by Nita Brooks
She broke away from him. Turned her back and tried to catch her breath. Tried to think when all she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her again.
Richard eased her back against him. One of his hands lifted and pushed the hair behind her ear. “Do you know how hard it is having you back in my life and not being able to be as close to you as I once was?”
“We can’t do this.” So why wasn’t she pulling away?
“Stop running away from me.” His voice trembled.
Yvonne’s breath stuttered. She had to pull away. But, damn, he felt so good against her. She tried unscrambling her brain for reason. “I’m not running. I’m being sensible.” Protecting her heart.
“There’s nothing sensible about us.”
“Why? Because you’re rich Richard Barrington and what you say goes?” Her sarcasm would work a lot better if her voice wasn’t so breathless.
“Because after all these years I still love you, Yvonne, and after all these years I can’t figure out a way to stop that.”
Yvonne squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears. Tears! Of all things. She didn’t want to cry, but Richard’s admission broke through everything. The pain, fear, and insecurity of her feelings for him. The need to run hit her like a train. Maybe he sensed it, because his body tensed and then his lips pressed against her neck.
Pleasure rumbled in her mid-section. He gently nipped at the sensitive skin there and her knees nearly buckled. His voice broke when he spoke again. “I still love you.”
She shook her head and kept her eyes squeezed shut. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t feel the same.” The words struggled to come out.
His hand left her waist and pressed into her stomach. “But you feel something.”
She did feel something. Something she didn’t want to admit. Something that would ruin everything. Something that would destroy the designs for her future: perfect husband, perfect job, perfect family. Everything she hadn’t had growing up, but was finally able to give Jacob. Something Richard tried to snatch away with his words of regret and love. Words that were six years too late but tempted her to forget every promise she’d made to Nathan.
Panic rushed in her bloodstream, quick and sharp. She used her entire body to push back. Richard stumbled back and let her go.
“Yvonne?” he reached for her.
She pointed to the door. She kept her eyes away from him. “You need to go. Richard, I can’t go back there with you.” She ran her fingers over her face. The light glinted off the ring on her finger. “You’re free to do this. You’re divorced, and ready to start over. You’ve found the woman you once loved, your son, and you’re ready to jump in and make a nice and neat little family again. But I’m not free to do this.” She tapped her chest. “Regardless of whether you think I love Nathan or not, I do respect him. I won’t hurt him. I won’t cheat myself out of being happy just because we’re still attracted to each other. I came into your life at the time you needed to justify your decision to break things off with Natalie. I wanted you, so I ignored my better judgment to get involved with you when you were still conflicted, but never to prove you would choose me over her. I respected your decision to be with her enough for that. Don’t you dare come here and not respect me the same.” Her insides still reeled from his brief kiss, his touch, but her voice was firm. Her brain had to run this show.
“You’d really marry him knowing there’s still something between us?
Her heart iced over. “Did you hear a word I said?”
“If what you have to say is that we should ignore what’s between us because of a guy you don’t love, then no, I don’t want to hear it.”
She glared at him. Wished she could wipe the knowing, this-is-what’s-best-for-us look off his face. “This is your problem, Richard. You think you know everything. That you can just snap your fingers and things go the way you want them to. You aren’t going to control me.”
“I’m not trying to control you,” he said evenly. “I don’t stand for weak excuses. You don’t love him. You’re hiding behind that ring to avoid facing the truth.”
“Even without this ring I wouldn’t go back to you. I was silly and lovestruck six years ago, but I’m not now. I would have overlooked the fact that you’re a control freak and hoped one day you’d take the stick out of your behind.”
“The stick?” He pointed to his chest. “What about your upstanding Nathan. The guy you won’t even be yourself around.”
“I am myself around him.”
“No, you’re not. You’re his peacemaker. You defer to him. Let him speak for you both instead of speaking for yourself. You may want to call what you had with me as being silly and lovestruck, but at least it was real. I never asked you to be different.”
His words hit a sore spot she didn’t know she had. Angry heat flooded her face. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re searching for excuses to ignore what you don’t want to hear. I don’t know why I would expect you to listen to me. You didn’t listen to me then, why would you listen to me now?”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yvonne, don’t compare this conversation to what I did before.”
“I’m going to compare everything you do to what you did before, because you showed me once who you really are. Even without this ring I won’t let myself fall in love with you again. I won’t set myself up to be hurt like that ever again.”
Richard walked to her. The regret in his eyes made her want to fall back into his arms. “Give me time to show you who I am now. I never lied to you. I never asked you to be someone, or anything, other than yourself. Don’t lie to me or yourself now. Don’t go back to Nathan unless you’re sure he’s the person you really want to spend every day by your side. I made that decision six years ago, and I know how much I regretted it. Don’t waste years of your life because you’re afraid to trust me again.”
He stepped forward as if to touch her. She slid away. “Please just . . . go.”
Richard dropped his hand. “I won’t force this. But marry him knowing that no matter what happens between us or with Jacob, I still love you, and I’ll never abandon you and Jacob again.”
Chapter 21
“Do not tell him!” Valerie’s eyes practically exploded out of her head after Yvonne told her what happened the night before.
Valerie jumped up from Yvonne’s kitchen table and went to the fridge. She opened it and pulled out the bottle of sparkling wine sitting in the door and the orange juice off the top shelf.
“What are you doing?” Yvonne asked.
“We’re going to need alcohol for the rest of this story. Actually, we needed alcohol before you started.” Valerie grabbed two glasses out of the cabinet and dumped everything on the table.
She started to tell her sister to forget it, but changed her mind. She needed something after last night. She’d texted Valerie at five in the morning saying she had an emergency and needed to talk as soon as she woke up. Valerie was at her door at six. Jacob was still asleep. Yvonne was forever grateful he wasn’t one of those kids who popped up before the sun rose on weekends.
“I have to tell him,” Yvonne said, taking the hastily made mimosa her sister slid her way. “I can’t keep this a secret.” And she’d taken too long to finally push him away.
“You can keep this a secret and you will keep this damn secret until the day you die.”
“Are you crazy? I’m marrying him. I can’t go into the marriage with something like this on my conscience.”
Valerie turned her chair around and straddled it. “Yes, the hell you can.” She said vehemently. “Unless . . . you don’t want to marry Nathan.”
“What? No! Of course I want to marry Nathan. He’s the perfect guy.”
Valerie rolled her eyes. “There you go again with that perfect guy mess. No one is perfect.”
“He’s been the perfect guy for me. Where else am I going to find someone like him? He’s n
ot obsessed with getting me in bed. He’s great with Jacob. He’s handy and can fix anything. We’re doing a television show together.”
“Okay,” Valerie said pursing her lips. “He’s also not the guy who kissed you last night.” She sipped her drink and eyed Yvonne over the rim.
Yvonne’s face burned. Her entire body burned. She slapped a hand over her face. “It was barely a kiss. Over before it even started.”
“But he also admitted he still loved you. You loved him once. You really want to tell Nathan all that?”
Yvonne closed her eyes. She pressed the cool glass to her hot cheeks. Richard had broken up with her. He’d moved on. He’d married someone else. He’d ignored her calls and opened the door for his dad to lie to her.
She’d held on to that for years, but the grip on her anger was loosening. “I loved him six years ago. I do love Nathan. He is great, and I will be happy with him.”
“But will you be happier with Richard?”
“I don’t know. I can’t think about what we were like before. We were young and didn’t think things through. It was a different place in my life. Now I’m building something with Nathan.”
“And are you holding onto that because Nathan was so eager to build something with you after you thought Richard didn’t want to build anything with you?”
She glared at her sister over her glass. “Okay Dr. Phil. You can stop trying to give me television therapy.”
Her sister shrugged. “I’m trying to get you to think about things you don’t want to think about. Richard’s dad was an asshole, and his ex-wife doesn’t sound very pleasant either. But he seems like a decent guy. His love for Jacob is obvious. The way he feels about you is apparent whenever he looks at you. I know you love Nathan, but I saw the way you looked at Richard and I’m not surprised about what happened between you two. So, either suck it up and break up with Nathan or keep this buried and march down that aisle without giving Nathan any reason to doubt how you feel.”
“But isn’t that wrong? He may not want me after hearing about this.”
“If that’s true you lose him either way. Both of which open the door for Richard to try to slide back in.”
“Damn,” she mumbled and gulped the drink. She didn’t want Richard to slide back in. Wouldn’t it be ridiculous to go back to the ex-boyfriend after all these years? Wouldn’t it be ridiculous to believe him when he’d said he was still in love with her? Except, he’d looked very serious when he said it.
“Yeah,” was Valerie’s unhelpful response.
The doorbell rang. Both she and Valerie sat up straight, their eyes wide as they silently asked the question: was Richard back?
Yvonne pushed her chair back. “It’s not him.”
“If it is him, I’m all the way team Richard.”
She waved off her sister and hurried to the door. Valerie’s footsteps followed eagerly behind. Yvonne’s nerves heightened with each step she took toward the door. If it was Richard, she would send him away. She needed time to think. Time to figure out why she had taken so long to push him away.
She swung open the door ready to tell Richard to leave her alone. Nathan swept her up into his arms and squeezed her tight.
“Nathan? I didn’t expect you today,” she said. She looked at Valerie for answers, but her sister cringed and walked away.
Nathan’s eyes were bright with excitement. “Apologies should be given in person.” He picked her up by the waist and pulled her body against his.
Yvonne shrieked with surprised. “Apology accep—”
He cut her off with a kiss as passionate and exuberant as he appeared. Yvonne’s first impulse was to pull back. Confess everything. She ignored instinct and kissed him back. Maybe, just maybe, she’d be hit with the same desire and urgency she’d felt last night. At least some of those feelings. Enough to prove that last night with Richard was an anomaly. Nathan was a good kisser, and she focused until she lost herself in the kiss.
When he pulled back, he grinned at her as if she were sunshine and he’d been in darkness forever. Guilt pierced her heart like a dull blade. Ragged and angry. “Nathan, I need to tell you—”
“No, I need to tell you something first. Cassidy.” He shook his head. “I’m not going back and forth with her anymore. I’m not fighting with her anymore. You are my future. We are going to build something that is perfect and sweet and pure. I don’t care about Richard being back because I know what type of woman you are. I can trust you and you won’t lead me astray. I asked you to marry me because I knew you were special. That hasn’t changed.”
“Nathan . . .” Tears burned her eyes. Flashes of memory: Richard’s kiss. The touch of his hands on her. He didn’t deserve this. “Nathan, you can do so much better than me.”
He took her face in his hands. “There is no one better. That’s why I’m here. Let’s get out of here for the rest of the weekend. Just the two of us. We’ve let other people get in the way of what we both knew was right from the moment I asked you. Let’s focus on us and come back ready to face the world.”
She couldn’t go out of town with him. How could she face him knowing what happened? The guilt would crush her heart.
She shook her head. “I can’t. Nathan I—”
“I’ll watch Jacob,” Valerie chimed in quickly.
Nathan jumped and faced Valerie. Surprise on his face. Valerie shrugged and smiled. “Hey, Nathan, I came over early. Guy trouble. Needed to talk to my sister.”
“Don’t you have things to do this weekend?” Yvonne said.
Valerie shook her head. “Nope. I think it’s a great idea for you and Nathan to spend some time alone. Reconnect. Get some clarity on your future.”
She knew what her sister was up to. Going out of town with Nathan wasn’t the answer. If anything, it would make things more confusing.
“Thank you, Valerie,” Nathan said.
Before Yvonne could deny her sister’s “gracious” offer, Jacob came into the entryway. “Why is everyone over here? Mommy, have you made breakfast?”
Nathan laughed and kissed Yvonne’s cheek. His excitement was almost scary. He seemed desperate to get her out of town and now relieved that they were leaving. “I’ve got breakfast. Come on, Jacob, tell me what you want.”
He swept Jacob up into his arms and carried him into the kitchen. Yvonne rushed over and slapped her sister’s arm. “What the hell? I can’t go out of town with him.”
“You can, and you will. Let Nathan get you off and then come home and make the decision.”
“I have to tell him.”
“You have to go and figure out if you really want a future with him. Richard’s cards are on the table. He wants you back. Don’t ruin things with Nathan before you know you’re really ready to be single and get rid of the only real defense you have against going back to Richard.”
* * *
Sex! That’s exactly what she needed. And not just any old sex with anybody. She needed sex with Nathan. Sex of the hot, sweat-out-my-perm, can’t-breathe-or-sit-down, rock-my-world variety.
Yvonne was sure of it. If she could get Nathan to lay it down and show her unequivocally that their connection was of mind, body, and soul then she’d know for sure. She understood sex wasn’t everything in a relationship, but it was also a very important part. No matter what people may try to say. She was comparing everything she had with Richard to what she had with Nathan, and she didn’t have everything with Nathan. She only had the friendship they’d built. She was sure the sex would be out of this world and then she’d be completely sure about marrying him.
She was not as sure about telling him. She understood her sister’s reasoning, but the guilt was killing her. Every time Nathan looked at her as if she were the answer to his prayers, she felt a sharp pain in her chest.
She was going to tell him. She had to tell him. As soon as they had sex. Unfortunately, Nathan was being very good at not having sex with her. He’d brought her to Helena, Georgia, where he had a cabin i
n the mountains. He also had every moment of their day planned. Fishing, hiking in the Chattahoochee National Forest, visiting the Bavarian-style buildings in the town, and viewing the Raven Cliff Waterfalls. He kept them so busy during the day that they both collapsed in exhaustion when they got back to his cabin.
A part of her wondered if he was tiring her out on purpose. He seemed even more hands off with her than usual. Typically, Nathan was eager to kiss, touch and do everything but have sex. This weekend he was exceptionally chaste. Quick kisses, brief caresses and only holding her hand.
They were on their last night for the quick weekend and Yvonne was not going to be deterred. She’d made coffee, drank two cups and pulled out the red lace teddy she’d packed before leaving. She fluffed her hair and took in her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The panties were crotchless and her breasts practically spilled out of the lacy top. She was going to have sex with her fiancé if it was the last thing she did.
“Baby,” Nathan called from the bedroom. “Are you done in there? I’m going to shower and go to bed early. We have to leave early tomorrow.”
Yvonne grinned and went to the door. Now or never. She swung open the door and rested her hand against the frame. “All done.”
Nathan’s jaw dropped. He took her in from head to toe, then licked his lips. “What’s this for?”
So far so good. She sauntered across the room and placed her hands on his chest. His heart beat rapidly beneath her hands. Another good sign.
“It’s for you.” She lifted on her toes and brushed his lips with hers.
Nathan gripped her hips. Her heart jumped in anticipation. She waited for him to pull her closer. He pushed her back. “You look . . . fantastic.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her breasts against him. “I’ll look even better when you take this off me.”
She kissed him. He hesitated then kissed her back. She walked him backwards toward the bed and they fell onto it in a tangle of limbs. Yvonne pulled on the edge of his t-shirt and he let her drag it over his head. Yes! Even better. Her hands went to his waistband. She was going to make this happen.