by Mercy B
“At least twenty minutes. Take a sip, and I’ll hold it until the doctor leaves the room.” She was down with whatever, knowing damn well I wasn’t giving up my orange juice.
“Here. I’ll take the paper. You finished?”
“Yup.”
“Any blanks I need to fill in?”
“Nope, unless you know something I don’t. Or know something you haven’t told me rather.”
“Not a chance.”
“Good. Then everything is fine.”
Within minutes, I’d had my blood drawn, blood pressure tested, and was lying across the cold, padded bed with only a napkin covering my assets. The doctor had been informed that I was prepped and ready to be seen. Now, we were playing the waiting game.
“So have your nerves worn off any?” Sauni was busy on her iPad as she spoke.
She ran an online boutique that catered to twins of both genders. As a kid, she wanted to be a fashion designer, so her current occupation was aligned with her passion. She’d started hand-sewing the girl’s outfits when they were still in the womb, and her social media following began inquiring about having fits made for their little ones as well.
Sauni was able to convince her husband to invest in her designs and have them sent to a manufacturer. The rest became history. Sauni was living the life she’d always wanted. She was able to stay home with the girls and maintain a steady income while doing the only thing she loved besides being a wife, mother, and friend.
“I feel like it is all starting to set in for me. With everything I had going on with Sosa, I guess I didn’t want to believe I’d be raising my first child alone, but here I am.”
“Don’t think of it that way. This situation will work itself out. I’m prayerful of his return. Has he even tried to contact you? It has been nearly four weeks.”
Bizarrely, the call that I’d received earlier this morning came to the forefront, but I washed it back down. “No. I doubt that he will. With all of the technology that the police have, I’m sure they’d just trace the call. I’m sure he’s not about to risk that.”
“Yeah. You’re right. Exactly what do they have on him? You said nothing was discovered in the house.”
“Nothing. It was spotless. They are trying to get him on conspiracy charges, which could lead to so much more. They really have it out for him, Sauni, though they’ve never caught him in action. It’s like they just know. Plus, his people have gotten themselves caught up, and they know who their leader is.”
“I find it ill that the government spends so much time worried about drug dealers for one simple reason. They can’t tax the shit that they sell. If the government could find a way to tax the dope boys, then they’d no longer be illegal. Meanwhile, you have cops shooting down and beating our black people to death.
“Yet there aren’t any consequences behind their actions. Hell, let’s take these school shooters into consideration too. They act as if the black man is the biggest threat to America when it is definitely the white man. I mean, who the fuck is ill enough to shoot up an entire school? Movie theatre? Church? Yet their focus is the war on drugs. They’re funding the NRA as if it is going out of style.”
“None of it makes sense. I guess I should’ve gone for that law degree after all. A change needs to happen, and it needs to happen fast.”
“Ms. Morrison, how are you? I’m Doctor Shelly Franklin, and I will be your physician through this beautiful journey. How are we feeling today, Mom?” My doctor barged into the room with her belly leading the way. She looked like she’d pop in any minute and was still rocking a pair of stilettos. The smile on her beautiful, brown face was so contagious that it rubbed off on me. Sauni had suggested Dr. Franklin, and I had a feeling that I’d be glad she had.
“I’m well. How are you feeling is the question.”
“Oh, honey. This is my sixth merry-go-round. I can do this in my sleep by now.” She rubbed her protruding stomach, standing beside me.
“I’m jealous,” I admitted.
“Me too. I thought I was dying on that bed when I had to push out two babies with no pain meds. Dr. Franklin has two sets of twins.”
“Exactly how many children do you have?”
“Lucky number eight.”
“How do you manage? Eight children? That’s an entire choir!”
“I have a wonderful life partner who can’t keep his hands to himself, so I leave the hard part up to him. I carry his babies, and he takes good care of them.”
“Like a stay-at-home dad?”
“No. My husband is a pediatrician. He adores children and loves to come home to even more.”
Sosa only had one to come home to, and it seemed as if he didn’t have plans of it. To be surrounded by women whose husbands were active in their children’s lives was inspiring, and I prayed that I could find that balance and assistance that I needed, even if it wasn’t in Sosa. I refused to let my child become a direct reflection of me. They’d need a father as much as I needed a mother.
“Enough about me. Now, legs in the air.”
The remainder of the appointment seemed to have passed in a blur. It wasn’t until I heard the raging heart of my unborn that I snapped back into reality. Tears rolled down my cheeks one after the other. I was going to be a mother, and I finally felt joyful of the possibilities.
“That’s my baby.” I sighed, afraid that if I said too much, then I wouldn’t be able to hear the heartbeat.
“That’s your baby,” Dr. Franklin confirmed. “With a strong heartbeat. I’m going to grab a few pictures here, and then you can be on your way.”
She’d already described the features in the ultrasound photos that I’d be getting. I prayed that I could remember what body part was where when I showed my father. “Okay.” I nodded, wiping the tears and sniffling from my running nose.
I exited the office with over twenty pictures. Sauni had put in a good word and got us four times as many as the office’s normal five. I couldn’t stop staring as we walked to our cars. Thankfully, I’d managed to find a spot next to her.
“What are you doing!” I bellowed as I saw Sauni with the scissors stationed at the bottom of the roll.
“I’m taking what belongs to me—for my scrapbook that you insisted I start on my own.”
“Are you serious right now?” I found her humorous.
“I’m dead serious, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped taking me for a joke. You’ll thank me for these memories later in life when you’re borrowing it to show your child.”
“I’m starting my own, so I won’t be needing yours.”
“Seriously?” Sauni had clipped her pictures and tucked them in her purse. Her eyes bulged from their sockets as she did her little happy dance.
“Yes. Now, can you go with me to the hobby store to pick out a nice one?”
“Of course. There’s one near. You can leave the car here and hop in with me.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
I was sure to secure the alarm before walking around and getting into Sauni’s Lexus. The first photos of my baby were still glued to my hands and in my face as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the craft store.
“I can’t believe I’m having a baby. Brielle would’ve freak the fuck out if I told her I was pregnant.”
“She would’ve been so overbearing,” Sauni agreed.
“I wouldn’t have been able to breathe with both of you here.”
“I know… I miss her everyday.”
“I wonder if the pain of losing her will ever go away. I struggle so much with the thought.”
“Me too. But God has given us something special to ease the pain. Baby Gauge.”
“Right. I’m thankful for his consideration.”
I became lost in my own world as Sauni piped up the music. Though I felt alone in this journey to motherhood, I wasn’t. No matter how much I wanted to believe it, I had the most supporting people surrounding me with an insane amount of love. They weren’t going to let me
lose. They weren’t going to let me fail. That was all that mattered.
Overly excited about my new venture, I found myself on the baby aisle at Target while doing a bit of shopping for more suitable clothing. I’d placed at least ten pairs of tights with elastic waists in the basket, along with every T-shirt available in their collection. Since my doctor’s appointment a few days prior, I hadn’t been in the mood to put on anything more.
As I browsed the selection of clothing for babies, I couldn’t help but pick up a few yellow pieces that were unisex. The tiny pieces caused flutters in my stomach and gave me fever as if I weren’t already pregnant. It was easy to see that shopping would be my favorite pregnancy pastime. After I’d grabbed a few onesies and sleepers for newborns, I found my way to the section where the bottles, diapers, wipes, strollers, and all other things baby were.
I remembered Sauni had used a specific bottle for feeding the twins when she wasn’t nursing. She kept reminding me that they were almost exact replicas of her own nipples. As I scanned the aisle, I wondered if they were in stock or if I’d need to go to another store to find them. My baby wasn’t due any time soon, but I was in the mood to shop, and I had already gotten everything that I needed.
“Excuse me,” I heard to the right of me.
The baritone had etched notes of uncertainty as it beckoned for my attention. “Me?” I pointed toward the center of my chest as I spun around.
“Yeah.” The confidence was injected into his tone immediately after discovering I wasn’t an asshole who’d simply ignore him or flip him off. “You know anything about this shit?”
Another nigga from the hood. While, before, now, I’d be utterly uninterested in what he had to say due to the nature of his conversation and the usage of profanity unnecessarily, I was captured by his urban essence. The mug on his face as he stared at two versions of the breast pumps was comical. He was a new father or one to be.
Whoever his partner was must’ve been one lucky girl. The bulge in his jeans confirmed he’d laid the smack down on that pussy to make that baby. I knew because I was a victim to the hood wood too. Sosa had put some shit on me that I’d never be able to come back from.
“I don’t, but my best friend breastfed her little ones. She used the one on the right.”
“This one?” He held up the box.
“That would be the one on the right.” I nodded.
“Cool. Good looking out.”
Free to go about my way, I busied myself with the bottle selection. I was leaning toward the glass bottles, loving the idea of them. It reminded me of the old days. I grabbed three boxes of four-ounce bottles, along with three more of the eight-ounce bottles.
The pacifiers were next, but I opted against purchasing any. They were hard to stop babies from sucking. I hadn’t sucked them, and neither had Sauni’s twins. We had the same views on motherhood even though I hadn’t birthed a child myself.
There were bibs and burping cloths inside of the basket by the time I made it to the strollers. I’d nearly filled my basket with baby supplies, and I didn’t have a clue of the sex of my child yet. Though I’d wait on a car seat and stroller, I wanted to check a few out.
“My bad for bothering you again. But which one of these you think best for a little boy?” The same man who’d had a question about the pumps was questioning me about the car seats.
“Well, I’d try for a car seat and stroller combination. Let’s see.” I pushed my basket closer to the display so that I could see which was more suitable for a small boy child. “This one seems pretty good.”
It was the next to last stroller on the platform, which meant that it was the second most expensive. I watched to see if he’d bat an eye, but he didn’t. Without a word, he grabbed the box from beneath the display and tossed it into the basket where the breast pump and a ton of clothing were stuffed.
“‘Preciate that.”
“No problem.” I nodded and watched him disappear.
After a few minutes, I was exhausted with the task of deciding on which combination was even suitable for me. So instead, I headed for the register to checkout. I’d driven my own car this evening, not feeling up to backing out any of Sosa’s. I’d nearly ran the Bentley into his Range Rover when putting it back up the last time.
I loaded the bags into the car and headed for the driver side. As I lowered myself onto the seat, I was approached by the man with the bulge, hood accent, and lack of knowledge for anything pertaining to the baby he’d helped make.
“I know you’re about tired of me asking for a pardon, but excuse me again,” he started, pulling up his pants and smirking. “I was wondering if I could take you to dinner tonight.”
Straight forward. Impressive. Men these days wanted Netflix and Chill, but this ghetto baby was proposing dinner. “I’d rather you spend that time with your newborn,” I reminded him. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it more than me.”
“Ah…” He rubbed his hands together and chuckled. “You got the wrong impression, ma. My little sister just had a kid and shit. Moms ain’t know until she was pushing him out on the bed this morning. Showed no signs and only gained a few pounds in her midsection. I’m just trying to be a standup guy for my little nigga.”
Damn. I’d stuck my foot in my mouth. Instead of replying, I nodded.
“So about dinner?”
“I can’t. I’m kind of seeing someone right now.”
Or not really. The nigga had pulled a disappearing act, and there was no reason I shouldn’t accept a dinner date from this handsome young man other than the fact that Sosa had only been gone for a month, and I was still utterly in love with him.
“You don’t sound that sure to me, but I won’t pressure you. When that situation done, I’ll be around. Here, take my card, and call me when you’re free. I’m Raphael.”
“I’m Gauge.” I accepted the card he was handing me, deciding not to be a complete ass even though I knew there was no chance of me calling him.
“Have a good evening, Gauge.”
With that, he was gone. I took a second while sitting in the car to examine his business card. According to it, Raphael was a producer. I’d totally pegged him for a dealer, but I guess I was wrong again.
Instead of taking the baby’s things to Sosa’s, I decided to drop them by my own. With everything so up in the air, I wasn’t certain about much except my presence there at the moment. In the guest bedroom, I unloaded the bags and considered exactly how I’d manage to transform it into a nursery in the upcoming months.
My vibrating cell disturbed my thoughts. I reached into the pocket of my jeans and saw that it was my womb donor calling. My first mind told me to ignore the call, but my selfishness wouldn’t help the situation I was currently in. As I sighed while answering, I promised to behave and gain control over my deadly tongue. I said nothing and waited until she addressed her reason for calling.
“Gauge.”
“Speaking,” I stated the obvious.
“I was thinking that maybe we could sit down and—”
“Listen, we already tried that. I gave you an ultimatum that you declined. There’s nothing that we have to discuss, Destiny. Now, I’m busy, so I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait!” she beckoned. “That’s what I want to talk about.”
“I’m listening.” Again, a heavy sigh fell from my lips. I didn’t feel like her shit today.
“I’m in,” she revealed, nearly knocking the wind from me. I slid to the floor of the guestroom as I let the words sink in.
“You’re in?” I hadn’t expected her to agree.
“Yes. Anything for a second chance, Gauge.”
“Shit. You’re in,” I repeated, still in disbelief. If all went according to plan, Sosa could return home unscathed.
“I’m in.”
Chapter 4
Floored, I sat across from my womb donor and tried to comprehend all that she’d just tossed my way. They were planning to take Sosa down and charge him with every
thing from conspiracy to trafficking. The long list of charges that had gathered sat before me on two sheets of paper that had been printed and neatly stuffed inside of the folder, along with the evidence that was being used to make his charges stick.
“How obsessed do you have to be with a person to collect years of evidence and build a shitty case such as the one you have? Not once have you caught Sosa doing any of these things he’s being accused of.”
“It doesn’t matter. Though he hasn’t been caught, he’s orchestrated it all. This isn’t even half the charges we want to pin against him. These are just the only ones we can prove he’s guilty of.”
“Bullshit.”
“Gauge, Sosa is not the man you think he is. He is a very dangerous man. We’ve been trying to catch up to him for years. It wasn’t until his partner got himself pulled over that we really had something solid to go on.”
“It doesn’t matter who I think he is at this point. I watched my father struggle to raise me alone and know the pain that’s associated with the absence of a parent. No matter if it is the mother or the father. It shapes who that child grows to be, so forgive me if I want the father of my child front and center to watch him or her grow and assist me with their care. Out of all people, you should understand where I’m coming from.”
“I do. I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into. Sosa Law is the type of man that you have to be careful with. Who’s to say that he won’t raise your child to be his minion?”
“Me. I’m the one who is saying that he won’t. I won’t allow it. That is for me to worry about, Des—”
“Gauge, please. Will it hurt you to call me Mom?”
“It sure as hell will. You haven’t done anything to earn that title, Destiny.”
“Fine.” She shrugged, sitting back in her seat and sighing.
She was beautiful, and although I hated to admit it, I nearly sympathized with her frustration. The gray slacks and white button-down complimented her dark skin. The holster she wore that laced around her back and midsection gave her the appearance of a badass. I could only imagine the hell she gave the men at work as a means of having some respect tied to her name. My father always reminded me that I was as stubborn and hard headed as she was.