Sloan?” Cole said, shutting our bedroom door. “You’ve been gone for days, and now you walk in here, throwing your weight around and being a total jerk.”
“This is my home, and I can act any way I want.”
“We have a guest, and I would hope you’d be more considerate.”
“Your ‘guest’ is a paid-for, wrapped-up present from daddy. Were you aware of her history?”
“I knew Noriko was being paid to surrogate. Why are you so surprised?”
“Do you know what a mizuage is?”
He frowned at me. “Why?”
“Ken bid on Noriko’s, especially for you.”
“How do you know?”
“Would you like me to read off the e-mail from the Japanese investigator?” Fortunately, I’d saved them all to my phone.
“An investigator?” Cole looked and sounded shell-shocked.
“You said I could do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this.”
“I didn’t say you could invade her privacy.”
“How in fucking else am I supposed to find out anything without hiring someone?”
“I don’t know,” Cole said, raising his voice. “Why don’t you let it go, Sloan? I’ve already made up my mind.”
“Isn’t our relationship worth fighting for?”
He sighed and turned away, running his fingers through his long hair in frustration. He looked incredibly distinguished in his kamishimo. The exaggerated shoulders of the sleeveless vest worn over his kimono made him look larger than life and more powerful, as well as foreign and unreachable. I felt like I was with a stranger instead of the man I’d shared a life with for the last five years. I sank down on my knees in front of him. “Turn around, Cole.”
He turned and stumbled, almost falling on top of me. “Why are you kneeling?”
“So you can tell how desperate I am. Please believe me when I tell you I’m committed to our relationship. I will never leave you. Not today or next week or three years down the road. Don’t make any decisions about children and marriage because all of a sudden you think I’m going to cheat. I’m not.”
“Sloan,” Cole sighed, sinking down on his knees in front of me. We were now eye to eye. He held my face in his hands and wiped away the tears dribbling down my cheeks. He kissed me gently and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back his own tears. “I love you passionately,” he said, kissing me once more. “You were the only thing that kept me from losing my mind, a precious gift I’ve had for a long time. But I need to set you free. I don’t want you to look at me years down the road and wonder whatever happened to your youth or think about all the opportunities you’ve pushed away due to your loyalty. We’ve grown apart in many ways. You’re healthy and thriving, a success.” Cole’s voice broke, and he paused to get himself under control. “You don’t need me for anything.”
“That’s not true,” I said, panicking. “I need your love and support.”
“You’ll always have it, but you should experience everything life has to offer without being hampered by a blind man. We want different things right now. I want a family, children, and yes, a wife who needs me to survive. If I dropped dead, you’d manage fine. Noriko will give me what I want, and in exchange I will give her my name, my loyalty, and my respect as the mother of my children. It’s more than money, Sloan.”
“Cole,” I choked out, clutching him fiercely against my chest. “You’re not straight.”
“No, but I’ll do my best to be a decent husband.”
“Are you willing to settle for a passionless existence for the sake of children? Didn’t I tell you I was ready to have them if we had another surrogate you wouldn’t have to marry?”
“Noriko’s pledged herself to me, and if what you’re saying is true, and I’ve paid for her mizuage, it would be the greatest dishonor for me to send her back to Japan. She will lose face and will probably kill herself.”
“What about me? Aren’t you worried I’ll go on a cutting spree? Aren’t my feelings as valid as hers?”
“Of course they are, but I know you’ll be fine, Sloan. You’re over that phase of your life.”
I pushed him away. “Uh-huh.”
“You know I’m right.”
“Aren’t you always?”
“Once you realize this is for the best, we’ll go back to being friends.”
“What a load of crap.”
“To you, maybe, but I can’t run away from my responsibilities any longer. I’ve put this off for too long.”
My emotions were all over the place. I kept circling back to a time when we were in perfect harmony and children never played a part in our dreams for the future. Springing this on me out of the blue was as bad, if not worse, than cheating. He was abandoning me for a fantasy created by the desperate attempt to please his father.
Oblivious to my torment, Cole continued, “When my sons are born, I want you to be their godfather. They’ll need someone to teach them how to play baseball.”
“Aren’t you afraid I’ll show them how to accessorize instead?”
“Stop being ridiculous.”
A red haze enveloped me, slithering around my brain like a malevolent viper. I had never felt this kind of rage, and I was tempted to pull the ceremonial dagger out of Cole’s fancy embroidered belt and slash indiscriminately, but I managed to get myself under control to try to knock some sense into him.
“Listen to me, Cole. The only one in this room who’s being foolish is you. You’re pushing me away for all the wrong reasons. It would be easier to understand if you admitted the truth. You don’t want me anymore. Plain and simple. All your other excuses are falling on deaf ears because they are lies, germinated by a selfish old man who’d rather sacrifice his son’s happiness for a chance at his own immortality. Ken’s already got several granddaughters, but they don’t count for shit if his favored son comes through. This is your pathetic attempt to make it up to your father for going blind. I can’t believe you’re buying into his bullshit, but I won’t stand in your way any longer. Go ahead and fulfill your destiny. Marry Noriko and spend the rest of your life pretending you’re happy. I’ve got far better things to do.”
I left the apartment without saying another word. If I stayed for one more minute, someone would die tonight, and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in jail.
Chapter 19
I drove straight to Tribeca. The weed I’d procured from Tin was still hidden in a drawer in Max’s studio, and it would be my lifeline until I sorted out my scrambled brain.
Cole’s words kept repeating in my head. You don’t need me anymore. Did I have to be bleeding all over the tiles for him to feel wanted? What kind of relationship did we have if my weakness was the only thing keeping him around? Or were those words simply an excuse to push me out the door? Once again this boiled down to his parents’ influence, demands, and expectations. I was sick of competing against the “right” thing to do. I was the right thing! None of them were around when he needed them. How could he forget everything we’d been through?
By the time I got to the studio I was shaking. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, about eight hours ago, and my blood sugar was at zero. With all the shocks to my system, it was a wonder I could still walk and talk. Instead of stopping in the kitchenette to see what I could scrounge up by way of food, I headed to the utility room, where I’d stored the weed. It was still in the original baggie Tin had purchased, beside the brand-new pack of blades I’d bought on an impulse. With trembling fingers, I stroked the shiny blades wistfully, then dropped them like I’d been scorched. They were a painful albeit reassuring reminder that there was more than one way to escape.
The strong Jamaican hemp set off another round of tears instead of making me feel better. When I was done with my pity party, I headed for the refrigerator to find something edible before I fainted. There were a few boxes of Stouffer’s in the freezer, and I picked the Tuscan Chicken and nuked it. I could feel my body sucking up the protein and carbohydrates. As soon as I was done, my eyelids drooped as lethargy replaced the nervous tension. I stretched out on the sofa and fell asleep in minutes.
The next thing I was aware of was someone shaking my shoulder. I kept swatting the annoying hand away, but it was persistent.
“Darling, wake up.”
I popped open one eye to find Max looking down at me with concern. “What are you doing sleeping on my sofa?”
Rolling over, I buried my face in the upholstery. “Go away,” I muttered. I could feel the tears starting up again and I was determined not to break down, especially in front of Max.
“I’m not going away, Sloan. You may as well talk to me.”
I sat up gingerly and thought about my response. Whatever I admitted would be the official version and the talk of the fashion world, so I chose my words very carefully. “It’s over with Cole.”
“What?”
I reached for the toke I’d left in the ashtray. There was plenty left for another round. Using it as a delaying tactic, I spent an inordinate amount of time lighting and inhaling deeply, all the while aware of Max’s quiet gaze. Finally, when I felt the hit, I said. “I am officially single and available. Wanna fuck me?”
“Jesus, Sloan. What happened?”
“He’s chosen Noriko.”
&n
bsp; “I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true. Cole says she needs him more than I do. Personally, I think he’s having a midlife crisis.”
“It certainly sounds like one,” Max commiserated. “Whatever happened to his promise to wait? Didn’t you tell him you were having her investigated?”
“Oh yeah. And here’s the latest from Tokyo. Noriko Evans is a third-generation geisha whose precious mizuage was purchased by Ken Fujiwara.”
Max frowned. “You can’t be serious.”
“You know what I’m talking about?”
“Yes, but I was under the impression this ancient practice ceased to exist years ago.”
“Apparently not. Her reputation will be ruined if Cole rejects her.”
“Your father-in-law is a devious SOB.”
“No shit. The motherfucker couldn’t have chosen a better way to mess with Cole’s head. Unfortunately, I’m paying the price.”
“Would you like me to try to talk some sense into Cole?”
“I don’t think it’ll help. I’ve already promised him I’d consider another surrogacy, one that doesn’t involve Noriko, but he has this idealized vision of a perfect family, and there’s not much else I can do. I have to move on or go insane.”
“Come here, Sloan,” Max said gently, reaching for me.
“Please don’t.” I moved farther away. “Don’t touch me, or I’ll start crying again and never stop. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I want to make sure you won’t do anything stupid.”
Vessel (Cutting Cords Series Book 2) Page 12