by K. A. Berg
After yesterday, I’m sure things are a little chaotic for her and Ashley. I have no doubt Quinn is Ashley’s rock, and the two of them want to see Tanner strung up by his balls. But where does this leave me?
I’ve never been the type just to sit around waiting for things. Hanging around hoping things will work themselves out, doesn’t ever turn out well. I’m a man of action. When I want something, I do whatever I need to get it. If there’s a problem, I’m the guy who sits down and figures out how to fix it. My gut says this is going to be a problem. I’m not going to wait around and let the chips fall where they may. These women don’t need to be thinking just because Tanner and I are friends I’m automatically on board with the shit he’s doing.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I swipe the screen and pull up Quinn’s name, hitting call.
“Hey,” she says after two rings, the exhaustion evident in her voice.
“Hey,” I respond tentatively. I’m taking the fact she’s not screaming at me as a good sign. “How’s she doing?”
“I think she’s still in shock to be honest. We went to the doctor’s office this morning, and then she went to work,” she sighs into the phone.
Needing to make sure she knows how I feel, I get right to the point. “I just want you to know I don’t agree with what he’s doing.”
“What the hell is he thinking? Ashley doesn’t have a devious bone in her body. She doesn’t even have it in her to be mean to people.” she rants, clearly upset. Quinn has every right to be upset. “Can you believe she’s just going to let him off the hook? She wants nothing to do with him anymore. She doesn’t even want his money.”
“I have no idea what he’s thinking. He was completely shitfaced last night talking a lot of shit I know isn’t true. Mark my words—he’s going to really regret this soon. This is going to blow up in his face in a huge way.” I try to keep my anger at bay. I’m hoping Tanner will sober up today and see the error in his ways.
“She’s already talking about getting a second job. I told her I don’t think it’s a good idea but she’s hell-bent on doing what she can now,” she tells me in a drained voice.
“What are you doing right now?” Everything inside me is screaming to get to her. To hold her. To be near her. The need to comfort her at this moment is intense and all consuming.
“I’m heading out of the office. I’m too tired to focus on numbers. The last thing I need right now is to fuck up at work.” She sounds defeated.
“How about I meet you at your place? Seems like you could use some company and someone to vent to,” I offer, hoping like hell she says yes.
“That doesn’t sound half bad.” I can almost hear the faint smile in her voice, and it has me delighted. I was worried she was going to hate me, but she’s going to let me comfort her instead. That’s huge in the world of Quinn.
“Okay, I’ll be there soon, angel.” I hope she wasn’t able to hear the joy in my voice. There’s still time for her to decide I’m an asshole just by association.
An hour later, we’re lying in Quinn’s bed. Her head is resting on my chest. Her fingers are running softly up and down my arm. Stop enjoying her need for comfort, asshole. It's hard not to revel in the fact this woman—who doesn’t lean on anyone—is letting me be the person to hold her up, even if it’s just for today.
“This is a lot to take in, in just a day. Yesterday, Ashley just had the stomach flu and Tanner was hiring a cleaning lady to disinfect my condo. Today Tanner’s a douche and Ashley’s knocked up,” she chuckles in an ironic way. I just squeeze her into my side and kiss the top of her head.
“I’ve made sure I’m always good and covered, so I didn’t ever find myself in a situation like this, but I’m in one anyway. You know what I mean?” She picks her head up from my shoulder and rests her chin there instead. Her eyes meet mine, and it looks as though the storm inside them is begging me to tell her I understand. And I do.
“This isn’t something you had planned for your life right now, but it’s here regardless. Your roommate and best friend is about to have a baby, and the father of that child is being a total asshat right now. Your life is about to change just as much as hers. Let’s just hope Tanner wakes up soon and makes this right.” I want her to know I understand what she doesn’t want to say.
“I feel like a total twat for even thinking it, but all I could think earlier was all the shit you need for a baby. I’m going to have bottles in my house! And not just the kind containing wine,” she laughs. I’m not quite sure what kind of laugh it is but I’ll take it. “A year ago, the only nipples getting sucked in my apartment were mine! Boy, how things have changed.”
“It doesn’t make you a twat,” I disagree letting out a laugh of my own. “The fact you’ve already stepped up to support her shows you’re not. She’d do the same for you.”
She smiles at me. “Thanks, I needed that.”
“You’re welcome. And like I said, there’s still time for Tanner to pull his head out of his ass,” I remind her.
“I doubt it. Ashley doesn’t like to rely on anyone and won’t ask him for help. She can hold a grudge and isn’t going to let him back in too easily, or even at all.”
“Things will work out. I’m sure of it. It’s very new and scary. Everyone needs time to adjust.” No one can adapt to life-changing news in a matter of twenty-four hours.
“That’s very true. We spent most of the night doing some research. For two women who have never done their homework on pregnancy and babies, it was pretty frightening. I know they say childbirth is a miracle and shit, but fuck it’s nasty,” she says with a little giggle in her voice now.
“It’s definitely not all rainbows and sunshine while it’s going on. Not that I’ve witnessed it firsthand, but I’ve heard plenty of locker room talk when the guys’ wives have had babies,” I give a little shudder. Some of the things the guys have said about watching their kids being brought into the world are downright terrifying.
Quinn lets out a genuine laugh, and it’s like music to my ears. It makes me glad to know not only does she feel safe enough to share her feelings with me about this, but I can make her smile through her despair.
This morning I was worried about where Tanner’s mess would leave me with this woman, but in the end, it just helped to make us closer. Letting me be here for her today was a monumental step for Quinn. It means good things for us. I just need to continue being the person who she can run to and rely on when the world gets a little tough for her.
Leaning down, I whisper, “If there were ever two girls made to make the best of this situation, it’s you and Ashley.”
She doesn’t verbally respond but inches closer to drape herself over me and closes her eyes. I just lie there completely content to breathe in the Quinn-scented air and relish in a big step between us.
Chapter Nine
Quinn
“I never thought I’d be spending my Friday nights working at a bar, pregnant,” Ashley sighs as she curls her hair around the curling iron. “What are your plans tonight?”
“I don’t know. Alex is coming by later, but I don’t think we’re going to do anything. Maybe just order dinner and hang out?” I grab the curling iron from her hand and point to the toilet. “Sit, I’ll do the back for you.”
She’s been working two jobs for the last two weeks, and she’s almost four months pregnant. She’s pretty worn out right now.
“Okay, I’ve held off long enough,” she says with a sharp gaze as she sits down and hands me the brush. “What’s the deal with you and Alex? And don’t give me the same bullshit answer you gave the last time. This has been going on for months now.”
She brought Alex up back in October, and I told her it was nothing. I know I can’t deny there’s something between us. I’ve been doing this thing with him for almost two months.
“I don’t really know,” I admit, pulling out a section of her hair to curl. “But there’s something about him. I actually like him as a person.�
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“Just because he has a penis doesn’t mean he’s automatically going to be an asshole,” Ash says, laughing.
“Well, most of the people I know with dicks are dicks,” I remind her as I release her curl and grab a new section. You would think she knows this. Especially after Tanner and Jason, plus every guy in my life I’ve ever told her about.
“You don’t bother to get to know any of them past the length of their dick, so you can’t go off of that. There are a few good ones out there in between the asses. You just need to stop waiting for them to turn into your dad or all the assholes you work with,” she chastises.
But she’s right. Most of the time I don’t bother to get to the know people I go home with. When things are wrapped up, I’m usually heading out the door or sending them out on their way, and I never have to think about them again.
“I am giving him a chance,” I defend myself, dropping the second section of her hair and fluffing the curl. “With Alex, I don’t have the desire to separate from him right away. I like talking to him. I can stand to be around him.”
Admitting that is a big deal for me. I have trust issues. I’m always waiting for a man’s true colors to come out. Most of the time when they do, the true colors are ugly. I’m used to assholes who only care about themselves. My father. My high-school boyfriend. My cousin’s husband. All of the men I see shuffling their secretaries or side pieces into their offices for “lunch.” Both of Ashley’s previous boyfriends. I’ve yet to see a time when a guy isn’t a complete asshole.
Except for Alex… so far anyway.
“Tell me what it is about him you enjoy being around,” Ashley demands with a glimmer in her eye. She’s up to something here. “Tell me why you like him.”
“I trust him for some reason. I don’t trust any man, but something in my gut says not to run just yet,” I confess grabbing the last section of her hair still needing to be curled.
“What else?” she presses.
“He worships my body when we’re together, but also gives me space when we’re apart. He doesn’t call me every day. We get together maybe once a week. He’s not smothering me, and I find it working for me.”
“You find the great sex working for you or the fact he isn’t up your ass twenty-four-seven?” she questions with a raised brow.
Laughing at her understanding of me, I clarify, “Both, truthfully. I never could’ve imagined myself enjoying someone having even a little bit of control over me. But with Alex, he gets in these moods during sex where he demands all of my attention. He wants me to watch him take me. He wants to see my eyes when I come, and a big part of me likes it. I like the emotional connection he forces me to have with him.”
“But you’re enjoying the non-sex parts of being with him too?” she asks as she stands from the toilet and checks her hair in the mirror.
“Yes,” I reply and set the curling iron down on the vanity. “I like that he takes what I give him and doesn’t push for more. I like that I don’t have to change anything about my day-to-day life for him. He doesn’t complain about how much I work. His own job takes him out of town for days at a time. We get together when it works, and when our schedules clash, it’s not a big deal. It’s all very laidback and casual.”
“Quinn, you’ve had this preconceived notion of how men are. You’ve let your father and his friends taint the way you look at all guys. They aren’t all bad. Even after being cheated on and called a gold-digging whore, I still believe there’s a man out there for me. I still think I’ll find love… my one true love,” she says turning to face me as she speaks. “Please don’t let all the shitty men who have passed through your life mess with your mind when it comes to Alex. Don’t put him in a box he doesn’t deserve to be in.”
I hate she can see through me so easily. I have let my father and his wrongdoings affect the way I look at love and relationships. It’s something I’ve been doing for a long time. It’s not an easy habit to break. I’m always looking for the bad in guys.
“Just keep an open mind and follow your gut, not the shit you have going on in your head,” she adds as if she can sense my inner turmoil. Every part of my body wants Alex. But my brain keeps pulling me back. I’m warring with myself, torn in two. My gut’s telling me he is good. I can trust him. I can let him in. My brain, on the other hand, needs a little more convincing.
Chapter Ten
Quinn
“Why would you ambush me like that?” I yell at Alex the minute we’re out of Tanner’s house.
Surprises suck, which is why I don’t like them. Well, not the bad kind anyway. I never gave it a second thought when Alex said he wanted to check a player’s knee before dinner; he takes his job seriously. But I never expected to be blindsided. Never thought he’d be taking me to see Tanner.
Not even a week ago I was telling Ashley I found myself trusting Alex, putting my feelings out there telling her how I felt he was different. This doesn’t feel much different than the assholes I’m used to.
I held myself together in there pretty well, just concentrating on Tanner, not wanting to make a scene while having an audience. How dare he do that to me? Most likely, I would’ve come if he had asked. I’ve always wanted to hear Tanner’s side directly from him. The problem is how Alex got me here.
He doesn’t say anything as he comes around to the open door for me. “I needed you to see him,” he laments, hanging his head. I probably wouldn’t have believed how bad Tanner looks without seeing it firsthand. He looks like shit. I swear he hasn’t slept in over a week. He looked completely lost. But it doesn’t give Alex the right to pull a stunt like this.
“All you had to do was ask,” I scold him as I climb into my seat. “But instead of asking, you use my trust in you against me.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It was a bad idea. I see that now. But I honestly didn’t think you’d come otherwise,” he apologizes. I can tell he’s sincere. I can tell he didn’t mean to manipulate me here, but fuck.
I’m used to seeing guys abuse their lady’s trust in them. It disgusts me. But I’ve never seen one flat out apologize for it. I want to be angry with him but having him acknowledge his fuck-up and repent for it is making it hard.
“Please never do something like this to me again. I’d prefer you talk to me. I’m a pretty reasonable person,” I say lowering my voice this time.
He just nods his head and closes the door. When he gets in on his side, I let out a deep breath. “I’ve wanted Ashley and Tanner to work things out since he manned up and went to apologize to her. Her head is up her ass. Her imagination is running wild, and her perception isn’t very good right now. I would’ve come if you had just asked. I wanted to see his face while he told me his side of the story so I could see exactly how he felt. I believe he loves her. I believe he wants to be a part of his child’s life. But I don’t think he’ll be able to work his way back in without me. I told you Ash holds a grudge.”
“I didn’t even consider you would come willingly. That was my mistake. I’m sorry for not giving you enough credit,” he admits readily. I’m very surprised with his ease at apologizing, not once but twice. This is a novelty for me.
Despite the red flags waving in my face, my gut’s still telling me not to run just yet. Anyone other than Alex, I’d be done with them. This is his one pass. It’s the only flag I’m overlooking for him. If he does something shitty to me again, then I’m out. I’m giving Ash’s suggestion a try. I’m going with my gut on this one. I think he made a bad judgment call. I don’t think he went into this thinking he was manipulating me.
“I don’t trust men very quickly. If this happens again, this ends. Fool me once and all that,” I explain making sure he understands clearly.
“Got it.” He starts the car and makes his way out of the driveway.
“I wasn’t kidding back there.” I change the subject. “There’s no point in me helping him if he keeps Melissa around. That chick is a cunt with an agenda.” Tanner’s ex-fuck
buddy isn’t the awesome girl these guys think she is. There was no point in telling the guys Melissa told Ashley Tanner wanted her to have an abortion. I knew she was lying, but it’s not my place to tell. I’m sure Ashley is holding on to that card for something special.
“Understood. What else do you have in mind?” he asks, giving me a side glance.
“Nothing,” I reply. “I’ll know what to do when an opportunity presents itself.” I just agreed to help Tanner try and get back in Ashley’s good graces. It's not like I can whip up a plan on a dime. I need to feel her out a little. Wait for her to give me an opening.
“The foundation Tanner just joined is having a New Year’s party. I can get us tickets from him, and we can set them up. Think it would work?” he asks with a hopeful voice.
I think it over for a minute to see if I can figure out a way to get Ashley to agree. I realize I’m setting a contradictory example for Alex by manipulating Ashley, but this is different. Ash doesn’t have trust issues. She has self-doubt issues, and using them against her, this time anyway, will benefit her. I’m going to wait for a time when she’s feeling bad about herself and tell her she needs a night out to feel better. But exploiting friendship trust is different than exploiting a lover’s trust.
Lover. That’s a good word for Alex. You’re supposed to trust your lover with your body and with your feelings, and with your friendship. And by lover, I don’t mean a one-night stand. I don’t even trust them with my body let alone anything else. It’s why I always needed to be the aggressor. Get in, get out. Guys only care about the release; they don’t notice I’m doing all the work.
That’s why I was surprised Alex picked it up so quickly at the beginning of this whole thing we’re doing. No man has noticed before Alex. True, his looks, sense of humor, and confidence are what drew me to him in the beginning. And then the great sex led me back to him. The way he understands me and my needs are what keep me coming back, and that makes him my lover.