by Linda Venis
Then, Hannah at CBS tells you something weird: The document will never be read by the top guys—nor was it ever intended to be. It’s really just a set of talking points for Hannah, Gabe, and Beverly to reference if their bosses ask them questions during the decision-making process. They want to be totally prepared for anything. And if it comes down to it, they will use the series document as ammunition in the fight to get your (read: their) show picked up.
That changes everything. For the millionth time, you have to remind yourself of the one simple fact you keep forgetting: The network is your ally. It doesn’t feel like it, but it is true. They want to pick up your show. They want to pick them all up. But they can’t, so some of the children they have raised will have to be killed. This knowledge doesn’t make you feel a lot better, but it does make you feel slightly less paranoid.
Week Forty-seven (Part Two): The Final Network Cut, Friday, April 28, 7:22 P.M.
You’re done. You have just turned in the final cut to the network. For the next three weeks, you have nothing to do but wait.
Why, oh why, do you have to turn in your final cut so early? What in the name of God are they going to do with it for three weeks? This is the question you ask Tamara from ABC Studios over drinks at Tam O’Shanter, a cool old Scottish-themed restaurant in Atwater Village near her house. She tells you the network still has a lot of work to do figuring out what they’re going to pick up. They’ll do some testing. This means they will screen your pilot for a hundred randomly selected people wandering through the lobby of the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas. (Why Las Vegas? Because people from all over the country vacation in Las Vegas, making it a great cross-section of the American viewing public.)
After the screening, they’ll sit down with these people and ask them specific questions about your pilot: Did you like the main character? How did you feel about the music? The pace? Was it confusing? Was it boring? How likely are you to watch future episodes? Would you definitely recommend this show to your friends? Would you definitely not recommend this show to your friends? These reactions are taken very seriously by the network.
The network executives will also show your pilot, along with all the other pilots the network has developed, to all the other creative executives at the network. This will generate a sort of in-house reaction where people can feel more or less free to offer up any opinion at all. Oddly enough, this is also a big factor in which shows get picked up. After all, who knows what a good CBS show looks like more than the people at CBS?
Finally, they will give the pilot to their sales and marketing department for the most important evaluation of all: Can they sell it? If the answer is yes, even a poor-quality pilot has a chance. If the answer is no, even the most beautifully rendered pilot is in danger.
And all of this is just the beginning. How many spots does any given network have to fill? If it looks like a large number of their existing shows are about to be canceled, maybe that means they will pick up more pilots than originally planned. Or vice versa. How expensive will these shows be to produce? How many pilots will they pick up from their in-house studio and how many from outside? When it comes right down to it, the biggest question is: What are the network’s specific needs at this exact moment in time? Maybe the premise of your show fit into their grand scheme nine months ago. But nine months is a very long time in television and a lot can change.
After a third margarita, Tamara (who has become a good friend of yours since way back in August) lays it out: “The pilot is fantastic. It’s everything we want it to be and it’s everything the network wants it to be. I think it will be a great series. In a sane world, there is no way they don’t pick this up.” And she leaves it at that, not bothering to articulate what you both already know: The world of TV is not sane.
Week Fifty: Tuesday, May 16, 7:25 P.M.
The last three weeks have been difficult. You have not been an easy person to be around. You know it, and you’re sorry, but can anyone blame you? Now it is “Pilot Eve,” as your friends have started calling it, and they’ve come up with a totally goofy idea: drinks on the patio at the Castaway in Burbank. This restaurant is way up in the hills, and from the deck, you can watch the sunset across the valley and see the lights come on in Burbank, Studio City, and Toluca Lake. The Castaway is not a showbiz hangout. It is not hot or hip or trendy. But the drinks are great and they are typically served with umbrellas and those little plastic monkeys you love so much. And the view is truly amazing. It is not only amazing, you realize, but also oddly appropriate. Because you are looking out across the true center of the television and movie industry—the studios along the 134 freeway: Disney/ABC, NBC, Warner Bros., Universal. If only the out-of-towners knew: Hollywood Boulevard is about souvenir T-shirts. If you want the real Hollywood, go to Burbank.
Your friends know you’re nervous. Beyond nervous. They know you’ve more or less been waiting for this your entire life. And your friend Hugh has put this little outing together. Your instinct is to say, “We should wait until after I’ve heard the news. Then either I’ll want to celebrate, or I’ll desperately need to get drunk.” But Hugh sees it differently. As far as he’s concerned, this is the Golden Moment, when hope is still alive, dancing out there over the lights of Burbank. Don’t wait on “them” to tell you when and how to celebrate—you’ve got plenty to celebrate already. They made your pilot. You like your pilot. Even more, you like the people you met along the way—and they like you. You’ve had a good year of ever-rising hopes and fortunes. Tomorrow it all may end. But that doesn’t change the fact that this year happened. So celebrate that.
Besides, what are you really gonna do if it all comes crashing down tomorrow? Well, you’ll be devastated. But take comfort in the fact that you will not be alone. There will be plenty of devastation in the television business this week. There already has been. People you know have seen their pilots die. But—seriously—what will you do if your pilot dies?
Easy. You’ll try again. You might need a few weeks to sleep and recover. But that’s the nice thing about the TV business. It’s like Vegas. There’s always another game in town, always another seat at the table. In a few short weeks, the TV year starts all over again. And there will be plenty of people willing and eager to hear your pitches. Yes, you’ll be starting back at the bottom of the hill. But so what? You’re at the top of the hill now, if only for this moment, and the view is truly breathtaking. You worked hard to get here. And after all, isn’t this exactly what you hoped your life in LA would be when that plane from Ohio landed six years ago? Now here you are, surrounded by friends who will still be your friends tomorrow no matter what. You have a drink in your hand and a dream in your heart.
But what about tomorrow? It’ll get here soon enough. For now, just look at the lights and keep on dreaming.
Tomorrow…
Your phone is still ringing. You finally pick up. It’s Gabe and Hannah and Beverly from the network. Kevin and Tamara from the studio are conferenced in. Ethan is on the line, too.
“Are you sitting down…?”
ABOUT THE EDITOR AND CONTRIBUTORS
Editor
Linda Venis, PhD, is the director of the Department of the Arts at UCLA Extension, where for more than two decades she has guided the growth of the Writers’ Program into the nation’s largest screenwriting and creative writing program. Dr. Venis has taught at UCLA and USC and is the recipient of the UCLA Distinguished Teaching Award. She lives in Los Angeles, California, with her husband, Gary Berg, and daughter, Laura.
Editorial Board
Ellen Byron
Cindy Davis
Peter Dunne
Tom Lazarus
Steve Mazur
Billy Mernit
Linda Palmer
Ellen Sandler
Steve Sohmer
Victoria Wisdom
Contributing Authors
Alison Lea Bingeman, WGA member; credits include the independent feature film thriller Hurt; Bomb Girls; CSI: Miami; NC
IS; Relic Hunter; and The Outer Limits. Her work has appeared on CBS, HBO, Lifetime, USA, Nickelodeon, and Showtime.
David Chambers, WGA member; credits include more than a dozen prime-time network shows; Emmy Award nominee for The Wonder Years and Frank’s Place; Humanitas Prize recipient. His episode of The Simpsons was nominated for a Writers Guild Award.
Julie Chambers, WGA member; credits include a Writers Guild Award–nominated episode of The Simpsons and episodes of Becker, The Buzz on Maggie, and the Showtime movie The Princess and the Barrio Boy.
Charlie Craig, WGA member; currently consulting producer on Pretty Little Liars; writer–executive producer–showrunner on Syfy’s Eureka. He was writer and supervising producer for The X-Files and Invasion and has run six prime-time and cable shows on ABC, Fox, USA, and Syfy.
Richard Hatem, WGA member; created the ABC/Touchstone television series Miracles and has written and produced episodes of Tru Calling, The Inside, Supernatural, and The Dead Zone. Feature film credits include The Mothman Prophecies, which he coproduced.
David Isaacs, WGA member; former producer on Mad Men; a story editor on M*A*S*H; writer/consultant on Wings and Frasier; cocreator of Almost Perfect. He won an Emmy Award for coproducing Cheers and two Writers Guild Awards for Best TV Comedy Script.
Phil Kellard, WGA member; Emmy Award–winning writer-director who executive produced The Wayans Brothers and Martin; produced Doogie Howser, M.D.; Hooperman; and My Two Dads; and wrote pilots for the Disney Channel, Showtime, and Syfy.
Richard Manning, WGA member; writer-producer whose credits include Farscape, Star Trek: The Next Generation, TekWar, Beyond Reality (which he cocreated), Sliders, and Fame; created and produced Fusion, a Web series pilot.
Joel Anderson Thompson, WGA member; credits include House M.D., Boomtown, Battlestar Galactica, and Falling Skies.
Matt Witten, WGA member; Emmy- and Edgar-nominated writer and supervising producer of the drama series House M.D., Medium, and The Glades. He has written for CSI: Miami, Judging Amy, Law and Order, and Homicide: Life on the Street.
INDEX
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. To find the corresponding locations in the text of this digital version, please use the “search” function on your e-reader. Note that not all terms may be searchable.
ABC, 198, 219, 220–21, 221–22, 240
ABC Family, 33
act structure
“act outs,” 22, 28, 45, 86–87, 134–35
and beat sheets, 21–23, 23–27
and half-hour comedy specs, 134–35
length of acts, 91
and one-hour dramas, 37–39
and rewriting process, 84–85, 91
agents and agencies, 7, 210–12, 218
Alcatraz, 14, 37
All in the Family, 170, 182, 186
Almost Perfect, 180–81
“Andy’s Play” (The Office episode), 137
Angell, David, 189
arcs of story lines, 62–64
Aristotle, 111, 113, 138
Arrested Development, 185–86
attitudes of characters, 178–80
attorneys, 212
audience testing, 240–41
auditions, 231, 232–33
August, John, 200
authenticity, 18–19
Author Solutions, 173
B and C stories
and act structure, 38, 85
and comedy spec scripts, 99
described, 36
and researching shows, 105
and rewriting process, 84
and rising action, 111–12
and scene structure, 45, 115–16
“back pocket” relationships, 218
backstories, 161
Baldwin, Alec, 182–83
Baltar (character), 13
basic-cable networks, 16
Bateman, Jason, 185–86
Battlestar Galactica, 13, 17, 19
beat sheets
and comedy spec scripts, 117–20
and first ten episodes, 158–59
fleshing out, 21–23
and outlines, 5, 20–21, 23–28
sample, 24–27
Berra, Yogi, 137
“beta readers,” 72
The Big Bang Theory, 101, 107, 151–52, 156
Big Break competition, 205
Big Weekend, 160
blackout, 135
blogs, 199
Bloomberg, Michael, 110
blow, 135
Boardwalk Empire, 10, 13, 15–17, 33
Bochco, Steven, 154–55
Bonanza, 59
Bones, 32, 59, 67, 82
Boss, 15
Bowen, Julie, 176
branding, 200–201
Breaking Bad, 19, 57
“Breaking the Ice” (Fraiser episode), 190
breaks from writing, 46–48, 53, 75, 92–93, 139–40
Broke Girls, 100
Bruckheimer, Jerry, 198–99
“buddy” shows, 100
budgets, 233–34
Bunker, Archie and Edith (characters), 186
Burbank, California, 242–43
button, 135
cable television, 16, 57, 198
cadence, 12. See also pacing of stories
Californication, 16, 19
“Call Me Irresponsible” (Fraiser episode), 188
“call to action,” 10–11
callbacks, 137
camera directions, 41, 128, 143
cancellation of shows, 6–7
career development, 195–96, 196–209, 210–16
career paths, 206–8, 208–9
Carrell, Steve, 185
Cartoon Network, 201
Casey, Peter, 189
casting, 231, 232–33
Castle, 32, 59, 62, 63–64, 67
categories of shows, 14–16
CBS
and All in the Family, 186
demographic target of, 14
genres favored by, 198
pitching to, 152, 181
and production schedules, 219, 222–23, 227–28, 238, 240–41
Cera, Michael, 185–86
Chandler, Raymond, 79
characters
and act structure of shows, 38
backstories of, 161
and beat sheets, 21
character-driven shows, 14
and comedy spec scripts, 100
and conflict, 181, 182–84
and contradictory traits, 69–70, 186
and creative process, 186–91
and deconstructing TV shows, 8–10
flaws of, 19, 136–37, 162, 178–80, 188
and Fraiser, 187–91
and goals and clock of episodes, 35
and goals of spec scripts, 34
and half-hour comedy specs, 133–34, 153, 159–67
importance in sitcoms, 174–77
and love/hate relationships, 163–64
and memorable episodes, 19
motivations of, 40, 42–43, 45, 127–28, 135, 175–76, 178–80, 188–89
and nighttime soaps, 16–17
and pacing, 42
and pilots, 55–56, 67–70, 89, 172–73
and plot, 10–11
relationships, 162–63
and research, 33, 105
and rewriting process, 81–82, 82–83
and scene structure of dramas, 44, 45
second-tier, 19
and series bibles, 171
and series franchise, 60–61
and situation comedy, 136–38
and sources for ideas, 17–18, 161–62
and story arcs, 177–81
and the story area, 223
and style of shows, 12
and theme, 184–86
Cheers, 174, 176, 182
children TV viewers, 14
classes for writers, 141–42, 204–5
cliffhanger endings, 18, 134
clock of episodes, 35, 38. See als
o pacing of stories
Cold Case, 15
Cold Openings, 105, 118–20, 121, 148–50
cold-calling, 7
collaboration, 213–14, 214–15, 231–32, 236–37
Columbo, 67
comedies
and “Big Idea,” 154–59
and character development, 159–67, 174–77, 177–84, 184–86, 186–91
and conflict, 182–84
first drafts of, 125–31
iconic pilots, 154
market for, 151–53
outlines for, 117–22
pitching pilots for, 171–73
and premise pilots, 167–68
preparation for writing, 97–105, 123–25
rewrites and revisions, 131–39, 139–45
sample scripts, 145–50
and story development, 105–7, 107–10, 177–81
structure of, 107–10, 110–17
and theme, 184–86
and typical-episode pilots, 168–69
and “what if” scenarios, 169–70
“who, what, when, and where” of, 153–54
commercial breaks, 28
commissions and fees, 211
competition between networks, 228
competitions for scriptwriting, 205–6
concise writing, 41
conference calls, 224, 227, 229, 243
conflict
and act structure of shows, 38
and character development, 181, 182–84
and goals of spec scripts, 35–36
and pitching pilots, 172–73
and the production process, 231–32
and scene structure of dramas, 45
“Conflict Resolution” (The Office episode), 185
contracts, 211
conventions in screenwriting, 35. See also formatting of scripts
“The Conversion” (Seinfeld episode), 180
Costanza, George (character), 178–80
creativity, 79
credibility of stories, 18
criticism, 54, 76–77. See also feedback on scripts
CSI, 15, 35, 198, 222
CSI: Miami, 86, 88