by K. A. Berg
I shrug, noncommittally.
“It is, isn’t it?” she laughs but not in the “that was funny” way. “He fucked you into compliance. You’re just in this for the great sex, admit it.”
“I’m not,” I snapped. “I haven’t even seen it, so he can’t use it on me. I’m not a whore.” I’m offended she thinks I could do this just for cock.
“Wait, what? Who are you sleeping with then?” she asks in a way which says she doesn’t really get me. I’ve slept with a lot of people. I’ve had a lot of sex. Ashley’s always making it out to be like I can’t live without sex. I’m not a sex-addict. I just really like sex, but I can go without it just as well. I haven’t gotten laid in almost two months. Sex has lost a lot of its appeal in the last year or two.
“No one, Ashley,” I say, trying to control my irritation. “I haven’t been that way for almost four years. I don’t sleep around every night anymore. It’s called growing up.”
“You gave up sex for this guy?” she asks, but it’s more to herself than me.
“I didn’t give it up for him. He never asked me to. It has to do with me. I feel dirty thinking about sleeping with someone else with his ring on. It makes me feel like every piece of shit guy out there. And I don’t see Jordan in a sexual way. I have no desire to actually sleep with him.”
All the color drains from her as her eyes go wide. “Oh my God. This is worse than I thought.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask my voice raising as the anger comes rushing back. Worse than she thought? There’s nothing fucking wrong with me.
Shaking her head, she heads toward the door. “Nothing, Quinn. There’s no point in talking to you. You’ve become a walking hypocrisy.”
Stepping around my desk, I follow her to the door and grab her hand to stop her. “I’m not a hypocrite.”
“But you are. You’re doing everything you said you would never do. You’re becoming a cliché. You even picked black dresses for your wedding, which you always said you thought was the worst color for a wedding anyway. I definitely remember you saying people only choose black when they really don’t want to get married…”
“It’s a black-tie event, Ash. Did you think I’d pick a flashy color? Does that sound like me?” I interrupt her.
She scoffs and shakes her head. “None of this sounds like you. Oh, and by the way, you’re wrong about Alex and Tiffany. They aren’t a couple. She’s probably more attracted to you than him. She’s a friend who he’s been helping out while she moves across the country for a job, not Alex.” She laughs. Fucking laughs. “I don’t know who you are anymore. I miss the old Quinn. I miss my best friend. The one who I talked to every day. The one who didn’t go to socialite events for the arts. The one who always had great sex stories to tell me. Jordan is changing everything about you, but it’s still not a mistake, right?”
I don’t even get a chance to respond before she walks through the door of my office, slamming it behind her hard enough the painting on the wall rattles.
When did everything in my life get so screwed up?
Chapter Forty-Six
Alex
“Hey sleepyhead,” I smile at Tiff as she emerges from her room. We’re on opposite schedules, and it feels like it’s been forever since we hung out. Tiff got the overnight shift at the hospital when they finally added her in the rotation after she settled in. I felt sorry for her at first, working twelve-hour shifts overnight doesn’t sound fun at all, but after her first turn, she said it was actually exciting. Apparently, the ED is hopping in the city at night. The one good thing about it too is she doesn’t have to navigate the train at night. A pretty little thing like her walking about the dark, dangerous city at night would put me on edge.
“Hey,” she mumbles, her voice still throaty from sleep. “Whatcha up to?”
“I’m actually just going over some training reports for work. I’m heading to Tanner and Ashley’s for dinner, want to come? I’ll make sure to get you back in time for work,” I offer. She hasn’t done much in the last few weeks other than work and sleep. I know she said it’s because she has to adjust to the new schedule, but I still don’t want her doing the same thing she was doing in Arizona.
“I’m actually off for the next two days, but I don’t know. I think I’m just going to hang around here and relax,” she yawns as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Tiff,” I sigh. “You came out here to start over. You can’t do that from this apartment or the hospital. You need to get out and live a little.”
“Pot meet kettle?” she smirks quirking an eyebrow at me.
“Hey, I get out more than you, so I’m not as bad,” I defend myself. “And it’s hard to do much working these crazy hours. The first month of the season is always the hardest for me.”
Rolling her eyes, she huffs at me. “Yeah, yeah. Fine, I’ll tag along as long as it’s okay with them. I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re not imposing, trust me. Ashley is desperate for adult interaction. She’d be happy to have more,” I say, knowing without a doubt she’s more than welcome. “I was planning to leave in a half hour, is that enough time for you?”
“It's not anything fancy, right?” I shake my head confirming it isn’t.
“Then I’ll be ready,” she says, heading from the kitchen down the hall to the bathroom.
“I’ll never get over this house,” Tiff says to Ashley as we gather in the kitchen for a drink.
“It’s just a house. It intimidated me for a little bit too at first.” Ashley smiles as she uncorks a bottle of wine and sets it aside to breathe for a minute. “I’m glad you were able to come tonight. How are you liking the East Coast?”
“It’s different,” Tiffany laughs. “It’s been a bit of an adjustment, but I needed the change. I was trapped in a life mostly revolving around my ex-girlfriend. My life was sad. I basically spent all my time at the hospital, my place, or his,” she says as she points a thumb at me.
“I know exactly what you mean. That was me not to long ago. Maybe some asshole patient will come in, send your world spinning like this guy did for me.” She looks up at Tanner and you can feel the love radiating from her eyes as she smiles at him.
“Hey, I wasn’t an asshole,” he counters as if Ashley and I don’t know the truth.
“Really?” I chuckle shaking my head at him.
“All right, I might’ve been an asshole a time or two, but you weren’t innocent either, baby.” He sends a smile of his own as he wraps his arms around her and kisses her neck.
“Oh God, please. Do you two ever stop touching and kissing? It’s pretty nauseating.” I pretend to gag, embellishing a little.
“Oh stop,” Tiff ribs me, elbowing me in the side. “Don’t be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous,” I mumble. They all just look at me with a “really?” stare. “Okay, maybe a little. I’d like to get laid.” I direct the comment at Tiff, quirking an eyebrow at her as an invitation.
“We already know you aren’t the one who’s going to swing me over. You tried… it didn’t work. I doubt a second time will change anything,” she counters with a smirk of her own.
Tanner spits his drink out. Ashley’s jaw hits the counter, and Tiff and I just challenge each other with our eyes before breaking into hysterics.
As the laughter dies down, Ashley shocks us all. “You’re not the only one sexually frustrated these days.” We all look at her. Such an offhand remark for her because we all know she’s getting plenty.
“There’s no way you can be sexually frustrated, baby. I had you screaming just a few hours ago,” Tanner says with a very proud look on his face. “I can teach you some tricks.” He nods at me. Asshole.
“I wasn’t talking about me, you jerk,” she reprimands him with a smile as her face heats up with embarrassment. I can’t believe she still gets all riled up by the mention of sex after all these years with Tanner’s filthy ass.
“Who are you talking about the
n? Is it a girl or a guy? I’ll take either at this point, I could use a good lay,” Tiff laughs, redirecting the attention from Ash.
“Quinn,” Ashley replies, again shocking the hell out of Tanner and me.
“I doubt it,” I shake my head disbelievingly. “The woman lives for her next orgasm; I find it hard to believe she’s not getting plenty from her fiancé. Even though it’s a sham, I doubt she’d agree without good sex.”
“Nope. She’s not sleeping with him or anyone it seems,” she deadpans.
I stand stunned.
“I don’t get it, what’s the big deal? We all go through dry spells,” Tiffany asks.
She doesn’t know Quinn like we do. She doesn’t understand why this would be shocking. I’ve explained most of my relationship with Quinn to her, but I don’t think you can fully understand it all without knowing the woman yourself.
Putting Quinn into words is hard. She’s so complex at times. She has very many sides to her, and the sides don’t necessarily fit together. “She’s always been a very sexual person. It was a huge part of her life before we got together. Quinn was always looking for her next lay and never had a problem finding it.”
“It’s so much worse than I thought. We got into a huge fight because I called her out on her shit. I told her she’s a hypocrite, and I don’t even recognize her anymore,” Ashley unloads. Her body visually deflates as she lets it all out as if she’s been waiting to get this off her chest.
“Why’s she a hypocrite?” I ask, not following Ashley’s line of thought.
“First, she told me she was going through with this as a way to take over the company and get out from under her father, but when I asked what Jordan gets out of this, it got interesting. She’s marrying him because his dad is dying. Apparently, they’ve become friends and she wants to help him so he can get married before his father passes. Something about getting his dad some peace of mind before he goes.” My heart instantly plummets the moment she said they’d become friends.
Had Jordan figured out the way to break Quinn down same as I had? If he did, he was better at it than me because he got close enough for her to agree to the one thing which scares her the most.
Ashley continues bringing my attention back to the real issue. “And then she said her eyes are open and she knows what she’s doing. There’s something going on she’s not telling me, I know it. But trying to talk to her is useless. She keeps shutting me out. She doesn’t even look like herself anymore. She looks tired and thinner. Her roots were long overdue a month ago. And she was she wearing flats. Quinn never wears flats. It’s as if she doesn’t care about anything more.”
“Wow,” I breathe, trying to take everything in. There’s a lot of shit going on with Quinn. But the whole friendship aspect really hit hard for me. Maybe it's just me who Quinn didn’t want to settle down with. Maybe her commitment issues weren’t really our problem. It could’ve been me. Seems Jordan has done a lot of the same things I did with her, just better.
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t think that’s the case. She doesn’t look at him the same way she looked at you.” Ashley’s motherly instincts must be out right now. It’s as if she was in my brain and knew what I was thinking even before I was. Like when you were younger and the minute your mom caught you glancing at the cookie jar before dinner she said, “Don’t even think about it.”
Standing straight, I push down my hurt and accept the facts. “It doesn’t matter either way. She chose him. What we had didn’t really matter to her or she would’ve told me what was wrong and how to fix it. She just left with no explanation and avoided me every way she could.”
“I know nothing about why she left,” Ashley adds. “And it’s always pissed me off. She hasn’t ever said anything more to me about it than ‘I have my reasons.' She barely speaks of you and goes out her way to avoid you, but in the moments when she lets herself think about you, it’s all in her eyes. It’s like a storm cloud of pain and regret roll over them. It’s actually heartbreaking to see. She still very much loves you, but something is holding her back.”
Hanging my head, I sigh. I can’t do anything without knowing what I did wrong. Or what she thinks I did wrong. “I’ve reached out, but she doesn’t want to talk to me. I think it’s time we accept the truth. Quinn wants to marry Jordan. She told you she knows what she’s doing. There’s nothing I can do.”
“You can fight. Fight for her before she marries this guy. She’s never been happier than when she was with you. She’s not happy, Alex. Stop her from making this mistake. It’s going to kill you both,” she practically shouts, slapping her hand down on the counter.
“I agree,” Tiff chimes in. “You need to step up your game and now. You’ve got five weeks to fix this mess. If you don’t want the woman you love to marry another man, get your ass moving. I told you when you left Arizona: make her realize what she’s giving up. Remind her why she loves you.”
Kind of hard to do when the woman can’t stand to be in the same room as me.
“Oh, and Alex?” Ashley smiles. “She was totally jealous of Tiffany. Your plan’s working.”
Thank fuck something is working in my favor!
Chapter Forty-Seven
Alex
It took a few hours for it to settle in, but after dinner at Ash and Tanner’s everything the girls were saying started to sink in. I need to go to Quinn. I owe it to myself to see with my own eyes if Quinn is really unhappy. The wedding is coming quick, and if she’s as miserable as Ash thinks, I’m going to need all the time I can get to convince her not to marry him.
The person Ashley was describing at dinner last week didn’t sound like the woman I fell in love with at all. It’s the shutting out part that’s really got me worried. Quinn’s always held people at arm’s length, but never Ashley.
I pray to God when I get to her place, Jordan isn’t there. Seeing her with him isn’t something high up on my to-do list. I also don’t want him around to interfere with Quinn’s reaction to me. It needs to be just her and me. It’s been a long time since we’ve been alone together.
Knowing she works late and the times differ from day to day, I embrace my inner stalker and park across the street from her building around seven. I realize realistically I could be sitting here for hours, but I’m desperate. She can’t marry this guy, especially not because his dad’s dying, and she wants to be the good friend. It’s noble and all, but truly a shit reason.
I know most people would tell me to just give up. It’s been over two fucking years. The woman hasn’t said more than two words to me, and she’s getting married. But I can't. Over the last few days, I’ve noticed I’m constantly being reminded of the two amazing years we had together. Everywhere I look lately is a reminder of Quinn. Even sitting here staring at her stone-faced building reminds me of a thousand different things about us.
One night, in particular, pops into my mind, I don’t really remember what we were doing, but I know we had gone out to celebrate something, and Quinn had gotten completely wasted. I had to carry her into the building, and right as I took the first step into the building, the warm air blaring from the heater hit our bodies and Quinn shivered in my arms and snuggled her body closer to mine seeking more warmth and sighed.
I know it sounds stupid, but that moment melted my heart. Anything Quinn did with her guard down and I got the real Quinn instead of the hard shell she gave to everyone else, I fell deeper. I remember gripping her as tightly as I could while carrying her into her apartment, not wanting the moment to end. I placed her down in bed and removed her shoes and dress. I redressed her in some sweats and a t-shirt before I undressed and climbed into bed with her. I hadn’t even gotten the sheets pulled up over us when she rolled over and buried herself into my side.
Moments like those are the hardest for me to get past. She’s always putting on such a strong front, protecting herself from the world with her sharp tongue and crazy sex appeal. I cherished the moments when she would just
be herself with me.
A tingling feeling creeps up my body, and it’s as if the universe is telling me to pay attention. It’s then I notice the long flowing blonde hair blowing in the wind as Quinn walks along the tree-lined street approaching the front entrance to her building. She stops just short of the double glass doors and just stands there a moment, looking around, almost as if she’s experiencing the same sensation I am.
I believe in fate, and times like this make me glad I do. How else can you explain this pull we’ve had since our eyes landed on each other? I can tell just from the little hesitation before she went inside she still feels it too. Most would say I’m crazy and I’m reaching, but I know deep down I’m right. The Quinn I just saw doesn’t look happy or vibrant. She looks sad and lonely. But for a moment when she paused, she looked like she was jolted back in time by the feeling running through her body.
I exit my car and head across the street. I want to catch her off guard just after she’s in her apartment. I don’t want to corner her in the hallway. Last time I was in that hallway, I left heartbroken. Call me superstitious, but I don’t have the desire to have this long-awaited reunion in the same place I left my heart in pieces. Plus, she can leave me hanging out in the hallway that way. At least surprising her may actually get me in the door.
Jordan wasn’t with her and taking a chance, hoping he’s not already there. It takes less than five minutes for me to find myself in front of her door. I inhale deeply and blow it out slowly before knocking. There’s no way to know what may greet me on the other side. It’s a big risk coming here, but go big or go home, right?
I raise my hand and knock. My heart rate spikes as I wait for her response. Feet pad behind the door and then her voice calls out as the locks unclick, and the knob turns.
“What, did you forget your key?” she says with a chuckle. I can feel my emotions begin to boil inside me when she mentions the key. This douche has a key? “I never had a key.” I know as soon as the words leave my mouth they had way too much contempt in them, but I just couldn’t help myself. In a way, I feel like she just slapped me. Pain, hurt, and anger swirl together, working their way around my heart and squeezing. Where the fuck did I go wrong? Why him? What is Jordan giving her that I couldn’t? There has to be more to this story than just work and his dad.