Redesigning Happiness

  “If you don’t want to meet him—”

  “I do.” Jacob looked up and met her eyes. “I want to see my daddy.”

  Then he gave her a small, hopeful smile that let her know that no matter how hard it may be to have Richard in her life, she couldn’t deny her son the opportunity to get to know his father. Richard better appreciate and respect the hope in their son’s eyes.

  The ending song for the cartoon on the television filled the room. “It’s eight o’clock. Time for bed.”

  They went through the bedtime ritual. She expected Jacob to ask a dozen questions about his father. He didn’t. Should she be happy about that or worried? Maybe a bit of both. For a kid who would randomly bring up his dad she would have thought he’d talk her ear off and refuse to go to bed.

  “When will I meet him?” Jacob asked after Yvonne tucked him into bed and sang to him.

  “This weekend, if you’d like.”

  “Okay.” Then he smiled and leaned up to kiss her cheek.

  Yvonne kissed him goodnight and turned off the overhead light. She left his room and went straight for the freezer. It was another night for vodka. After making her drink she went back into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Her purse sat in one corner of the sofa and she dragged it over and took out her cell phone. She’d silenced it after she and Jacob left the ice cream place.

  She had one missed text from Nathan asking her to call when she left her mother’s. That was the excuse she’d given for why he couldn’t come straight over tonight. She didn’t want to see Nathan right now. She loved him, but she was wrung dry. Seeing Richard, arguing with him, thinking about everything he said had left her twisted, tired, and through with heavy emotions. She’d text him in a few and tell him she and Jacob got home late and were going straight to bed.

  She had a text from her sister asking how the day went. One from Sandra asking if they could meet next week to discuss the designs. One from Richard.

  I emailed you something.

  Frowning, she went to the email icon on her phone. At the top was a forwarded email from Richard. The subject: My son.

  She tapped on the email. The first part was from Richard.

  I know believing me may be difficult. I would have preferred to prevent you from seeing this, but I need you to know. I didn’t agree to the payoff. It was all my father and Natalie. I know that doesn’t mean much now. But if anything, I need you to know that I wouldn’t have done that to you.

  R.

  She scrolled down to the forwarded message. A chain of messages. Starting with Richard to Natalie from the other day when she’d met him in his office.

  What the hell is this I’m hearing about a payoff? Did you know about this?

  -Richard

  Natalie’s reply had come just a few hours later.

  Yes, I knew everything. Your father told me. And just like the whore I thought she was she took the money and ran. See what you pined after for years? I told you she only wanted your money.

  Richard had shot back an email almost instantly.

  You lied to me for years. How could you be so heartless?

  Almost twelve hours passed before Natalie replied.

  Because you lied to me, too. For six years. You never got over her. And look what you did. Ran right to her. You’re pathetic.

  Yvonne’s hands clenched into fists. Pain tightened her chest. Anger blazed like a hot poker down her spine. She’d met Natalie once and that was all she needed to assume the woman was cold and heartless. The business mogul’s daughter Richard’s father wanted him to marry to make their businesses thrive together. This was proof Natalie was just as frigid as Yvonne had guessed.

  She’d lied to Richard for years. Kept his father’s secret. Kept Jacob from knowing his own father. Kicked Yvonne off Richard’s front porch and treated her like week-old trash. And to this day showed no signs of regret.

  Yvonne went to her text messages and texted back.

  I saw the emails.

  Richard’s reply came back in seconds. I didn’t think you’d believe me without them. I’m sorry about what she called you.

  You have no reason to be sorry.

  Yes, I do. I should have answered your calls.

  She started to type, yes, you should, but what would that do. Take them back down the road of what could have been. Now wasn’t the time for what could have been. Obviously, they weren’t meant to be together. If they were, she wouldn’t have met Nathan, wouldn’t have trusted herself to love him, wouldn’t be getting married. She couldn’t rearrange everything in her life now because what she’d believed before was a lie. Because the huge weight of the pain of what happened with her and Richard had lifted away.

  She didn’t know what to do now that the anger and betrayal she’d harbored for years were gone. She couldn’t fill that space back up with the feelings she once had for him.

  The past doesn’t matter. She texted back.

  We’ll move forward. I told Jacob about you tonight.

  What did he say?

  He wants to meet you.

  !!!!!! Thank you! So much!

  Yvonne grinned and laughed out loud. Richard sending emojis. Who would have thought he used emojis? Warmth spread through her chest. She wished they were talking in person. That she could see the smile on his face.

  And those feelings were dangerous. I’m going to bed. We can talk tomorrow about meeting him.

  Ok. Good night, Yvonne.

  She got up. Went through her nighttime routine. Slipped between the covers. Remembered she had to text Nathan. So, she did. Told him she was tired, would call him tomorrow, and that she loved him. Then navigated back to her conversation with Richard.

  Good night, Richard.

  Chapter 10

  “You told him without me?”

  Yvonne looked into Nathan’s disbelieving eyes and had to hold back an angry reply. Irritation simmered beneath her skin. He acted as if she had no right to tell her son his father was back in town without having him in the room.

  They were spending Friday evening having dinner at her place. Her mom had insisted on coming over once Yvonne mentioned Nathan would be there. Wedding planning discussions was her excuse. No matter that Yvonne and Nathan hadn’t picked a date. Their lives had been tossed up almost immediately after he’d proposed. She wondered if Richard had seen the public proposal. Had that prompted him to return to their lives?

  No, she’d read the emails. He’d forwarded more this morning. Messages where he asked both Natalie and his brother about Yvonne’s allegations. His ex-wife was responsible for the messages that said Richard wanted nothing to do with her or their son. One small concession was that Richard’s brother Michael hadn’t known about those.

  “Yes,” she answered.

  Yvonne opened the door of the oven and pulled out the lasagna. It was one of those frozen ones. Though she could cook, she didn’t particularly like cooking. Frozen meals, takeout, and pre-made dinners from her grocery store deli usually made up her and Jacob’s weeknight meals.

  Nathan stopped slicing tomatoes for the salad and stared at her. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I wanted to tell him.”

  “I thought you wanted to tell him with me beside you.”

  She bristled at the way the words sounded. She didn’t need Nathan to hold her hand as she delivered the news. Was the news shocking and unexpected: yes. Was it all around terrible news: Yvonne couldn’t say that was the case.

  “I didn’t want Jacob to freak out. I wanted to tell him calmly and let him know everything would be okay.”

  “And you couldn’t do that with me there?” Nathan put the knife on the counter and crossed his arms. “I thought we were a team, Yvonne.”

  “Who says we aren’t a team?”

  “You haven’t been acting as if we are a team lately. You’re meeting him without me. Keeping me out of important conversations with Jacob. Your ex is barely back and already you’re pushing me asi
de.”

  “Hey, this isn’t about you,” she snapped. “Jacob hasn’t seen his father, ever. My number one concern is making sure he’s okay every step of the way in this. My feelings, Richard’s feelings, and, yes, your feelings all have to take a back seat. I thought you would understand that.”

  Nathan ran a hand through his hair. He sighed then crossed the room to her. “I know Jacob is the most important person in this entire crazy situation. I just don’t want us to get lost as Richard tries to make a place in your life.”

  “We won’t get lost, but I also need you to understand that sometimes some things are going to be just between me and Jacob. I’m his mom. I have to check in and make sure he’s handling the transition okay. This is a big move. It’s a lot for a six-year-old to take in and I wanted to be the one to handle things.”

  “I get that, but you also have to accept you agreed to be my wife. That means I can help you share the burden. You don’t have to weather this alone.” He ran his hands up and down her arms. The warmth of his touch a comfort despite her anger. “You’re not a single mother anymore. We’re a family.”

  Was that what she was doing? Still acting like she didn’t have a partner in her life who was willing to share the good times and the bad? Had she been wrong for wanting to exclude Nathan from the discussion?

  The back door opened, and Jacob ran in. “Grandma’s here!”

  Rochelle came into the door behind Jacob. Her smile brightened the second she spotted Nathan. Meeting and dating Nathan was one thing her mom universally approved of. It didn’t matter that Yvonne had gotten a degree, opened a business, and had become so popular celebrities wanted to work with her. Nope, the only thing that mattered was that Yvonne had somehow snagged a good man.

  “Hey Mom,” Yvonne said.

  “Well hello there you two love birds,” Rochelle said in a crooning voice. “Nathan, sweetheart, how are you doing today? I was just telling Yvonne it’s time to pick out the wedding colors. Did she tell you the combinations I came up with?”

  Nathan dropped his arms from Yvonne. They exchanged a look. He knew her mother doted on him and how much it irritated her. Nathan winked and went back over to the tomatoes. “No, she didn’t.”

  Rochelle hung her purse on the hook next to the door. “Yvonne, what is wrong with you? You should have told him.”

  “I’ve kind of had a lot of other things on my mind lately, Mom.”

  Rochelle waved a dismissive hand. “Nothing should come in the way of your wedding plans. You and Nathan deserve to be happy. Don’t let your beautiful future get lost in all this other . . . nonsense.”

  Yvonne’s brows drew together. She glanced at Nathan. He avoided her gaze and focused on the tomatoes with laser-like precision. Funny how he and her mom used almost the same wording when it came to her and Nathan. She’d known her mom would be #TeamNathan after Richard showed up. She hadn’t expected Nathan to try and secure Rochelle to his side.

  “I appreciate your concern, Mom, but don’t worry. Nathan and I have plenty of time to pick colors.”

  “Do you? Because from what I remember you two haven’t picked a date yet. How would I know you have plenty of time until you pick a date?”

  “We just got engaged a few days ago,” Yvonne countered. “Can we enjoy being engaged for a minute?”

  “Your mom is right,” Nathan said. “I think we should pick a date.”

  She spun back towards Nathan. “You do?”

  He finished with the tomatoes and wiped his hands on a paper towel. “Things got a little crazy before we had the chance to talk about it.”

  She looked from him to her mom then back to him. “And you want to discuss it now?” In front of her mom who would butt her nose in their business and try to dictate everything. He had to know she wouldn’t want to discuss major wedding plans in front of her mom.

  “Why not now? All of the most important people are here.” He pointed to Rochelle and then to Jacob, who’d plopped down at one of the kitchen chairs and was peeling a banana.

  There were a ton of good reasons why not now. One, this was an ordinary Friday night and not one related to wedding discussions. Two, her sister wasn’t here who was also the most important person Yvonne needed on her side when it came to making any wedding decisions. Three, their life had just been tossed in a paint mixer and blended into something unrecognizable. Well, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but still.

  As she looked at three sets of eyes, she realized she couldn’t use Richard’s return as an excuse to delay wedding planning.

  “Okay,” she said. “When were you thinking?”

  “Spring,” Nathan said.

  Yvonne nodded. “Spring weddings are good.”

  “This coming spring.” Nathan elaborated.

  “That’s less than a year to plan.” Yvonne said. Summer vacation for Jacob was right around the corner.

  Nathan raised an eyebrow. Gave her that smile that made her stomach tighten. “I didn’t think you’d want to wait much longer than that.”

  Oh yeah, they were waiting. She went back to the day after he’d proposed. When she’d questioned him for wanting to wait. Where had all that urgency gone? She’d been distracted. Rightfully so, but still, maybe her mom and Nathan were right. Already she’d lost some of what she’d been feeling before Richard’s unexpected arrival.

  “I don’t,” she said firmly. “Spring it is.”

  “Early spring,” Rochelle said emphasis on early.

  Yvonne nodded. “April sound good?”

  Nathan grinned. “April sounds perfect.”

  “Is my dad going to be in the wedding?” Jacob asked. His dark eyes were excited and expectant. His feet swung back and forth as he happily munched on his banana and stared at the adults as if his question wasn’t a huge, uncomfortable elephant in the room.

  Nathan’s smile stiffened. Rochelle outright scowled. Leaving Yvonne to take this awkward conversation.

  “Probably not,” Yvonne said.

  Jacob frowned. “Why not? I want him to be there. That way he can see me in my tuxedo. Grandma said I’d get to wear a tuxedo like a real man and carry your ring.”

  “We’ll see,” Yvonne said. “He may not be able to come to the wedding.”

  Not that she had plans to invite Richard to her wedding. Did she have to invite him now? Was that acceptable? Would he even want to come? How would Richard feel to watch her marry someone else? Would it hurt?

  Why does it matter?

  “You know what,” Yvonne said. “Let’s eat!”

  She got no arguments from that. They spent the next hour eating, talking about more wedding plans, and letting Yvonne handle all mentions of Richard from Jacob. And there were a lot of mentions of Richard. Yvonne couldn’t be upset about Jacob’s excitement. His dad was here and wanted to meet him and Jacob was treating that fact as if the president of the United States had asked for a personal visit.

  Nathan tried to be just as understanding with Jacob’s enthusiasm, but Yvonne noticed how he slightly flinched whenever Jacob mentioned his father. The steady stiffening of his shoulders as the dinner wore on. The way her mom kept giving her the side eye. Richard hadn’t met the rest of her family and already he was wreaking havoc.

  “Jacob, how about we go out and toss the ball,” Nathan finally said as they finished up the ice cream Yvonne had dished out for dessert.

  “Yes!” Jacob hopped out of the chair.

  Nathan grinned, the tension around his mouth easing away when faced with Jacob’s exuberance. They grabbed the baseball and gloves from the mud room and went out to the backyard. Yvonne went to her kitchen window where she had a view of them and smiled. She liked watching Nathan and Jacob together. Jacob had tried so hard to be like Nathan as he’d become more of a part of their lives. The paternal influence he’d wanted and idolized.

  Richard didn’t play baseball. If she remembered correctly, he’d gotten a lacrosse scholarship for college. He’d played that and tennis. She’d
teased him about playing what she’d called white boy sports. Mainly because she’d never met a black guy who’d played either before. He’d taken her to his local tennis league and to a lacrosse game and quickly disproved her belief that few black people played those sports. Would he teach Jacob to play them? She imagined Jacob with a kid’s size tennis racquet in his hand and grinned.

  “They are sweet together, aren’t they?” Rochelle stood next to Yvonne. She looked out the window and smiled.

  “Yes, they are.” No need to mention her grin was related to thinking about what her son would learn from his biological father and not his soon to be stepfather.

  Rochelle turned away from the window and eyed Yvonne. “You know you have to do better if you want to keep him.”

  Per usual, Yvonne’s moment of joy was shot to hell thanks to a snide comment from her mom. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re already letting this Richard guy mess up what you have with Nathan.”

  “First of all, he isn’t this Richard guy. He’s Jacob’s father and he has a right to know his son.” She turned away from the window and stacked the dirty ice cream bowls on the table. “Secondly, I’m not letting him mess anything up. He hasn’t even met Nathan.”

  “Oh, he has a right to know his son now? Before, you didn’t even want the man in your life. What changed?”

  “We talked.”

  “About what?” Rochelle followed Yvonne from the window back to the table like a cloud of gnats on a scorching summer afternoon.

  “What do you think we talked about, Mom? Jacob.” Yvonne took the dishes off the table and dumped them in the sink with a loud clash. Thankfully none broke.

  “What else? No mention of you two rekindling what you had back in D.C.”

  Yvonne faced her mom. She placed a hand on her hip and took a deep breath before responding. “Mom, this is not about my past relationship with Richard. This is about a father wanting to meet his son.”