‘It probably was.’ She smiled nostalgically. ‘He always made me look at the world in new ways and he saw the beauty in everything. It was one of the things I loved most about him, that optimism. You remind me so much of him, you know, even more than when you left, although I think you might be even more handsome.’
Sebastian bent to press a kiss on her cheek. After four days in his uncle’s house, he was finally starting to relax, enough to talk about his father. It was the first time that he and his mother had done so since his arrival.
‘Did you have any doubts when you ran away with him? He always said it was love at first sight, but it was a big risk.’
‘It was both. I remember the first time I saw him, standing outside the drawing room at Messingham Hall. Footmen weren’t supposed to look directly at us, but he was never very good at following the rules. I was eighteen years old and thought he was the most handsome man I’d ever laid eyes on. He quite took my breath away.’
‘But how did you know that you loved him? You can’t have spent much time together before you eloped.’
‘No. We met in the gardens a few times, but never for long.’
‘Then how could you be sure that he was the right man for you?’
‘I’m not sure. I just knew.’ Her brow creased slightly. ‘I suppose you could say I had anxieties more than doubts. I was afraid of upsetting my mother, but I was young and impetuous and I hoped that my family would forgive me and accept him eventually. Deep down, I suppose I knew that would never happen, but I also knew that I’d never be happy with any other man. So we eloped. It was the only way. If my father had got even the slightest inkling of how we felt, then he would have made sure we never saw each other again.’
‘So you never regretted it?’
‘Being estranged from my family? Very much. Marrying your father? Never.’ She stopped to smile up at him. ‘I consider myself a very lucky woman. I miss him every day, but we had seventeen happy years and two wonderful children together.’
‘And now you’re happy here? Even with your ailments?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded emphatically. ‘I still feel stiff most days, but I feel as though I can finally put the past behind me. Mainly because I know your father would have been happy for me. I’ve no doubts at all about that.’
‘Then I’m glad, too. As much as it pains me to admit it, I like them, your mother and Tobias.’
‘They like you, too. I can tell.’
‘Which means that they would probably have liked Father.’
‘Yes, but there’s no point in regretting that now. When you get to my age, you realise life is too short to harbour ill will.’ Her expression shifted as they started walking again. ‘You know, they like Henrietta and her nephews, too.’
‘Do they?’ Sebastian fixed his gaze on the lake.
‘Yes.’ Her arm tightened perceptibly. ‘As for myself, I understand your reasons for bringing her, but you must know how it looks.’
‘What if that were the truth?’
‘Then I’d be delighted. I’ve always liked Henrietta, but I’d also want to be sure that you have the right motives for pursuing her. She’s a very beautiful woman.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Just that it can be hard not to be blinded by beauty. Some people might mistake that for love.’
‘I know. So does she.’
‘You haven’t known her for very long.’
‘How many times did you say you met Father before you eloped?’
‘Touché. Then you truly care for her?’
‘I do.’ He didn’t even need to think about the answer. ‘Maybe I was dazzled by her beauty at first, but now she’s just...’ he gave an exaggerated shrug ‘...Henrietta.’
‘Do you love her?’
‘Love...’ he hesitated ‘...is a big word, but I like her a great deal. She’s caring and intelligent and much more than a beautiful face.’
‘She’s always been a great deal more than that.’ His mother smiled her agreement. ‘And if you can see that, too, then I wish you both joy. So...?’
‘So?’
‘Don’t be obtuse. What are you going to do about it?’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ He lifted his eyes to the sky and whistled. ‘There’s no rush.’
‘Sebastian Fortini!’
‘I’m going to propose, obviously.’
‘Good, although if her brother doesn’t come back—’
‘He’s not going to.’
‘What?’ She put a hand over her mouth in surprise. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because of a letter I received yesterday.’ He glanced over his shoulder, making sure there were no small boys around to overhear them. ‘I asked James Redbourne to listen out for any news of Henrietta’s brother and he finally heard some. Apparently David Gardiner didn’t run away on his own. He went to Bristol with one of his friends, only when the friend sobered up he changed his mind about their plans and came home again. Her brother didn’t. He took a ship for America instead.’
‘So he’s really gone and left his sons?’
‘Yes. He knew that Henrietta would take care of them, probably better care of them, but, yes, he’s gone.’
‘Have you told her?’
‘Not yet.’ He shook his head. ‘She needs a holiday and I don’t want to spoil it. I thought maybe I could tell her after Christmas.’
‘Absolutely not.’ His mother lifted her chin. ‘She’s not a child and she won’t thank you for keeping it from her. She has more of a right to know than you do.’
‘Yes, but...’
‘You know you have to.’
Sebastian gritted his teeth. ‘I suppose so. I just don’t want her getting hurt.’
‘I think that’s unavoidable at this point.’ His mother quirked an eyebrow. ‘But I hope you understand what this means. Henrietta will be their mother from now on, so if you marry her...’
‘Then I’ll be their father.’ He nodded. ‘It had occurred to me.’
‘It’s a lot to take on.’
‘I know, but I want to.’
His mother reached a hand to his cheek. ‘You really have grown up.’
‘I suppose so. A little sooner than I’d hoped, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.’ He grinned. ‘You know, this will make you a grandmother.’
The caress turned into a light pat. ‘I think I might enjoy that.’
‘You’ll be wonderful at it. You were a wonderful mother, after all.’
‘Come on, let’s go inside.’ His mother gave a suspicious-sounding sniff. ‘You need to speak to Henrietta and then comfort her. The sooner that’s done, the sooner you can propose.’
* * *
‘Don’t tell me...’ Sebastian leaned against the doorframe of the nursery, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. ‘You’re a snowman?’
‘A polar bear!’ Oliver peered up at him through two holes in a white sheet.
‘Ah.’ He clicked his fingers. ‘Of course, silly me. Might I enquire why?’
‘We’re rehearsing a play.’ Michael jumped down from a chair, wielding a wooden sword. ‘It’s all about Nelson fighting the polar bear.’ He straightened his shoulders proudly. ‘I’m Nelson.’
‘Naturally.’ Sebastian inclined his head and then looked across the room towards Peter. ‘And you are...?’
‘A pirate.’
‘In the North Pole?’
‘I challenge Nelson to a duel after the polar bear escapes.’
‘Well, that all sounds excellent. I’m looking forward to it already.’ Sebastian nodded approvingly. ‘Now I don’t suppose you happen to know where your aunt is?’
‘In there.’ Michael gestured towards a door in the opposite wall. ‘She’s making up our beds. So we don’t make any more work for the maids, she says.’
/> ‘Ah.’ Sebastian looked pensively towards the door. After dragging his feet up three staircases, he’d been hoping for an excuse to postpone the task for another day or a few weeks, but his mother was right, Henrietta had a right to the truth.
‘I tell you what...’ he jerked his head at the boys ‘...why don’t you run down to the kitchens for something to eat?’
‘We just had breakfast.’
‘Then it must be time for a snack.’
‘Biscuits?’
‘Naturally.’
He stepped aside, letting them scurry past before making his way reluctantly to the bedroom.
‘You know you don’t have to do that.’ He gestured to the coverlet Henrietta was smoothing over the furthest of the three beds.
‘I know.’ She straightened up with a smile. ‘But it makes me feel better.’
‘I’m glad I found you anyway. I have some news.’
‘Oh.’ A hand crept to her throat. ‘About David?’
‘Ye-es.’ He pulled the letter from his coat pocket. ‘My friend James heard a rumour and went to investigate.’
‘And?’
‘And...’ He cleared his throat, unable to find any way of softening the blow. ‘It seems that when your brother left he went to Bristol and...well, according to what James has heard, he took a ship for America.’
There were several moments of absolute silence as she stared at him, so pale and motionless that it was hard to tell if she were still breathing. She looked frozen.
‘Henrietta?’ He moved back towards her, alarmed by the silence, but she held a hand out, holding him back.
‘He’s gone to America?’ Her voice was different, high-pitched and laced with hurt. The sound of it made his heart wrench.
‘Apparently so.’
‘America...’ Her expression seemed to waver between shock and hurt. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘Maybe you ought to sit down?’
‘Why?’ She stared at him as if he’d just told her to go for a swim. ‘What good will that do? How could he just go to America? How could he abandon his sons?’
‘I don’t know. He must have thought he had no choice.’
‘I can’t... I don’t... Argh!’ She swung around, wrenching the quilt and pillows off the nearest bed and stomping on top of them. ‘If he were here, this is what I’d do to him!’ She moved to the next bed, punching her fist into the pillow before hurling it across the room. ‘And this!’
‘And he’d deserve it, only...’
‘His own sons!’ She dropped heavily on to the bare mattress behind her. ‘What am I supposed to tell them?’
Sebastian sat on the adjacent bed, facing her. ‘Maybe nothing for now.’
‘Nothing? You were the one who told me to be honest with them before.’
‘I know, but you need time to come to terms with this first.’
‘Maybe you’re right.’ She dropped her head into her hands, golden hair spilling over her fingers. ‘You know, I wondered, but I kept telling myself that he’d come back. I really thought it was just a matter of time.’
‘I know.’
‘Thank you for telling me.’ She sat upright again after a few seconds, dragging the palms of her hands across her cheeks.
He made a face. ‘To be honest, I didn’t want to. My mother said you had a right to know, but I didn’t want to upset you.’
‘It’s not your fault I’m upset.’ Her jaw tightened. ‘But at least now I can make plans.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Plans for the boys. I have to be their mother from now on. That means I need to be practical and find a job that works around their schooling.’
‘What? No, you don’t have to leave Belles.’
‘Yes, I do. It wouldn’t be fair on Nancy to carry on as we’ve been doing. The shop demands a lot of time, you know that as well as anyone.’
‘There’s Belinda now, too. And me.’
‘You?’ Her whole body seemed to tense. ‘But I thought you wanted to enjoy your freedom? You said you didn’t know what you wanted to do next.’
‘I think I’ve decided. Now that I’m back on dry land, I want to stay. More than that, I want to stay with you and help to take care of the boys properly.’ He hesitated, the next words hovering on the tip of his tongue. This probably wasn’t a good idea. It wasn’t the time or place for a proposal. She’d just had a shock and he’d planned to wait for a few days. It wasn’t the least bit romantic, but suddenly he couldn’t stop himself from dropping down on to one knee. ‘Henrietta Gardiner, I’d consider it a great honour if you’d consent to be my wife.’
Chapter Eighteen
‘What did you just say?’ Henrietta stared at Sebastian open-mouthed. It sounded as though he’d just proposed to her.
‘It was a bit long-winded, to be honest.’ He looked faintly abashed. ‘Not like something I’d usually say at all.’
‘But what was it?’
‘Ahem...’ He cleared his throat and tipped his head to one side, almost apologetically. ‘I asked if you’d marry me.’
‘That’s what I thought you said...’ If she hadn’t been sitting already, she was quite certain her legs would have collapsed beneath her. Her knees already felt as if they were trembling and her ankles...well, they’d surely have twisted from shock. ‘Are you mad?’
‘I don’t think so, although I’ve wondered occasionally.’ Sebastian rubbed his chin. ‘But I don’t feel mad. Not at the moment anyway.’
‘You must be.’ She leaned forward to put her hands on his shoulders, ready to talk some sense into him. ‘Think about it. I’m a shopkeeper.’
‘As was my father. As I would have been if I hadn’t joined the navy.’
‘You’re the grandson of a duke.’
‘This again?’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Haven’t we been through this enough times? I don’t care who my grandfather was or wasn’t.’
‘But the world will. Sebastian, I have no family and no money. Nothing in the world except three little boys to take care of. You should be marrying up, not down. Look at Anna. She’s a countess now.’
‘Anna married for love, or so you and my mother keep telling me. Rank had nothing to do with it.’
‘Yes, but...’ She gulped, feeling an almost electric jolt at the mention of love. Was he saying that he loved her? No, he was comparing them to Anna and the Earl, but not in that way...
‘And since my grandfather disowned my parents and by extension me, I don’t see what his vaunted position has to do with anything.’
‘All I’m saying is that you could marry a lady if you wanted.’
‘If being the operative word.’ He sounded almost angry at the suggestion. ‘Or are you saying that I should marry a lady on some kind of principle?’
‘No-o, I just think...’
‘I think you are.’ He tore himself free from her hands and stood up, pacing the room as he spoke. ‘You’re suggesting that I ought to make up for my mother’s so-called “mistake”! That I ought to act as if my father never existed and take up some kind of position in society.’
‘Not necessarily, but maybe you ought to meet a few more ladies before deciding against them.’
‘I’ve met ladies. I’ve served them in the shop enough times and trust me, there’s no difference between them and any other woman except for clipped vowels and expensive clothes. I told you the first day, that’s not my definition of a lady.’
‘It’s not just about vowels and clothes! It’s about all of this!’ She waved her arms around in a circle. ‘This house. This estate. This is the world your family lives in now! That makes it part of your life, too, and how could I ever be a part of it? I don’t belong here.’
‘And you think that I do? Henrietta, I may have a tenuous connection to this place by birth, but in case you h
adn’t noticed, this isn’t my world either. I’m glad to be here with my family again, but as a guest. I’m not a gentleman.’
‘But you could be.’
‘I doubt it. Honestly, I can’t think of anything more boring. People expect you to make calls and wear damned dinner jackets every day!’
‘Sebastian.’ She couldn’t help a burble of laughter from escaping her lips.
‘I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be compensations. Good food, a feather-filled bed, servants catering to my every whim and cigars after dinner, but none of that’s who I am. I could never live in a place like this. Whereas a house in Bath, close to Swainswick Crescent, maybe next to the park where the boys could play, with a woman who knows how to work for a living, a friend and an equal, someone I like and respect...well, that sounds pretty close to perfect to me.’
She swallowed again, staring into his eyes as they bored into hers, unable to think of a single thing to say. He was right, it did sound pretty close to perfect...
‘Henrietta...’ He crouched down, his knees touching against hers. ‘I know who I am and who I want to be. There have been moments in my life when I’ve felt guilty and helpless, but I finally feel as though I’m making up for those times now. I feel as though I’m doing something useful and worthwhile again. Most of all I want to do the right thing.’
The right thing? She blinked at the words. He was talking as if she were a lady and he’d compromised her. Which, if she had been a lady, she supposed would be true. He’d kissed her and slept in the same room, albeit chastely, on several occasions over the past week. But she wasn’t a lady and there was no need for him to do the right thing. Neither she nor the boys were his responsibility. Besides, what about love? she wanted to ask, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it. How could she expect him to answer a question she didn’t know the answer to herself? She liked him, she enjoyed his company far more than she’d ever expected to enjoy any man’s company, but surely it was too soon for love? And wasn’t what he was offering her enough? Friendship, mutual respect and a home, not just for herself, but for her nephews, too. It would have sounded greedy to ask for more.
Unexpectedly Wed to the Officer--A Historical Romance Award Winning Author Page 15