by Ember Davis
Olivia’s voice is small, but it doesn’t waver, “What’s her name?”
I look straight in her eyes, “Her name was Kasey.” I watch Olivia’s eyes widen as the realization of what I’ve said takes hold. “I killed her.”
Her brows knit together as she starts shaking her head, but what I don’t see on her face is horror; no, she’s confused. I whisper, “I didn’t mean to.”
She wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear, “I know, Babe. What happened?”
I don’t know if I can bare her touching me while I tell her about Kasey and what happened. As if she can read my mind, she unwraps her arms and offers me her hand. I take it without hesitation, lacing our fingers together to ground me.
“It was the night of our high school graduation. We had decided to wait until that night to,” I clear my throat, “have sex for the first time. Neither one of us were big drinkers, but we were expected to go to the parties.” I feel her tense next to me and I meet her eyes, “I swear, I wasn’t drinking that night.”
She nods and relaxes. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver so I’m not surprised that the thought of alcohol being at the center of my tragedy would make her tense up. Fuck, I can’t imagine what she went through at 16 losing them. I stare at the ottoman again, trying not to lose myself in the memories of that night.
“We were headed up to my family’s cabin because it was the only place we could think of that we could be alone. It was late, but it was a clear night.” I shake my head and run my fingers through my beard, “I don’t even know what went wrong. One moment we were just starting to head up the mountain and the next the car was careening off the road. Even now, I can’t remember exactly what happened to make me lose control of the car, but when I woke up the car had plowed into a huge tree and Kasey wasn’t moving.”
I find the courage to look into Olivia’s eyes and she has tears streaming down her face. I feel my shoulders slump. She wipes her cheeks quickly, “It was an accident, Zeke.”
I plead with her, “I was driving. It was my fault.”
I don’t know why I’m trying to convince her to put the blame on me and prove what I’ve always known. I’m a monster and I don’t deserve this family. I’ll never deserve Olivia.
Her voice is firm, “No. You were driving, but an accident is just that…an accident. You didn’t start that drive with the intention of Kasey getting hurt, did you?” I shake my head. “You didn’t purposefully crash the car, did you?”
I whisper, “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
Olivia moves swiftly and catches me off guard by throwing her leg over mine, straddling me. She takes my face in her hands and her eyes are earnest as she stares into mine. “No, you didn’t. You know how I know that?” I shake my head because I really don’t. “I know that you would never ever hurt another person on purpose, least of all someone you love.” One of her hands trails down my neck and chest, covering my heart. “I know the beat of your heart, Zeke, and you would never do that.”
I take a shuddering breath and try and believe in myself as much as she believes in me. I wish I could remember. I’ve tried to force the memory so many times over the years, probably as many times as I’ve tried to drown other memoires in alcohol.
Olivia runs her hands over my shoulders and then reaches back and gently pulls the hair band, releasing my shoulder length hair from my man bun. She plunges her fingers into my hair and massages my scalp.
She whispers, “What did you do when you woke up?”
I close my eyes and try and take comfort from her touch. “I tried to wake Kasey up, she had a pulse, but she wouldn’t wake up. Then, I found my phone, but we were in a dead spot on that side of the mountain. I left her and went to get help. It took me 45 minutes to get to somewhere that I could call for help and then it took them forever to get to us.” I look in Olivia’s eyes, “I just left her there. By the time I got back to her I couldn’t find her pulse anymore.” I close my eyes and let the pain wash over me, “She died all alone.”
“Zeke, look at me.” I shake my head; I don’t want to face her. Olivia’s voice goes soft and soothing, “Please, Baby, look at me.” I crack my eyes open and I see something in her eyes I never expected: pride. “You did your best. You didn’t have a choice but to leave her there to try and get help. You tried to save her.”
I sigh, “That’s what I thought at the time, but then when the police and the ambulance got there everyone looked at me with disgust. Then my parents met me at the hospital. When I told them what happened they looked at me with so much blame and hatred.”
Olivia gasps and her voice fills with indignation, “They did what?”
I sigh, “They told me I should have been more careful. That my carelessness caused a life with so much potential to be lost.”
Olivia sits back on my legs and forces me to look into her eyes. I see a fierceness there that takes my breath away. “No. They were wrong. An accident like that isn’t your fault. It was a split second and even if there was something you could have done differently, that doesn’t change what did happen.” She runs her fingers through my beard and I just want to melt into it and get lost. She whispers, “Were you injured?”
I shrug a shoulder, “Not too badly, I needed a few stitches and I had to wear a brace on one of my wrists for a little while and there were a few bruises.”
Her voice is full of awe, “You were injured, but you still kept your shit together enough to check Kasey for a pulse and try to wake her up. You got yourself out of the car, which I’m sure was no easy feat. Then you walked for 45 minutes, while injured, to try and get help back to her as fast as you could.” She huffs, “You’re a fucking hero, no matter the outcome, because you did your best in the situation you were in.”
I wrap my arms around Olivia, and I pull her against me. I bury my face in the crook of her neck. I whisper against her skin, “No one saw it that way.”
She scoffs, “Then they’re fucking wrong.”
I take a deep breath, “I went to the funeral and everyone looked at me like I was a murderer. I felt like one. I tried to tell her parents how sorry I was, but they wouldn’t even look at me. I knew in that moment that there was nothing I could do to make it better and that being there would always be a reminder of what I’d done.”
She coos gently, “It wasn’t your fault, Baby. You didn’t do it.” Her fingers play along the nape of my neck. “That’s when you left?”
I nod and my voice is like gravel, “Yeah. That night. I just walked until I couldn’t anymore and then I hitched to Denver. I figured if I died on the streets that it would be poetic justice.” She gasps and I grip her tighter, “I thought that’s what I deserved. I vowed I’d never put another person at risk by loving them or letting them love me. That way they wouldn’t get caught in my curse. I haven’t held hands, kissed or touched a woman since then.” I lean back slightly and look in Olivia’s eyes, “Until you.”
I watch shock cross her face before she furrows her brow, “Does that mean you’re still; you know?” I arch an eyebrow; she’s going to have to say the words. She rolls her eyes and clears her throat, “You know, a virgin?”
I nod my head slowly and she starts to worry her lip. I reach up and pull it out from between her teeth. “What is it?”
“The accident wasn’t your fault, Zeke. They should have never made you feel like it was and if I ever come across any of them then I’ll give them a piece of my fucking mind about it. They should be ashamed of themselves; they were adults and they should have never made you feel that way.” She runs her fingers along the features of my face and shakes her head. Her voice is softer when she asks, “What is it that you think you deserve now?”
I grip Olivia’s hips, “I’m not sure if I do, but I want to deserve you. I don’t know if 4 years is enough to pay for that night. It doesn’t feel like enough compared to a life with so much time left. I want it to be. I want it so much, little fairy, but I’m a monster.”
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Olivia peppers my face with kisses. “You’re not a monster, Zeke. It wasn’t your fault.” She looks in my eyes and studies me, “It feels like you want me to forgive you, to absolve you.” I nod my head slowly. She gives me a warm smile, “I can’t do that.” I feel my stomach drop and I close my eyes. Her voice is clear and sincere, “I can’t forgive you for this Zeke because there’s nothing to forgive. You were a kid and you were in an accident that had unfortunate consequences. You’ve beaten yourself up enough for this. I can’t absolve you from something that should have never been put on your shoulders as if you owed penance in the first place.”
I open my eyes slowly and the honesty in her eyes makes my heartbeat faster. It’s almost like I can feel the shackles of that night releasing me and my soul. It’s fucking liberating.
I’m about to open my mouth to ask her if she’s sure, but before I can she crashes her lips onto mine and kisses me with passion and love. I gasp and she uses that moment to deepen the kiss and her tongue caresses mine like she’s trying to heal me. If she is, then she’s successful. I can feel the scars of my past knitting together and my heart pumping at full power for the first time since that night. Her taste on my tongue reignites my lust for her and my cock fills so fast it’s painful.
She murmurs against my lips, “Zeke, you should know two things.” I run my hands around her hips. I grip her ass and pull her against my throbbing bulge. I nod as I kiss along her jaw and down her neck. She moans, “I love you, Zeke.” I pull back from her and look in her eyes, a slow smile spreads across her face. She says it again with conviction. “I love you. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you and no matter how gruff or how distant you were, my heart knew it was just a matter of time.”
I rasp, “I love you too, Olivia, so fucking much.”
A huge grin spreads across her face, “Do you want to know the second thing?” I nod and she looks a nervous for a moment. I grip her ass harder and rock her against my trapped cock. She groans and digs her nails into my shoulders. She sighs, “I’m a virgin, too.”
I feel my control snap, knowing that I’ll be the only man who will ever know her body. The only man to know the way she sounds when she comes. Those words release that caged, primal part of me that I’ve been trying to contain since the moment I touched her today.
I wrap my arms around her and stand up in one fluid motion. Olivia lets out a little squeak of surprise. She wraps her legs around my waist like she’s done it a thousand times. It takes all my willpower to head to our bedroom instead of pressing her up against a wall.
Her voice is breathy, “Where are we going?”
I growl, “We’re going to bed, where I can worship you and your body properly.”
Olivia gasps, “We are?” She must see the determination in my eyes because she swallows hard and nods, “Okay. What about going to Beckett and Amelia’s?”
I push the door to my room open and then take the few steps to the bed. I throw her and she lets out a little shriek as she bounces. I grunt, “After.” Olivia licks her lips and I groan. I let my eyes run down her body and then back up. I reach out and pull her shoes off and then toe my own off. “Strip, little fairy. Let me see your gorgeous body.”
Olivia’s eyes widen; when I reach back and pull my shirt over my head she gasps. I know I’m not super buff, but I take care of my body and my muscles are defined. It fills me with pride that she likes what she sees.
Olivia pulls the tight sweater she has on over her head, squirming on the bed to free her head. I groan at the sight of her tits bouncing from the movement. She arches her back to unclasp her bra and then tosses it on the floor. She starts to unbutton her jeans when she looks up at me, but I’ve been frozen in awe since she freed her breasts and I got a look at her pink nipples. Fuck, I can’t wait to get my mouth on them.
Olivia flashes me a wicked smile and it jolts me into motion. I quickly unbuckle my belt and undo my jeans, pushing them and my boxer briefs down my legs. When I stand up Olivia’s shimmying out of her jeans and I have to grit my teeth not to come at the sight.
I run my hands up her legs until I reach her hands at the waistband of her jeans and bat them away. I continue roving my hands up to her hips and grip her panties. She groans and arches. I pull her panties and her jeans down her legs and let them fall from my hands, creating a heap along with my own clothes.
Her eyes are hungry as she takes me in. I grip my hard cock and give it a long, sure stroke as she watches me. She licks her lips and I snarl. Her eyes snap up to me and she settles down on the bed and opens her legs, showing me her dripping wet pussy.
I groan, “I want to make sure you want this, little fairy.”
Olivia moans and nods. I give her a sharp look and she rolls her eyes. Her voice is husky, “I want this Zeke, I want you. I want you inside me. I’m on the shot.” A shiver of lust rolls up her body, “Please, Babe.”
That’s all I need to hear, fuck, it’s music to my fucking ears. I kiss her ankle and then my lips and tongue travel up her leg. She starts panting as I get to her knee and then move to her other leg and give it the same attention. Her hips are rhythmically swaying back and forth like she’s trying to hypnotize me and it’s fucking working.
I kiss farther up her thighs, switching between them as I go. She groans and reaches out for my head, but I evade her; she groans in frustration. I kneel at the edge of the bed and grip under her knees to pull her ass to the edge. She yelps and then groans as she feels my hot breath against her dripping wet slit. I can see her juices glistening on her, and it makes my cock harden even more.
I lean forward and breathe in her scent. Her hands shoot out for my head and this time I have no intention of moving until she’s coming on my tongue.
Olivia whimpers, “Please, Zeke.”
I chuckle and her hips buck. Fuck. I start by licking and nibbling her wet pussy lips and from the first taste I know Liv’s juices will be another addiction of mine. She’s sweet and spicy, just like she smells and it’s fucking intoxicating. She’s writhing, but I don’t let her move much with the grip I have on her knees and the way I’ve splayed her open in front of me.
I push my tongue through her folds, and she moans long and low. I press my hard cock against the side of the mattress just to stop myself from coming. I drag my tongue up and then I circle her clit. I watch her face as I go slow and fast, clockwise and counterclockwise. She stops breathing when I suck her clit into my mouth which fills me with a primal sort of pride. I bring my tongue back down and lap at her tight virgin hole.
I stiffen my tongue and then fuck her with it, curling the tip to pull her cream out so I can swallow it down. I moan against her and she grips my hair tighter. She’s moaning my name over and over. It’s like a physical caress to my aching cock.
I can feel her getting closer and closer to the edge; I have no idea how I know but it’s instinctual. I rest one of her knees on my shoulder and trail my fingers up her thigh, pushing her other knee closer to her body to keep her open for me. I run my tongue back up to her clit and circle around it as I slide a finger inside of her; the moan that comes out of her rachets my arousal up.
A feel her walls tightening around my finger and I look up her body to see her head thrown back in bliss as her legs start shaking. I work a second finger into her tight, slick channel as I suck her clit into my mouth and graze my teeth over it.
Her back arches and she grips my hair tighter. Like a rubber band pulled too tightly, her body tenses and then it releases. Her pussy spasms around my fingers as she crests over the top and her orgasm takes over her body. I tighten my grip on her knee as I try and lap up all over juices.
Her grip relaxes in my hair and her breathing is quick. I slowly pull my fingers out of her and I pull my hips back from the edge of the mattress and wrap my fingers around my rock-hard cock, wanting her juices all over me.
I cradle her knees in my elbows and wrap my hands up under her torso as I crawl up onto the bed, pushing
her away from the edge with me. I nestle my hips against hers and my cock slides between her slick lips. We both groan at the sensation. I wrap her legs around my waist so I can brace myself above her.
Her eyes open slowly, and I see the lust still burning brightly in her half-lidded eyes. I kiss her deeply and passionately; she wraps her arms around my shoulders and rocks her hips against me. She must taste herself on my lips and like it as she moans into my mouth. Fucking hell. Her smell envelopes me since her juices have soaked into my beard and it’s making it harder and harder to control my need to bury my cock deep inside of her.
I groan, “I want you so fucking badly.” I kiss her gently and mumble against her lips, “Are you sure, Livy?”
CHAPTER 13
OLIVIA
Holy shit, this night has taken a turn I could have never predicted. Not that I’m complaining. I’m going to lose my virginity to the man I love, and he finally let me in to his past. His experience was tragic, and I hate that his parents and that town did that to him emotionally. They better never come around because I will tear into them. How dare they do that to their own child.
Not only did he let me in, but I opened up a part of myself I had kept hidden when he saw my art. I wasn’t prepared to have him see it today, but when we were parked in front of my apartment, I realized that I couldn’t keep hiding it expecting him to be open and honest with me. So, I decided to roll the dice and see what his reaction was. I was not expecting that level of praise and support. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until he gave it to me.
Then there’s the other thing he gave me, just now, which was the best fucking orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. Now he’s hovering above me making sure that I’m okay and that I want this. Doesn’t he know that forming coherent sentences after he just shot me to the stratosphere may be asking too much? Well, no, I guess he doesn’t know that.