by Elias Taylor
“But Kayla, you can’t change the past,” Cleo said. “And you just said that you wanted to keep the baby.”
“I do,” Kayla said. “I just know it’s going to be challenging.”
“But Kayla, when have you ever backed down from a challenge?” Cleo asked.
Kayla could detect a soft smile in Cleo’s voice. Kayla couldn’t help but smile in return at her friend’s faith in her ability to get through this.
“I know I can do it,” Kayla said. “And I know I can do it alone.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. At last, Cleo spoke.
“I know you can do it alone, but do you have to?” Cleo asked. “Tristen has a right to know.”
“Cleo, you don’t understand, this isn’t part of his plan,” Kayla said. “We’ve just been casually dating, nothing more.”
“Don’t you think he has the right to decide how much he wants to be involved?” Cleo asked. “He is the father.”
“I just don’t know if I can face him right now,” Kayla said.
“So what are you gonna do?” Cleo asked. “Keep it a secret? In Lyndon? Good luck with that.”
Kayla bit her lip as she considered. Cleo was right. It was next to impossible that Kayla could go through a pregnancy and give birth without some members of the town (and definitely the biker club) gossiping about it. Short of packing up and moving to a whole new city, Kayla didn’t see how she could prevent Tristen from finding out. And if he found out from a source other than Kayla, he wouldn’t be happy.
But then, if Kayla were to tell him, right away, how would he react?
He would be shocked. And hesitant. He had made it clear he was focused on his career right now. A child wasn’t exactly conducive to moving up the corporate ladder.
“You have to tell him,” Cleo said.
“Alright, alright,” Kayla said. “But I’m going to make it perfectly clear that I don’t need or require his assistance or enthusiasm.”
“You do that,” Cleo said. “But Tristen may surprise you.”
Kayla shrugged. She did have a seed of hope that Cleo’s faith in Tristen’s willingness to be a father might be justified, but Kayla was too much of a realist to put stock in that foolish streak of optimism.
After she hung up with Cleo, Kayla reflected on what she thought this milestone would look like. In her plan, she had the Post-30 Stage. It was a good five years down the road. She would be in the upper tier of management by that point. She would be a homeowner. She would be in a committed marriage.
Only then did she intend to have children. She would, of course, take maternity leave, but by then, her position at the accounting firm would be secure. Her mother would assist in childcare. Kayla planned to be an attentive and devoted mother, but she had known that children would never derail her career.
In a single day, that entire plan had gone up in flames. Kayla wasn’t thirty. She was twenty-five. She was in upper management, but still a few key promotions away from the uppermost level.
Even as Kayla lamented the destruction of her original plan, she rebuilt a new agenda in her mind. A bigger apartment, maybe even a small house. She had enough money saved for that. Then working hard during her pregnancy before taking a fair maternity leave. In some ways, this new plan might be superior. The child would be in school when Kayla hit thirty, meaning she would have more time to push herself at that stage in her career.
The only drawback was that she had to tell Tristen. Cleo was right about that. Not only did he deserve to know, it was absurd and futile to try and hide the truth from him.
Kayla had long ago learned that if you wanted to get something done, procrastination was not the answer. The most disagreeable task should always be taken care of first and foremost.
She had called him three times with no luck. She knew she couldn’t share news like this in a voicemail or text message. As simple as such an action would be, it would also be strange.
Kayla also knew that she wanted to see his face. She had to see his expression and immediate reaction when he heard she was pregnant. She needed to know his true and genuine reaction to the news.
Kayla only paused long enough to pull on more comfortable pants and a sweater. While her illness was abating, Kayla was still not in the mood to be in office clothes.
Kayla decided to just think one step at a time during the drive to Tristen’s office. First, she had to share the news with Tristen. That was it. Then she could go home and ruminate on the next step.
She sat in her car outside his office for long minutes. She fidgeted with her hair. She swiped on some lip balm. She hoped her breath still didn’t smell from throwing up earlier. She had brushed her teeth a few times. Then she chastised herself for behaving as if she was about to go on a first date.
At last, Kayla pulled herself out of the car and walked with confident steps into Tristen’s building. She already had an easy lie created, that Tristen had forgotten something at her place.
When she reached his desk and found it empty, Perry had pointed her towards the small room. Her heart started to beat harder as soon as she spotted Tristen’s outline through the panel.
Kayla had hated every second of their awkward greeting. He knew something was off.
“I have to tell you something,” Kayla said.
Then she fell silent. Tristen stared at her with a puzzled expression on his face. Kayla couldn’t find the words. She wanted at least one of them to enjoy a few more seconds in blissful ignorance.
She tried to speak, but she couldn’t find the words. Kayla hadn’t struggled this much with expressing herself since a public speaking project in the tenth grade.
She stared into Tristen’s concerned eyes, and she felt her face crumble. In an instant, Tristen had crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms. She didn’t protest. Instead, Kayla buried her face against his chest and let a few tears leak out.
Kayla savored the soothing warmth of Tristen’s arms at her back. She knew she might never feel his embrace again. She knew everything was about to change. The thought that he might never hold her again, never kiss her again, made Kayla feel even worse. She had to stop wallowing though. It was time.
Kayla took a breath and pulled away. Tristen kept his hands on her shoulders.
“What’s happened?” Tristen asked. “Whatever it is, let me try and help.”
Kayla shook her head. He couldn’t promise his help and assistance without knowing the full truth. She wouldn’t hold him to his vow to try and help once he knew everything.
“Tristen, remember that night at the hotel?” she asked. “After the dinner event?”
Tristen raised his eyebrows. Whatever had been expecting her to say, it wasn’t this. Kayla didn’t know why she felt the need to go into the details, but she figured she might as well start at the beginning.
“Yes,” Tristen said. “Of course I remember.”
“Yes, it was about four or five weeks ago,” Kayla said. “And I wasn’t expecting us to spend the night together at all.”
She didn’t know why she was acting so defensive. She just knew that she wanted Tristen to see how she hadn’t planned for this. She hadn’t been prepared for an event she had decided was impossible.
“Well, I have been on the pill, but I guess I wasn’t taking it regularly,” Kayla said. “Or, I wasn’t. I know I was skipping days.”
Tristen’s face had frozen at her mention of birth control. His hands dropped from her shoulders, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest instead. Kayla knew it was impossible, but she could have sworn she felt her heart begin to fracture. She knew in that moment that she did not want to lose Tristen. It was a vain hope, but she had hoped he would stay by her side through all this.
He wasn’t looking at her with any kindness anymore. He wasn’t even looking at her at all. His gaze was fixed on the floor. Kayla straightened her spine and continued.
“And then you didn’t wear a condom,” Kayla said.
&nb
sp; She wanted to remind him that it took two to tango. He couldn’t blame this all on her. Not that this was about who was to blame. It was about the future child.
“I should have asked,” Kayla said. “I know I should have asked, but then, you should have offered or thought of it or something.”
She was babbling. She couldn’t even see Tristen’s face anymore. His head was bowed as he continued to stare at the floor.
Kayla crossed her arms. Her defenses slammed into place. She had known from the beginning that she could do this alone. She wanted to do it alone. She was capable. Single motherhood did not have to be a bleak fate for her. She could make it work, in her way.
“I don’t have the stomach flu,” Kayla said. “I threw up this morning because I have morning sickness.”
Tristen’s eyes shot to her face. Kayla couldn’t read a single emotion within them. Usually, they understood each other so well. During the last few weeks, they had been on the same page. Almost as if they had shared a mind.
There was no more of that chemistry. Kayla could practically see the spirit of their short-lived relationship shrivel up and die, right there on the beige carpet of the office. There was nothing to do but finish her confession and get to picking up the pieces of her life.
“On my way home, I realized I was late,” Kayla said. “I picked up two tests.”
She paused to see if Tristen would say anything. Anything at all. He didn’t move. It seemed he had even stopped breathing several moments ago.
Kayla exhaled in one long breath.
“I’m pregnant,” she said.
Tristen flinched, and Kayla looked away. She moved towards the door. She couldn’t bear to watch him any longer. And she didn’t want to hear him stammer through disbelief or struggle to come up with excuses. She would give him an out, just as she had intended.
“I don’t expect or need anything from you,” she said. “In fact, I’m quite certain I can do this on my own.”
Kayla felt some of her old strength returning. She wasn’t going to let Tristen’s rejection ruin her. She had more to live for than his approval or love. If he had even loved her at all.
“I’m only telling you now as a courtesy, really,” Kayla said. “Just thought you should know.”
She turned to give him one last look. He was staring at her with a blank expression.
“I’ll go now,” Kayla said. “And congrats on the promotion, by the way.”
She reached for the door, but Tristen stopped her by seizing her arm. Kayla stared in shock at his hand, gripped around her wrist.
“Kayla?” he whispered.
“I’m pregnant,” she said. “It’s over.”
Chapter Twenty: Celebration
Tristen couldn’t breathe. His mind had stopped. The only thing he could feel was the blood draining from his face.
He didn’t understand.
Or rather, he understood some things, but not others.
He understood that Kayla was pregnant. That the night of his work event had not just been the start of their relationship. He had manipulated and scammed her into going to that dinner event, and the repercussions were far-reaching.
Tristen looked up at Kayla as she cooly explained the situation. Her face was closed off. Whatever he was doing, it wasn’t right. But Tristen had no idea what the right reaction was to this kind of news.
He didn’t even know how he felt about it.
He wasn’t angry, except perhaps a little at himself for putting Kayla in this position.
He wasn’t sad either. He was sad that Kayla was turning or away from him, but he wasn’t sad about the news.
He wasn’t happy. He didn’t know how to be happy with so much unresolved. He didn’t know what was going to happen.
As Kayla announced that she didn’t need him and turned for the door, every instinct in Tristen’s body urged him to stop her. She could not leave it like this. There was more to discuss. He didn’t know what he had to say, but he knew he had to say something.
When he grabbed her wrist, and she told him it was over, Tristen’s world crumbled.
What did she mean by over? This couldn’t be how it ended.
It was true, Tristen wasn’t even sure what “it” was anymore. It had grown to something much bigger and more complex than just a relationship.
He knew he cared about Kayla. He knew that he was serious about her. More serious than he had thought possible after only a few weeks of dating.
The whole thing had started as a fake fiancée. A one-night deal. Kayla had owed him a favor. It had been an orchestrated arrangement.
Yes, the attraction had been real. Everything after that first night had been real, but the fact remained, Tristen had not been ready to be engaged to anyone. He hadn’t been when he told the first lie to David, and he still wasn’t. He had been having a great time dating Kayla, but he hadn’t once been thinking of a wife and kids. He had been thinking about getting a nice promotion due to his fake wife and also getting to enjoy time with Kayla on the side.
What an idiotic way of thinking. Tristen realized now that this was just comeuppance for thinking he could get away with his monstrous lie.
Only this wasn’t exactly punishment. The only punishment would be if Kayla walked out of his office before he managed to gather his thoughts.
“Kayla, we need to talk,” Tristen said. “Not here, let’s go outside.”
Kayla’s face remained stern and stony as Tristen led her down the stairs and out to the front of the office building, where they sat down on a small bench.
Kayla crossed her arms over her chest, and Tristen mourned the lack of contact. He wanted to hold her hand or put his arm around her shoulders or do something to keep them anchored together during this storm of emotion.
“I’m not where I planned to be,” Tristen said. “I wanted to be further along in my career before a family and kids.”
Kayla snorted and rolled her eyes.
“That makes two of us,” she said. “But it is what it is, and if it disrupts you this much, I’ve already made it clear that you’re not needed.”
“Don’t do that,” Tristen murmured. “Please don’t shut me out before I have a chance to think.”
Tristen ran his hands through his hair and sighed.
He had remained relatively calm, but he could feel himself losing his grip on everything. He didn’t know what to do or say. He felt like he was in some strange dream.
“I can’t really afford to waste time thinking,” Kayla said. “I must act in a way that’s best for me and the baby.”
When she said the word “baby,” Tristen felt light-headed.
“I just have a few questions,” Tristen said.
Kayla raised her eyebrows.
“Such as?” she asked.
“Have you been to a doctor or anything?” Tristen asked. “Or made an appointment?”
He didn’t know much about pregnancy, but he knew doctor’s appointments were part of it. Kayla seemed surprised by his query. As she opened her mouth to answer, she was interrupted by a shout of greeting from behind her.
“Tristen and Kayla!”
Tristen whipped his head around to see David approaching. Tristen’s nerves were frazzled, and his thoughts were jumbled. The last thing he wanted was to interact with his boss. He forced a smile and stood up.
“Hi, David,” Tristen said.
“Hello, hello,” David said. “Kayla, you must have swung by to congratulate Tristen on the big news.”
Tristen had never admired Kayla more. She stood up to greet David with ease and a pleasant smile plastered on her face, as if her entire life was the picture of peace and contentment.
“Yes, I’m extremely proud of him,” Kayla said.
“And how are you going to celebrate?” David asked.
“Um, well,” Tristen felt himself struggling in the conversation. He wanted Kayla to help, but he also didn’t want to force her to be nice to his boss. “It is a big day.”<
br />
“Really?” David asked. “Anything else you’re celebrating?”
“Well, Kayla’s pregnant actually,” Tristen said.
As soon as he had blurted out the words, he knew he had messed up. Kayla’s face had frozen. She still wore a small smile, but her eyes had turned to ice.
Fortunately, David was overjoyed. He was too excited about Tristen’s growing family to see the clear expression of regret on Tristen’s face.
“Congratulations!” David said. “That’s amazing.”
Tristen though he might collapse under the force of David’s joy, but somehow they all managed to survive David’s ebullience before he headed back into the office.
As soon as David was out of sight, Kayla whirled on Tristen.
“Have you lost your mind?” she hissed. “Why did you tell him?”
“I– I,” Tristen stammered.
Kayla looked like she was ready to punch him in the face. He almost wanted her to hit him if it would make her feel better.
“First of all, you’re not supposed to tell anyone about a pregnancy until at least three months,” she said. “And I wanted to keep this pregnancy a secret for as long as possible.”
“I’m sorry, I panicked,” Tristen said.
Kayla curled her lip in disgust and shook her head.
“You didn’t panic,” she said. “You just wanted to use me for your little family guy act with David for as long as you could.”
“That’s not true,” Tristen said.
“He’s gonna tell everyone,” Kayla said. “I really wanted to keep this under wraps so it wouldn’t interfere with my work.”
“It’s going to interfere eventually,” Tristen pointed out.
His words only infuriated her more.
“Yeah, but I wanted it to be on my terms,” Kayla said.
She reached down to scoop up her purse. She was shaking with anger. Tristen knew he had messed up. He knew he should have held it together. He knew that Kayla needed him to help, and all he had done was make matters worse.
“Kayla, don’t go,” Tristen said. “We need to talk more.”
“Talk about what?” Kayla asked. “Talk about how ill-prepared you are to be an actual partner to me? Talk about how you are clearly willing to have a fake relationship over a real one?”