“Who did you mean if you didn’t mean Ben?” I asked.
“Ava Cagney.”
“Oh, is she such a family friend that she was invited?”
“Her family has long been associated with my mother’s family in Bangor—as far as I know, her entire family came.”
“Do I have to see her again? I’m not sure what I should say to her.”
“You really ought to; it would be the polite thing to do.”
“You care so much about being polite now?” My own streak of jealousy came roaring back. What if Ava had been one of the women he’d spent time with before he’d decided to become a Christian? He had mentioned once that a woman like her would be perfect for him, hadn’t he?
“For the benefit of my father’s wedding, yes.”
“I’ll endeavor to speak with her then.”
“Thank you, Violet,” Vance whispered, evidently pleased with my willingness. “I know society life isn’t something you especially enjoy, but thank you for trying. You’ve done well in the last few months; better than I expected. And once we’re married, you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to. No hosting balls or dinners, if you don’t want to.”
“You won’t mind?”
“I know it wasn’t what you were raised to do. Though it’s obvious to everyone you were raised to be a lady, there can be made allowances when it simply isn’t in one’s nature to entertain.”
“But should I? As your wife, will it be expected of me?”
“I don’t care what anyone expects of you, Violet. You can do whatever you like. What matters is that we match better than I ever—”
The end of the waltz cut Vance’s sentence off when everyone in the room stopped to clap for the orchestra. But he didn’t seem intent on finishing what he’d been meaning to say once we moved off the floor.
Did he really trust me so entirely? That he thought we matched the same way I thought we did? I hoped so, and at times, I genuinely felt it was true. But not at that moment, particularly. Did it have to do with us bringing up Ben and Ava; two people who seemed much better socially suited for either of us than we were for each other?
Before I had the nerve to bring up my concerns—if I ever would have been brave enough, that is—Ben Whitespire stood before us.
“May I have the next dance, Miss Hawthorne?”
Vance scowled noticeably, and dropped his arm from mine. “Of course you can,” he answered for me, and stepped away.
Taken aback by Vance’s abrupt manners, I could only look around nervously, wondering if anyone else besides Ben had noticed how my fiancé had just treated me—as if I didn’t mean a thing to him. Suddenly, it didn’t seem like there was much holding us together, and it scared me that he might feel it, too.
This wasn’t at all what I expected from the ball. Why had I let my expectations take flight? How could I have been so sure of Vance’s feelings only yesterday, and now wonder if he cared anything at all for me?
It felt awkward to dance with Ben when I knew Vance watched. He remained silent, and I found myself at a loss for how to begin a conversation. I’d thought I had known him satisfactorily while I’d worked at Everston and attended his church in Laurelton. But now that I knew Vance so much more intimately, it felt like Ben and I were merely acquaintances who had lived in the same area for a time.
Everything between Vance and me was so much more. Always, so much more.
Not long after the dance had begun, Ben finally spoke up. “Ezra told me what he did.”
“You mean to my hair?” I feigned innocence.
“I mean,” he lowered his voice considerably, his dark blue eyes revealing so much; too much of what I hadn’t known was there months ago—”concerning the bet and the compromising situation with Vance.”
My heart thudded nervously; I couldn’t believe he knew, that he’d resisted placing judgement, that he’d believed in me enough to talk to Ezra, to still be there dancing with me. “You’ve spoken to Ezra, and he admitted he’d—?”
“I had to know what happened, so I tracked him down. I found him at The Hawthorne Inn, of course, and I made him tell me everything. He was more than willing when he realized I would do all I could for your safety.”
“How was he?” I asked, still always worried about my brother despite the awful decisions he’d made for his life.
“Honestly, he wasn’t nearly as cocksure as he usually comes across. He seemed in a panic, like he didn’t know what to do next. When he found out I was coming to Boston, he actually begged me to make sure you were safe, so afraid that putting you in Vance’s grasp wasn’t exactly the best thing to do, once it was done. And he told me things about Rowen Steele, Violet….”
“What kind of things?” I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
“Things a lady’s ears should never hear.” Ben lowered his voice to a whisper. “Rowen’s a dangerous man. He’s not someone to mess around with. I think your brother realizes this now, but it’s too late. If Rowen is as determined to have you as it seems, you’re not safe….”
I swallowed; my throat suddenly dry. I’d thought I’d been safe…but perhaps the feelings of safety and protection that Vance produced in me were only a delusion.
“I wish he’d chosen me to save you, rather than Vance. I would have gladly married you. Did you not know how I felt?”
“You would?” I asked, utterly shocked at this admission. “I mean, I wasn’t aware that you would—I wasn’t aware that you felt that way. You never said anything to….”
“I was going to ask you to marry me once I got back from my meeting with the mission society. But things happened so quickly, and then there you were at Everwood, engaged to Vance.”
I couldn’t answer. What was there to say?
“I know I shouldn’t mention these things, considering you’re engaged to him now,” he went on, his gaze focused on mine, keeping me from glancing away.
I studied him with a new perspective. What if Ben had tried to capture my heart before everything with Vance had happened? With his serious eyes, and always barely-there-grin, he was attractive…and confident, and godly. He would have been an excellent husband.
I desperately wanted to look around to see if Vance was indeed watching our conversation. And if he was, could he tell what we were discussing? What I was thinking?
“But if you wanted to reconsider your decision; if you think perhaps you would rather come with me to Tennessee, I’m sure I could convince the board at the mission society that the rumors were based on slanderous intent, and that what was seen to have happened was actually orchestrated by your brother, who was simply trying to protect you from a situation he’d helped create.”
“I’ve been engaged to Vance for months now—”
“It’s always a lady’s prerogative to break an engagement, and I’m sure everyone would understand—”
“My reputation would be ruined, for I would never be able to convince everyone of what didn’t happen—”
“If you married me you wouldn’t be ruined. We’d move far, far from here, where no one would ever know anything about your brother or the last few months. And I love you, Violet. I have for quite some time.”
I could tell he spoke in earnest; that his feelings were true. And I was at a complete and utter loss as to how to respond to such words, so evenly spoken yet indicative of such depth. The very words I had yet to hear from my betrothed.
His hand at my waist now felt to linger there differently, as if I could feel his desire for me seeping through the yellow material of my dress. And his eyes…I found myself hoping that Vance wasn’t paying close attention. I didn’t think there were any clues regarding the conversation from my own expressions, but oh, I’d never known that simply being loved by someone could create such a powerful, confusing reaction in my heart.
Ben had been my longed-for suitor once. Just not now.
“I’m sorry I kept my feelings mostly hidden from you for so long, but I h
ad a lot to deal with concerning my choices for the future, and I thought you had an idea.”
“I didn’t,” I was finally able to say. “And it’s too late—”
“You can’t mean you actually want to marry Vance, do you? It isn’t because he’s—he hasn’t made real what everyone believes to have happened at the employee dormitory at Everston—?” he whispered urgently, as if that was any of his business.
“I wish you’d not said that.” I tried my best to keep my voice down, but it was difficult when the anger I felt at his insinuations bubbled forth. “You know Vance now, and his convictions. He considers you a friend; you have to know he would not allow such a thing—”
“I must apologize; I’m sorry—I’m distraught and I cannot account for what was just said.” As those words left his mouth, the music stopped and I took a step back from him. He took his hands from me, but then offered me his arm. I took it, and he silently led me off to some potted trees blocking off the corner of the large room. Once we were alone, he continued, “I can only think of you, Violet. Why do you feel you must marry him, when I’m here offering you my heart, and a way to be freed from—”
“As I already said, it’s too late—”
“You cannot want to marry Vance.”
“I do want to marry him.” I let go of him and took a step toward the edge of the trees.
He didn’t follow, but only stared at me as if seeing someone he didn’t recognize. And perhaps he didn’t recognize me. Did he really think I would consider breaking my engagement a month from my wedding?
“Does he feel the same way?” Ben called after me.
“I think so.”
At least, I hoped so with everything in me.
“Ah, I see then, how it’s been all along.”
Did he? What exactly did he see? What did that mean?
When I didn’t answer, Ben silently escorted me to where Roxy now stood next to Miss Abernathy’s seat. He let go of me and immediately turned to Roxy, “Miss Blakeley, may I have the next dance?”
Roxy’s eyes lit up. I could hardly believe the ignorance of my earlier questions to her—after what had just transpired between Ben and me. I’d completely misjudged his feelings and intentions, and I hoped I hadn’t given her the impression that he would consider marrying her.
Ben had just walked off with Roxy when I noticed Vance escort Ava Cagney onto the ballroom floor. She was gazing up at him, laughing at something he had just said. His hand seemed to be the same length as her small waist, and it rested there so easily.
I tried not to let my jealousy get out of hand; after all, I’d just finished a dance with Ben. It wasn’t as if we weren’t allowed to dance with others at a ball. It was just, well, from what Vance had said in the receiving line, and at the beginning of the first dance, I thought that we’d spend much more time together than we had already.
“I’m looking forward to your wedding in another month, Violet.” Miss Abernathy interrupted my thoughts.
“Thank you; I am too,” I replied awkwardly, wishing to skirt the topic. “Do you happen to know if my Aunt Letty and cousin Mabel were planning to come tonight? I didn’t see them at the wedding.”
“It was their plan to come. But I, too, noticed their absence. I was hoping they’d made it to the ball, and that it was only that I hadn’t seen them yet.”
“I don’t believe they are here.”
“How strange. I knew they were excited to be invited, and had each purchased a new gown, but I suppose they can still plan to wear the new gowns for your after-wedding celebration in a few weeks.”
“Vance and I aren’t having a ball, only a dinner.”
“Oh, well, that’s too bad.”
“Had Cal been planning to come with them?”
“As far as I know,” she answered, her light brown eyes meeting mine.
I wasn’t sure I wished to ever see him again if he was connected to Rowen Steele in any way, but I couldn’t very well let Miss Abernathy know about my apprehension.
A few moments later I realized that the third dance had ended and that Vance and Ava came through the crowd together, toward where I stood.
Upon reaching us, Ava didn’t wait for a reintroduction to me—or even an introduction to Miss Abernathy—but launched into sharing her breathless excitement, as if we were long-lost friends.
“Miss Hawthorne, it’s so good to see you again. I saw the write-up in the paper about the wedding, that is to happen so soon, and Vance was just telling me all about your plans. What an exciting time.”
I hardly knew how to respond.
“You are too kind, I am sure, Mrs. Cagney. I didn’t realize you’d be here.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it! I do hope you didn’t mind that I stole your fiancé for one little dance. But you did seem engrossed in whatever it was you were speaking of with Miss Abernathy.”
So she already knew Miss Claudine Abernathy too. It shouldn’t have surprised me.
“You hardly noticed us, I wager.” With this, her eyes gleamed and I wondered at her choice of words.
“We too were speaking of the wedding in July. I suppose your family will attend it, as well?” Miss Abernathy asked, saving me from responding.
“That’s the plan at the moment, yes,” Ava answered. “We try not to miss any Everstone wedding, though it seems everyone missed Nathan’s, since he so scandalously eloped with his fiancée without a word to anyone!”
“Eloping with one’s fiancée isn’t considered scandalous, Mrs. Cagney,” Vance interjected. “Just unconventional.”
“You would know about scandal, wouldn’t you, Vance?” Ava teased.
What was she insinuating? Did she mean about his scandalous past, or the way we’d scandalously been forced to become engaged?
“Speaking of Nathan, I need to find him before too long, if you’ll pardon me, ladies.” Vance excused himself with a bow and left our little circle.
Miss Abernathy stood with the use of her cane for the first time since the ball had begun. “It seems I’ve lost track of Roxy. If you’ll excuse me, I want to find her now that she’s had her dance with Reverend Whitespire.”
She hobbled away, leaving me with Ava Cagney. I searched the crowd for anyone else who could help me, but I didn’t see a single familiar face. I really didn’t want to speak with Ava alone, but I also didn’t want to wander around the place like a lost kitten.
“Come, take a walk with me,” Ava suggested.
We strolled through the crowd until we came to the front parlor, which served as the refreshment room. There weren’t nearly as many people there as were in the ballroom, but neither was it anywhere close to being empty. Ava suddenly stopped next to the table of refreshments and grabbed a plate.
“You know, Violet Hawthorne, I know how it is you came to be engaged to Vance; that he’d been found in your bed—”
Horrified that she’d speak of such a thing so plainly, and within earshot of so many people, I grabbed her arm and whispered, “It wasn’t what it seemed—”
“Oh yes, I’ve heard.” She wrenched her arm from my grasp and continued speaking loudly. “It’s endearing that your brothel-owning brother tries to convince everyone that it was his doing, that nothing really happened, and that you would never choose to do such a terrible thing, even with the likes of Vance Everstone.” She delicately lifted a strawberry and popped it in her mouth.
Several heads turned our way, and the hum of conversation quieted.
“I wouldn’t,” I said nervously.
“But what does it say that you’re now engaged to him? It must be true. That he’d so carelessly seduce you like that surprises me though, in such a way that all of Everston would find out about it.”
“He didn’t—”
She lowered her tone, and almost hissed the next words. “And now, thanks to my invitation to this wedding, everyone here knows it too. And your pitiful brother’s plan to redeem you—it only makes you look all the worse, making ev
eryone talk all the more, wondering if Vance had indeed seduced you, or if you perhaps solicited your brother’s help to make everything happen as it did, to be so conveniently discovered as you were.”
“Why are you doing this?” I pleaded. Women were tittering over their teacups and several men began looking at me appraisingly. I could feel the wall of their judgment and amusement closing me in.
“I was this close—” Ava held her thumb and finger less than an inch apart, “—to having him for myself. And you could tell, couldn’t you? Is that why you took your chance the very night I arrived? So I would never—”
“You never had a chance with him,” I uttered below my breath, and then I turned to leave the room. I didn’t know where I would go, or what I would do, but I had to get away from her.
As I reached the secluded hall near the stairwell at the back of the house—to lock myself into and hide away—I felt a hand grip my elbow. I turned to find Ava once again clutching onto me, her face distorted into an ugly frown, as if I were the one trying to destroy her life. “You didn’t know, did you? I’ve already had plenty of chances with him, just not drastic enough for him to offer me a proposal.”
“I don’t want to hear anything more from you,” I said quietly but emphatically. I pulled away from her, finally reaching the open door to the stairs. I grabbed the doorknob and turned around. “You’re despicable, and nothing you say means anything—it is all lies and trouble, and you just want to destroy what you don’t—”
“And you, you’re not better than me, Violet Hawthorne. I simply cannot understand how you attracted Vance Everstone in the first place. You’re so…unsophisticated. How did you ever accomplish such a thing?”
“What’s the meaning of this?” I heard Vance’s voice behind me and turned to find both he and Ben standing side by side, looking as if they’d just run from wherever they’d come. “Violet—”
The Cautious Maiden Page 20