“There is nothing I can say that will make you understand,” she finally said. “But I’ll try.”
“I’m all aflutter with anticipation.” Dash couldn’t leave the sarcasm out of his voice if he’d tried—and he certainly didn’t attempt it. He tapped his fingers on a nearby shelf as he waited rather impatiently for her to continue.
She slid her glove back on covering up the evidence of her nefarious activity. What would make her do it? How could she have managed to publish a scandal sheet as fast as she had? The first publication by Lady X had happened mere days after that fateful night he’d first danced with her. It couldn’t have been all about revenge against him.
“Has Lucas—Darcy ever told you how our father is?”
“What does the duke have to do with any of this?” When would she openly admit she was Lady X? “Surely, he wouldn’t approve of your—hobby.” He didn’t know what else to call it.
Helena snorted and started to pace around the room. She put a little distance between them by doing so. “Oh, he most certainly wouldn’t.” She stopped and turned to face him. “Father would lock me in a room and never let me out if he was aware of what I did in my spare time.”
“I don’t understand.” He was trying to, but logic failed him. Dash folded his arms across his chest. He was at a loss and had no idea what he should do. “Why don’t you start at the beginning and tell me what your father has to do with it.”
She sighed and started to pace the room again. He wanted her, and nothing would change that. He was a mixture of disappointed and fascinated by the revelation. He didn’t like she’d taken such drastic measures to upbraid him, and well, a great number of people in society; however, he was damn proud of her too. She’d managed to keep this secret for years, and her scandal sheet was not only witty, it had to be quite profitable. Everyone he knew bought it and read it the moment a new one was published. If not for her words, he might never have realized what a fool he’d been toward her and a great many other people. He’d done a lot he wasn’t particularly proud of, and a part of him was rather grateful to have had the opportunity to change.
“Father hates me,” she said. “I know you think they want to see me settled, but I don’t think that’s true. Maybe on mother’s part, but not on his.”
“Why would your father hate you?” He frowned. “No, I don’t believe it. I’ve met the duke and he’s always struck me as a decent sort.”
“Not to me.” She stopped pacing long enough to look at him. “He’s all right with my brother, but with me, he’s always been indifferent.”
Dash couldn’t fathom how or why the duke would treat her differently than Darcy. He couldn’t recall his friend ever saying much about it. The duke gave Darcy whatever he wanted, and the earl had taken advantage of that generosity on more than one occasion. “What does your father do to make you believe that?”
“I realize I’m female, and that’s a major difference between Lucas and I,” she began. “Some men do prefer their sons over their daughters, but not to the degree my father does. Sometimes I think perhaps I’m not really his daughter. If my mother was anyone else, then that might be possible. She is too much in love with him for me to believe she had an affair.”
She sat down on a nearby settee and stared down at her lap. “Nonetheless, my father has made it clear on more than one occasion how disappointed he is in me. That I should have children of my own by now, a husband, and in short reside in another household—I have an inheritance, but I won’t get it for another five years. He’s been frugal with my wardrobe for a while now. He doesn’t even acknowledge me most of the time unless it’s to proclaim me an unnatural daughter.”
That explained a lot about her attitude, but not why she wrote a scandal sheet. Was the revenge perhaps against her father, and not him as he’d presumed? That changed things a little bit, but not by much. “So what gave you the idea to become Lady X?” She still hadn’t said it out loud, and he didn’t think she would unless he forced her to. “What does that give you?”
“Other than money?” About as good of an admission as he was going to get. “Truthfully, that’s the main motivation, but the look on my father’s face as he reads some of it really is sweet to witness.” A slow smile built on her face. “For the longest time, I was an outcast when I shouldn’t have been. Then, overnight, I was the belle of the ball all because you danced with me.” Her voice dropped down an octave and sadness filled it. “Like that made me special for some reason. I resented that, and you, but mostly it made me mad. Society is so mercurial, and even if I didn’t have plans already in place for the publication, I’d have arranged it.” She jutted her chin out in defiance as she uttered the last words.
“Retribution and a reckoning all at once.”
“It was satisfying,” she agreed. “And for a while, it was enough.”
“But now you want more?”
He wanted so much from her, but he feared he’d never get it. What could he give her that she didn’t already have? He could love her… She seemed desperate for approval from someone. But he wanted more than that for and from her. Would it be so much to ask that she cared about him more than her revenge against the world? He did love her. Dash hadn’t realized it until that very moment.
Something inside of him always had. Even years ago, when he’d been the worst sort of gentleman, he’d been drawn to her. Darcy’s suggestion he dance with her had appalled him, but not for the reasons society would have understood at the time. Dash hadn’t been a good man, and he was far from being worthy of Helena. He didn’t refuse to attend balls and mingle with good society because he’d found it boring. No, he’d avoided it because he was a scoundrel, and no proper young lady should have gone near him. Darcy had been the one to drag him to that ball with the lure of a lucrative card game.
When he first met Helena, something had snapped inside of him and he’d tried to avoid her at every turn. Darcy had made it impossible that night, and he’d taken it out on her. At the time, he didn’t understand what his feelings were. In retrospect, and in light of his recent obsession with her, he finally understood everything.
When he had decided he needed to marry, she should have been the first lady he considered. But it had taken a lot for him to realize something he should have always known. Yes, he wanted her, and marrying her was his goal, but she’d always been there in his heart without ever realizing it. His love for her had become ingrained, and he silently made a promise to himself he’d never take it or her for granted. Without Lady X and her constantly challenging him in her scandal sheet, he might never have pursued Helena. Ironic, really, when he thought about it…
Helena’s next words broke though his revelation. “Oliver…” She paused and met his gaze. “I can still call you that, can’t I?”
He nodded. “As I recall, you refused before.”
“An intimacy I wasn’t prepared for yet.” She tilted her head. “I think I am now.”
His lips tilted upward. “Do go on.” He strolled over to the settee and joined her. “Tell me what you want.”
“I thought I wanted financial freedom—security.” She looked away from him. “That was why I started writing—well, you know.” He found it amusing she still wouldn’t admit to being Lady X. Perhaps that was for the best. Some things couldn’t be unsaid once they were put out into the open. “I’ve lived a cold and lonely life for so long I didn’t understand what I’d been missing. How could I? Affection is something other people have. No one has shown me I’m worthy of it.”
His heart ached to hear her speak of herself in that way. He wanted to pull her into his arms and make her feel loved. She deserved to be treated far better than she had been her entire life. He was as guilty as everyone else. It must have been so sad and lonely to be her. How many young ladies felt the same as she had? What must it be like to be on the outskirts looking in—a part of the highest class of society, but never truly belonging in it…
“Monetary gain is no l
onger enough?”
She shook her head. “It helps…” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I purchased a cottage, and it’s being renovated. Once that was complete I planned on retiring to it and having Lady X disappear forever…”
His stomach churned—to never see her again. He couldn’t let her do that. “But you’re not now?” Please say no, he begged silently.
“I find I like writing,” she said. “I’d like to continue, but I can’t write a scandal sheet if I’m never in town.”
He could help her with that—if she married him. Dash didn’t care if she continued to be Lady X. It would have to remain a secret—more for her safety than anything else. “The cottage can be a retreat when you need to get away.”
She nodded. “It would be nice. I can’t live with my parents anymore though. It’s suffocating. I didn’t fight mother on this trip as much as I normally would have. Mainly because I realized I did need to get away to think. I never expected to find you along the way.”
He wanted to kiss her—badly. “Admittedly, that was a welcome surprise for me too.”
“What are we going to do?”
Dash had a lot of ideas. So many he couldn’t wait to start on them all and show her how much he loved her. After a little holiday in Scotland—a courtship on the side, maybe, he could convince her to marry him. She didn’t want to live with her parents. Lucky for him he could help her with that too. It wouldn’t take much—a few vows to love, honor, and cherish her forever. He not only could do that, he was more than willing to.
“It’ll work out,” he promised. “If you, want we can go back to London tomorrow.”
“That might be a good idea,” she agreed. “But you don’t have to come with me if you don’t wish to.”
“Trust me,” he reassured her. “I want nothing more than to be wherever you are.” Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Instant tingling sensations overtook him. He’d wanted to kiss her again. Now, that he had her in his arms, he never wanted to let go ever again.
She moaned against his mouth, and he pulled her tighter against him. He trailed his fingers down her back and then rested his hands around her waist. Dash lifted her into his lap and held on tight. She gasped, giving him the opportunity to push his tongue inside her mouth. Their tongues intertwined as they tasted each other. He made love to her mouth and ached to push his cock into her warm heat.
He was so lost in her touch he forgot where he was, and why they had been hiding in the library. The day had been one for revelations, and he had high hopes for their future. What he hadn’t counted on was Lady Scarsbury, and her penchant for sneaking up on people.
“Ah,” Lady Scarsbury said and then cleared her throat. “There you two are. So sorry to interrupt, but I think we need to have a little chat.”
Dash groaned and pulled his lips away from Helena’s. They were good and truly caught—and his aunt wasn’t going to let it go… Frankly, he didn’t really care either.
Lady Scarsbury had insisted they remain in Scotland. Their plans to leave the next day had been nixed immediately. Surprisingly, the countess hadn’t mentioned catching them in an intimate embrace. Helena had to wonder what her motives were and why she’d not upbraid them for their reckless behavior. Perhaps arriving together had been shocking enough and finding them kissing had been the icing on the cake of some sort. Helena couldn’t help thinking the countess was up to something and had a plan of her own. Whatever it was it couldn’t be good.
Dashville and Helena had taken refuge in one of the many sitting rooms in the castle. A part of her hoped the countess wouldn’t be able to find them. What were the chances of that though? One of the servants would be able to direct her to their location. They had ordered tea a little while ago. It would probably be delivered to them soon.
“Helena, dear,” Dashville whispered in her ear. “Quit thinking so hard.”
“Easy enough for you to say,” she replied. “I can’t stop. The other night, Lady Scarsbury said there were things we had to discuss then promptly disappeared.”
“She’ll tell us when she’s ready,” he responded with a shrug. “That’s just how she is.”
“Well,” she said mulishly. “I don’t like it.”
Helena wasn’t used to being on the other end of a scandal. Sure, she added herself into her column regularly, but that wasn’t the same thing. If she excluded herself, it would be the fastest way to have everyone point their fingers in her direction as the author of the scandal sheet. She made sure to add little tidbits every now and then so no one suspected she’d been writing them.
This, though, was a true scandal. If Lady Scarsbury chose to, she could ruin them both. Helena doubted the countess would do anything to harm her, or Dashville, but she couldn’t be certain. She would have to track the lady down and make sure she kept everything to herself. There had to be something she could do to make her see the wisdom of remaining silent.
A maid opened the door and pushed a tea cart into the room. “Pardon me, my lord, my lady. I’ve brought the tea and cakes you requested.”
“Push it over here,” Dashville said then turned toward Helena. “Do you wish to pour, or would you like me to?”
She waved her hand at him. “You can. I’m too distracted.”
Her current predicament and the possibility of her last column not arriving to her publisher kept crossing her mind. Nothing had gone right since she left London. What if her article failed to arrive? What if someone came across it and figured out she’d written it? She’d taken a huge risk mailing it in. Helena stood and paced the room—a habit she’d developed upon arriving at the castle.
Dashville stepped in front of her path. “Darling…”
“Stop,” she interrupted him.
“Stop what?” He lifted a brow and then leaned down to kiss her.
She lifted her hand and placed it on his chest, intending to push him away, but instead kissed him back. The man was rather addicting, and she couldn’t stop herself from becoming lost in his embrace. She’d never believed she’d have something as simple as passion with a man, let alone the one man she’d always loved. The entire thing was rather surreal.
He lifted his mouth from hers and kissed her cheek, then her neck. If he kept this up, she’d be a bumbling mess before they returned to London. “Oliver,” she said breathlessly. “Truly, you must stop.”
“Must I?” His hot breath caressed her ear. “Why, when we both enjoy each other? Give into your hoydenish desires. We both know you’re far wilder than you show the world. A secret gossip queen couldn’t be anything less.”
Did he have to be so reasonable? Yes, she did rather like his kisses, and she was rather wanton—at least where he was concerned. In fact, like was too tame a word for what he made her feel. Her whole body lit up hotter than she could have imagined. His touch stoked the heat in her much like a poker pushing the wood to new heights in a fireplace. Oliver drove her mad with desire and if he kept inciting her passion, she’d give in to the need he invoked within her. She’d be ruined beyond redemption and left with very little choices for her future.
“Lord Dashville,” she breathed out his name as she fought for control. “This isn’t at all proper.”
“Proper isn’t fun,” he replied wickedly, but stepped back, giving in to her wishes. “And what happened to you calling me Oliver?”
“When you’re not listening to me, I must use whatever is at my disposal. You can’t be Oliver when you’re being unreasonable.”
“Very well, my dear.” His eyes crinkled up as he smiled at her. His mouth resembled the epitome of sin, and she wanted to give in to what he offered. “If you insist on propriety, I’ll try to behave.”
A part of her was rather disappointed he’d given in so easily. She wanted to take back her demand he stop and instead kiss him again until she lost all ability to reason. Deep down, she knew it was a bad idea, but the curious side of her warred with the rational one. What would one more kiss hurt? Su
rely, if he stopped now, he’d stop if she asked later. Lady Scarsbury breezed into the sitting room squashing the idea right out of Helena’s mind.
“There you two are and I see you’ve already ordered tea. How lovely,” the countess said as she poured herself a cup. Helena couldn’t bring herself to pick hers up, and Dashville seemed to be of a similar thought, leaving his abandoned on the cart. It was probably rather cold anyway—the countess was welcome to it. “It’s time we did have that little chat. I’m sorry we didn’t sooner, but after I saw you in the library, I had to gather my thoughts on the matter.”
“Oh?” Helena replied. What else could she possibly say to that pronouncement?
“When you two arrived, I had hoped there was something between you.” She smiled at them both. Helena sat down on the settee absentmindedly and Dashville followed her lead. “I realize that it was pure happenstance you ended up traveling together. The coachman explained it to me as you wandered off. Still, I hoped…”
“Is there a point to all of this?” Dashville tapped his fingers on his knee. “Am I to understand what you originally wished to speak to us about isn’t quite the same as before?”
How had Dashville been able to follow his aunt’s rambling? Not much of it made sense to her, other than the obvious. Lady Scarsbury wanted Dashville to—surely, she didn’t expect him to marry Helena…
“Not entirely,” Lady Scarsbury agreed. “Much is the same. I do think you both would make a lovely match. It was nice to realize that you agree as well.”
“Agree to what?” Lady Helena was getting quite dizzy. Was the room spinning? No, it couldn’t be—it had to be her imagination. This was all starting to become a rather bad dream.
“A betrothal of course,” Lady Scarsbury explained. “We can return to London and make the announcement then.” She turned to Dashville. “You’ll have to ask the duke’s permission, but I don’t see why he wouldn’t approve the match.”
When a Rogue Falls Page 86