Theirs to Keep - A Reverse Harem Romance

by Krista Wolf

  “Think that’s—”

  “I don’t know,” Roderick cut him off.

  I was examining the guys’ reactions now, much more than the footage. I got the distinct impression there was something more to their little exchange, but I didn’t push.

  “The car looks green to me,” I said finally. “Doesn’t it?”

  Camden and Bryce exchanged glances. Roderick cleared his throat.

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Because I know what green looks like?” I quipped. “They taught me in preschool. The color green and I go way back. Purple, too. Also—”

  Roderick’s resulting frown stopped me from going through the whole rainbow. I turned back to the screen again.

  “I know it’s far away,” I said, “and I know it’s dark. But if you twisted my arm, and made me pick a color?” I shrugged. “That car’s probably green.”

  Camden picked up the printouts and left the room with them. Bryce likewise headed for the exit.

  “I’m well past due for a shower,” he said, looking me over. He added a sly wink. “In case you wanted to save water, or—”

  “In a little bit,” I told him.

  I waited until they were gone before turning back to Roderick. He was still looking down at the screen.

  “You know who this is, don’t you?”

  My lover scratched at his beard. He shook his head.

  “Okay, let me rephrase that,” I amended. “ You know who this might be, don’t you?”

  “It’s too dark to tell anything for sure,” Roderick maintained. “And that car isn’t nearly close enough to—”

  “Roderick,” I blurted. “This is my house. I live here. If some asshole’s got a vendetta against one or more of you, I need to know. Especially if they don’t mind a little arson.”

  He reached for the mouse and closed the viewing software. The screen flashed back to my wallpaper: a group pic of the four of us, making funny faces into the camera and sticking our tongues out.

  “I’ll back you up,” I continued. “Vendettas are something I understand. Vendettas are easy to work on.”

  Roderick only shook his head. “You’ve got quite an imagination.”

  “Do I?”

  “In this case, yes. You do.”

  The room got quiet for a moment, as I was caught between emotions. I was worried. Frustrated. A little angry. And I definitely, most wholeheartedly felt out of the loop.

  “Karissa, listen—”

  “Why do you blame yourself for what happened to Madison?”

  I blurted the question automatically, without even thinking. It had been on the tip of my tongue for two weeks. Something I’d desperately wanted to know, but couldn’t bring myself to ask Bryce, or Camden.

  No. I had to hear it directly from Roderick himself.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Maddy,” I said, using the pet name he did. “Your wife. You said the accident was your fault, but from what I heard so far you weren’t even there.”

  Roderick took a step or two backwards. He eventually found the wall and leaned against it, but without looking like he was leaning against it.

  “Listen, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine,” I said. “But I’ve opened up to you guys now. I’ve told you things I never discussed with anyone else, and I’ve laid myself out for—”

  “Ice cream.”

  The phrase stopped me dead, in the middle of my sentence. For a few long seconds, there was only silence.

  “Ice cream?”

  “Yes,” Roderick said, his voice going thick again. “Maddy wanted ice cream, the night she died.”

  I didn’t comprehend. Even if I did, I couldn’t say anything. Just from the look in his eyes, I was already crying.

  “Or rather she wanted us to go out for ice cream, she and I. Camden was away. Bryce wasn’t home yet.” He blinked back tears before continuing. “She wanted us to go for a ride. But I was… I was…”

  Roderick let out a shuddering sigh, then regained some measure of control. I took his hand and he looked at me without seeing me.

  “I was just too tired.”

  Forty-Six

  KARISSA

  Roderick stood in silence for a long moment, his mouth pursed, his lips stuck together. I handed him the rest of my water. He drank it down in two big gulps.

  “I could’ve gone with her,” he said softly. “I should’ve gone.”

  “No,” I protested. “Honey, no.”

  “I would’ve been driving,” he said. “She wouldn’t have crashed.” He blinked a few times, his eyes still unseeing. “Or we both would’ve crashed. And maybe then I could’ve helped her, and—”

  “Roderick,” I said, pulling his face my way. “Listen to me. This wasn’t your fault.”

  “It could’ve been another car that cut her off,” he went on. “Or maybe an animal leapt out from the woods.” Slowly, he shook his head. “But there weren’t even any skidmarks. We don’t even know what happened.”

  I hugged him as hard as I could, squeezing him tightly against my body. Eventually his arms went around me. Eventually, he came back.

  “That’s the worst part of it,” he said miserably. “The not knowing. Our lives were changed forever in the blink of an eye, and we’ll never know why.”

  “Life’s cruel like that,” I admitted. “It doesn’t always give reasons.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Roderick agreed. He sniffed angrily. “But this was all over nothing, too. All over some dumb fucking ice cream…”

  I felt his body stiffen with a surge of self-loathing. It only made me squeeze him tighter.

  “You already know I lost my brother,” I said. “I lost Reese and I did see it coming. Think that was any better?”

  He didn’t have an answer. There really wasn’t one.

  “It sucked, watching the person I was closest to in the whole world slowly kill himself. It filled me with rage. Made me feel utterly powerless.”

  I held him in the silence, the two of us clutching each other, breathing in unison.

  “It’s the same impotent rage you’re feeling now,” I told him. “But you can’t blame yourself. Yes, it could’ve been anything, but in the end it doesn’t matter what it was. Knowing won’t help you — you think it will, but it won’t. And knowing won’t bring her back.”

  Everything slowed. Everything silenced.

  For a moment, it was like time stopped.

  “It’s… it’s just…”

  “It’s just that you miss her,” I said softly, stroking his hair. “And that’s okay. You should miss her. Miss and remember her, the way you’ve been remembering.”

  I pulled back just far enough to look him right in the eyes.

  “But don’t ever take blame,” I told him. “Every last ounce of that misplaced guilt only serves to demean her memory.”

  Little by little, he lowered his chin to his chest. I saw his shoulders slump in acknowledgment.

  “I didn’t know Maddy,” I sighed softly. “But from everything I’ve heard of her, she would’ve never wanted that.”

  Roderick shook his head. “No,” he agreed. “She wouldn’t.”

  “Then the three of you should honor her the way you have been,” I told him, “by remembering the good. By opening your hearts, so it can live on forever.”

  Something sparked inside him. I could see the change happen, even before a smile stole over his face.

  “You’re pretty good at this stuff,” he told me. “Know that?”

  “Oh, I know.”

  “Down at the precinct they should’ve let you be the negotiator or something,” he said with the hint of an oncoming smile.

  “That job was already taken.”

  “Oh.”

  “They gave me the role of smarmy badass instead,” I smiled. “Plus I got to be the belligerent asshole in all those good cop bad cop scenarios.”

  “What’s that pay?”

  “Not
nearly as much as you’d think.”

  He laughed. “Too bad.”

  “Did you ever see my old lakeside apartment?”

  “Once, remember?” he answered. “When your car broke down and we picked you up.”

  “Well I moved in there with my savings.”

  “Yikes.”

  “I know right?” I quipped. “Probably should’ve gotten an investment manager, but I blew that whole budget on coffee filters.”

  We laughed together, and the laughter felt good. It was still early in the day. Too early for lunch, too late for breakfast. It was going to be a beautiful day though. The sun had been shining on my face throughout my run back to the manor.

  “Hey, wanna go to the beach?” Camden asked, poking his head into the room.

  Roderick scratched at his beard for a moment. “Actually, yeah.”

  “Good! We haven’t been to the beach since—”

  “Wait,” I interrupted with an outstretched finger. “Which beach do Bryce’s sisters usually hit?”

  “Gooseberry,” Camden answered immediately. “Either that or Hazards.”

  “Cool,” I grinned, squeezing Roderick’s hand one last time before letting go. “Any one but those.”

  Forty-Seven

  KARISSA

  It was one of those legendary days you knew would always live in your memory, even before they were over. It was a jewel among afternoons. A diamond among evenings.

  And it wasn’t nearly over yet.

  Bryce jumped straight from his shower into a pair of board shorts, and I took the stall before he’d even turned the water off. It seemed sort of counterproductive, getting clean only so I could jump into the ocean, but my sweaty run home had left me little choice.

  There was total solidarity in that we needed a beach day, and we enjoyed it to the fullest. We swam in the rough Rhode Island surf, splashing each other and fighting the undertow. We played frisbee. We built a sandcastle. We ate hot dogs and chased them down with snow cones, running across hot sand to reach the ice cream man parked on the other side of the boardwalk.

  Between all those activities we stretched out on our blankets, soaking up the sun. Staring up through our sunglasses at the flawless blue sky, talking about everything and nothing, alternating between deep conversation and occasionally dozing off into well-deserved naps.

  By the time the sun kissed the horizon we were packed up and ready to go, as well as starving for some actual food. Roderick knew a seafood shack a few blocks away, and after a few drinks at the bar we were breaking into crab legs and cracking open rich, buttery lobster. We devoured the craziest appetizers. Shared the most decadent desserts. We took our sweet time huddled around our little table, toasting the day with cold beer and laughing away the last of our worries until they practically closed the shack down around us.

  “Home?” asked Camden, jumping behind the wheel.

  “And showers,” I chimed in.

  “We showered outside,” Bryce nodded, alongside Roderick. “You should’ve done the same.”

  “I did do the same,” I said smugly. “But I’m a girl, and a girl gets sand in places that guys most certainly do not.”

  “Oh.”

  My laugher was so pure and natural I wondered if I’d ever laughed like this in my life. I’d certainly never felt this happy. This totally connected to someone, much less three someones.

  “You shower up then,” said Camden. “Use that weird-looking sponge thing and—”

  “My loofah?”

  “—and those fruity-smelling body washes.”

  “You love those fruity-smelling body washes,” I teased. Then, as his brows crossed: “Well… one of you does, anyway,” I shrugged innocently. “It’s not always easy to keep track.”

  “I’ll bet,” Bryce grinned.

  I sighed happily from the back seat, throwing an arm around Bryce while absently twirling a lock of Roderick’s hair. “All a girl can do is try.”

  The ride home was a heady mix of kissing and touching, of lazy caresses and skin on skin. I was fully in heat before it was finished. Revved up and ready to go, especially since the guys had touched me everywhere except the places I really wanted them to.

  “Meet us in the garden,” Roderick said as I headed up to shower. “I know we’ve been outside all day, but it’s too beautiful a night to be inside.”

  I showered for a good long while, washing the salt from my skin. Trading the scent of the sea in my hair for citrus, and scrubbing myself delectably clean. It had been a special day, and it was bound to be an even more special night. The guys were amped up already. I could feel the building charge of their sexual energy in the air.

  So you love Bryce…

  June’s words echoed in my mind. The question had been unexpected. But I’d answered it so quickly, so easily.

  I love all of them.

  The truth shouldn’t have been surprising, especially since I’d known long before now. I’d loved these men for some time now. As employers. As friends. But also… as so much more.

  And now? Now they weren’t just my lovers, they were my mates as well. They were protective of me. Caring and attentive. Self-sacrificing, and connected in ways that were just as emotionally intimate as we were physical. Maybe even more so.

  I thought they felt the same way, but I had to know. It needed to be said, it needed to be declared out loud.

  I needed them all on the same page as me.

  Twisting the spigot closed, I wrung the water from my hair and stepped from the shower stall. The mirror was a wall of steam. I swiped it clean with one hand and stared back at myself blankly.

  Do you really want this?

  Yes. Of course I did! In fact, I wanted it with all my heart.

  Then take it.

  A warmth washed over me, even after the hot shower. I dropped the towel and stared at the curves of my starkly naked body. It was a soft, womanly body. One the guys had held, had ravished, had made love to.

  God…

  It was a body I wanted nothing more than to give over to them, fully and completely. The men I loved.

  “Damn right you love them,” I murmured, before spinning off to do exactly that.

  Forty-Eight

  RODERICK

  We were in the center of the garden, standing around the newly-restored fountain when she arrived. The clink of our wine glasses being set down on the polished granite split the silence.

  “Damn.”

  Bryce said it like a swear word, drawing it out slowly. And that’s because Karissa looked utterly gorgeous.

  “Got one of those for me, I hope?”

  Camden handed her the fourth glass, already poured. He held it out a little clumsily, because like the rest of us our eyes were glued to her body.

  “Thank you.”

  She sauntered over in a flowing silk robe that glowed red in the moonlight. The shimmering material was split up the side to show off her long, beautiful legs.

  “Are we toasting anything?” she asked.

  There was a hint of black down there too, as she walked. A garter belt maybe, or some stockings. Or both.

  “Should we toast today?” Bryce asked.

  “Definitely,” Karissa replied. As she reached our little circle the sound of clacking drew my gaze downward. She was wearing high heeled pumps. Black ones. The sight was a little astonishing.

  “What?” she laughed.

  “I— I just…”

  “You’ve never seen me in heels before?”

  “No,” I replied with a wry grin. “It’s been all workboots and sneakers until now.”

  “Other than the night we went dancing,” Camden amended. His own eyes were glued downward too.

  “Yeah, well…” she raised her glass. “I picked these up during the week, hoping to dress up for the three of you. Or dress down, as the case may be.”

  Karissa’s robe dropped open in front, and she made no move to cinch it. We saw the hint of black lace as her spectacular cl
eavage came into view.

  “Tonight’s special,” she said, her glass held out before her. “Tonight’s about the four of us, and everything we’ve accomplished so far.”

  “And what we’ve got coming on the horizon as well,” I added quickly.

  Our glasses clinked and we drank deeply, reveling in the stillness of the quiet night. The filtered moonlight gave everything a bluish hue. It made her robe almost purple when she moved, the color of royalty.

  “I have another toast though,” said Karissa. “One I’d like to make humbly, if that’s okay.”

  Her cryptic statement knit my eyebrows slightly together. Camden and Bryce looked at each other.

  “Here’s to Madison,” she said carefully, “an incredible woman I only wish I’d had the pleasure of meeting. I know she was incredible because the three of you loved her so much,” she said reverently. “No matter where life takes us next, I never want that to be forgotten.”

  Camden’s eyes were like mine: glassed over almost instantly. Bryce was trying to swallow like he had something stuck in his throat.

  “Here here,” I managed to say.

  We toasted and drank again, and this time the wine was harder to get down. Everything felt heavy and thick with the weight of a thousand memories. But also, love.

  “That’s a beautiful thing you did just now,” Camden finally said. “As husbands,” he glanced around at us, “we want you to know we appreciate it.”

  “Well this place is her legacy, isn’t it?” Karissa asked. “If not for her, none of you would even be here.”

  “Nor would you,” I pointed out. “It may have been Maddy’s legacy, as you say. But also realize this place brought you to us.”

  The others nodded, leaning solemnly against the fountain. I could see them lost in their own thoughts, their own memories. A grim silence slowly passed. None of us were willing to break it.

  “I… I was lost before I came here,” Karissa stammered finally. “Wandering aimlessly. Running from a life that was nothing but a mess.”

  Her words came hesitantly, falteringly, as if she were choosing them as she went. In the quiet world of the half-restored garden, the distant sound of whirring insects was the only other sound in the world.