No, she told herself sternly. No, don’t even think it. Remember he doesn’t like you. And remember he can’t know what’s going on. Keep it hidden!
Trying to put on her best angry face, she glared at the big Kindred.
“How dare you come barging in here? I’m trying to take a bath!”
“No, you’re trying to hide something from me. And I want to know what it is.” He came forward and climbed the steps of the tub, his boot heels ringing against the richly tiled floor. “What is it, Harper? Tell me.”
“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shrank away from him although her body was calling her towards him, telling her to raise up from the waters and beg him to palm her full, naked breasts in those big hands of his. But she refused to give in to temptation. “I’m just fine,” she said again in a voice that trembled only a little.
“Harper, please…” He blew out a breath and raked a hand through his wild black hair. His opalescent eyes were suddenly softer…and worried. He came around to where she was and sat on the edge of the tub, looking down at her. “Please,” he repeated. “I need to take care of you and I can tell something’s wrong with you. Please just tell me what it is.”
“I…I can’t,” Harper said in a small voice. “I mean, I don’t want to. It’s… embarrassing.”
“You don’t have to feel embarrassed with me,” he murmured and his voice was softer than she’d ever heard it, except in the strange flashes she’d had of him back aboard his ship. “I’m here to protect you—to help you.”
Harper lifted her chin defiantly and everything she’d been thinking recently came right out of her mouth.
“Only because you need me in order to go back in time and save your people. You don’t give a damn about me otherwise—you don’t even like me.”
His eyes widened. “Is that what you think?”
“What else am I supposed to think?” Harper demanded. “You can barely stand to touch me—you keep me at an arm’s length as much as you can. You hardly talk to me. You…You…”
Suddenly she felt guilty as she remembered everything he’d done for her. But the point was, why had he done it? Was it all just a means to an end?
“I mean, I appreciate that you took the whipping for me from the Controller,” she went on quickly. “And you came to rescue me from that awful nursing tent too. But you also told me not to touch you and you seem so cold and distant all the time. I just don’t know what to think.”
“Think anything but that I don’t care for you. Harper, I’m devoted to you.” Shad’s deep voice was hoarse, his eyes blazing. He sank down so he was kneeling on the bottom step, putting his face on level with hers. “My whole life is devoted to you.”
“I know,” she said, somewhat taken aback. “Because of your mission to rescue me and change me so the Hive doesn’t want me anymore—or at least so they can’t use me—which will save your people.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Shad shook his head. “Gods, how can I explain…” He blew out a breath and looked down at his hands, clearly frustrated. “Harper,” he said. “It’s not just the mission. It’s you. The way I feel for you, so deeply…”
“You do?” Harper could scarcely believe it but her heart was pounding in her chest. “I mean, I never would have thought from the way you’ve been acting…”
“It’s true—I’ve been trying to keep you at arm’s length,” he admitted in a low voice. “But that’s because I’ve lost you so many times.” He looked up at her and his chiseled features were haggard. “Harper, do you know how many times I’ve failed you? How many times I’ve watched you die in my arms? And every time it’s like getting my heart ripped out.”
“I…” Her mouth seemed suddenly too dry to speak. “I never thought about that.”
“I care for you, Harper,” he admitted heavily. “I care too much. It hurts too much. That’s why I’ve been trying to keep my distance during this time around.”
“But we’re going to make it this time,” Harper said, trying to convince both him and herself. “We have to since this is our last chance. So you shouldn’t be afraid to, uh, get close.”
He shook his head. “I feel like it’s better to keep my distance—less distracting when I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“Shad…” she started to say and then her fingers brushed his cheek and she got another one of those strange flashes.
She saw the two of them in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. They were naked and close, so close. Shad was cradling her body with his own as though he couldn’t bear to let her go and looking into her eyes.
“Harper,” he murmured. “Kallana…”
Then the momentary flash was over and Harper drew her hand back, dazed.
“Kallana,” she whispered.
“What?” Shad frowned. “Where did you hear that?”
“Just now.” She shook her head. “I…I know it sound strange but I keep getting these…flashes—I don’t know what else to call them. They seem almost like scenes from a different life.”
“What do you mean? What have you seen?” he asked, his voice low and intense.
“Well, the first one was of the lifeguard guy—the one that was a mind-slave for the Hive. When I touched him I got this flash of a giant insect face.” Harper shivered. “It was awful.”
“And the others?” he asked.
“The others? Well…” Harper bit her lip, feeling embarrassed. “The others are of you. Of you…being nice to me. Being sweet. Holding me…comforting me…touching me…” She broke off, feeling her cheeks get hot. She really shouldn’t say anymore.
“You’re experiencing Chromatic Bursts—seeing things that happened in other paths we took.” He sighed. “I was told this might happen near the end of the looper’s power.”
“They’re the reason I came with you in the first place—without fighting you, I mean,” Harper told him. “When you told me to undress back at the beach I had one of those flashes—uh, Chromatic Bursts—and it convinced me you weren’t a bad guy after all.”
“So that’s where you heard that word—Kallana?” Shad asked her.
She nodded. “Just now. I saw us…” Her cheeks got even hotter but she made herself go on. “I saw us in, uh, in bed together. We were…were holding each other and you called me that.” She looked at him. “What does it mean?”
“It’s a word in the native Kindred language.” His voice was hoarse and rough. “It means…my heart. My love.”
“Shad…” Harper cleared her throat. “Did we…in all those other, uh, time paths we took, did we ever, you know, make love?”
She’d been certain he was going to say yes—to confirm her suspicion that they’d had incredible sex and a love so deep it defied time itself. But he only shook his head.
“No,” he said softly. “No, I never let myself go that far. As a Shadow Twin I’m probably not able to bond a female to me like a normal Kindred could. But I couldn’t take the chance.”
Harper frowned. “What do you mean—bond a female to you?”
“When a Kindred—a normal Kindred—makes love to a female and fills her with his seed, the two of them form a mental and emotional bond that only death can break,” Shad explained. “The problem is, once the bond is formed, the death of his mate may drag him into the grave along with her. Some males survive the death of their mate…but many do not.” He looked at Harper directly. “I couldn’t take that chance with you. I knew if you died I would want to die too. And I can’t die—not until I finish this damn loop and see you safely to the end of it.”
Harper nodded. “I understand. So we never made love.”
“We did everything else, though” Shad murmured. “I know your sweet, soft body as I know my own, Harper.” Reaching out, he stroked his knuckles gently over her flushed cheek, making her tingle all over. “Which is why you don’t need to be embarrassed to tell me what’s going on with you now.”
They had come full circle. Harper bi
t her lip, knowing she couldn’t hide her problem from him anymore. Not now that she knew how he truly felt.
He doesn’t hate me or dislike me, she thought wonderingly. In fact, I think he loves me—he’s just trying to keep his distance because he’s been hurt so many times.
The knowledge gave her a warm glow inside…but she had other things going on inside as well. During the intense talk with the big Kindred, she’d almost been able to ignore the tingling and throbbing going on in her breasts and between her legs. Now the sensations of lust and desire came back full force—making her almost moan with need.
“Harper,” he murmured again and she knew he was waiting to hear what was wrong.
“All right,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I…while I was in that awful nursing tent they…they tricked me into uh, drinking that sex-milk stuff. Then when I found out what was in it…” She shivered. “I threw it up. I thought I threw up all of it and none was left in my system. But, well…”
“Well, what?” Shad asked softly.
“I…I…” Somehow it seemed to Harper it would be easier to show him rather than to tell him. Biting her lip, she rose from the tub, pushing the pink bubbles down off her body, leaving her swollen breasts bare. “I guess I didn’t,” she finished in a soft voice. “I mean, since I’m, uh, exhibiting the same symptoms the girls in the nursing tent were.”
Shad looked at her swollen globes and gave a low, hoarse curse.
“Gods, sweetheart—does it hurt?”
“Some,” Harper admitted. “Mostly they feel swollen and…and full.” She could hardly get the last words out, she felt so embarrassed. She kept remembering the sight of Bianetta on the circular couch, letting the alien male suck her nipples while he filled her pussy with his cock. She didn’t want to do that, she told herself sternly. She wasn’t going to ask Shad to treat her that way—to take her that way…
But God, her pussy and nipples were suddenly throbbing with need and her breasts were so full they ached. What was she going to do?
“You say they’re full?” Shad asked, breaking into her worried thoughts.
“Of…of the nectar that stupid sex-milk causes you to make.” Harper looked down at herself and blushed—the pale purple stuff was already leaking down the undersides of her breasts again, making them sticky and wet. “God, this is awful.”
“We’ll get you through it,” Shad murmured. “I swear we will.”
“How?” Harper demanded. She crossed her arms over her breasts to hide her shame. God, it was so embarrassing! “I mean, those girls at the nursing tent pumped their breasts when they got too…too full. Either that or let the male customers…” She couldn’t finish but to her surprise, Shad finished for her.
“Suck it out?” he murmured.
“Yes.” Harper didn’t know where to look. Now that she was up and out of the heated water, she found herself shivering but not just with cold—with need as well. Her body was screaming at her that it needed to be touched…caressed…stroked…sucked… But she had to resist, she told herself. She had to.
“Come out of the bath, sweetheart…Kallana.” Shad was standing in front of her, holding out one of the big, fluffy white towels. “Come out and let me help you.”
“Do you want to?” Harper asked directly. “I mean, I thought you were trying to keep your distance. Not that I’m assuming you’d want to, uh, suck the nectar out like those guys at the tent did with the other girls,” she added quickly, feeling her cheeks heat. “But maybe you could find me a pump, or—”
“Let’s get you dried off, first,” Shad said practically. “Then I’ll look up sex-milk on the Interweb and hopefully we can find a cure.”
“Oh, good—good idea.” Harper nodded, remembering that she’d had the same thought herself. But she’d been so distracted by the clone-maids and the huge ship she’d completely forgotten.
She stepped out of the bath and allowed Shad to wrap the towel around her shivering shoulders. He didn’t stop there, though—he took the other towel and knelt before her, rubbing her body gently to dry her all over.
Harper didn’t know why she let him. In actual hours, she hadn’t known him even one whole day although it seemed like much longer considering everything that had happened to her. But she kept remembering those flashes she’d gotten of him…and the way he had told her how he loved and knew her body. It felt right to let him dry her so gently, so tenderly…right to allow him access to even her most secret areas.
God, I really am going crazy with lust, she told herself as she spread her legs and allowed the big Kindred to blot her small, neatly trimmed mound of curls gently with the towel. There’s no way in hell I’d be doing this otherwise.
But for whatever reason, she allowed it and then she allowed Shad to lead her from the room and dress her in a jade green dressing gown that seemed to be made of the softest silk imaginable.
Harper tried to draw the front of the gown closed over her thrusting, swollen breasts but he shook his head.
“No, sweetheart—don’t give yourself pain. Just leave the gown open and relax on the bed while I look this up.”
Biting her lip, Harper did as he said.
She just hoped there was an easy antidote to the damn sex-milk and she could get it soon. She was going to go crazy otherwise.
* * * * *
Shad tapped the search terms as rapidly as he could into the portable golden tablet which had come with the ship, cursing himself as he did.
Why had he told Harper how much she meant to him? Why had he let her know he cared?
Because I couldn’t stand to let her think I hated her—that I’m only guarding her in order to change the past and save my people, he told himself.
Besides, just because he’d let his feelings out in the open didn’t mean he had to act on them. He could still keep his distance—still keep some space between them. Harper would understand.
In the meantime, he had to figure out how to help her with her sex-milk induced problem. Gods, her breasts were so full, so luscious and ripe and her nipples had turned a deep blackberry shade that made his shaft hard just to think about!
Stop it, he told himself sternly. It’s not like you’re going to suck the nectar out of her like those bastards were doing to the poor drugged girls in the nursing tent. You’re going to find an antidote for her and…
His thoughts trailed off as the entry for Juno sex-milk popped up on his tablet. Shad read quickly, his eyes skimming the entry in disbelief.
“Goddess damn it!” he swore, shaking his head in disbelief.
So much for keeping his distance. Harper was going to need his help in a very intimate way if she was going to get through this.
Chapter Eleven
“What? What is it?” Harper couldn’t help feeling worried at the frustrated tone she heard in the big Kindred’s voice.
“Here. See for yourself.” He passed the golden tablet to her and, after a moment of figuring out the holo controls which floated above the tablet, Harper read the article he’d found.
The sex-milk most commonly found on Juno, in use at the “nursing” tents in the Thieves' Market is an extremely strong aphrodisiac known to work only on females in whom it causes extreme sexual arousal. It produces side-effects of pseudo-lactation causing the breasts to fill with a pale purple “nectar” and swell to several times their normal size.
“All right, tell me something I don’t know,” Harper muttered, scrolling down as she skimmed the article rapidly. “How do you cure the symptoms, damn it?”
The stupid article went on and on about how aroused and sexually needy a female who ingested sex-milk would be and how eagerly she would welcome a male inside her.
A freaking date rape drug—that’s what it is!
Harper knew she ought to be enraged that she’d been given this horrible stuff—and she was. But the sex-milk was also still working on her, making her aroused even though she didn’t want to be.
Just reading about how a fe
male would crave sexual contact and penetration after ingesting the stuff made her remember how big Shad was below the belt and imagine how good it would feel to have all that girth and length thrusting its way deep inside her. She had to force herself to push that mental image away and focus on the problem at hand.
Finally she came to the end of the article and her heart sank.
“There is no known antidote for those who are given the insidious sex-milk—typically it will take years to work its way out of the victim’s system. However, there is hope if the symptoms are caught in time. If the female who has ingested the sex-milk has a willing male partner, he must drink some of the nectar from her breasts. As males are not affected by sex-milk, the nectar will be broken down and changed in the male body. In short order, his own bodily fluids will become a kind of antidote. When rubbed into the vaginal area of the sex-milk victim in time, these may effect a complete cure. But there is a limited window of only four solar hours from the time of ingestion for this method to be effective.”
Harper looked up in s sudden panic. Four hours? That’s all the time you get?
How long had it been since she’d drunk the disgusting, fruity tasting sex-milk anyway? Was the four hour count supposed to be from the first cup she’d taken or the last? What was she going to do?
She looked at Shad, feeling panicked.
“We’ve only got four hours. How long has it been since the nursing tent?”
“Nearly that long, I believe.”
“Oh my God. Oh God!” Harper looked down at herself, at her huge breasts leaking the pale purple nipples. “I don’t want to be stuck like this forever!”
“You won’t be,” Shad said firmly. He looked at her directly. “I don’t want to offend your modesty, Harper, but we have precious little time. You’d better come here.”
“But you can’t…I mean, I don’t want you to…” She shook her head, unable to finish.
“Harper, sweetheart…” Shad gave her a level look, his pale eyes burning. “I know this feels strange and wrong to you but we don’t have much time. You need to let me help you.”
Vanished Page 16