“You said…”
“We didn’t,” he said. “You wanted to talk.”
“What did I say?”
Shane grinned.
“Shane.”
“Look, here’s what I’ll say. Blaze is an asshole. He never deserved a chance with you. And you’re way too hung up on him.”
“No… that’s not… no…”
“Drunk words are sober thoughts,” I said.
“Shane…”
“I’m not going to say anything to anyone,” he said. “You just have to let that guy go. He’s never going to come back to you. He’s only going to fuck with your heart. Over and over.”
“What exactly did I say to you?” I asked.
“I’m going to be late,” he said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Shane, please,” I said.
He stepped out of the bedroom and poked his head back in. “I’ve been there before too, beauty.”
Shane then disappeared for good.
I stood there, hungover and embarrassed.
What was worse?
Waking up not remembering having sex with someone or waking up and not remembering all the personal details of your love life you spilled to them?
And what the hell did Shane mean by ‘I’ve been there before too’…?
5
SHANE
“That’s the take!” Nash’s voice yelled through the speakers.
I stood alone with one of Dex’s guitars.
He insisted I play the solo on a specific guitar.
I understood that.
Certain guitars had certain sounds. And when you were a band as big as Filthy Line, there was a sound the fans expected to hear.
I was well aware the band would probably end up having Dex record everything I was doing once his hand was better, and that was fine by me. I was still getting paid to jam with them.
The band joined me and I took the guitar off from around my neck.
I held it out for Dex to take.
A sign of respect.
I wasn’t going to put another rock star’s guitar away.
It was his to take care of.
“Thanks for letting me play it,” I said. “She’s smooth. The action down low is perfect. I can see why you chose that one.”
“You know your shit, Shane,” Dex said. “I respect that. You know your place too.”
“Reminds me of Linx,” Reed said.
“Linx?” I asked.
“He was our keyboard player for a minute,” Nash said. “After Mitchy was out of the band, we brought Linx in.”
“What happened to him?” I asked.
“He chased some woman across the country,” Jay said. “Sucker for pussy.”
“You’re one to talk,” Dex said.
“We all are,” Nash said.
“Yeah, I noticed that myself,” I said. “The biggest and craziest band in the world, and you’re all tied down.”
“I don’t mind being tied down,” Jay said with a wink.
“Life is one wild ride,” Nash said. “What’s your end game with this? Just lingering around or what?”
“I’m just happy to play guitar and be here,” I said. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Well, there is something more,” Reed said.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“There’s a show we need you for,” Jay said. “We are contractually obligated to play this new song live.”
I looked at Dex. “You sure about this?”
Dex showed me his casted hand. “What choice do I have?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t want to ruin your image.”
Nash laughed. “Just show up to the gig and play the songs.”
“Songs?” I asked.
“It’s a small set,” Reed said. “Five songs. Private event. Five thousand people.”
“That’s not so private,” I said with a smile.
“That’s a nothing gig for us,” Jay said. “But we have to do our part. For the record company. You know?”
“I get it,” I said. “I, uh, I’ll think about it.”
“No thinking, Shane,” Dex said. He grabbed my left shoulder with his good hand. “Just play like you do here. You’ll be fine.”
“This is a no thinking situation,” Jay said.
“In or out,” Nash said. “For everything.”
I looked around at the band.
I nodded.
“I’m in.”
I went outside for a smoke and saw Lita on her phone.
She didn’t look too happy, which seemed to be her thing.
I was able to light my cigarette, take a drag, and then sneak up on her without her knowing I was there.
I slowly exhaled and when she smelled the smoke, she lifted her head and looked around.
When she saw me, she screamed and dropped her phone.
She jumped back. “Fuck! Shane!”
I looked down on the ground and crouched to pick up her phone.
Of course I had to take a look at the screen.
“Checking for cracks, beauty,” I said as I stepped back with her phone.
“Asshole,” she said. “Give it back. Now.”
I shook my head when I saw the picture of the guy from the bar last night.
I flicked my wrist and tossed the phone back to her.
“You can’t help it,” I said. “You’re in love with that guy, huh?”
“Blaze? Are you insane? Not a chance in hell.”
“Then why are you stalking him?” I asked.
“I’m not. I just happened to stumble across his… why am I talking to you?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe because you woke up in my bed.”
“Oh, right. You get to play the bad boy rock star card on me? Which we both know is fake. You’re fake, Shane.”
“Just as fake as you are,” I threw back at her. “Well, maybe not so much. You did spill a lot to me last night. I mean… wow…”
Her face turned red. “Don’t…”
“What?”
“You know what? I don’t care. If you want to be that kind of an asshole, then go ahead. If I really told you everything about Blaze, then you would know why I’m looking at this picture of him and that whore from last night.”
Lita spun around and hurried by me for the door.
I took another drag of my cigarette and cursed myself as I dropped the barely smoked cigarette to the ground and stomped on it.
I turned and ran after her.
She was inside and I got to the door just before it clicked shut.
I caught up to her and grabbed her left arm to make her turn and face me.
I opened my mouth to tell her everything I already knew about her, but the look in her eyes…
I kissed her instead.
We stood there and fully made out for a good two minutes. I stepped closer to Lita and she grabbed my shirt, pulling at me. I backed her up and turned her, forcing her against a wall.
My hands played nice as I touched her sides, above her waist, just below her tits. Perfectly measured, because if I went any higher or lower, I was going to need to find a broom closet or bathroom so I could fuck some sense into Lita.
And why did I have this sudden investment in her?
I had no fucking clue.
Yeah, I knew some shit about Blaze. But I wasn’t going to be some guy that saved her and got her over her ex.
If anyone wanted to know the truth, women with broken and confused hearts made for good fucks.
Hate me, I don’t care.
I wasn’t going to break up the kiss. I could have stayed there all fucking night with her.
Lita finally put her hands to my chest and pushed me back.
She grabbed my mouth and took a deep breath.
“Your lips look sexy right now,” I said.
“Fuck you,” she said. “Don’t ever kiss me again.”
“I can’t promise that,” I said.
/> She moved away from me and wiped her mouth like a kid who just got kissed by their annoying Aunt Millie.
When she got to the end of the hallway, I cupped my hands to my mouth.
“He fucked around for years on you, Lita,” I said. “He made you think you two were something special when you weren’t to him. You were the woman he came home to. That was it. And it crushed your heart when you realized it.”
Lita looked back at me.
She lifted her left middle finger.
I smiled.
Did I say something wrong?
We finished the recording session just before nine.
Nash called it when he, Reed, and Jay broke out the whiskey and started taking jabs at each other.
The entire session fell off the rails.
For the hell of it I told Nash to play back the song, stripped down with no guitars. Just drums and bass.
I jammed along with the song, throwing in my own riffs and solos.
If I was going to be in the studio, I wanted to play.
The band was used to the studio life, so they didn’t know what it was like to be me.
I played the entire song and when I stopped playing, the band erupted into applause for me.
Jay came charging from behind the glass with the bottle of whiskey in his hand.
He slammed it against my chest. “Fuck yes! That was epic! Have a drink.”
I took the bottle and had a drink.
“That was damn good,” Dex said. “You’re better than this city gives you credit for. You need a band, Shane. You’ve got a great vibe and sound.”
“I just like to jam,” I said.
“We’re taking you out tonight,” Nash said. “Our treat.”
“Come party with the rock stars,” Sab said with a wink.
“I’ll call Toby,” Reed said. “We’ll get a ride out now.”
As fast as they came into the room, they were gone.
I turned and saw Lita.
Head down, shuffling along like she wanted to be invisible.
“You should try smiling once in a while, beauty,” I said.
She flipped me off again.
Then she stopped. “You know what? You owe me a night. And a conversation.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. I talked about Blaze. And this morning you said something like the same happened to you. Come over tonight, Shane. I’ll supply the booze, you supply the story.”
I was about to give my answer when I heard a whistle.
I looked to my left and Jay pointed at me.
“Let’s go,” he said. “Our ride is coming. Hope you don’t puke too easily.”
Jay disappeared.
“Never mind,” Lita said.
I grabbed for her arm.
She jumped away.
“I said never mind,” she yelled at me. “Forget what I said. Go be a rock star. Fuck some strippers. Puke your guts out. I just hope your dick doesn’t shrivel up from some STD.”
I laughed and that only pissed her off even more.
When she exited the studio, I shook my head.
Who the hell was Lita for real?
6
LITA
I stood outside and waited for Maggie.
I heard her before I saw her.
Of all the roommates to end up with in LA, I got the one who loved poppy, crap music. Sorry, that’s what it all was.
It was over processed shit done by computers in a studio with engineers who had marketing people behind them telling them what to write and what to say to make sure they got enough streams to cover their personal expenses and affairs.
Was I bitter? Nope.
No matter how hard I tried to get Maggie to listen to something better, she just refused.
Quite honestly, everyone was entitled to their taste in music.
That didn’t mean I had to enjoy it.
Especially after the day I had.
Waking up in Shane’s bed. Him teasing me that I talked about Blaze.
Fuck, what exactly did I say about Blaze? How bad did I fuck up?
My time in the studio was long and boring. There wasn’t much vocal work to be done. Abby was too busy with Liv. And on top of that, Shane had to show off his guitar skills, which made him the coolest guy in the studio to the band.
And then… of course… when I decided to give just an ounce of myself to him… I offered for him to come over and talk about his life. Just to balance the scales.
What happened?
He was going out with the band to get drunk.
And not just get drunk.
Come on… rock stars don’t just get drunk.
They were going to go to a strip club. Blow through tons of cash for fun. Knowing they could take home any stripper they wanted. Knowing they could do anything they wanted without anything bad happening to them.
And Shane was part of that now.
It made me sick.
It pissed me off.
So much so that when Maggie pulled up to me, I got into her car and turned off the radio.
“Why do you listen to that bullshit?” I yelled at her.
She looked at me and grinned. “You really didn’t fuck that guy last night, did you?”
“What?”
“I thought you were lying to me. But look at you. You’re a mess right now.”
I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her.
So, I turned the music back on.
And I suffered.
I slammed the door to the apartment.
“Want to talk about it?” Maggie asked.
“I’m done with men,” I yelled.
“All men?”
“All of them.”
“Then what are you going to do for pleasure?” Maggie asked. “Don’t ask me to help. I only told you that one story from college because we were drunk. I’m never doing that again.”
“What? No. I didn’t…”
I groaned.
I went into my bedroom and stood in the middle of the floor.
It was freaking nine at night and I was home.
Bored. Pissed off.
Nothing to do.
There were a million things to do though.
It was LA.
There was always a club to go to. A show to attend. People to meet. There were probably six hundred and fifty-two open mic nights happening too.
Which meant I should have been out there singing.
Getting up on stage, proving myself.
The door opened behind me.
“I’m sorry for yelling,” I said.
“It’s fine,” Maggie said. “What happened last night?”
I turned. “Truthfully? I saw Blaze.”
“Oh, damn.”
“Yeah. He was with some fake-boobed slut.”
“I’m sorry.”
“He came up and talked to me. To us. I asked Shane to pretend to be my boyfriend. He did.”
“Really?” Maggie asked. “That’s interesting.”
“It’s not. I made a fool of myself. I tried to attack Blaze.”
“You, what?”
“Yeah. Shane had to pull me off. Then he threatened Blaze and chased him away.”
“And Shane is the guy playing guitar for Filthy Line, right?”
“That’s right,” I said. “And after that, we drank. A lot. Well, I drank a lot. He made sure I got home. To his place. In his bed. At which point I guess I talked about Blaze.”
“You didn’t.”
“Oh, I did. And I don’t remember a thing I said to him.”
Maggie lowered her head and sighed. “Oh, Lita…”
“I know. And he keeps calling me out on it. What I said. How I feel about Blaze. It’s like he knows me. He knows what I’m thinking and feeling.”
“He won’t tell you what you said?” Maggie asked.
“Nope. He’s being a real dick about it.”
“Lita. Do you still have feelings for Blaze?”
“How the hell
do I answer that?” I snapped.
“Truthfully.”
“I don’t have any truthful answers,” I said. “I’m just…”
“Okay,” Maggie said. “I was just trying to be a friend.”
She left my bedroom and I was officially the worst roommate and friend ever.
I sighed and ran from the bedroom to make peace.
Maggie was at the door.
“Are you leaving because of me?” I asked.
“No,” Maggie said. “I have plans.”
“With Xander?”
“Shut up.”
“And you ask me about complicated relationships?”
“We’re not complicated.”
“Please. He calls, you show up and bend over, literally.”
“Screw you, Lita,” Maggie said. “We’re going to a show.”
“Then you’re putting on a private show.”
“At least I have someone to spend time with,” Maggie said.
I touched my chest. “You win that one.”
“Thank you,” she said. “You could join us.”
“I’m staying here,” I said.
“You’re going to get drunk, alone?”
“That’s right,” I said.
“Enjoy.”
Maggie left and I went to the kitchen to find a drink.
I went for the hard stuff.
The rock star stuff.
And being a bad ass rock star myself I took the bottle of Jack Daniels to the living room and had myself a drink.
No sooner did I go for a second drink when I heard a knock at the door.
I went to the door and opened it to find Shane standing there.
“What the hell…”
“Hey, beauty,” he said.
“What are you doing here?”
“You offered for me to come over, right?”
“Sure… but…”
“But, what?”
“Shane, the band asked you to go out. You left with them.”
“Yeah, I did,” he said. “I had a drink or two. It was fun. Then I split.”
“To come here?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Let me guess. You were at a strip club.”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Disgusting,” I said. “Go home, Shane.”
“Whoa,” he said, putting his hand to the door.
“I’m surprised your face isn’t covered in glitter,” I said.
A FILTHY Christmas (Filthy Line Book 6) Page 4