by Elias Taylor
Working without a driving purpose was horrible. Tristen didn’t need to be told that. He already knew that if he continued to work with no propose, his productivity would take a steep plunge.
He kept working anyway because he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t know how to fix everything that he had messed up. He didn’t want to replay the scene from the day before. He couldn’t bear to remember Kayla’s face after she had told him.
Tristen might have been mistaken, but in the moment after she announced she was pregnant, he had seen something in her eyes. There was fear and hesitance, but there was also hope. She had hoped he would be there for her. A small part of her had believed in him.
Tristen had let her down. Her hope had been in vain. He wasn’t the man she needed.
After several hours of work, Tristen lay on his couch and alternated between napping and staring into space.
As darkness fell, Tristen sank into a deep sleep. He dreamed of a family house with a big yard and a white picket fence.
In the dream, he was driving home from work. He pulled into the driveway and got out of the car.
The house had a big green door. When Tristen walked inside, he saw a woman in the kitchen, helping children with homework. Tristen knew it was his turn to cook dinner.
The woman was wearing grey slacks and a nice blazer. She had come from her job as well, but she didn’t look tired or haggard. She seemed happy.
Tristen didn’t say a word as he stepped into the house. His dream self just drifted towards the woman and the children. He could only see their backs until the woman turned around.
It was Kayla. Her serious face cracked into a small smile at something a child had said. The sleeves of her blazer rolled up after a long day.
When she saw him, she froze. Her smile vanished, and her face turned cold.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “Get out of my house.”
Tristen jolted awake. His neck ached from sleeping in a strange position on the couch. He checked his watch and saw that it was three in the morning. In a daze, he got up and slumped to his bed.
He was rattled by the dream. It had felt so real. The thought of a life in which Kayla raised her children without him, in which she moved on, and he was left behind, was terrifying.
But it would happen. If Tristen didn’t do something soon, then Kayla wouldn’t hesitate to cut him off. She would do what she had to. Kayla was ambition, and Kayla was a winner. She knew what a weak link looked like. And if she decided that Tristen was the weak link, she would delete him with calm deliberation. It wasn’t because she was heartless, it was because she did care. She cared about the child inside her, and she cared about her future, so she would do what was necessary.
Unless Tristen could fix things.
He drifted back to sleep, still unaware of how he could fix things. He couldn’t go back in time and have a better reaction to the life-changing news, so how could he make everything better?
All he knew was that it felt wrong to sleep without her. They had shared a bed every night for the last few weeks. Tristen had gotten used to that. Sleeping without her was like suddenly losing a limb.
When Tristen woke up again, several hours later, he knew he couldn’t afford to not take action. So he texted Kayla saying sorry and asking if they could talk. Then he called her a few times, but she didn’t pick up.
He hadn’t expected her to. Text messages and phone calls were not exactly going to prove anything or show Kayla that he could be better than he had been.
At a loss, Tristen put on his black biker boots and headed out. He couldn’t stay cooped up in his apartment any longer. He needed a ride to clear his head.
He rode along the coast and reminisced about his first real date with Kayla. How she had been so reluctant, but once he got her on the bike and to the beach, she had loosened up bit by bit. It had been so simple and easy. Could it be simple again? Could this be as straightforward as it seemed?
A child wasn’t simple. A new baby was never straight-forward. But Kayla. Tristen knew he cared about Kayla, and he knew they had a connection. And that was worth fighting for, even with all the added complications.
After his ride, Tristen headed towards the local bar that many members of the club liked to hang out at. He thought it might be nice to have a beer and chat. Drinking alone wasn’t solving his issues.
When he arrived, he saw that a few older guys were hanging out at the bar. Tristen nodded in greeting and sat down next to Fiend, a guy who had been part of the club for decades. Tristen didn’t know him well, but they had gone on a group ride up the coast a few summers ago.
Fiend had a grumpy exterior, but Tristen knew he was a good guy.
“Hey, lemme get you a beer,” Fiend said as soon as Tristen sat down.
“Thanks, old man,” Tristen said.
Fiend rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his grey hair.
“Don’t tease,” Fiend said.
Once Tristen had a beer in front of him, he asked how Fiend was.
“I’m good,” Fiend said. “Wife is on me to clean up the yard, so I figured I would get a beer or two in me before starting.”
Tristen smiled.
“Something eating you, son?” Fiend asked. “I never see you here on a Sunday afternoon.”
Tristen gave Fiend a sheepish grin and shrugged.
“I’m in a bit of trouble actually,” Tristen said.
“Legal trouble or girl trouble?” Fiend said. “I know it’s gotta be one or the other.”
Tristen raised his eyebrows. He was impressed by Fiend’s clever instincts.
“Girl trouble,” Tristen said. “My girlfriend is pregnant.”
Fiend let out a low whistle.
“Damn, you knocked a girl up?”
“No,” Tristen said. “I mean, yes, but she’s amazing, and I care about her, and she’s everything I’ve ever wanted, but we didn’t plan this. It’s all so sudden.”
Fiend paused and took a swig of his beer. He drummed his fingers on the table, and then looked Tristen dead in the eye.
“Frankly, I don’t really see the problem,” Fiend said.
Tristen gaped at the older biker.
“You have a nice corporate job, right?” Fiend asked. “And you’re an adult, it’s not like you’re sixteen.”
Tristen frowned. It all sounded so black and white when Fiend put it like that.
“Yes, but it wasn’t planned,” Tristen said.
“What is planned?” Fiend said. “Lots of things in life aren’t planned. Some of the best things aren’t planned.”
Tristen stared at his drink.
“I just don’t know how to be a father,” Tristen said.
Fiend nodded.
“I panicked too before my first kid,” Fiend said. “Then I realized that no one knows how to be a parent, it’s something you have to learn by doing.”
“But I messed up already,” Tristen said. “She told me she was pregnant, and I freaked. I just froze, and she walked away because I was such a mess.”
Fiend gave Tristen a cold look. Tristen was certain that he was going to lecture him on being a coward. Instead, Fiend just shook his head and smiled.
“What was that, just a day or two ago?” Fiend asked. “Trust me, that’s not messing up. When you’re raising a kid together, there are going to be so many other missteps, but that’s ok as long as you stick together. As long as you help each other out, it’s always alright in the end.”
“I just don’t even know if she wants my help anymore,” Tristen said.
Fiend thought for a minute, and Tristen waited for the older guy’s next piece of advice as if his life depended on it.
“Look, mothers can be protective and defensive,” Fiend said. “They have to be, it’s part of their natural instincts. She’s not gonna let you in unless you show her that you’re ready to commit to the whole thing.”
“Ok, so I should go to her and tell her I’m ready?” Tristen as
ked.
Fiend wrinkled his nose in disgust.
“Boy, trust me, she doesn’t want 50% of you,” Fiend said. “She wants all of you or nothing. There’s nothing worse than a part-time father. If you’re 100% in, you have to show her that you’re 100% in.”
Tristen was all in. He knew he was. It was all so clear hearing Fiend lay it out.
“Well, how do I show her that?” Tristen asked.
Fiend scoffed and waved his hand.
“I can’t do everything for you,” Fiend said. “It’s not my girl, not my baby.”
“Ok, ok,” Tristen said. “That’s fair.”
For the first time in days, a genuine smile spread across Tristen’s face. He started to get up, and Fiend grabbed his arm to pull him back down.
“Whoah, now, don’t leave a half-empty beer,” Fiend said. “Finish your drink and then you can get to romancing.”
Tristen shrugged and sat back down. He figured it was the least he could do for Fiend. The wise biker had helped Tristen sort through everything.
Kayla didn’t need him to be perfect. She needed him to be there.
He had to show her that he could be there. He had to make Kayla think about all the good things. If she could just think of how well they connected, how amazing the last few weeks had been, she might have more faith in him as a father.
Tristen finished his drink with Fiend, thanked the biker, and headed out. He started to make a list in his head of everything he would need. It might not work, but that was ok. Tristen would try another plan. He would try and try until he got Kayla to give him another chance.
A baby might not have been part of the plan, but falling in love with Kayla hadn’t been part of his silly fake engagement plan either. It had happened anyway, and Tristen didn’t regret it at all. No matter the unexpected twists and turns, if Kayla was by his side, he knew his life would make sense. His life would have purpose. He wouldn’t be working towards a vague idea of the future; he would be working for his reality.
Tristen hopped on his bike and made a beeline for his apartment.
He had a lot to do before the next day.
Chapter Twenty-Three: Interruption
Kayla ran her hand over her damp face and reminded herself to stay calm. Just because she was acutely aware of how nauseous she felt didn't mean that everyone in the office knew about her pregnancy.
Most of her co-workers were guys. They probably had no clue about the early signs of pregnancy.
She dreaded the day she would have to go public with her condition. All her male colleagues would treat her different, and none of them would understand.
Plus, Kayla didn’t know how she was ever going to endure the questions. Even if people were too polite to ask, she knew everyone would be wondering who the father was and why he wasn’t around.
Kayla sighed and fanned her face with her hand. She was a little more used to the ebb and flow of morning sickness. She had thrown up once, before work, and she was pretty sure she would be fine for the rest of the day.
She just had to go through the motions. She was going to work and behave as if nothing were different. No one was going to be able to say that Kayla Carpenter started turning in subpar work because she got pregnant.
It wasn’t as bad as she had thought. She had feared that she would be too sad and emotional to get to work on Monday morning, but when she woke up, she discovered that she was craving something, anything, to take her mind off Tristen.
She didn’t have all the answers. She didn’t know exactly how she was going to approach maternity leave and finding a bigger place to live. But she still knew how to do her job and do it well. She could still get to her desk on time. That was a small comfort, but still a comfort.
Kayla hadn’t talked to anyone except Cleo about the pregnancy. she decided she could only handle breaking the news to one person every few days. First was Cleo, then Tristen. After a week of recovering from those revelations, she might tell her parents.
Or not.
Kayla figured that with some creative styling and wardrobe choices, she could hide a pregnancy up into the sixth or seventh month.
She had tried to resign herself to single motherhood. She had told herself over and over that Tristen wasn’t going to support her like she wanted, she had to cut him loose. Nonetheless, she kept imagining how nice it would be to hold Tristen’s hand while she told her parents. To have him smiling down at her when she shared the news.
That kind of daydream was useless. Kayla shook it away and reminded herself to focus on work.
She finished up her tasks for the morning and headed to the office kitchen to grab some water. She had cut her coffee intake and substituted water. It made her a bit tired, but Kayla wasn’t going to do pregnancy half-way. She was going to do it right.
During lunch, she saw that she had another text from Cleo asking if she was alright. Kayla texted back that she was fine and at work. Cleo wanted to know if she could grab anything from the store and drop it off with Kayla in the evening. Kayla smiled and shook her head. Cleo was determined to be a stand-in husband for Kayla, and it was very touching.
Kayla told Cleo she didn’t need to fuss so much, but maybe they could go grocery shopping later in the week together.
After his calls and texts from the day before, Tristen had gone radio silent. Kayla had been annoyed by his half-assed attempts to talk, so she didn’t know why she was even more annoyed by his silence. It felt unfair. He could just check out of the whole situation. He had that option.
Kayla had to be thinking about it every second of the day. She had to give up coffee and wine and sushi. She had to worry about her co-workers noticing if she ran to the bathroom to throw up. Kayla had to worry about all those things, and Tristen had to worry about nothing.
She sighed and headed back to her desk. It was a waste of time and emotion to be bitter. It was what it was. She had to stop complaining about the situation and just move on.
Kayla opened up her email and started replying to a message. When she was done, she looked around the office and reminded herself to focus on what she could control. Her job. She loved her job, and she was good at her job. She liked being in the office with the sleek grey desks. She enjoyed the hum of computers and the buzzing of the copier machine.
Even as she tried to focus on her work, Kayla placed a gentle hand on her stomach. How big was the baby? The size of her thumb, maybe even smaller? The size of a bean?
She knew that the baby would start to be able to hear things soon. It would pick up on her environment. She had to calm down before then. She wanted her baby to enter a soothing world. She didn’t want it to be delivered into chaos. She wanted to give the baby a soft landing. She could do that. She could give it more than enough love. She would make up for the lack of a father.
Her heart throbbed as she wondered what it would look like. She knew it wouldn’t just look like her. Maybe it would have Tristen’s green eyes or his adorable sideways smile. Would it hurt, every time she looked at her child and saw parts of Tristen?
Kayla was disturbed from her depressing line of questions by a delivery man holding a vase of flowers up to her face.
“Oh, I can sign for those,” she said.
She stood up and took the vase of blue irises. She figured it might be from a client. Sometimes clients would send thank you gifts or tokens of appreciation. She sets the vase down and signed the delivery man’s pad.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll be right back with the rest.”
“Huh?” Kayla asked.
But the delivery man had already turned and headed towards the hallway with the elevators. Maybe the client had sent gifts to the whole team, and the delivery man was just getting a few more packages.
When the delivery man returned, he was carrying two more vases of flowers.
“Excuse me, who are these all for?” Kayla asked.
“Kayla Carpenter,” the delivery man said. “That’s you, right?”
; Kayla blinked and stared as he plopped the two vases down and turned once again.
When the delivery man returned from the hallway again, someone had given him a cart. It was filled with vases of flowers. There were at least a dozen bouquets with all sorts of different types of flowers. Soon her desk was covered with a riot of colors.
“But who are they from?” Kayla asked.
The delivery man just raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“How many admirers do you got, lady?” he asked.
Kayla rolled her eyes and exhaled in a huff of frustration. She truly had no idea who was sending them. Maybe Cleo was trying to cheer her up, but the flowers were totally not Cleo’s style.
And it couldn’t be Tristen. Kayla banished that theory right away. He had sent flowers when he wanted to take her out on a date and have some fun. He wouldn’t send flowers anymore. His reaction the other day made it clear that he was a long way from celebrating the latest development.
Kayla’s frown deepened when she saw Clifford emerging from his office and making his way across the floor. Her boss was headed straight towards the scene unraveling at her desk. It was mortifying. Clifford was going to think Kayla was wasting precious work time with this silly delivery.
“There’s been some mistake,” Kayla said.
She was still talking to the delivery man, but she raised her voice so Clifford would hear and know that this wasn’t her fault.
“These can’t be for me,” Kayla said.
The delivery man shrugged and started to wheel the cart back towards the elevator.
Clifford stopped next to Kayla’s desk. He stared at all the flowers.
“I’m so sorry about this, Clifford,” Kayla said. “I really don’t know what’s going on. There must have been –”
Kayla stopped speaking mid-sentence when Clifford held up his hand. She clamped her lips together. A knot of embarrassment settled in her stomach. He was going to think she was such a silly girl, getting this up in arms about a messed up flower delivery.
To Kayla’s shock, a smile spread across Clifford’s face. Her astonishment only increased when he spoke.
“This Tristen fellow is pretty awesome,” Clifford said. “Maybe you should hear him out.”