‘So there it is. Yes, I’ve been foolish and naive in the past, but I changed on that day with Mr Hoxley. I stopped smiling at men. I stopped doing anything that could be taken for flirtation or encouragement. I’ve done everything I can to prove I’m not the woman the rumours paint me as and yet people still want to believe the worst! I’m not a flirt and I would never try to seduce a man into marriage.’
‘I know.’ Several aspects of her behaviour all made sense at once. ‘That’s why you objected to me calling you beautiful that first day, wasn’t it? You were afraid I was trying to flirt with you?’
‘Yes.’ Her chin jutted upwards a notch. ‘I thought that maybe I’d given you the wrong impression during the night and that was why you’d invited me to walk with you.’
‘And the clothes?’
Another notch. ‘They weren’t so bad.’
‘They weren’t good either.’
‘That was the whole point!’ She glared at him. ‘I didn’t want to look good. I didn’t want to be flattered. Sometimes it feels as though I’m wearing a mask that no one wants to take off because they don’t care what’s underneath. As if there isn’t anything underneath.’ Her eyes glinted, but with pain, not anger. ‘You know, when enough people treat you like that, you start to wonder if they’re right and you are empty inside. But I’m not. I’m more than my face. I’ve made myself more than that and I won’t be treated like an ornament to be possessed or used ever again. I want to be seen for my whole self.’
‘I can see you.’ He moved towards her, but she swayed backwards. ‘Henrietta, I’m not like those other men, I promise. I don’t want to possess or to use you.’
She shook her head sadly. ‘When we became friends I thought that maybe I’d been too suspicious and you really were an honourable man, but now it turns out you’ve been thinking the worst about me this whole time!’ Her eyelashes quivered. ‘Tell me the truth. Is that the real reason you’re still here?’
‘You know that’s not true.’
‘Do I? Or did you think that if you helped with my nephews then I’d repay you somehow?’
‘No! I’ve told you why I want to help.’
‘So you don’t want anything else?’
‘No.’ He stopped and frowned, compelled to be honest. ‘Yes, but not like that. Truthfully, I’ve wanted to kiss you from the first moment I saw you, but you made it clear that you only wanted friendship and I would never abuse that, but it doesn’t stop me from finding you attractive. You, that is, not just your face. Yes, you’re beautiful. That night when we first met, I thought you were the most perfect-looking woman I’d ever seen. I thought that it was impossible to imagine anyone more beautiful, but none of that would matter a damn if it wasn’t for who you are inside. Your beauty is in your heart and soul. It’s in the way you care for your nephews, the way you let Nancy rant whenever she wants to, the way you help strangers who stand outside your shop looking hungry. That’s the real you. That’s why you’re even more beautiful to me now.’ He paused. ‘But you’re not perfect.’
She blinked and then stared at him, her eyes wide with a look that he couldn’t interpret. ‘I’m not?’
‘No, I only thought so at first.’ He took a cautious step forward, only this time she didn’t move away. ‘The fact is, one of your eyes is a slightly greener shade than the other, your laugh can be a little too high-pitched and you smooth your hair much too often.’
‘What’s wrong with smoothing my hair? I like to be neat.’
‘I’ve noticed, but some people could argue that you’re a little too neat, especially when you’re standing next to a ruffian with a bruised nose. It’s enough to make a man feel self-conscious.’
‘Oh.’ Her lips parted slowly. ‘And you’re not just saying all this to make me feel better?’
‘Yes and no. I can want to make you feel better and mean it, too, can’t I?’
She frowned as if the idea had never struck her before. ‘I suppose so.’
‘Just like I can think that you’re beautiful and see more than your face?’
‘Ye-es.’ Her breathing sounded erratic now, almost as ragged as his own. ‘Then you really want me? The real me?’
‘Yes. Quite a lot, in fact, but I thought you only wanted friendship?’
‘I did.’ She swallowed, drawing her tongue lightly across her top lip. ‘Before...’
‘Before?’ His pulse thudded at the word.
‘Before I got to know you.’ Her eyes widened even further, as if she were trying to hypnotise him again. ‘But how do I know you’re telling the truth? I couldn’t bear to make another mistake.’
‘Then I won’t be a mistake.’ He lifted his hands to her face, cradling her cheeks between his fingers. ‘I promise you, Henrietta, but I won’t kiss you unless you want me to...’
* * *
Henrietta caught her breath, trying to get her swirling thoughts into some kind of coherent order, though it seemed impossible when Sebastian was standing so close, his lips within a hair’s breadth of hers, his gaze smouldering with desire and the promise he’d just made her. The feeling of his hands on her cheeks raised gooseflesh on her skin, making her mouth feel dry and her heart skip one, if not several, beats. He’d just said that he liked her. He’d just said that he wanted to kiss her, too. The words ought to have sent her running and yet, for the first time in what felt like a long time, they didn’t. Because she trusted him. She knew that in as much as she knew anything at that moment—so much that the whisper was past her lips before she even realised she was speaking.
‘I want you, too.’
She didn’t have to wait long for his response. The words were barely out of her mouth before his lips brushed against hers, soft and warm and gentle, as if he half expected her to pull away. Instead she kissed him back and it was more, much more, than the moderately pleasant feeling she’d experienced the one time she’d kissed Mr Hoxley. She felt as though her body had just come to life, as though she really were an ice queen and her frozen limbs were melting to liquid.
Her heart was racing a mile to the minute, too, making her feel vulnerable and strangely powerful at the same time, and she was aware of a strange mewling sound in the back of her throat as Sebastian’s hand moved to the small of her back, drawing her body against his and kissing her even more deeply... It was bliss, it was perfect, it was how she’d always imagined being kissed...
They both jumped, his arm tightening protectively around her waist at the sound of a thud, followed by a splash and two loud squeals from below.
‘What—?’
They both exclaimed in unison, exchanging startled glances before rushing down the stairs and through the hallway to find Nancy and Belinda standing side by side in the middle of the kitchen, the former soaking wet and the latter covered from head to toe in white powder.
‘Oh!’ Henrietta slapped a hand over her mouth in surprise. ‘Oh, dear.’
‘I dropped the flour,’ Belinda explained, unnecessarily, putting her hands to her cheeks and making them look even worse. ‘I didn’t notice Nancy come in and I turned around and we bumped into one another and...’ Flour-covered hands moved to her forehead. ‘I’ll clear it up, I promise, every last speck.’
‘Don’t worry. There’s no point in crying over spilt...you know.’ Henrietta gave a reassuring smile, though unfortunately Sebastian was less charitable, his laughter clearly audible behind her.
‘You.’ Nancy pointed a finger accusingly. ‘This is all your fault.’
‘Me? How?’ He sounded faintly aggrieved.
‘Because I was rushing to get a bucket of water to hurl over you! You had no right to run past me!’
‘Then this serves you right, doesn’t it?’ He chuckled again. ‘I’d call that poetic justice.’
‘Do you know what else you can call it?’ Nancy started forward, arms pumping as if she w
ere about to throw more than a bucket.
‘Wait! You’d better go and change.’ Henrietta stepped swiftly between them. ‘And Belinda should go outside and brush herself down. I’ll start to clean up.’
‘While I watch the shop,’ Sebastian volunteered.
‘No!’ Nancy stopped and folded her soggy arms. ‘This is the last straw. We can’t go on like this, what with looking after the boys and teaching Belinda to bake and him visiting every five minutes.’ She threw another belligerent look at Sebastian. ‘The shop isn’t big enough for all of us.’
‘I know.’ Henrietta sighed. ‘But what’s the alternative?’
‘You can come north with me.’
‘What?’ She spun towards Sebastian, uncertain about which of them had just gasped the loudest, her or Belinda or even Nancy, as they all stared at him in amazement. It would have been a surprising enough offer even before what had just happened upstairs, but now...
‘Come with me,’ he repeated, more firmly this time. ‘Anna might be away, but my mother’s in Yorkshire. You can bring the boys, too. It’ll be a holiday for them.’
‘What about David? What if he comes back?’
‘Then he’ll come here and Miss MacQueen will tell him where you are.’
‘But I can’t just go to Yorkshire with you!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because...’ She gaped at him. There were almost too many reasons to name! The first and most obvious being, ‘It wouldn’t be seemly!’
‘We’ll be staying with my mother, grandmother and uncle. It won’t exactly be sordid.’
‘But your grandmother was a duchess!’
‘And?’
‘I can’t stay in the same house as a duchess!’
‘A dowager duchess.’
‘That’s not the point. What will she think if you turn up with a shop girl and three children in tow? It could ruin your chances of a reconciliation.’
‘If it does, then I don’t believe she’s someone I want to reconcile with.’
‘I won’t fit in!’
‘Neither will I, most likely. I’m a sailor whose father was a footman-turned-baker, remember?’
‘It’s different and you know it. You’re a blood relation. I’m just...’
‘Don’t.’ He lifted a hand, his dark eyes flashing so brightly it was as though lightning had just streaked across them. ‘Whatever you were about to say, don’t. You’re not just anything. If other members of my family have a problem with you, then we’ll turn straight around and come back.’
Henrietta swallowed. Ten minutes ago she’d resolved to throw him out of her life for believing gossip about her. Five minutes ago she’d been clasped in his arms, kissing him with a quite shameless amount of enthusiasm. Now he was asking her to go away with him. She felt as though time were accelerating. She’d only just accepted the possibility of their being more than friends...
‘This is ridiculous.’ She shook her head against the temptation to say yes. ‘Nancy, tell him how ridiculous he’s being.’
‘Personally, I think it’s the most sensible thing I’ve ever heard him say.’ Nancy unfolded her arms. ‘I presume he’s apologised?’
‘What?’ Henrietta looked between the two of them in consternation. ‘You wanted to throw a bucket of water at him a few moments ago!’
‘Yes, well, the cold water’s given me a chance to reconsider and now I think it’s the perfect answer. You could do with a rest after the past couple of months and it would take the boys’ minds off their father.’
‘What about the shop?’
‘Belinda can move in.’
‘Oh! Can I?’ Belinda clapped her hands so enthusiastically that a cloud of white dust billowed into the air, making them all cough.
‘Yes,’ Nancy spluttered as she waved her arms around. ‘I’ll make a baker of you if it’s the last thing I do. Which will be much easier without so many people under my feet.’
‘But what will people say?’ Henrietta drew her brows together at her own question. The gossips would no doubt say that she was up to her old tricks again, trying to seduce yet another employer’s son. She might as well confirm everything bad they’d ever said about her. Mrs Willerby would be particularly delighted. And the worst of it was that this time there’d be some truth in the accusations. She’d kissed Sebastian. If it hadn’t been for the interruption, she would have kissed him some more. Given the opportunity, it was entirely likely she’d kiss him again. Which made travelling north with him probably the worst idea in the world. And yet, insane as it sounded, she wanted to go.
I won’t be a mistake... She didn’t know what the future held, but she knew those words at least were true. If she trusted any man, it was him.
‘I’ll go a day ahead and meet you in Bristol,’ Sebastian offered. ‘Then no one in Bath will know that we’re travelling together. You can say that you’re going to visit Anna.’
‘No.’ She pulled her shoulders back. ‘I’ve wasted enough time caring about what people say about me. They’ll never change their minds anyway. In their eyes, I’ll always be either a fortune hunter or an ice queen and I don’t want to be either. From now on, I’m going to be myself and let people interpret that however they please.’
Sebastian’s gaze warmed. ‘Then you’ll come to Yorkshire with me?’
She sucked in a deep breath, struck with the feeling that the whole of her future depended on this one moment. ‘Yes. We’ll go together.’
Chapter Fourteen
‘Are we there yet?’ Michael flung his head back against the seat with a loud sigh. ‘We’ve been in this stagecoach for ever! It must be time to stop soon.’
‘I told you the journey would take a few days.’ Henrietta gritted her teeth, trying to sound sympathetic, although if he asked the question one more time, she thought she might open the door and jump out from sheer exasperation. It wasn’t as if she was any more comfortable than he was! In fact, she was undoubtedly a lot less comfortable. Oliver and Peter had both fallen asleep, one on her knee, the other leaning against her shoulder, making it impossible for her to move for the last hour. Belles in biscuit tins were treated better than this, she thought, ironically. At least they came individually wrapped in tissue paper, something she might have used to make the headrest more comfortable. Every part of her ached or was numb with fatigue, but at least Michael was right about one thing. Surely it had to be time to stop soon... ‘Are you warm enough?’
‘Yes.’ Michael scowled at the blanket tucked over his lap. ‘But I’d rather ride up top like Sebastian.’
‘It’s far too cold for that.’
‘It’s not too cold for him!’
‘Yes, well...he’s a grown man.’ Henrietta pursed her lips. She wasn’t particularly happy about Sebastian riding on the roof of a violently swaying stagecoach in the middle of winter either, but unlike her three charges, she had no right to tell him what to do—besides, there hadn’t been any alternative. Between her and the boys squeezed on to one side and a middle-aged couple and their teenage daughter on the other, the carriage was already bursting at the seams.
‘Sebastian said a good sailor doesn’t complain.’ Peter mumbled sleepily across her. ‘I bet he was talking to you.’
‘He was not!’
‘No arguing!’ Henrietta felt as though her temper were hanging by a single, extremely frayed thread. ‘Or we’ll get off at the next inn and go straight back to Bath.’
‘But...’
‘Not one more word until we stop again!’
Incredibly, the threat worked, allowing her twenty minutes of rare, comparative peace, listening to the sound of Oliver’s snoring and looking out at the darkness encroaching over the landscape outside. From what she could see through the carriage windows, Derbyshire had a wild, untamed kind of beauty, filled with wild-looking moors and jagged rock forma
tions. Unfortunately for them, however, it wasn’t Yorkshire, which meant that they still had another day of cramped conditions and moaning ahead before they reached Feversham. Which also meant another day of gradually building trepidation and dread.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, leaving Nancy and Belinda in peace and giving herself and the boys a holiday, but now she was starting to wonder if she’d taken leave of her senses by agreeing to come. It wasn’t just that she was going to stay in a manor—a manor! She knew Sebastian’s mother well enough to know that she wouldn’t be turned away, no matter what his uncle and grandmother might think of her. It wasn’t even that she was afraid of being in the same company as a dowager duchess. Anna was a countess, after all, and one of her best friends.
It was that she’d kissed Sebastian! Right after she’d told him that she wouldn’t be used or possessed by any man ever again! She’d kissed him and now she had no idea what it meant. In all the commotion of packing and organising, there hadn’t been any chance to discuss it and it wasn’t as if they could talk in front of her nephews. Which had left her with three days, trapped inside a carriage, with little to do except think.
What did it mean? More to the point, what did his invitation to come north mean? She knew that he wasn’t the kind of man who would act dishonourably, but that didn’t mean he’d thought their situation through. In fact, he definitely hadn’t, considering that he’d both kissed and invited her on impulse. And even if he had felt serious about her at the time—serious enough to invite her to meet his family—surely he’d change his mind once he had time to reflect?
For a start, and no matter what he said, they were too far apart socially. For another thing, there were the boys. It was one thing to help her look after them, but to take responsibility and become a surrogate father if David didn’t come back, which she was starting to accept as a real possibility, was a different matter entirely. In which case, it was foolish to even contemplate a future together and better to remain as just friends...wasn’t it?
The situation wasn’t helped by the fact that they were sharing a chamber at night. It had actually been her idea to pretend they were a man and wife travelling with their sons. In her defence, she’d had a sneaking suspicion that Sebastian had charged her only a fraction of the real price of stagecoach tickets, despite her own insistence on paying, and she hadn’t wanted him to spend any more money on her and her nephews than necessary. Besides which, as she’d explained with increasingly red cheeks, it was safer for them all to be in one room and it would save the bother of explaining the situation to every innkeeper they met.
Unexpectedly Wed to the Officer--A Historical Romance Award Winning Author Page 12