by M. K. Eidem
Sadly, she can't even blame him. She was the one spilling her guts. She was the one suggesting makeup sex and she was the one who let her emotions get out of hand. All Grim had wanted was to join with a female, any female and have offspring. He doesn’t need to love her to do that.
She needs to come to terms with this. There isn’t going to be a 'happily ever after' ending in this story, not for her but there could be for her girls, if she played by Grim's rules. Could she do that? Could she stand back again? Sleep with Grim, join with him, and not let it slowly destroy her? She'll have too...her girls and this baby, are depending on her.
Grim nods to the guards outside the Royal Wing, moving to the stairs, he finds Ion and Nairn at the bottom.
“My family is upstairs?” He questions.
“Just the Queen sire.” Ion replies, keeping his eyes forward. “The little ones are with Cook.”
“They have their Guard?” Grim demands.
“Of course sire.” At his tone, Grim gives Ion a sharp look.
“Has something happened that I’m not aware of Ion?” Ion finally looks his King in the eye.
“No sire.” Giving him one last look, Grim nods, and then heads up to find his Lisa.
Impatient strides take Grim through the empty living area to his Queen. He needs to see her, touch her, talk to her. He needs to make her understand that he hadn't meant to hurt her. She told him how hurt she'd been by her Mark and he didn’t want her to think he would do that. This is different.
Entering their chamber, he’s eyes quickly scan the room, but doesn’t find her. A quick search of the cleansing room finds it empty too. Where is she? Ion had said she was here but he had been acting strangely. About to call the Guard he notices the door to the female’s level is open, its light dimly shining. Why would she be up there? She doesn’t belong up there. Quickly he moves up the stairway.
“Lisa…” Seeing her jump, he realizes he’s startled her.
“Grim. What are you doing here?” She asks huskily.
“I was looking for you." Moving to her, his eyes quickly search the empty space. "Why are you up here?”
“I needed to think and this seemed like the logical place.”
“Think…" He stops just behind her. "About what?”
“Us.” Grim stiffens at her response.
“What about us.” He demands, his heart pounding. What did she need to think about? She was his. He was hers.
Lisa looks up at him, knowing she's upset him with her response. Her heart breaks a little when she realizes she doesn't like Grim upset. She wants to see him happy, see him smile. She wants to give him the love he's been denied all his life. Sighing heavily she turns back to the window, apparently her decisions been made. She will stay with Grim, doing what she’s promised and find a way to survive as his female.
"What about us Lisa!" Gripping her arms, he gives her a little shake. Her turning away from him hurt but not as much as the look in her eyes. They'd been filled with a heartbreaking acceptance. Acceptance of what? "Tell me, please my Lisa..." Turning her, he gently tilts her face to his. "Tell me..." He whispers.
"It's nothing you need to worry about Grim. I've come to terms with it." She puts a reassuring hand on his cheek.
"It's not nothing! It has upset you." He looks into the eyes he loves and sees a deep sadness in them, a sadness put there by his thoughtless words, words she’s just returned to him. Alger is right. He has caused great harm to the one that should never be harmed. "It's because of yesterday, because of what I said." He can tell he's right.
“It doesn’t matter.” When she would pull away, he brings her closer.
“It does matter my Lisa. Anything that puts that look in your eyes matters. You are all that matters to me. Don’t you know that? You are my Queen.”
“No…I am your female.” She corrects him and watches his eyes widen in shock.
“Why would you say this…you wish to leave me?”
“No. I gave you my promise Grim, my vow, to join with you and only you. I meant it and I’ll keep it but that doesn’t make me your Queen.”
“Of course you are my Queen!”
“No.” She looks at him with steady eyes. “A Queen stands at your side Grim. She is your equal, your lover, your confident and your friend. She has a power all her own and duties to perform, duties that matter. She is all these things Grim…but that’s not what you want.” Sadness enters her steady gaze. “I will only ever be a female that has your offspring.”
Grim looks down at her in horror. Is this what he has made her think? That she only matters to him because of offspring. He opens his mouth to speak but can’t get the words past the sudden lump in his throat.
“It’s okay Grim.” He watches the sadness fade away to be replaced by something much worse….acceptance.
"It is not okay!" Grim wants to roar, to rage, only to find he’s shaking. That she could think this and believe it, because of something he said. That she could believe he didn't think she was worthy of being his Queen...Lifting her into his arms he buries his face in her neck, breathing in her scent, her warmth, seeking comfort until he could find the words.
"It's okay Grim." She whispers, cradling his head in her arms. "I understand now and things will be better, like before. I promise." She coos, meaning to reassure him, but the eyes that slowly rise to meet hers are devastated. "Grim..."
"You think that I would use you like that? That I think of you as nothing more than a breeder?" Rage slowly builds in his eyes and voice. "You! Who ripped apart my universe with your truth, with your loyalty, with your love! You showed me that I mattered, that I was worthy, yet believe that you aren't? Not to me! Not to my warriors!"
"But you said..." Grim silences her with a hard kiss.
"I was wrong in what I said my Lisa, in how I said it. I was angry and impatient and you were there. I am sorry...so sorry my Lisa." Lisa looks into his turbulent grey eyes trying to see the truth. “Tell me my Lisa. Tell me truth. You said that part of love is forgiving when one is having a bad day. Was that a lie?”
"No Grim it was truth." She whispers, wondering if she could believe, could trust, one more time.
"Then forgive me my Lisa. I beg you. I love you, without you my life is like this room…empty…and yesterday…yesterday was a very bad day." Tears flow down her cheeks by the time he finishes. She wants to respond but finds she can't, instead she nods and buries her face in his neck sobbing, releasing all the hurt and pain of the last day.
Grim stares into the fire, holding his Lisa close, replaying the last day in his mind. It had gone from wonderful to terrible in a matter of hours. Lisa’s told him what she wants from him. Could he give it to her? Could he let her be all those things? A lover, that was easy, but the others. If she were his confidant that would mean she would know his failings, his shortcomings. No male does that with his fe…Grim frowns. He was going to call her his female. Something he’s told her she isn’t. So what is it going to be? Could he let her be the Queen she wants to be? Looking down he’s startled to find her watching him.
“What did you decide?” She asks softly with no censure in her voice.
“You know me well don’t you my Lisa.”
“I know you are a strong, honorable male that cares not only about me and the girls, but about your warriors and people. You want me as your Queen but want to hide me away, protecting me from all harm, but you can’t do that Grim, you can’t have love and not at some time hurt. You can’t be happy and not have some sadness. It is called life, you have to live it. The good and the bad Grim.”
“I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt my Lisa.” He admits.
“The only way you can prevent it is by locking me away Grim and that hurts more. It’s one of the things Mark did. With his decisions. He thought it would hurt less, that he was protecting me but it hurt so much more to realize that he didn’t trust me to make the important decisions.”
The hurt he sees in Lisa’s eyes tell
s Grim that those decisions, made so long ago, still hurt her. What could her Mark have done that was so wrong?
“How could his protecting you hurt you, my Lisa?” At first, he doesn’t think she’s going to answer, as she stares into the fire.
“He signed a DNR and didn’t tell me. Didn’t even ask.” She whispers, her voice while flat is filled with remembered pain.
“A…D...
“DNR. Do Not Resuscitate. It’s an order for his medical care. It meant that if he were to stop breathing, if his heart would stop, that there would be no attempt to resuscitate him. Bring him back.” Grim eyes widen in shock.
“Why would he do such a thing?” Grim can’t fathom it. He would fight with all his being to have just one more minute with her.
“Because he was trying to protect me. He thought it would be easier…for me…if he chose when to die.” She’s touches the tear rolling down her cheek in amazement. She didn’t think she had any left. “But it made it worse.” She angrily wipes the tear away. “He had a reaction to a new medicine they’d given him. It caused his heart to stop. There was an antidote but they couldn’t give it unless his heart was beating and they couldn’t start his heart because of the DNR. He died when he didn’t have too Grim, all because he was trying to protect me from being hurt, but the truth is he didn’t trust me, not when it truly mattered.”
Grim looks at her and can see the sorrow and guilt on her face. “It wasn’t your fault Lisa.”
“Wasn’t it?” The pain in her eyes rips at his soul. “I didn’t stand up to him when I should have, when I knew he was wrong. I let him make all the important decisions, never arguing. I gave him no reason to believe that I could make that decision.”
“You were very young my Lisa. You still are.” Suddenly he realizes she’s younger than when he became King.
“No I’m not.” She slides out of his arms to stand, moving away from him. “That girl died Grim. She died with Mark. She died because she didn’t stand up to the man she loved and demand her rights.” Turning she faces him. “So you need to decide if I’m to be your Queen or your female, Grim. I want to be your Queen.” She stands proudly before him. She’s going for what she wants this time. “I want to stand beside you, help you make Luda a glorious place to live. I want to give you offspring, raise them in this House, making sure they know they are loved, every minute of every day, no matter what, no matter male or female, they will know they matter. I can’t do that by myself Grim. I can only do it if you let me, if you believe in me, trust me…”
Grim frowns as she stands in front of him, challenging him for her right to be a true Queen. For her right to stand beside him, as the Queens of old had done. Willingly accepting the risks being with him brought, if he falters now they will both lose.
“Nearly thirty-six hours ago a ship slipped through our planetary defense system. Twelve were left behind.” Lisa’s eyes widen at what he’s telling her, because he’s telling her, slowly she sits facing him.
“Someone on Luda helped them.” Grim looks at her surprised and nods.
“Why do you believe this?”
“Because it's the only way someone could get through your defenses Grim.” Closing his eyes, he rests his forehead against hers. What had he ever done to deserve her?
“You are correct. Commander Junius discovered the defenses had been shut down for three minutes. He reported it.” Grim realizes he hasn’t given his Lisa enough credit.
“Baccuus.”
“Yes…how…” Not near enough credit.
“I overheard his name in your command room and again last night. You immediately left when informed he was here. He's why you were gone all night."
"Yes, I was...questioning him." He will never tell her how, that ugliness will never touch his Lisa.
Lisa looks at Grim, understanding what he means when he says questioning. She wants to be upset by it but finds she can't. This male betrayed Grim, allowed intruders onto Luda, intruders that could harm their people.
"He told you what you needed to know?"
"He told me what he knew." Grim's look tells her he will say no more, nodding she settles in his arms, staring at the fire.
When she questions him no further, Grim is surprised. He'd thought she'd want to know every detail, something he wouldn't give her. Instead she lets it drop, it's then he realizes she trusts him, truly trusts him.
"Lisa...” He mummers in her hair.
"Hmmmm...”
“Will you be my Queen? I want you to be Queen Lisa.” Slowly she looks up at him. “You are everything I didn’t even know I wanted or needed. I will try my best to make you happy but I know it won’t always happen. I’ll…”
“You’ll what Grim?” Turning so they are chest to chest, she rests her hands on his tense shoulders. “You know you can tell me.”
“I will make mistakes, anger you. I can be short tempered, especially when it involves you or the girls’ safety. I will try to control you, I know this, but it will only be because I love you so much.”
“And I will make mistakes, anger you. I can be short tempered too you know.” She gives him a loving smile. “Especially if it involves you or our children’s safety. I will tell you when I think you are wrong Grim, but I will never shame you. I will always stand at your side. No matter what. Because I love you and nothing will ever change that.”
“My Lisa…” Grim groans capturing her mouth for a deep kiss. He will never let her go. Never give her up. Quickly removing her pants, he lifts her astride him. He must have her.
“My Grim.” Lisa’s fingers furiously work to release him. She needs him inside her…now! In a movement as old as time, they become one, pausing only long enough to wrap their arms around each other before their passion explodes.
Lisa rests her chin on a fist as she looks down at her sleeping King. He settled her on top of him after they’d made love a second time, and then fallen into an exhausted sleep. She should have realized he hadn’t slept the night before, it had been in his eyes, but she’d been to hurt to see it. She’d have to do a better job of taking care of him. He is hers.
The beeping of his comm has her stretching down for his jacket, wanting to silence the damn thing before it woke him.
“Yes?” She asks quietly.
“A...Majesty?”
“Yes what is it Alger?” She demands quietly.
“I, ummm, was looking for the King.” A hand reaches out taking the comm from her.
“What is it Alger?” Grim asks, kissing her temple.
“Sire,” Alger’s relief is easily heard. “Lord Focke is secured and waiting for you.”
“I will be there shortly.” Disconnecting, he drops the comm, and pulls her back on top of him. “What were you going to tell him?” He asks nuzzling her neck.
“That the King is resting.” She turns her head giving him better access. “And that unless we were under attack, he would remain so.” Moaning, her fingers dig into his chest, as he lifts her hips, impaling her on him. Throwing his head back, he groans, as she takes him on a hard fast ride.
“Goddess I love resting with you.” Grim tells her when he can finally speak. Lisa softly chuckles kissing his chest.
“Anytime you want, my love.” After a few minutes, he pulls out of her so they can sit. “Do you really have to go?”
Looking at her Grim realizes he doesn’t want too. Her lips are swollen from his kisses, hair tangled from his hands and skin flushed from his passion. She is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen but he forces himself to nod.
“Lord Focke is Baccuus’ father. He had Baccuus lower our shields.” Grim swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands.
“Then of course you must go.” Lisa knows what it’s taken for him to tell her. “But first you will shower and eat.”
“Are you caring for me my Lisa?” Grim finds his throat tightening.
“Always my love. Now go shower before I make you rest some more.” She gives him a wicked gr
in. Throwing his head back, Grim laughs as he moves to the cleansing room. Goddess he’s never felt this good before.
Lisa grins, not only because of Grim’s laugh, but also because of his beautiful bare backside. Goddess the man is built and he is all hers! Smiling she rises picking up their discarded clothes, crossing the room she puts them were they will be cleaned before pulling on her robe. Moving to the comm, she contacts Cook to order Grim an early midday meal.
“Are the girls still with you?” She asks.
“Yes majesty. Do you require them?”
“Not right now but send them up before midday meal. Your job is difficult enough without the girls being in your way.”
“They are no trouble Majesty.” Tagma hurriedly assures her.
“Thank you Tagma but I know it can’t be easy satisfying the appetites of Luanda’s warriors, even though you make it look easy.”
“I…yes Majesty…thank you.”
“Simple truth Tagma. If you could make sure Grim’s meal is brought quickly I would be grateful, he needs to leave shortly.”
“Yes Majesty!” Tagma can fill his chest puff out at the thought that the Queen has actually noticed his efforts. His eyes meet Kirk’s who heard the entire conversation, he nods to him letting him know he understands before his eyes return to the princess.
Chapter Eleven
Lisa laughs as the girls run in front of her, searching for signs of the Great Raptor. They’d been disappointed they’d missed Grim, but she distracted them by promising a walk in the garden, now that the sun has finally decided to make an appearance.
Ion and Nairn follow discretely, giving them their space, while making sure they were always in sight. They’d been relieved when the King left, not only because he seemed more relaxed, but also because the Queen was smiling again. The sound of running feet has them turning, as ten unknown warriors bursting out of the trees. Drawing their swords Nairn contacts Luanda while Ion yells at Lisa.