by Lissa Kasey
“Wow.” Nate had to kneel to study all the details of the doll. He worried he’d break it if he picked it up. Teal and blue tints circled the dolls eyes, bringing out a luminescent glow that certainly looked fantastical. His lips were a pale shade of rose, and lashes a real spread of feathery lace. The doll wore black jeans, with many tiny pockets, and a leather jacket over what looked like a white tank top. His shoes were chunky black things with spikes and platform soles.
“I have one other upgrade on him I didn’t think through much before I did it.” Bastian tugged the jacket off the doll’s shoulders. Ink was etched down both arms. It looked like a dark green-brown shade, not quite black. “It’s glow in the dark paint. Made to look like spells wrapping his arms. It looks really cool. The problem is that you can’t really put these dolls in the light to charge the ink because the color of the doll resin changes.” Bastian pulled a tiny flashlight out the second box. “This is a UV light. Special for drying resin and stuff. If you want his arms to glow, just turn this on—don’t look into the light—do a quick pass over each arm, and he should be charged for another day or so. Don’t do it too often or his resin will start to yellow. I like the concept of the glow in the dark paint, just need to find a different type, I think.”
Nate stared at the doll in shock. It was amazing. A work of art he couldn’t ever comprehend making or owning. It was too much. He felt tears sting his eyes and immediately got mad at himself for being so damn weak.
Bastian pulled out a shoe box. “This is full of clothes that fit him. Shoes, undies, socks, tops, pants. About a dozen pieces. You don’t have to keep him punk if you don’t want to. Like I said, he doesn’t fit any of my stories yet, and I hate to just sell him to some stranger. I thought maybe he could give you some inspiration. I just ask that you not sell him. If you decide you don’t want him, I’ll find a new home for him.”
“This is too much,” Nate whispered. “I can’t even imagine what this cost.”
Bastian waved his hand. “It’s not costing you anything. Let my inspiration be your inspiration. Isn’t that what art is? I wouldn’t be where I am today if someone hadn’t inspired me. We all start somewhere. I’m hoping you can give this beautiful guy a purpose.”
Nate couldn’t help it then. He put his head down and cried. Never in his life had someone just given him something for the sake of giving him something. Even his parents’ rare gifts had been something they thought he owed them for. First Jamie had given him a home, now this virtual stranger had given him hope of inspiration. He feared looking up and seeing disgust on Bastian’s face, but instead, a moment later, Bastian’s arms wrapped around him in a fierce hug.
“It’s okay,” Bastian said. “I come from trauma too. Jameson didn’t give us any specifics, just that you had a rough childhood and have been sick the past few years. The hardest part of healing is learning it’s okay take the time to heal. Okay to feel. Okay to share what you’re feeling. So will you give this guy a home?”
“Yes,” Nate said shakily. “I’m not sure I can do him justice, but he’s amazing.” Ideas were already flowing through his head. Names. Powers. Where he came from. It was a bit chaotic how much there was. How long had it been since he’d felt that spark of something other than fear amidst all the questions?
Bastian let him go. “I really do have to go. Will you be okay? You can call or text me anytime. I’m on the other side of the island, but it’s not like it’s that far. Nothing on the island is that far.”
“Thank you,” Nate said, still staring at the doll in awe. He looked so real. “The only thing he’s missing is wings,” Nate said more to himself than Bastian. “The minute you opened the box I thought he was a goth angel, but he doesn’t have any wings.”
“Yeah?” Bastian looked over the doll. “I’ll work on that. See you soon, right? You won’t be bothered if I come to visit again?”
“No. Come anytime. Wow.” Nate walked Bastian to the door. Once the young man was gone, he sat down on the couch and stared at the doll. It was a bit like having a rare bit of treasure. AJ whined at him and rubbed against his leg. “You hungry, baby? Let’s get this boy upstairs and I’ll feed you.”
Chapter 16
Nate fed the cats, assembled the display case, and put the doll on top of his dresser. Bastian had given him a small manual on the care of the doll, how to wash it and change the clothes, that sort of thing. Nate’s head swam with ideas. Endless. He’d paused to write a few down in his book binder. Harry made little noises as he danced outside the backdoor.
“What’s wrong, buddy?” Nate asked the goat. “Your little nap on my lap today wasn’t enough?” He thought about making dinner, but didn’t really want to eat another boring meal. His urge to hide was gone. Funny how the later in the day it was, the more he felt like himself.
“Want to go to town?” he asked the goat. Maybe he could get a sandwich or something at the bakery. There was a diner too that he hadn’t tried. And Harry seemed so starved for attention. Maybe Jamie would bring home more dogs soon for Harry to play with. When Nate checked the barn, Mattie was napping, and Jamie’s last two dogs were curled up in their crates sleeping.
Jamie wasn’t home yet, and Nate hadn’t heard from him. Was he mad? Nate hesitated, but sent him a quick text before getting Harry ready for a walk.
Taking Harry for a walk. Did you want me to pick you up something for dinner? I should be back soon.
He waited a minute, and when no reply came, he stuffed his phone in his pocket, locked up the house, and headed toward town.
The walk was quiet, weather cool, breeze light. He passed a few people in town who nodded a hello to him, but no one he recognized. He stopped at the bakery because he thought Harry could use some water. Angel was at the counter. Did the woman ever get any time off?
“Hello,” Nate said.
“Hey, Nate, Hi, Harry!” Angel greeted them. “Hey it’s great that you stopped by. I was wondering if maybe you could help out tomorrow night with a big order?”
Nate’s gut clenched. He wasn’t sure he could handle the stress of retail yet.
“It’s all backroom work. Tomorrow night from four to nine. We have about two thousand cupcakes to make for a fundraiser. If you don’t mind mixing batter, I can keep you busy for a few hours.”
That sounded doable. He could feel like he was being useful and bring a little money in at the same time without handling the craziness of customer service. Nate nodded. “Sure. I can do that. Should I wear anything special?”
“Just comfortable clothes and good shoes. You’ll be on your feet a few hours. That’s the hardest part. We have plenty of aprons and hairnets in back. After the first hour you begin to feel a bit like a robot with orders this large. The more hands on deck, the faster it gets done.” Angel came around the counter and offered Harry a treat.
“You get orders like that often?”
“Oddly, yes. Lots of weddings. Weddings are big business over here. People want to get married on an island and we have the settings they like, even if we’re not tropical. Cupcakes are inexpensive and an easy way to feed a lot of guests.” She glanced over at the bake case and must have realized it looked pretty empty because she sighed. “I have to get back. We’re short on staff due to our part-timers being back in school. But you’ll work tomorrow night?”
“Yes,” Nate agreed. “I’ll be here at four. I should go find something for dinner anyway.”
“Thank you. Lori’s is great. I’m a little bias since she’s my mom. But she does special diet stuff too. Has a whole menu for Bastian and Charlie that only they used to order from, but now some of the special menu is a real hit.”
“Sounds great, but what about Harry?” Nate wondered. “Can I order to go there?”
“You can sit outside and eat with Harry if you want or order to go. It’s a little cool right now to sit outside, but they haven’t closed the patio for the winter yet,” Angel said. “Have a good night.”
Nate nodded and a
nd thanked her. He directed Harry back out onto the street. The diner was just next door and he had to admit as he walked up to it, it smelled good. There were people on the small patio area, but it wasn’t full. He was greeted at the door by a young man with a friendly smile. His nametag read “Travis”.
“You must be Nate,” Travis said. “I can’t imagine Jameson would let anyone else walk Harry. Do you want to sit on the patio or order to go?”
Nate glanced at the patio. He didn’t really want to eat alone in public. Would people stare at him? It wasn’t a long walk home. “To go, if you don’t mind. I’d like to order for Jameson too,” Nate said, using the name everyone called Jamie by even though it felt weird to him. “Does he have something he normally orders? And Angel said you guys have a special menu for food allergies?”
“Yes, and yes,” Travis said. He dug through the menus and pulled out a large laminated card. “This one has the full allergy list on it with each entrée option. Jameson prefers the strawberry chicken salad when he orders from this menu and the chicken fried steak when he orders from the regular menu.”
Nate took the menu. He’d been expecting two or three items, but this was two entire pages broken up by food types, gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, vegetarian, and a list of sides. “Wow. Can I have a few minutes? I wasn’t expecting this many options.”
“Sure,” Travis said. “Just grab a seat on the patio if you want. I’ll stop by in a few to see if you’re ready to order. Once placed the order takes about thirty minutes to prepare. Lots of people browse the neighboring shops while they wait. We have those little card buzzers that work as long as you stay on this block.” Travis waved at the stack of black plastic blocks like Nate had seen in many a restaurant before.
“Okay, that sounds great.” Nate took the menu card and headed over to the nearest empty table. Harry followed along, stopping for pets and to rub against people.
Nate heard a lot of “He’s so cute,” and “He’s adorable,” and had to smile at how everyone loved the silly miniature goat.
“You’re a superstar,” Nate told Harry when the goat leapt up into Nate’s lap. “But you need to sit down so I can read the menu. What should I pick for dinner? Do you know what’s good here?”
Harry didn’t answer, just people watched.
“You’re no help.” When Travis returned, Nate ordered two of the salad that Jamie liked. One for himself and one for Jamie, with the dressing on the side. He took his buzzer and Harry and headed across the street to the little shops. The bookstore was there, but he didn’t go in. He wasn’t sure Harry and books in the same place was a good idea. The next store down was an antique shop. Nate stopped to look in the window since there was a display of dolls setup on a riser. They weren’t the kind of dolls Bastian painted, and didn’t interest Nate at all. But the setting did. They had chairs and tables and a whole set up of fake food made to look like a dessert buffet. He wondered if his goth angel might be a baker or a dessert lover.
Nate put a reminder in his phone to stop back when he didn’t have Harry with him, then moved on to the next shop. This was a little hardware store. It had a sign on the door saying pets allowed as long as they were on a leash.
“Well,” Nate said to Harry, “looks like you’re okay to come in with me. Want to see what’s in there?”
Harry walked right up to the door like he’d been in the store a hundred times. And maybe he had. Nate held the door open for the little goat and walked in. Tiny it might have been, but it was stacked wall to wall, floor to ceiling with everything anyone could possibly need for home improvement, car repair, and even sporting goods.
“Welcome,” an older man said from behind the counter.
“Hello,” Nate said.
“You’re Jameson’s friend, right?” the man asked.
It shouldn’t have surprised Nate just how many people knew Jamie. The man had been a police officer and the town was tiny. Nate had come from a huge city. He just wasn’t used to people knowing everyone else.
“Yes. I’m Nate. I’m sure you know Harry.”
The man nodded. “Everyone knows Harry. He’s a bit infamous around here. Also the reason that the town doesn’t have flower planters anymore. Heard the city council is trying to find an artist to do some sort of sculpture or something for around town instead.” The man bent and petted Harry’s head.
“I’m sure Bastian knows someone who could do that,” Nate said.
The man frowned and stood up, heading back to the counter like he was dismissing Nate. “The last thing we need is more snowflakes in this town.”
Nate’s gut flipped over at the insult. “What?”
“Too many of those people flaunting their gay agenda as it is. Bad enough I have to share the block with the dykes at the bookstore,” the man said. “Next thing you know, we’ll be required to wave rainbow flags and only hire pansies instead of real men.”
Nate gaped at him. Coming from a very progressive Midwest city had not prepared him to greet homophobia face to face. Online he saw it often enough, but that was less personal. “I’m pretty sure any gay agenda anyone has in this town is to live a happy life like anyone else. A decent job, a family and friends who care, and a place to feel safe is all they want. Since I’m gay, and that’s my agenda. We pansies have no interest in taking jobs that aren’t due us. We just want to be able to walk into a store and not hear hate spouted at us for something we are born as.”
“Does Jameson know what you are?”
“What am I?” Nate asked. “His best friend? Have been for over ten years.”
The man’s eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened in anger. “Tell Jameson we have all the gear he needs in stock except the new cooler. That we’ll have to order.”
“Gear?” Nate wondered. What was wrong with the gear and cooler that Jamie had? The diner’s buzzer went off, making a little dancing sound and vibrating in Nate’s pocket, which made him jump a half foot in the air and put a hand to his heart. At least it gave him an excuse to leave. He didn’t want to know what the man thought of him if he thought badly of a man like Bastian.
“I will tell Jamie,” Nate told the man. His head spun as he raced back to the diner. The man’s words echoed in his head. Would he spread hate at Jamie too? Nate felt ill at the idea of the town turning on Jamie just because Nate had arrived. He should have kept his mouth shut. Normally he would have. He didn’t like to create waves.
“My filter is still broken,” Nate said out loud to himself. That or the Minnesota nice was already fading. Or the traditional Swedish view of lagom, since Nate grew up with a Swedish mother. It was a concept of not standing out, or at least not demanding to be treated differently. Like a Swedish television star accepting an award and saying, “Thank you for thinking I’m so great, but I’m sorry for being so great.” It was a bit of an oxymoron of attitude that had taken Nate decades to understand. Yet was ingrained in every fiber of his being.
He’d always worked hard, but found praise very uncomfortable. Almost as unappealing as criticism. He didn’t live for feedback of any kind because he was already in a constant loop of self-judgment and trying not to make waves.
Yet here he was. New in town and arguing with what appeared to be a well-established business owner, at a store Jamie obviously frequented.
Why did Jamie need new gear?
What had happened to the stuff at the campsite?
He rushed back to the diner and picked up their food, then headed back to Jamie’s house. He hoped he hadn’t just sent things in a spiral for Jamie. He’d have to apologize to Jamie for airing private business in town. No one needed to know he’d taken in a broken gay man.
Chapter 17
Jamie’s truck was in the drive when Nate returned home. Nate sucked in a deep breath and headed into the backyard. He took his time getting Harry unhooked and gave the goat some final petting before taking the food into the house. Jamie was in the living room watching TV with Tuck on his lap. He scratched the old
cat’s head absently and stared at the screen. Nate wondered if he should race up to his room instead of talking to Jamie, but thought better of it. His anxiety would turn nuclear if he tried to brush off the disquiet in his gut.
“Hey,” Nate said. “I picked you up a salad from Lori’s.”
Jamie glanced his way. “Thanks.” His eyes were red, like he’d been crying.
Nate put the food down and crossed the room to Jamie’s side. “What’s wrong?”
Jamie shook his head.
Nate wasn’t buying it for a second. “Is it about the camping gear? The guy from the hardware shop in town said he had most of your requested supplies.”
“No, it’s not about the gear,” Jamie said. His voice sounded hoarse and quiet. He had been crying.
“What happened to the camping stuff?” Nate asked, reaching out to pet Tuck.
“Wrecked and stolen. Probably shortly after we left. The tent and bags are gone. The rest thrown around or cut up. I reported it to the police.”
Nate swallowed hard. His mind went to two places. First, what would have happened to them if they’d stayed? It sounded like whoever had made those noises had found their camp. And second, it was his fault Jamie’s stuff had been ruined because Nate had insisted they leave. Maybe if they’d stayed the vandals would have kept their distance.
“Stop,” Jamie said. “It’s not your fault. And it is just stuff. I wish we had found the vandals. They are still in the park somewhere. Probably tearing up trees or something while they have their fun. That’s what frustrates me the most.”
“You didn’t find anyone? Hurt or anything?” Nate feared the worst. Was there a body left behind at their camp?
“No. No sign of anything hinky. No blood or anything. Just the mess. I think it was just a lot of noise made to scare us away. And since there’s no sign of anyone hurt, we can’t authorize the cost of a helicopter to be sent up and search the area for them. Charlie’s worried about them starting a forest fire or something. But everyone is on alert now. The rangers, the private parks, the fire department, the police, and the sheriff. A notice will go out to all residents via text message tomorrow with a link to an official warning. Everyone will be watching soon.”