by Monica James
I jerk backward, hating how he can refer to death so easily. “Live for me.” I can’t see past my tears, but I blindly reach down and stroke over his tattoo.
“I have, but it’s out of my control now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Our time is up, Tori. But I couldn’t let all of this…” He swallows, needing time to find his words. “Be for nothing.”
He thumbs my quivering bottom lip while I sob, my heart shattering with every single word. “I need you to know that every minute spent with you was real. I need you to know I’m the luckiest son of a bitch for meeting someone like you.”
His words are so bittersweet, I can’t help but cry. “You died protecting me.” I weep, still unbelieving of the words I speak.
Never missing a beat, he avows, “Dying to protect you has made me feel alive.”
My howls are gut-wrenching and pained because I feel like a piece of me is dying as each minute ticks over. Unable to stay upright, I collapse into Jude’s outstretched arms. “Shh. Don’t cry. When the time comes, I don’t want you to be there. I want you to remember what we had. Who I was.”
“You can’t decide that for me,” I mutter into his shoulder.
“Yes, I can. Let me go with dignity. Remember me as the man who loved you more than anything in this world. Our world.”
My snivels become low sniffs when I process what he just said.
He loves me?
With my face a hot, blubbering mess, I pull away, and ask, “You l-love me?”
“I do.” He nods, brushing the tears from my eyes with his thumbs.
At that precise moment, I hear freedom. I hear the flap of wings as the blackbird flies from its perch, symbolizing everything I feel. “I love you, too.”
He closes his eyes and smiles a victorious smile. “And that, by far, is the craziest thing you’ve ever said.”
With a heavy heart, I wrap my fingers around his nape, his warm flesh never feeling more alive. A tremor passes through him because he can feel our connection too. Pressing our foreheads together, I breathe him into me, filling my lungs with Jude because he’s all I need.
“Do you know how insane this is?”
“I know,” he whispers, the touch against my cheeks a lover’s caress. “You don’t believe me?” There is nothing but horror entwined in his question.
But there is nothing to fear because I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. “I do.”
As hard as this is to believe, I know this is my world now. This unbelievable event is really happening, and for the first time in a long time, I embrace the noise.
I can’t keep up with the thoughts racing around my head. Jude nudges my nose with his from side to side. “Jude…” I murmur, not wanting this moment to end.
“Yes.”
“Why can I see you?”
He hisses a low breath through his teeth. His reaction has me gulping. I’m brave. I can accept whatever he has to say. So I ask the obvious. “And why can Angus see you?”
A pain slashes at his face. Skimming his finger over the seam of my lips, he replies, “Are you ready for more?”
I melt under his touch. “I don’t think I have much of a choice.”
Laying a kiss against my mouth, he whispers, “Trust me?”
Again with that word. But this time, I reply without pause. “With my life.”
We travel in silence for over an hour, my brain unable to switch off. Although I cannot grasp what Jude revealed, my lateral mind knows that this uncanny reality is really mine. I never believed in goblins, and ghouls, and…
“Jude?”
He peers over at me. I’ve never seen him look so…peaceful. He hums low, implying that he’s listening.
I shift in my seat, embarrassed. “Are you a…ghost?”
Lines etch across his furrowed brow. “I don’t know what I am,” he replies with a shrug. “This didn’t come with an instruction manual.”
His gaze lingers long enough that my cheeks heat. He grins, amused by my bashfulness. “Do I feel like a ghost?” He thankfully returns his focus to the road so I can blush in private.
“No,” I finally reply once I trust my voice. “You don’t. You feel very real.” I’m suddenly struck with a thought. “That’s why you said my virtue was safe. And why we didn’t—” I press my lips shut, blushing all over again.
“I thought best not push our luck,” he explains. “Each time we touched, I knew it was by some miracle that you could feel me.”
“I always wondered why you looked so surprised when we touched.” His thigh stiffens as I shyly reach out and place my hand on his leg.
“I’ve been unable to feel anything, anyone but you,” he reveals, his fingers clenching the wheel. “I can feel Angus. But our touch, it’s something else.”
I gasp. My flesh suddenly feeling like it’s on fire. “What does that mean?”
“It means that whatever I am, I’m somehow connected to you. Logically, none of his should be happening…”
“But it is,” I conclude.
We’re quiet for the rest of the trip, both needing space and time to try to piece together what all of this means. None of this makes any sense, and when we turn down a deserted road and are outnumbered by the rodents and cockroaches, I have a feeling further uncertainty is about to follow.
This neighborhood looks like the set for a horror movie, but I don’t see Hollywood in sight. The farther we drive, the worse the conditions become. We’re surrounded by derelict warehouses and decaying buildings covered with layers of graffiti and aged advertisement posters. Most of the windows are smashed in, and I don’t even want to think about who or what are using these quarters as their homes.
“Okay, so my original thought of you being a serial killer is quite probable.” I lean forward and peer out the windshield, my face reflecting the horror that Jude just may be a mass murderer.
I expect him to laugh, but he doesn’t.
Okay, now I’m nervous.
The truck is swimming in tension; the only sound is my raspy breathing and Jude’s finger rapping against the steering wheel to a silent tune. As he continues driving, the darker and more desolate it becomes. I sit on my hands to stop biting my nails. From the corner of my eye, I notice Jude’s knuckles are white from gripping the wheel so hard.
His weird behavior has me exhaling heavily. I suddenly feel like I’m suffocating. However, I’m grounded when Jude reaches out and strokes my upper arm. He turns left, leading us down a short, deserted alleyway. My heart begins to…thump…thump, unlike his. I hold back my tears.
When we come to a blacked-out building that is covered in graffiti tags and has remnants of faded police tape flapping in the wind, I hope I’ve made the right decision.
This place is obviously deserted, and the only inhabitants are rats and maybe a homeless person or two. Jude kills the engine and squeezes my hand. “This is our stop.”
“We’re getting out here?”
He nods.
I look at the dilapidated building, wondering if there is a front door. My heart races as I unbuckle my seat belt.
Acceptance.
I gulp. This is it—the moment of truth. I must accept that in minutes I just may die.
Jude jumps out of the truck, scoping out his surroundings before closing the door. I watch as he places the black hood over his head, turning his face down low as he walks around the truck. His behavior is setting me on edge.
He opens the passenger door, stepping close and engulfing me with that smell I associate with protection. I feel safe around Jude…my current situation proves that.
When he reaches over my shoulder, his face inches from mine; I resist the urge to pull back. I stand my ground. His eyes smolder. Producing a black baseball cap, he places it on my head, positioning it so it sits low. It’s about two sizes too big and slips down, shrouding my eyes. “Why do I need a hat?”
Jude lifts the bill. “Things may get a little…bright.
You ready?”
“No.” I nod, wondering what that means. He smiles, but it’s bittersweet. He appears regretful for taking me here, but it’s too late.
A tingle runs all through my body as he offers me his hand. He locks the car with my fingers still threaded through his. I know he won’t let me go. The air is putrid out here. I raise my wrist to cover my nose. I have no idea what I’m walking into. Our footsteps seem amplified out here in the silence as we commence our march down the alley. The sound, however, alerts whatever critter is watching our every move. We hear a crash and a bottle rolling along the uneven pavement behind us.
I yelp and freeze as I squeeze my eyes shut. Memories overflow me. I wheeze, unable to breathe.
“Tori, do you want to turn around? It only gets…worse from here on in.” His voice is my beacon. It gives me the strength to persevere.
“No, I just need a minute.” Breathing in through my nose, and out through my mouth, I try my best to stay grounded. Jude gives me all the time I need. Once I’m settled enough to continue, I open my eyes and take another deep breath. We then continue our death march. Jude’s with me every step of the way, a silent reassurance that he’ll never let go.
The lane is short, and once we’re almost at the end, I celebrate prematurely because as I round the corner, a wave of terror drags me under, and I’m gasping for air. What’s happening? “Jude!”
His fingers squeeze mine. “I’m sorry, Tori.” The heaviness breaks my heart. “This is the only way.”
“The only way for what?” The world spirals around me, blinding me. I’m desperately kicking to the surface, but suddenly, everything explodes in white, and I see the world through eyes that are not my own…
Jude
“Loretta, I don’t have time for this shit. Do you have it or not?”
Loretta smirks, putting the Cheshire Cat to shame. “So impatient. You’d think I wasn’t doing you a favor.”
I snort, shaking my head in disgust. “Favor? Favor would imply you’re doing this out of the kindness of your heart.” I leave out the fact I doubt she has one underneath that Chanel number she’s wearing.
She disregards my attack with a wave of her hand. “Call it what you will. I’m still helping you when no one else would.”
She does have a point. “Fine, thank you. Now, have you got it?”
I watch as she leans over and opens the console. She makes sure she touches my leg along the way. When she produces a thick yellow envelope, I sit upright, suppressing the urge to rip it from her hands. “Be careful what you wish for, Jude. It just may come true.” She dangles it in front of me, knowing this is what I’ve been searching for, for over a year.
“Thanks for the warning.” I snatch it from her fingers, the tremor betraying my fears. Inside this envelope lie the answers I have so desperately sought. This envelope contains information on Rosemary’s whereabouts.
Loretta Goldbloom may seem like a harmless soccer mom to the unsuspecting, but I know better. She’s married to the state, maybe even the country’s most elusive private investigator. I didn’t ask questions when she promised she could find Rose. All she wanted in return was fifteen thousand dollars. I scoffed, unbelieving at first. I mean, she had just propositioned me at my son’s Christmas play. Her daughter, Henrietta, was special just like Angus. That’s why I think she offered her services in the first place. She felt sorry for me. Everyone did.
But I didn’t need anyone’s charity. I would find Rose on my own. However, when one month became two, and both Henry and I failed to come up with a lead, I knew I had no other choice but to pay up. I’m pretty certain Loretta and her husband, whose name I never knew, worked for the entire crime syndicate of the north east. That’s why Loretta made me promise not to let Henry in on our agreement. Nothing like the good sheriff to rain on crime’s parade.
It took me months of working double shifts and dipping into my measly savings, but I finally had the money. Loretta confirmed she was the real deal and gave me a taste when she showed me a picture of Rose. Her long hair was cut short, and she was wearing a pair of black-framed glasses that were too big for her slender face. But there was no mistaking it was her. She looked different. She looked…happy.
Anger coursed through my veins, and my need to find her changed. My quest was to now locate her and tell her to stay lost. I wanted her to know that when she up and left Angus and me, she gave up all rights, all ownership to her son and also, to my heart. She left us because she was gutless. For that, I would never be able to forgive her. But the sadistic part of me had to see it for myself. I had to see that she’d given up for good because there was no going back, no second chances.
Tearing open the seal, I hesitate for a mere moment before reaching inside and producing a photograph which looks like it was taken via surveillance. The quality isn’t great, but there is no mistaking this is Rose. Any small scrap of love I may have had left for her evaporates into the still night air because even though the quality isn’t seamless, there is no mistaking her very pregnant belly. She’s bearing another man’s child. I feel sick. I can’t do this with Loretta watching me.
Shoving the photo back into the envelope, I jam the packet into my inner jacket pocket, keeping it safe. I jump out of the car before I stain the leather seats with my disgust. Slipping the hood over my head, I blend into the shadows. I want nothing more than to start my path to redemption.
“Oh, Jude?” Loretta singsongs, hoping to look inconspicuous as she peers around. “Forgetting something?”
Her tone may be light, but I know I’m a dead man if I even think about bailing without coughing up the dough. I walk to her window and don’t bother concealing my stash as I toss the rolled-up bills into her lap. “Don’t spend it all at once,” I quip.
“Nice doing business with you. If you ask me, Rosemary is a fool.” She blows me a kiss, a winner’s grin slathered on her cheeks.
I don’t wait around before I cross the road, desperate to get to my truck. Once inside, I can then deal with the information that’s literally in my palm. I have Rose’s address. I should feel something, but the god’s honest truth is I just feel numb. I’ve been dead inside since Rose left.
It’s deserted this time of night, and that’s why I chose this location. It’s perfect, as I’m not in the mood for crowds. With my face downturned, my hood covers my ears, so the only sound I hear is my heavy footsteps punishing the concrete with every step I take.
My truck is in sight when a harrowing scream tears through the air. I stop, lifting my head slowly to make sure I heard it, as my nerves are already shot. But when I hear it again, followed by a booming, “No!” I know someone is in trouble.
I could turn the other way, pretend I was never here, but I’m not a coward. I fight for what’s right. Unlike my ex-wife. With that thought spurring me on, I take off in a dead sprint, rounding the corner to see a petite girl being dragged down an alleyway while her beau drops like a sack of shit to the ground.
I can hear the girl screaming bloody murder. I have no doubt she has bigger balls than her date, who is sobbing into his palms. Adrenaline pumps through my body as I run toward him, latching onto his bicep and yanking him up. “C’mon!” I shout when he drags his feet. “He’s going to kill her.”
“I can’t!” the pretty boy cries, tearing at his hair with both hands. He’s clearly in shock, but his hysteria can wait.
“Call 911!” I command, letting him go and powering after the girl, whose pleas are unexpectedly breaking my heart.
The alley is yards away. I charge forward, desperate to save her, but I don’t know why. As I sprint around the corner, I almost get sick when I see him fondling her, her ass bare as she weeps and fights back as best she can.
It all happens in a blink of an eye, but I can see her transform from kitten to tiger in a nanosecond as she strikes her head back and connects with the motherfucker’s nose. He screams and jumps backward, cradling his face. “You fucking bitch!” She doesn’t w
aste a second and runs for her life.
Her eyes widen when she sees me sprinting toward her. Footsteps behind me alert me to the fact that the cowardly lion may have found his balls. But I’m faster, and I power forward with all my might. I don’t know why, but a need to protect this woman invades every part of my body, and nothing else matters but keeping her safe.
Sheer strength radiates around her because she’s determined to live. Her strength suddenly gives me hope. When Rose left, she took a part of me with her, but now, her actions seem so unimportant, so cowardly. This brave, determined woman is fighting for survival, and her resolve gives me a new lease on life. If this young lady can come back from this, then so can I.
I need to protect her. I need to thank her for opening my eyes. She’s not running away from her problems; she’s tackled them head on. She didn’t need saving. She saved herself. “Run!” Her vitality is amplified when she attempts to protect me. Just who is this woman? I need to know her.
She looks at me like I’m someone worth knowing. Someone she needs. Sadly, my newfound rhapsody turns ugly, and my hope is shot down when the assailant pulls a gun, aims, and shoots—twice. One misses, but the other…it doesn’t.
A scream shreds my throat raw as I watch in horror as my ray of hope crumples to the ground in a sickening heap. She falls feet away, tangled in a bloodied, crippled mess. The front of her green dress is suddenly stained red as the bullet enters her back and exits through her chest. The exit wound is gruesome. I push forward and reach her in seconds. She’s on her back, gasping for breath as she stares up into the starless sky. I drop to my knees beside her, frantically pressing my hands over her wound.
Her dark hair is splayed out around her; one shoe is yards from where she lays. But regardless of her shape, she still radiates that strength which drew me toward her. I can hear crying behind me, useless to us both. “Call 911! Now!” I roar, my gaze never wavering from the angel in my arms.
Her eyes begin to roll into the back of her head. “No! Don’t you dare. Stay with me!” I can see the determination as she forces herself to stay awake. “The paramedics are on their way. You stay awake, you hear me?” She nods, her head lolling to the side.