by L. M. Reid
Hard to Trust
The Hard to Love Series
By L.M. Reid
Published by Scarlet Lantern Publishing
Copyright © 2020 by
L.M. Reid & Scarlet Lantern Publishing
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Epilogue
Other Titles by L.M. Reid
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Other Titles by
The Hard to Love Series
Hard to Hate
Hard to Trust
Hard to Forgive
Prologue
Ashlynn
Ten Years Earlier
“Ashlynn,” a voice shouts across the strip club.
I turn and see him standing there. The tall, handsome football player from my Business Ethics 106 course.
What the hell is he doing here? How did he even know where to find me? I recall our conversation the other day, him asking if I was okay and me explaining I was just tired from working a lot. At no time did I tell him where I work. And I sure as hell didn’t mention what I do. So just how in the hell did he figure it out?
I rush over to him. This isn’t the kind of place a guy like him, with a pristine reputation like his, needs to be found in. The guy has a future, a real future, and this is the last place he should be. My life is the last thing he should be getting himself wrapped up in.
“Logan? What are you doing here?” I ask, completely taken aback by his presence.
“We need to talk,” he tells me.
“I’m working,” I reply.
“That’s what we need to talk about,” he says.
As much as I would love to drown myself in his eyes, the ones that are filled with concern and fury right now, all I can feel is Johnny’s slimy gaze on me. My stomach churns thinking of what he will do if I don’t handle this quickly and get back to work. Johnny’s form of punishment is not something I enjoy having to endure. Because if I’m not making him money, then I better find another way to satisfy him.
Logan storming in here like a jealous boyfriend is going to do nothing more than piss Johnny off and make my life more of a shit show than it already is. It’s not his fault, he doesn’t know any of this. He only knows that flirtatious, smart ass girl in his class that can run circles around anyone – except maybe him. He doesn’t know my past, where I came from, or what I have to do to survive.
Still, I didn’t ask him to come to here. I didn’t ask him to seek me out or get involved in my life.
Lost in coming to terms with him being here, I barely hear his words. “You’re done here,” he says as he grabs my arm.
“Let me go,” I say trying to yank my arm from his grasp even though I know that if he doesn’t want to let go, there is no way in hell I could make him.
All the more reason I need to get him out of here before Johnny comes over and things escalate to where they don’t need to.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I ask Logan. This behavior, him showing up here, it’s completely out of character from the straitlaced, easy-going guy I know.
“Is there a problem here?” Johnny, my boss, my mother’s current boyfriend, and the owner of the club, asks.
“Not at all,” I purr. “This handsome young man just asked me for some time in the private room.” I look back at Logan, smug and satisfied with myself. The private room costs a pretty hefty penny. While I’m well aware that it won’t put a dent in his bank account, I hope that it at least makes him think twice about trying to throw his weight around with me ever again.
“You sure you can afford that, boy?” Johnny laughs.
“Boy?” Logan mocks. Logan stands tall, at least six foot, five inches well dwarfing Johnny’s barely six-foot frame. He’s at least two hundred and fifty pounds of solid muscle. No, Logan Miller is not a boy. Even at nineteen he is one hundred percent man. Logan’s deep laughter rumbles through his chest. A man that is not intimidated by Johnny when so many others are.
Logan pulls out his wallet and hands Johnny a wad of cash; cash that, from what I can tell, is well over the going rate. His gaze then returns to me and he looks me dead in the eye. “Lead the way,” he tells me.
Just like I did yesterday, with a man I didn’t know at all, I move toward the private rooms, an exaggerated sway of my hips for Johnny’s benefit, not Logan’s.
The minute I close the door to the room I plant my feet on the floor, my hands on my hips and stare down the big old football player who should intimidate me but actually comes across as more of a teddy bear. “You want to tell me what the hell all this is about?” I demand.
He stands there, body tensed, looking like a man on edge. He looks around the room. Clearly this isn’t set aside for some private dance. The condoms on the table, the almost sanitary smell from the room recently being decontaminated; his eyes are wide when the realization dawns on him.
“Did I just pay him to have sex with you?”
Embarrassed, I don’t respond. I divert my gaze and try to think of how to handle this – him.
“Jesus, Ash, are you kidding me?” He runs a hand through his hair. “I won’t let you do this anymore.”
“Won’t let me? Who the hell do you think you are? My father?” The analogy doesn’t really fit considering I’ve never met my father. Honestly, I don’t even know what his name is. But, I would assume, that this is how a father would act if he knew what his daughter was doing – what I’m doing.
Logan scrubs his hand over his face. “I don’t mean it like that. I just – do you want to do this?”
I’m not sure if he means stripping, having sex for money, or having sex with him.
I’m certainly not opposed to having sex with th
e guy. Look at him, he’s fucking gorgeous. Not like this though, not here. I may not believe in or want love and romance, but I also don’t really want this prostitute lifestyle I’m forced to lead. Under different circumstances though…
“Of course I don’t want to do this. But I don’t have much choice. Not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths,” I say. My dig is most definitely directed at him and the fact that his mother is nothing short of a fashion icon and one of the most well-respected editors in the magazine industry.
His rough fingers caress my cheek. “What if I can fix that for you? Make all your problems go away?”
“No,” I tell him shoving his hand away in the process.
“No? You would rather have sex with some asshole for money than...” he recoils.
“Have sex with you because I owe you? Your damn right I would.”
“That’s not what this is. I’m not doing this to have sex with you. I want to help you, Ash. That’s it.”
“Bullshit. No one is going to offer what you’re offering me and not expect something in return,” I argue.
He shrugs, giving me the indication that he doesn’t care what I think. “Think what you want, but it’s true. I don’t want anything in return except your friendship.”
Glancing at the clock, our time is almost up. Johnny is going to be coming to knock on that door pretty soon, and something tells me I’m going to have to make a choice at that point. Either I accept Logan’s offer or I continue on this path. After seeing what happened to Ava last night, the bruises left from a guy whose hands were a little too strong, I don’t know what I should do. Damn, Logan’s offer to get the hell out of dodge is tempting.
Such a huge part of me wants to say yes, to agree to his crazy request. But the other part of me, the part that grew up with the world’s worst mother, is skeptical of what this is going to cost me. I watched what she did for men, in the name of money and alcohol and even occasionally, drugs. No. I’m not going to be like her.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask. There has to be a reason, some ulterior motive. He has to have a reason, any reason as to why he would want to do this for me.
He shrugs. “Because I don’t want to see unfortunate circumstances come back to bite you in the ass down the road. You’re better than this.” He flashes me a smile. “Besides, pretty sure I’m going to need a good attorney one day. Consider this my down payment.”
“Why me? Why not them?” I ask, pointing toward the door.
“I don’t know them, I know you. You’re my…”
“Your what? You said there is no ulterior motive, no expectations.”
He nods, his hand caressing my face, tilting it up to his. “There isn’t. I was going to say you’re my friend. I like spending time with you. All I’m offering is money and my friendship. They’re both yours, no strings attached – if you want them.”
“What about sex?” I ask.
“I told you, that’s not what this is.”
I nod, acknowledging that I understand what he’s saying. Though admittedly I am having a hard time believing him. It all sounds too good to be true.
I think about my mom, about Johnny, and how they are the reason I’m in this spot to begin with. My mother offering me up on a platter, telling Johnny I would be willing to do anything to earn some cash. Johnny making demands of me that I didn’t want to fulfil, but did because I wasn’t sure what else to do.
I don’t like the idea of Logan’s offer, it makes me feel cheap and purchased. But, isn’t that what I am anyway while working for Johnny? At least his offer will get me out from under Johnny’s thumb. That in itself makes it worth it – doesn’t it?
“There are things you don’t know, though. Johnny, he’s not going to like this. He and my mom…”
Logan smiles softly at me. “None of that matters anymore. Just say the word and you’re free, Ashlynn. Free and clear of it all. I’ve got you.”
Without actually saying it, I accept. I step into him, my arms wrapping around him. “I don’t know why you’re doing this or how I’m ever going to repay you, but I will.”
His smile is soft and melts a piece of my frozen heart.
“Are you sure about this?” I ask him.
“I’m sure about you. You deserve better than this life, Ashlynn, let me give it to you.”
“I am going to pay you back,” I tell him. The idea makes me feel slightly better about this arrangement.
Loud banging on the door interrupts us.
“Time’s up.” It’s Johnny’s voice that comes through the door.
“I’m not... finished.” Logan’s words and the insinuation behind them almost illicit a giggle out of me.
“That’s going to cost you a hell of a lot more, pretty boy. Open the fucking door.”
With my hand in his, Logan opens the door and says, “She’s done here.”
“Like hell she is,” Johnny argues. He turns to me, anger filling his eyes. “You leave and I will destroy you.”
The bite in his voice sends a shiver down my spine, which has me gripping Logan’s hand tighter.
“You aren’t going to do a fucking thing.” Logan’s words are firm. He’s not intimidated by Johnny the way so many people around here are. “She’s leaving with me. And if you have a fucking problem with that, let me know and I will show you exactly why you don’t.”
“It’s going to cost you,” Johnny says holding up a photo of Logan and me. His hands cup my face and from the photo it would look like he was about to kiss me. The exchange of money, the photo, Johnny’s right – that could ruin Logan’s future. I instantly want to back out, stay here with Johnny. My life is already ruined. Logan’s doesn’t have to be. “NFL star pays for sex? That’s got to be damning to a career.”
Then my mind wanders to what other pictures he has. Panic sets in. Because if anyone were to find out… Oh God, my dream of becoming an attorney would be over before it even really began.
“How much?” Logan asks. Not what do you want? Not what will it take? No, he goes straight to the dollar signs and how many it will take for Johnny to get off my back. He does it all without batting an eye.
Johnny looks Logan up and down, taking in his high end clothes. A smile creeps to his face. “One hundred thousand dollars.”
My mouth drops open. I’m not sure if I should be impressed with what he’s asking or pissed that’s he’s asking. One hundred thousand dollars? That’s a lot of fucking money.
“Done,” Logan’s voice says.
My shock turns to his direction. He can’t be serious. “Logan?” His name is a question, one that’s asking what exactly he thinks he’s doing mixed in what a little are you crazy?
He gives me a reassuring smile, one that tells me that this, the money, it’s no big deal to him. While I’m sure it’s not, it is to me. How the hell am I supposed to repay this? Repay him?
“She is a pretty sweet piece of pussy though, isn’t she?” Johnny laughs.
Letting go of my hand, Logan moves into Johnny, towering over him. I’m fairly certain that he’s going to slam him against the wall or punch him, or both. He restrains though with a grace I’ve never seen before. He’s calm and collected, standing his ground against Johnny and letting him know that he’s serious. The two of them stand there, staring, a battle of wills and amazingly, it is Johnny that backs down. I’m not sure if it’s Logan’s size or the fact that he doesn’t seem intimidated, but Johnny steps back. He hands Logan a piece of paper.
“Send the money here or I’m coming for her,” he tells Logan.
“No, you aren’t.” Logan’s words are so matter of fact, I wonder how this nineteen-year-old kid is able to stand up to someone like this, how this ridiculous situation seems manageable to him when for so long I have been trying to find my footing with it.
Logan reaches for my hand and holds it in his as we walk through the doors of the club for the last time. A smile crosses my lips at the thought that tonight will be
the last night I ever have to lay eyes on Johnny again.
It’s a fresh start, a new beginning. And I couldn’t be more grateful.
1
Ashlynn
Today
I stare down at the picture Elliott just handed me. The blast from the past has me frozen in place. I can’t even formulate the words to ask the question I want to know – where in the hell did he get this?
“Elliott, I…” I stutter.
He holds his hand up to silence me. “If I can find this Ashlynn, who else do you think can find it? Do you have any idea what this would do to your reputation? To Cahill and Cahill?” His voice is stern and unforgiving.
So much for Logan saving me from my past biting me in my ass. I’m not blaming him. This isn’t his fault, he tried. He paid; he got rid of Johnny, at least for a while.
“I was just a kid, Elliott. I…”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” he states.
I hang my head. Panic sets in at the realization that these photos may have just cost me my career, my future, my opportunity to become a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms.
“I don’t know what to say.”
While I may not, clearly, he does. “I am disappointed in you, Ashlynn. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out?” He shakes his head. “I am a powerful man. There is no way in hell I would make someone a partner in my firm without first investigating them.”
I nod in understanding. Of course I knew that. I just honestly didn’t think there was anything to find. Apparently, I am even more naïve than I realized because here I thought we made it all go away ten years ago. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, the biggest one being thinking that two teenagers could make it all go away – no matter how much money they were throwing around.
I’m finished. My career – it’s over.