by Tyla Walker
It’s becoming like a staring contest already, up until Lukas calls out my name, and we both enter the room. Silva’s gaze following every single move I make.
I administer Lukas’ medicine, and I can see that Lukas really expects us to both somehow reunite after we see each other. It’s not easy, though. Eight years is a long time. Lots of things have changed.
It’s very quiet in the room that somehow I find myself in a pretty awkward situation. Here I am looking after my ex’s grandfather. To make things worse, I find out that I still have the same feelings for the said ex, and I don’t know what to do about it.
My hands are trembling, but I have to calm it down. I have an obligation as a nurse, and I have to be professional at all times. But it’s challenging to do so, fully aware that Silva keeps staring at me.
I guess Lukas cannot tolerate the tension anymore, so he breaks the silence by asking me a question.
“How’s your day, Cassy? Everything goes well during your rounds?” It’s a normal routine for Lukas to ask me such random things. But with Silva around, I feel conscious, and I find myself perfecting the answer I’ll give.
“Yes. In fact, I met this old lady. She tells me about her younger years, about the time when she visits Asia and stays there for a few years. It is fascinating.”
“She shares the cultural experiences she has, the people she meets, and the places she’s been to. Among all the countries there, she talks a lot about the Philippines. Have you been there, Lukas?” I add.
Silva is just listening patiently. Lukas is just glad, though, that I take a lighter topic and talk more about it.
“I’ve heard of that country. My business partners who have been in Asia talk a lot about it. They have beautiful beaches there. And the lifestyle is simple too,” Lukas says with a smile on his face as he tells me this.
This is good; we can continue with this topic and not something that I rather not talk about.
“One of them says that if he ever decides to retire, he’ll most likely choose the Philippines. It’s a beautiful country, and maybe someday, when my health improves, I might decide to take a vacation there,” he continues.
“You’re doing very well so far, Lukas. It’s a matter of time before your doctor tells you that you can already rest at home,” I reassure him.
Lukas looks at his grandson, then to me, and says, “Well, I have the best personal nurse in the hospital. No wonder I’m healing fast. “
“Oh, no. It’s mostly because you always have that positive outlook in life, Lukas. You always seem happy. And it makes recovery easy.”
“But you know what will make me happier, Cassy? It will be when one of my grandsons decides to give me a grandchild already. Right now, I can’t count on any one of them. They seem to have forgotten that their grandfather is not getting younger anymore.”
I just chuckle at his remark, but deep inside, I’m terrified that things will get out of hand.
Why do you have to make it difficult for me, Lukas?
Four
Silva
The shock I have at this moment robs me from my senses as all I can think, see, or feel is towards this one person in front of me. When this person, a blast from the past, stands in front of me, it reminds me of the one thing I regretted the most.
The one thing that would have made me stay. Cassandra’s here. I can’t believe she’s here. Right now. In front of me.
She takes me down memory lane, and I remember all my firsts with her. Cassandra is my first love, and the only woman I have ever loved. She’s just standing there staring right back at me, and yet it has already made me this way.
Then the tray almost falls, and our hands touch each other. It delivers a jolt of electricity stronger than I have felt before. Now I slowly understand what Sullivan talks about when he says that there is this electricity when he touches a woman he really wants.
Of course, for him, that’s probably a dozen women, hundreds even. Mine is different. I’m pretty sure the feelings I’m having now are ten times stronger than the one Sullivan has with his never-ending sea of partners.
Thinking about it now, I probably had these feelings before, too, when I met her in high school. Cassandra was cute then. Now I realize that the girl from before has turned into a gorgeous woman in her tight nurse uniform.
I can feel my cheeks grow warmer when my eyes see how curvier she is now as an adult. The thought of how bigger her breasts and ass lingers in my mind as I wonder if they feel better in my hands and mouth; more now than when we used to do it back then.
If there is one woman who can release the beast in me, it’s her. The other women can cling and jiggle their boobs, but I will not feel anything, nor will I give any fuck.
“Cassy.”
She’s really here. She is no longer a young girl who gushes over the boybands of our time. We keep staring at each other, but then it’s soon broken by my grandfather’s voice.
“Cassy? Oh, perfect timing. I was just about to sleep.”
“I’ll be right with you, Lukas. Excuse me.”
I watch her as she administers to my grandfather, making him drink medicine, taking vital signs, and whatever a nurse does. Now that I think about it, why is she here tending to grandfather?
Damn, I almost slap myself because of my stupid question. She’s a nurse! This is a classic of what lust does to a mans’ brain. I keep staring at her curves.
Then they speak to each other about something, but I’m not really listening. I’m too focused on Cassandra to listen to whatever grandfather is saying to her, or me.
Besides, something tells me she’s his personal nurse with what she’s currently doing. Usually, nurses just do rounds and check on their patients. What Cassandra is doing is more than that, so she must be assigned to him.
If Sullivan is here, he’ll say this was orchestrated by our grandfather. I will have to agree, but Sulli doesn’t know how Lukas sees her as his granddaughter. He always had a soft spot for Cass, and she’s no different.
That’s how I remember it, at least.
I shouldn’t be surprised that she is his personal nurse. If anything, grandfather is doing this for himself than he is to whatever he is plotting, if he is plotting something.
This is no coincidence, though. And grandfather can be really cunning about his schemes, especially for his grandsons.
My eyes follow her every moment, watching how she expertly does her job with elegance. She’s probably just doing it normally, and that it’s only how I see it, but still.
Cassandra has always been stunning, but now that she’s older...she is even more stunning, and she suddenly has this sultriness about her that I can’t quite describe. I can’t help but keep watching her.
But the more I look at her, I start recalling the day she left me. The breakup was unexpected because I truly believe she loved me just as I loved her. We were so in love, so ready for the world.
When I was still her boyfriend, I felt like there was nothing that could put me down. When there was a problem at home, I could always run to Cassandra. And when she had something troubling her, she could always come to me.
She was different from other women who can only see my face and title. And I believe that she IS still different from the rest. The reason she pursued this career already proves me right.
Cass never cared for money or fame. When we dated in high school, she never once asked for anything. And I love her because of it. For a woman who never asked a thing, that was the woman I wanted to give the world.
Now that I recall all this, I think I was even ready to give up my dream, so ready to sacrifice going to the military and just staying with her.
Because there was not a day that I wanted to live without seeing her. And she knew this. My thoughts went back to that day she left.
I could see myself in my room. It was a mess as I’d thrown shit and punched walls all around me. The maids were scared to even come close, and my grandfather just shook his head
as I’d lost it completely. She was my world, and then she left me? It didn’t make sense before, and it still doesn’t make sense now.
Sullivan told me then that I’m probably missing the point. My brothers knew of her, but they weren’t really close. Well, aside from having lunch together.
He told me that the best thing I could do was just to move on and pursue my dream. True enough, I left and became a soldier. Soon after that, I was in the open sea doing my duties, and Sullivan became CEO.
I never regretted anything.
So why do I feel like I should have run after her when she left?
Five
Cassandra
My heart’s racing, but I somehow manage to finish my task excellently without causing a commotion. Luckily, I’m not the one with a heart monitor because that will literally give me away.
So I smile a practiced smile, doing as nurses do while pretending Silva is not even in the same room.
But he is making it so hard for me to ignore him. I feel his hot stare behind me like he is digging holes in my entire body. I usually ignore these kinds of stares.
This isn’t the first time I have men looking at my body with intentions. But this isn’t any random guy I pass by; it’s from Silva, the one man that can stir things in me with just one look.
Also, the old man is looking at me like he knows everything. Despite my work smile, Lukas knows that I’m trying my best not to show how flustered I really am.
If I know any better, I will think he is playing matchmaker. Silly old man playing cupid.
“Well, that’s all for me. I’ll leave you two now.” I hurriedly walk out of the room, but that Silva’s faster than me; I blame those long legs of his for reaching me this fast in just a few steps.
My heart starts beating even faster than earlier, and I stop myself from getting closer to him since I feel this strange magnetism when I’m around him, a pull that tugs my heartstrings in ways I wish it doesn’t.
Calm down, Cassandra, don’t jump to conclusions. He just wants to see how you are doing. Silva has always been the caring type. Wait, no. He’s only been caring towards me.
I stop that thought before it can evolve into something more.
“How are you?” Silva asks.
“Good. Never been better,” I reply while surreptitiously glancing at his hands, and looking for any traces of a ring.
Why do I even care if he is married? I’m the one who left him. I have no right to be jealous. But my eyes have its own mind that I keep searching and looking.
I found nothing. Suddenly I find myself thinking about Silver, my son.
No, no, you can’t think that. You can’t allow yourself to think that. Cassandra, you have to move on. There is no way he will agree. Not after I kept this secret for so long.
I close my eyes as I picture my son. Silver...I’m sorry, but your dad can’t know. I have hidden this secret for eight years. When I found out about my baby boy, I was already across the country, taking my college exams. And Silva, his father, was already training for the military.
We already separated because I was afraid that this man standing right in front of me would do something stupid that he would regret. And I...I didn’t want to be that regret. I didn’t want to hold him back from his dreams.
The image of that time comes to me, the time I decided to let Silva go. If we stayed as a couple, he would never have left to pursue his dream. Silva was the type of guy who would sacrifice everything for the one woman he loves. That woman just happens to be me... before.
Is he still the same? I have so many questions.
I feel a pang in my chest, and it grows stronger the more I think about the past. There was so much Silva had done for me. Whenever we talked about our future, our dreams, he always included me in it.
Then one day, he told me he couldn’t think of a day without me in it. I knew by then that he was ready to back down from the military and that he would take over the family business.
But before we became serious, when we were just friends, he told me he didn’t want to be the CEO. Silva may be a leader, but not in business like Lukas or Sullivan. What he wanted to be is to serve his country as a military man; to protect those who needed protection.
Silva grew up privileged, and that his future had already been decided since he was the firstborn, the eldest son. He had a big heart for those people who did not have what he had. Instead of drowning himself in the pleasures of being born in a wealthy family, he did everything he could to help the people in need.
That was one of the biggest reasons I fell for him in high school. Of course, he was drop-dead gorgeous and his body, those muscles, and his manly musk even from before; everything about him was a treat, no, a feast for the eyes.
And because he didn’t only have just good looks and a hot body, he was kind and protective too. He was strong when I needed him, and he would always go the extra mile for me.
Damn, why do I keep remembering the things that made me fall in love with him? I sigh.
But that was why I could not bear to be the one person who kept him from doing what he loves. I wouldn’t be able to sleep, knowing that I have kept him from his dream.
So that night, I told him that I just didn’t love him anymore. I didn’t explain and just told him vaguely that I fell out of love. It was raining; we were both soaked. Yet the cold feeling he felt that night was probably a lot worse.
I could still see the warmth in his eyes grow cold when I broke up with him. And for what it was worth, I didn’t know it would hurt me just as badly.
And when I left the country and realized I was pregnant with his son? I didn’t tell him because of what I did to him, and that he would figure out the real reason I broke up with him in the first place.
When Silver got older, I had a new fear. I was afraid that he’ll take him from me.
All these thoughts in my head start to fill me with dread. I find myself getting dizzy because of fear and fatigue.
Darkness starts to claim me, and I collapse.
Six
Silva
My heart almost falls down to the floor when I see her sway and faint to the side. I am so shocked at the moment that I am not able to catch her in time. But as soon as my body can move, I rush to her and check her, panicking.
This heaviness around my chest and throat is choking me, and the feeling soon feels like I just swallowed poison, and it’s flaring up all over my chest area. My insides feel like it will definitely melt with the unbearable feeling.
It’s like someone cut open my heart when she collapses in front of me. I check her vitals, her breathing, and I elevate her head to rest on my arm, cradling her. The way she doesn’t respond, her closed eyes, and her weak breathing; everything right now scares me.
I’m anxious as I shout for doctors to come help. This moment took me back to war; it’s like I am about to have PTSD at this moment if Cassandra doesn’t wake up.
NO, No, no...you can’t, I can’t lose you again. Cassandra. CASSANDRA. PLEASE WAKE UP. Please. PLEASE! I’m panicking, my hands are trembling, and my voice is hoarse from calling out for help.
“Sir!” A voice takes me out of my state of shock. “Sir, it’s okay. She’ll be fine.”
“W-What? How are you certain?” I ask, my voice shaking.
“She’s going to be fine. We’ll check her thoroughly.”
The doctor reassures me as he and other nurses and doctors that heard my panic cries take care of Cassandra. They help her and bring her to a hospital room. Once I have calmed down, the doctor explains to me she’s just overfatigue.
“Sadly, this happens a lot. Cassandra is one of our hard workers too, and she’s been working a lot lately.” He seems to know her well. The doctor is probably close to my grandfather’s age, his hair is white, and his skin is wrinkled to the bone.
“Thank you, and I apologize for causing trouble.” I feel a little stupid now for panicking. But Cassandra is more important to me than my family t
hen, and she’s still important to me despite our break up.
“Don’t be.” He pats my shoulder gently. “I have met people like you in my years and years of saving lives. You really care for her, and the thought of losing her kills you inside. Am I right?”
I nod to him, slowly realizing that every word he just said is true. Cassandra’s still everything to me. And it doesn’t change the fact that we have been apart for this long. It doesn’t matter that we have grown up and have succeeded in accomplishing our dreams.
“I’m just glad to know that there is actually someone like you in her life. Are you her boyfriend, perhaps?”
“Ah, no, we’re just friends. Which makes me want to ask that I take care of her.”
“Not lovers? I see. I apologize if that may have offended you.”
“Not at all.”
I want to say that we were once lovers, but I don’t want Cassandra thinking I’m starting something I shouldn’t. We just met after a long time, she’s probably married.
“You can. Sadly, I don’t see anyone taking care of Cassandra here. As much as I want to make sure every one of our nurses is doing well, we have patients to attend to,” the doctor replies. “Please make sure she eats and takes a rest.”
“I will.”
The doctor needs to leave, so we say our goodbyes shortly after that. I’m sitting next to her hospital bed when another nurse comes in. She tells me that she is the Head Nurse and that she came here as soon as she heard Cassandra collapsed.
We introduce ourselves first, then she checks on Cassandra. It seems like Cass is very loved around here. I shouldn’t really be surprised. The fact my family loves her already says a lot about her as a person.
The Head Nurse is called Grace, and she looks after Cassandra like she’s her own daughter. She tells me that since nobody is doing it for her, she shall do it. I ask her who the doctor is earlier, and she tells me that he is Dr. Augustine, or August as they call him.