by Paul Bellow
“Great idea,” Benji said.
“There’s a gross room up here, Kali.”
“What do you mean? Describe it.”
“I see lots of wax,”Charlotte said.
“Maybe they make candles in that room?”
“Come on,” I said. “We’re safe to move.”
We carefully inched through the tunnel. I felt relieved when the space opened. As I looked around the cavern, I saw mounds of wax piled high.
Leroy dipped his finger into the wax then lifted it to his mouth.
“Tastes like Goblin,” he said, licking his lips.
I cringed, wondering if we should dump him.
“Someone’s coming,” Eric said. “Everyone hide.”
“There’s nowhere to hide,” Leroy said. “We have to fight.”
“Hold on,” I said. “We can disguise ourselves.”
“You memorized that spell already?” Eric asked.
I shook my head and said, “No, but I can cast it once from the scroll. We can disguise ourselves as goblins and try to sneak out of here.”
I unrolled the parchment and studied the text and images.
“How do I...”
“Read the very bottom,” Charlotte said.
“Oh, for single use…”
I read the arcane words. The printing on the page lit up then faded.
“Concentrate on what you want to impersonate,” Charlotte said.
A moment later, I stifled a laugh as I saw Eric and Benji turn into two of the ugliest and tallest goblins I’d ever seen.
“Not perfect, but it needs to do for now.”
“You’ll get better, Kali. I have faith in you.”
“Wait, I don’t speak great goblin,” Eric said. “I know a few words, but I’ve got a heavy accent.”
Benji picked his new, bulbous nose.
“I can’t speak it either,” he said.
“Let me do the talking,” I said, getting ready.
“Any advice, Charlotte?”
“You should act like a goblin,” she said.
I nodded then passed on her advice.
“We need to act like goblins,” I said.
Benji belched. Eric farted.
“Very funny. Remember, let me do the talking.”
Two skinny, barely dressed goblins turned the corner and saw us.
“What’s going on here?” one yelled in a nasty voice.
“Yeah, what’s going on in here?” his companion asked.
“We’re the new workers,” I said, wishing I’d come up with a better plan. “Who are you?”
“I’m in charge around here,” the mean one said.
“Yeah, he’s in charge around here,” the other added.
The first goblin turned to him.
“Cut it out,” he said. “You know I hate when you do that.”
“What’s with all the chanting?” I asked. “And where are we supposed to be working? We got lost looking for the crapper.”
The second goblin giggled, snot running out of its nose.
“We’re on high alert,” he said. “Heroes are coming or something.”
“Shut your trap,” the leader of the two said.
“We saw them,” I said. “Back through this cave.”
I pointed behind me to the tunnel we’d crawled out of earlier.
“Now!” Eric shouted.
I stepped back as he ran his sword into the back of the lead goblin. Leroy and Thrukad both attacked the one with a runny nose.
Combat is over!
You gain 200xp divided by two party members.
You get 100 xp.
You have 8,935 xp.
You need 5,065 xp for Level Four Mage
“You could’ve given me some warning,” I said.
Eric grinned in that cock-sure way he had.
“Charlotte, explore ahead, will you?”
“On it, Kali…”
Leroy stood after rummaging through the bodies.
“No treasure,” he said. “I want to get out of here. This isn’t worth it.”
“You can’t back out now,” Eric said.
He wiped the thick, green blood off his sword—muttering under his breath. I looked down the tunnel.
“Anything, Charlotte?”
“I’m reaching the end, Kali. There’s a lit cavern. It’s so big. Should I keep going?”
“Do you see anyone?”
“Only two statues, Kali.”
“Great. Wait for us.”
“Let’s go,” I said. “There’s two statues in a cavern, but that’s it.”
“The spider does better than our thief,” Leroy said then chuckled. “This is the strangest party I’ve ever not joined.”
“Let’s go,” Eric said in a somber tone.
Our procession inched forward. The end of the narrow tunnel opened into a huge, natural cavern easily a few hundred yards wide.
I glanced around and saw several tunnels that all converged in the cavern. Two statues taller than us stood near one of them.
Eric with his sword in hand, glanced around.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” he said.
The two statues stirred to life on the other side of the cavern.
“Wax golems,” I hissed. “Everyone get ready.”
As the two creatures lumbered toward us, I noticed something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Those aren’t normal wax golems,” Eric said.
“What are they?” I asked.
“Ear wax golems,” he shouted. “Be careful. It’s probably poisonous.”
Yuck. This game is getting too weird.
“I bet they’re vulnerable to fire,” Eric said.
He screamed as he rushed forward with his sword.
Leroy and Thrukad ran to catch up with him.
Benji and I held back, watching the situation.
I should’ve taken Lava Hands at my last level.
“Do you have fire magic?” Benji asked.
I laughed nervously.
“No,” I said. “But I was just thinking about it.”
Both of us watched as Eric and the others battled the ear wax golems.
“Maybe we can start another fire,” Benji said.
I bobbed my head back and forth as I thought it through.
“Not sure that’s the greatest of ideas,” I said. “You go around that way, and I’ll go to the other. Maybe we can surprise them from behind.”
“I’m a priest, not a bloody rogue,” Benji snapped.
“We just need to be in a strategic location and see what’s on the other side of the cavern,” I said. “Don’t freak out.”
“Right, right,” he said. “Don’t freak out. Got it.”
“Meet you in the middle…”
I turned and ran next to the outer wall of the cavern. At each tunnel I passed, I glanced down to see if I could spot anything useful.
Leroy screamed as he attacked.
That idiot is gonna get us killed, I thought as I kept running.
Benji could heal them once he got closer.
Eric looked heroic as he thrust, sparred, and pressed forward—battling the unholy golems. While not sentient, they fought hard.
I stopped and tried a single Golden Bolt. The energy spell bounced harmlessly off the creature. Instead, it turned and bolted toward me.
Uh oh. They must be magic resistant.
Eric noticed the one rushing at me. He ran forward and slashed again, sinking his blade into the wax. The golem stopped to swing a fist.
The other two were handling the second golem well, so I continued running around the edge of the massive cavern.
I saw a big tunnel ahead. Stairs leading up had been carved out of the rock. I couldn’t see the top as I stopped and got my bearings.
Where’s Benji?
I glanced around, assessing the situation. The stairs likely led to the Tower of Sherlock. And that meant we were in the basement underneath.
&n
bsp; Watching the stairs, I crept forward as the others kept fighting.
Benji met me in front of them. He stopped and glanced up.
“Leroy needed healing again,” he said. “But I took care of him.”
“Great,” I said. “Looks like they’re down to just one golem.”
“Charlotte, can you come to me?”
“I’m here, Kali, climbing to your shoulder now.”
We’ve got this, Benji said, pumping his fist.
Eric screamed and sliced the last ear wax golem in half.
Combat is over!
You gain 1,400xp divided by two party members.
You get 700 xp.
You have 9,635 xp.
You need 4,365 xp for Level Four Mage
“Not too shabby,” I said as he walked over.
“We should’ve taken them out sooner,” Leroy said. “Our healer’s too slow, and our stupid thief is acting like a front-line fighter.”
“You needed the help,” Eric said.
I stepped in between them.
“No arguing,” I said.
“Kali—someone’s coming,”Charlotte said.
I turned to see an even larger stone golem lumbering down the stairs. Snargao and a group of goblins fell in behind the animated statue.
“That’s it,” Leroy shouted. “I’m out of here, and I’m taking the loot.”
“No,” Eric said.
“I’m going too,” Thrukad said. “Riches alone just aren’t worth it for me. Better to rest up and come back another day.”
I sighed as the two of them ran across the cavern and back into the tunnel we’d entered earlier.
Benji glanced up the stairs.
“Are you leaving too?” Eric asked.
Our priest shook his head, holding his mace.
“I’m here with you two through thick or thin,” he said.
The honor displayed by our NPC companion gave me hope.
“What happened in here?” Snargao shouted from the stairs.
“Everyone be ready,” Eric said.
“You don’t need to tell me twice,” Benji said.
“At least my illusion spell is holding even with combat,” I said.
Eric grinned.
“Maybe we can talk our way out of this,” he said. “Or you can. No pressure. You’ve got this.”
I wondered what he had in mind as the golem reached the bottom of the stairs. Snargao stepped out from behind it, snarling.
“Get ready,” the hobgoblin said. “You’re about to meet your new master, the founder of Magictology, and the coolest and kingliest king.”
I waited—unsure of what to expect.
18
Rogue’s Ring of Spider Climbing
ERIC
“Get in line, you miserable goblins,” Snargao shouted.
Benji, Sarah, and I walked over to the group of goblins and joined them in a line of shame. One of them farted—maybe more.
A mage in black robes stomped down the stairs, his eyes filled with fury.
Was this the mid level boss? And could we take him?
“Why isn’t anything working out?” the mage asked. “You ran away from the fools who attacked you, and now they’re missing.”
“I’m sorry, master,” Snargao said, eyes pointed downward. “We’ll find them soon. I promise.”
The mage stepped over to us.
“Have any of you seen anything?” he asked.
Two goblins fainted. I avoided eye contact, hoping the others did too. We had to lay low and stay alive to finish the quest.
“I need volunteers to clean up down here,” the mage said.
Sarah raised her hand and said something in goblin-tongue.
“The rest of you back upstairs,” the mage shouted.
Snargao crept toward the staircase.
“Not you,” the mage said. “Go back to your lair and find the intruders. They have to be somewhere. I need them dead. And soon.”
“Yes, master,” Snargao said.
“I can’t believe your stupidity,” the angry mage yelled.
He shook his head as he turned back toward the stairs. The goblins ran up before him, tripping over each other. I kept my eyes on them all.
The stone golem followed the mage up the stairs. I turned to Sarah once they were out of sight. She took a deep breath.
“What do you think?” she asked.
“That was a close one,” Benji said. “Your magic is strong.”
“Let’s get out of here,” I said. “We got lucky, but I don’t want to push it. Maybe the hirelings were right. We need more firepower or something.”
“I want to check on Leroy and Thrukad too,” Benji said. “Cleaning up all this goblin ear wax is not in my contract.”
“First, you don’t have a contract yet.” I kept my voice low as I continued. “Second, this is an opportunity to get the cursed pendant.”
“We don’t even know where it is,” Sarah said.
“Can’t your familiar find it?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “Charlotte is too low level to detect magic that far.”
I nodded and said, “Not a problem. Here’s the plan. You two clean up the ear wax, and I’ll sneak through the tower to find the pendant. Once I have it, I’ll come back down here, and we’ll make our escape. There’s no way that stone golem can follow us through the tunnel back to Snargao’s lair. It’s too big.”
“Yeah,” Sarah said. “But he’s probably got fireballs and all other sorts of magic. Maybe we should find another way out of here.”
I grinned.
“Do you doubt my mighty rogue skills?” I asked.
“No,” she said, not smiling. “But it’s dangerous.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I said.
Sarah sighed then said, “Be careful…”
“I’ve got this new Ring of Spider Climbing, so I should be fine.”
She shook her head as I slipped it on my right wedding ring finger.
“Just your friendly neighborhood spider-rogue,” I said.
I glanced over at Benji.
Did he just crack a smile? How would he know about old comic book heroes?
“Go now, if you’re going,” Sarah said. “We’ll be down here waiting.”
I turned and crept up the stairs. Even with bad lighting, it would be difficult to hide. I listened carefully as I cautiously made my way up.
When I neared the top, I saw it’s empty; there’s nothing to see here. Hours of gaming had taught me a thing or two about subverting quests.
The game wanted us to face the mage, but I had other plans.
With a bit of luck, I’d steal the cursed pendant and get away quietly.
At the top of the stairs, I saw another spiral staircase leading up another floor. Two wooden doors were set in the stone walls.
Where would I be if I were a cursed pendant?
I walked over to one of the doors. As I looked around, I heard voices approaching.
I opened the nearest door. After slipping through the doorway, I closed it behind me.
Outside the tower, I glanced up.
It was so damn high. Twenty yards separated me and another cliff.
Not knowing who was inside, I walked around the circular tower.
It’s time to check out this ring.
I grabbed hold of a crevice and effortlessly lifted myself.
Not bad, I thought as I climbed. The wind picked up the higher I went.
Starting my search at the top of the tower made the most sense. If I were the mage, I’d hide all my treasures up there for safekeeping.
Ten feet. Twenty. Forty.
I approached the top—the game gripping my mind even tighter as I got wrapped up in the thrill of being a badass.
A window caught my eye as I climbed.
Not bad for a low level rogue.
I gripped the window-ledge then easily pulled myself up and over.
The glass window swung inward wi
thout me having to pick a lock. I grinned and hopped to the floor inside.
What do we have here?
I saw a well-used leather couch against one of the four walls. Several bookshelves packed with tomes and other knick-knacks took up the rest of the wall space.
I noticed a hatch in the floor at the center of the room.
Must be his eagle nest.
I scanned the shelves for anything resembling a pendant. I unrolled a nude portrait of a very blessed female gnome.
She wasn’t my taste, but to each their own.
How long had he been in the game? And why did he want to kill us so bad?
I pushed the meta-thoughts out of my mind and got back to the task at hand.
After searching a few minutes, I found a secret door.
The painting hiding it sort of got ruined, but I didn’t care.
He would have to deal with it. I picked the lock then opened the door.
In the other room, I saw a lavish wooden desk in front of a massive, stained-glass window overlooking the countryside. Colors lit up the space almost magically. More bookshelves and questionable art covered the walls.
Then I saw it.
Several chests sat stacked against the outer wall of the semi-circular room. I walked over, wondering if it was his stash.
After searching and finding no traps, I opened the first chest. I stared inside and saw a pile of pendants casually tossed inside.
What am I even looking for? This game sucks so bad.
I wasn’t sure if the magic items stored away were cursed, but they might come in useful.
Should I try on a few and see what they do?
Curious, I grabbed a gold one. Before slipping it on, I checked my stats. With them still glowing in the air, I put on the gold necklace.
My strength stat went up by ten. Not too shabby.
Was it an amulet or a pendant? How can I find the Cursed Pendant of Visions?
Trying it on wouldn’t tell me. I needed to take them all and let Sarah cast Identify on them. I took off my backpack and opened it.
All the amulets and pendants fit inside with a bit more room to spare. I stood and glanced around the secret room—looking for more.
Why would he keep such a powerful magic item like the cursed pendant thrown in with all the others? Or did he have another secret hiding place for that because it’s special somehow?
I walked over to the giant-sized wooden desk and felt underneath for anything out of the ordinary. As I searched, I noticed a painting.