by S J Batsford
“I know, we use to dance to it while baking or putting the decorations up,” I say feeling a tear slowly trail down my cheek.
“It’s good to remember her, I know she would want us to. She loved this time of year, though she would have loved to have snowfall,” Nan chuckles. “One year for her birthday she asked for snow for Christmas, when snow didn’t arrive by Christmas Eve she took matters into her own hands and covered the tree and living room in white powder.” She laughs at the memory. “I still don’t know what she used to this day, grandad was beside himself, he could barely breathe from laughing. Of course, that was because he didn’t have to clean it up,” she adds wistfully.
I sit listening, taking everything in and seeing it all play out in my mind, I don’t doubt a word of it is true knowing Mom. I also understood why she was the way she was when we had snow near Christmas back home.
The twins wake around eleven, hungry, Nan makes a fuss of them after they’re fed and changed. They soak up the attention happily laying in her arms listening to her talk, and eventually they fall asleep to the sound their Nan humming along to the music. Settling them down we go back into the kitchen. I smile seeing flour and sugar spread across the worksurfaces.
“Let’s get these cookies finished so we can do the house.” She says and grins excitedly at me.
“Did you get enough sweets? You know Mason will want to come over.”
“As if I’d forget that boy’s obsession with candy,” she replies rolling her eyes at me. Chuckling at her sass I tap out a quick text to Mace letting him know our plans.
Me: I have gingerbread and sweeties, are you coming over to help decorate?
I count in my head and laugh when I only get to three before my phone bleeps.
Mace: Of course, I’ll be over after work.
Getting back to the job at hand, Nan and I work easily side by side singing along with each Christmas tune that comes on, and I grin, giddy with the excitement as the magic of Christmas fills me. We make batch after batch of cookies neither of us taking notice of how many we’ve done or how long has passed, I know they’ll be eaten either way, I’m just enjoying the time spent with my Nan.
Once we have everything ready, and cooling it’s after two in the afternoon. The twins are awake and sitting in their chairs in the kitchen with us enjoying time together as a family. Thinking of family, I decide to cook something warm for when my hard-working man gets home and get to work on preparing mince and dumplings with baby carrots and potatoes, once a favourite of mine in winter time. I like bringing things from my old life back in the UK and incorporating them into my life here, as some sort of tribute to my Mom.
With everything cooking, we turn our attention to the twins.
“How about we watch a Christmas movie?” Nan asks, wiping the last surface down.
“Sounds good, which one though?” I ask, holding my breath, waiting, Mom and I used to have a favourite…
“White Christmas?” We ask as one and laugh, of course it’s one and the same.
“Of course.” I shake my head and carry Seb into the living room while she follows with Eliza.
As the opening credits come on my heart constricts. I miss you, Mom.
Nan and I curl up on the sofa under a blanket, I know it’s not needed but you can’t watch a Christmas movie without one. Throughout the movie I find Nan blushing whenever Bing is on the screen.
“Nan?” I say pausing the movie.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have a thing for Bing Crosby?” I ask, watching her face carefully.
“No. I don’t do silly ‘fangirling’ as you all call it these days,” she replies quickly, not meeting my eyes.
“Ooh,” I giggle as I watch her face turn bright red. “You do! You love old Bing,” I chuckle as she sputters.
“I do not! I’ll have you know I do not look at other men. I’m still a married woman,” she says all proper and I laugh harder.
“I’ll have you know,” I repeat in a posh voice, she stares at me, blinks and bursts out laughing.
“So, I may have a tiny crush on him,” she says before pressing play and ending all talk on the subject. I sit back grinning deciding to let it go for now and settle back into the movie. When the end part comes on and the tree is rolled on stage I tear up and grab a tissue, this is when Mom would sing at the top of her lungs. Then it starts to snow, which I now know is fake. I remember Mom pulling me into her arms under the blanket and telling me about wanting to go to Vermont over Christmas when she was younger and all the things she would have done, it always sounded so magical to me. As the credits roll across the screen Nan and I are holding hands wiping tears and remembering sweet memories of the person we loved.
We’re just dishing up when Mace and Jackson walk through the door. “Just in time boys,” Nan calls over the music pulsing through the room. I go and turn it down, as I pass the twins I tickle their feet and kiss their chubby cheeks.
“Mmm, something smells amazing,” Mace groans, going straight to the table.
“Uh-uh, go wash up,” Nan scolds, shooing him away from the table.
Jackson goes straight to the twins and kisses them both on the head, not touching them due to his greasy hands. My heart melts watching him, it’s such a tender thing to do. He’s is so amazing with them, he’s amazing full stop but seeing him like that with my babies stops my heart. He’d be an amazing daddy. I freeze as the thought registers, what am I thinking? The poor bloke has only been with me five minutes. As if he can sense me thinking about him he turns to me and gives me a sexy grin and pulls me into his chest.
“I thought we were having an early night?” He asks in hushed tones, not caring that he just got oil and grease all up the t-shirt I’m wearing. Lucky it’s his.
“Sorry honey, we baked too much and we need help decorating. Plus, I wanted to cook for my family.” I kiss the corner of his pouting lips, only intending on softening the blow but one taste and I’m sunk. My lips go exploring along his neck… God, the smell of him, sweaty, greasy, pure sexy male. Mmm. I sigh happily into his neck.
“Others are in the room guys,” Mace says, breaking the spell, he has me under. Pulling back, I scowl at Mace and stick my tongue out at him. “Real mature for a mommy,” Mace mocks as he sits at the table and playfully hold his hands up for Nan to inspect.
“You are never too old for a smack Mason,” she tells him sternly and I laugh knowing what he’s about to…
“Depends on where and what context Cora,” he says and winks at her as she stands there gobsmacked. I burst out laughing as Nan pulls herself together and mutters about boys these days and how mouthy they are. I would feel bad for her, but she knows what Mace is like.
“Can we all sit and eat before it gets cold,” I say after composing myself.
“Let me just get changed and wash up real quick,” Jax says, dropping a kiss to my head before rushing off.
“You know, you’re going to have to watch your mouth when they get older,” I say nodding at the twins.
“What mouth? I’m not the one with the potty mouth,” he teases smirking at me.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Nan adds making me chuckle.
“See.”
“That was a onetime thing, I swear Cora,” he pleads, looking at her with puppy eyes.
“Don’t pull those eyes with me, I’ve seen another side of you tonight mister.” She points her fork at him in emphasis.
“Bad boy,” Jax mutters under his breath as he sits beside me.
“You are no better either, after some of the things he’s told me about you in college.”
Jackson’s mouth falls open and he scowls at Mace who looks like butter wouldn’t melt.
“Dude, that’s my future nan-in-law,” Jax hisses, shocking everyone at the table, mostly me, I’m breathless, frozen staring at him, dumbfounded.
“In that case you better be nice to me, after all I am your future brother-in-law,” Mace fires back, the first to
recover from the shock of Jackson’s outburst.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jax mutters and digs into his meal along with the rest as I sit staring at him as if he’s grown a second head.
“What?” He asks after a minute.
“N-nothing,” I stutter turning away and picking up my fork woodenly, my hand feels strange like it’s not my own, I feel like I’m having an outer body experience.
“I could feel your eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.”
“Eat, before it gets cold,” I say, changing the subject. It’s not that I don’t want to marry him I just never expected that sort of declaration so soon. It sorta puts things into perspective, at least I know where he stands, now if I could only work out how I feel now that he’s put himself out there. It’s not that I don’t love the bloke, because I do more than I thought possible after the total fuck up that happened with Ethan, but this soon? I mean thinking about marriage this soon?
“No overthinking,” he whispers in my ear before going back to his food and I agree, I will not overthink this, I’ll just let it be and it’ll go where it’s meant to.
“So, I was promised candy?” Mace asks breaking the awkward silence that has descended over the table.
“Yep, we have a lot of decorating to do,” I answer smiling happily and shaking off the mood that thinking of what happened with Ethan put me in and embracing the happiness I feel being with Jackson. He’s not Ethan, thank God.
After tea, we clean up and lay everything over the table, both Jackson and I take one of the babies and sit them on our lap and hold their little hands as we decorate cookies. Mace takes lots of pictures knowing how obsessed I am with making memories with both the twins and Jax. The twins are passed around the table for pics with everyone, we even attempt a family selfie, it turns out wonky but we’re all in there and I love it. I do photo collages and scrapbooks filled with photos of my family and new memories and this is definitely one for the books. I even got one of Eliza smacking Mace’s face just after having her hand in red frosting, it’s hilarious and one of my new all-time favourite photos of uncle Mace.
Chapter 3
Every morning I wake up with a smile on my face and it’s all thanks to the man with his strong loving arms wrapped around me. He makes every day special, he is everything I need and want for the twins and me. I know that no matter what he’ll be there for us, he’s shown us that every day since we started dating. I may have been inexperienced before where men were concerned but I’ve learnt a lot from Ethan and from Jackson. I now know love isn’t about big romantic gestures, it’s the little things like before Jackson leaves the house he always kisses me and the twins. So here I am grinning like a fool because my boyfriend sleeps with both of his arms wrapped around me and his head in my neck.
“Good morning beautiful,” he whispers, his voice still rough with sleep and I feel his lips turn up in a smile.
“Morning sexy, did you sleep well?” I ask, snuggling further into his arms, he groans and pulls me closer, I can barely breathe.
“Always do when you’re in my arms.” Can he be any more perfect?
“How about I take today off and you me and the twins go Christmas shopping?” He asks, kissing my neck.
“Today is Saturday…” I giggle as his scruff tickles me.
“Hmm, so it is,” he growls biting my neck, making me shiver.
“Ethan will be here soon to see the twins,” I say hesitantly, the only clue to his reaction is his body turning cold on me and cold as in freezing up on me.
“For how long?” He asks eventually, and I breathe a silent sigh of relief.
“A few hours maybe?” I wince as he falls onto his back.
“I’m sorry.” I have no idea why I’m apologising but I feel as though I need to.
“Don’t be, I just have to get used to him being around.” He pulls me onto his chest, holding me closely.
“Are you still worried about him being around me?” I ask looking up at his gorgeous face.
“No, yes. I don’t know, I’m not worried about you but him… I see the way he looks at you, I know what he’s thinking, or I know along the lines of what he’s thinking,” he corrects himself.
“He can look and think all he wants, I’m not his anymore, I’m yours,” I say, my voice more impassioned than I’ve ever heard it. “I’m yours,” I repeat pulling his face to mine as I kiss the shit outta him.
“I love it when you say that.” He stares at me with a possessive gleam in his eyes, breathless from my attack.
“Mmm, and I love it when you get all possessive.” I smile up at him and he reluctantly smiles back.
“I suppose we’d better get up, then hadn’t we?” He grumbles, moving me off him and sitting up. With the mood well and truly quashed, I get up feeling off kilter. I know he feels that there is still something there for Ethan and I can’t deny that there is, for his part but I don’t love him like that anymore. I mean, I do love him in a sense but I’m not in love with him. I hope Jackson doesn’t think I still love him.
My thoughts plague me all morning, I can’t concentrate on anything. I find myself watching Jackson, how he shaves, or drinks his coffee… Mostly how he is with the twins, the bond that has already started to form between them. They would miss him if he left, I’d miss him so much.
“Lily?” I blink, swallowing hard and focus on the face in front of me, Jackson looks at me concern marring his brow. “You okay?” He asks, and I force my face into a semblance of a smile.
“I’m fine, what were you saying?” I ask, but before he can answer we’re interrupted by the doorbell. Jackson stiffens, we both know who is on the other side. I think we’re going to need to talk this over later tonight. I go to let Ethan in as Jackson cleans his cup.
“Hey Lil’s,” Ethan greets me happily. He looks much the same, his hair messy a little on the long side now. The memory of how I loved to run my fingers through it pops into my mind and I quickly shove away the unwanted thought, irritated with myself.
“Hello,” I reply rather sharply, shocking him, he stops dead beside me. “Bad timing?” He asks, and I move back feeling his breath on my face, he’s way too close for my liking. He smiles smugly at me getting the wrong idea.
“No, the twins are in the living room with Jackson,” I reply, closing the door and walking off effectively cutting off anymore conversation.
My heart melts when I see Jackson lying on the floor playing with the twins, I stand watching, admiring again how good he is with them, how naturally it comes to him. Until Ethan huffs and barges into the room going straight over to the twins. Jackson backs off quickly as if he were the one intruding, I feel my anger at Ethan rise.
“Jackson, come into the kitchen with me?” I ask, nodding he follows behind me.
“I’m sorry…” He begins, but I cut him off with a kiss, surprising him it takes him a minute to respond to my attack. After every one of his muscles have relaxed I pull my lips away but stay close.
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You are so amazing, and I love how you are with the twins, Te amamos como eres.” I say my Spanish not sounding quite as sexy as I’d hoped. Smiling anyway I slide my hands up his chest. His answering smile is blinding and the cloud hovering above us earlier dissipates.
“Yo te quiero más,” he whispers into my neck, wrapping me tightly in his strong arms. Pride surges through me, I’ve been practicing when he wasn’t around and I’m glad I did now seeing his reaction. “I didn’t know you wanted to learn how to speak Spanish. I could have given you lessons,” he says his lips skimming my earlobe.
“Mmm, but I wouldn’t have learnt much,” I giggle, breathless.
“I could teach you, you’d get rewards…” He replies looking down at me, a lascivious smirk kicking up his lips.
“I like the sound of that.” I say as my hand massages him through his jeans. He stills my hand, groaning quietly in my ear.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea when we h
ave company,” he whispers in my ear reminding me of Ethan in the front room, I sigh and wind my arms around his neck instead unwilling to let him go yet. “When should we buy a tree?” He asks, changing the subject.
Smiling I look up at him, letting him know I know what he’s doing. “When do you want to buy one?” I ask, playing along.
“How about next weekend, we could ask Cora and Mason to come along?”
“That sounds amazing, it would have to be on the afternoon,” I remind him nodding toward the living room where I can hear Ethan talking and playing with the twins.
“Afternoon would be better, then I can shop for some presents while you are busy.” He smirks a knowing smirk.
“Ugh, you know that is going to annoy the shit outta me, right?” I ask, and he chuckles nodding his head. “I hate you!” I snip sulkily and pull my arms away.
“No, you don’t,” he laughs, pulling me back into his chest. He’s right, I don’t, but he doesn’t need to know that yet.
“I’ll just secretly buy your presents when you’re at work this week.”
“Huh, not much of a secret, now is it?” He laughs. “And besides, I’d get it out of you, I have my ways.” He says as both hands cup my butt, squeezing as he pulls me into direct contact with the bulge in his jeans.
“Lily, could I have a word, please?” Ethan appears beside us, effectively ending our conversation. Jackson scowls at him, Ethan doesn’t even notice he doesn’t even look at Jackson. I smile up at Jackson apologetically and kiss his lips once more before pulling out of his arms.
“I’ll go watch the twins,” Jackson mutters and leaves us alone. Once he’s gone I turn my attention to Ethan who has a face of thunder. Oh god, not this again.
“If this is about me and Jackson save it, I don’t want nor do I care about your opinion on our relationship,” I say before he can take a full breath.
“He spends more time with my kids than I do.” He hisses angrily, his hands on his hips.