“Check the bus bay,” Brian said. “Saw her head that way with Ben.”
“Fucking Ben,” I grumbled under my breath as I headed that way, keeping my head down as I avoided eye contact with everyone and anyone. What the fuck was up with Cassie telling everyone that shit? We barely fucking kissed and now everyone thinks I had sex with her? It was bullshit. I hate liars. I hate rumours. I hate fucking school and small-minded gossip mongers. My skin felt too tight, the back of my neck hot. I just wanted to find Trina and get the hell out of there.
Exiting the other side of the school, I found her sitting on a silver bench with Ben. My stomach twisted in knots when I saw how close they were, heads bowed, his fingers touching her face. Then the bottom of my stomach fell out completely as he leaned forward and kissed her. I opened my mouth, wanting to tell him to get his fucking hands off her, but I clamped my mouth shut and swallowed my protest down. Because she wasn’t my girl. She was my friend. Only my friend. And while I knew these feelings of protectiveness meant more than simple friendship, I also knew that I would never cross those lines. She was the most important person in my life. I wasn’t going to fuck it up with the drama a relationship would bring. I’d witnessed enough in my life to know that relationships end, family leaves, but the kind of friendship Trina and I have can get us through anything. As long as I don’t fuck it up.
“Shit,” I muttered as they leaned in and kissed again. For all my internal pep-talk, I had to stop, so I didn’t do anything stupid like stalking over there and punching Ben in the face. Or worse, grabbing Trina by the hair and dragging her away caveman style. No. That might put a strain on the friendship.
I had to be smart. I needed to leave. I needed a moment with Trina to myself so I’d feel grounded again. And I desperately wanted to get us both out of here before Trina heard the rumour about Cassie and me, and before that kissing between her and Ben turned into a full-blown make-out session. I didn’t think my resolve could make it through that.
“Trina,” I called out from a distance. She jerked away from Ben, hugging an arm around her middle like she’d been caught doing something wrong. “We need to go.”
“Did something happen?” she asked, rising from the seat.
“We just need to go.”
“Can’t you get home on your own, Taylor?” Ben asked as I reached them.
“We came together,” Trina answered for me.
Ben rolled his eyes. “Of course, you did.”
“What’s that about?” I snapped, standing a little taller as he shook his head and looked away before he met my eyes.
“For a guy who reckons he has no interest, you’re sure as hell all over her.”
“It’s not like that,” I growled, tired of having to defend my attachment to Trina, and sick of people assuming shit without facts.
“Let’s just go,” Trina said, slipping her hand in mine and tugging me away. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Ben.”
Ben glanced from me to her then nodded. “She’s not your property, Dave,” he called after us.
“Fuck you, Ben,” I shot back. “You have no fucking clue. None.”
God, I wanted to go after him and punch that straight-toothed grin of his crooked. But when Trina placed her hand on my chest and whispered, “Let’s go,” I let the fight drain away, allowing her to lead me back to the front of the school.
“You shouldn’t go off with guys on your own,” I said after several quiet steps.
She released a scoff as she shook her head. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re a hypocrite because you go off with girls you don’t even know at parties. Why is it so different when I do it with a guy we’ve known since year seven?”
“You don’t know how those guys talk, Trina. I don’t want you involved with any of them.”
“Of course, I know how guys talk. Girls talk too. I’ve heard plenty of things about you. A lot of stuff I wish I didn’t know.”
I shot her a frown. Did she hear already? “Like what?”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, everyone talks, and it was shitty of you to ruin my first real kiss because you’re worried the guys will talk. I don’t care if they do. I can handle myself just fine.”
Hearing her say that made me stop dead in my tracks. “What did you say?”
“I said I can handle myself just fine.”
“No. Not that part. The part about the kiss. That wasn’t your first.”
She put her hands on her hips as she tilted her head to the side, brows shooting skyward. “Are you talking about that kiss at my window when we were fourteen? That doesn’t count.”
“Our lips met. It counts.”
“It wasn’t real, David.” Rolling her eyes, she laughed then turned to walk again. But I wasn’t letting this go.
Grabbing her arm, I spun her around to face me. She yelped then went wide eyed and quiet when I caught her face in my hands, staring down at her as I fought the twisting inside my gut. “I was your first kiss Trina. Me. Not some guy you hooked up with at a dance.”
“OK,” she whispered, which was when I realised she was trembling, and there were tears in her eyes. I’m fucking this up.
“Shit,” I hissed as I released her, letting out a ragged breath as I started walking again, silence descending like a prickly blanket. I just need to go home.
“He…he’s not just some guy, David,” Trina ventured when we reached the front gate. “I’ve liked him for a while.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked flatly, leaning against the cool metal of the fence, my arms folded across my chest.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. The same reason we don’t talk about the girls you hook up with. We keep our friendship separate from all that. At least I thought that’s what we did anyway…” she said, trailing off as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed the button to light up the screen. “I should call dad to come get us.”
“Before you do, there’s something I want to talk to you about. There’s a rumour that’s—”
“What the fuck?” She looked up from her phone, her mouth wide open and her brows furrowed deeply. “What is wrong with you?” She shoved against my chest to punctuate her words then held her phone in front of my face so I could see the message telling her I slept with Cassie.
I feel sick. “That didn’t happen.” I clenched my jaw as I took her phone from her hand and deleted the offensive message.
“You’re telling me she lied? Why would she lie about something like that? Everyone would call her a slut.”
“Everyone is already calling her a slut.”
Knitting her brow, she shook her head. “You can be a huge arse.”
“And you can be completely blind. You think these people are our friends. But not one of them saw an issue with Ben taking you somewhere secluded at night.”
“We weren’t doing anything.”
“Yeah. Because I interrupted. You should be thanking me. That text message could have been about you.”
“But it’s not about me. It’s about you. You’re the one taking girls to secluded places. You’re the one they’re gossiping about.”
“Nothing. Happened. I’d expect you out of everyone to believe me. I promise you, on every moment we’ve ever spent together that it's not true. We kissed. She wanted more. I said no.”
Her lips pressed together as tension radiated off her body. I’ve said something wrong. “Why can you go off kissing girls, but I can’t have one kiss with a boy I actually like?”
Ah shit. I could either back off, or double down, and being the overly proud, or possibly stupid teenager I was, I chose to double down. “Because it’s different for girls.”
Her mouth curved into a smile but her eyes told me to fuck off. Now I’ve gone and done it. “You chauvinistic pig. Stay here and wait for Dad on your own. I’m going back inside. Maybe Ben hasn’t been completely scared off by your cavem
an act.”
“Trina, please. I’m sorry, OK? I’m just pissed about what Cassie said. Don’t go back in.”
But she was already walking. “I’m allowed to have a boyfriend, David. Ben’s right—you don’t own me.”
“Trina.”
She didn’t turn around. She just kept walking towards the music while I shifted on my feet, struggling not to chase after her and demonstrate how caveman I could really be.
“Fuck.” I kicked the fence, breathing deep as I watched until she was safely back inside. Then I crossed the street to McDonalds to wait out the rest of the dance on my own. A few other kids had the same idea and were over there eating and laughing, not a care in the world. When I’d ordered a meal, they asked me to sit down with them.
“Is it true what Cassie’s saying?” A girl named Loren yelled that a little too enthusiastically from across the table.
I shook my head. “No. She's full of shit.”
“Told you she was lying!” Loren’s best friend, Erin yelled back, laughing as she pointed in Loren’s face. “You owe me five bucks. No girl’s first time is that awesome.”
Despite my shitty night, I laughed, suddenly feeling that bit lighter. Finally, someone believed me.
* * *
The dance was officially over by ten, which was when Trina’s dad picked us up and drove us home. Since we didn’t end up calling him earlier, he had no idea we’d argued. But he didn’t need the inside scoop to know something was going on. We barely said a word to each other the entire ride home.
“Bad time?” he asked, keeping his voice even.
“David can just be a real jerk sometimes,” Katrina said, folding her arms tightly over her chest and staring out the window.
Mr Mahoney met my eyes in the rear-view mirror and raised his eyebrows in question. I shrugged then looked out the window on my side, wanting this night to be over. I was buzzing with aggravation. At Cassie for starting the rumour, at Brett and everyone else for spreading it. But mostly at Katrina for even questioning me after I told her it was a lie. She was supposed to have my back. It’s what best friends did. They didn’t get all crazy and accusatory the moment some unfounded gossip surfaced. They were supposed to defend each other to the death. At least that’s how I saw things, anyway. I’d never believe anything about Katrina unless she admitted it to me herself. It was bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.
“Thanks for the ride, Mr Mahoney,” I said once he pulled up outside my house. “Trina.” I nodded in her direction as I opened the car door. She briefly met my eyes before looking straight ahead, effectively giving me the cold shoulder. Suppressing the desire to slam the car door, I pushed it closed with gentle fingers then went straight inside to where my mother was waiting up for me.
“How was it?” she asked the moment the door clicked shut.
Joining her on the couch, I stared at the TV and released an exaggerated sigh. “Shit.”
“David. Language.”
“Sorry.” I wasn’t sorry. It was the truth.
“Want to talk about it?”
Pressing my lips together, I contemplated how my mum would react hearing what went down that night. I was risking her never letting me out of the house again if she even suspected the rumours were true.
But I needed to get it off my chest, to have someone close to me believe my version of events. So, I took a deep breath and started. “Everyone thinks I had sex with Cassie Green.”
“They think?”
I then told her the PG version of what happened between us, and how the rumour went crazy. Then I told her how I reacted when I saw Katrina with Ben.
“You practically dragged her out of there?” she asked incredulously. “Oh David, that was way out of line. I know you love Katrina—”
“I don’t love her,” I interrupted, angry she was jumping to conclusions just like everyone else.
“David. Let me finish. I was meaning you love her like family. That you feel protective of her. But you can’t protect her from everyone and everything. She needs to make her own mistakes. Everyone does.”
“I just don’t want to hear them talking about her the way they talk about the other girls.”
“Then maybe it’s time you and Katrina got some better friends.”
* * *
Later that night, I laid in bed, tossing and turning because I couldn’t sleep. Eventually, I gave up, put my clothes and shoes on and climbed out my window. Ever since I first went to her window the night my dad left, I’d gone back whenever I was troubled about something. Even if we didn’t talk, she always made me feel better.
Even though at least half of my annoyance was directed at her, I still needed to see her. My world didn’t feel right knowing she was also pissed at me.
“What are you doing here, David?” she asked through the screen. “Haven’t you done enough?”
“Trina, I don’t want to fight. Just let me in. I want to talk.”
With a disgruntled sigh, she twisted the hinges that locked the screen in place and popped it out for me to catch. I placed it on the ground beside me and climbed through, tumbling when my foot got caught. I landed on the floor with a thud and Trina standing over me with her arms crossed.
“I hope you’re not planning on sleeping here.”
“I plan on talking until we’re us again.”
She pursed her lips and adjusted her stance as I sat back up. “Why don’t you want me to have a boyfriend?”
“It’s not about that. It’s just… I let everyone else’s opinion get to me.” Letting out my breath, I sat on her bed and recounted the whole evening for her. Telling her exactly what happened with Cassie, and then how Brian told me all the guys were trying to get lucky because it seemed like the girls were giving away their virginity. “In the same breath he told me Ben was with you, and I guess I just freaked out. You don’t hear how those guys talk, Trina. They don’t care about the girls they’re with.”
“And you do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t pretend with them.”
“How is that any different?”
“Because I’m not feeding them lies to get in their pants.”
“And how many pants have you gotten into? The rumours suggest you’re a regular Don Juan.”
“I’m not. And I don’t share information, so they like making shit up.” My sexual experience was mostly heavy petting and a bit of oral. Once things went all the way, so technically, I wasn’t a virgin. But it was over so fast, I doubt it counted. It was pretty fucking embarrassing, actually.
Sighing, she sat down on her bed, sliding back until she was pressed against the wall. “I believed you about Cassie, you know. She’s been bragging about letting you punch her V-card for a while now.”
“And you didn’t think to warn me?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t want to know. It’s weird enough listening to them all. It's like a few of the girls have decided that just because they’re sixteen and legally allowed to have sex now they need to give up their virginity as soon as possible. And since they all think that to be with you means they have to have sex, you’re a bit of a hot topic. Cassie claimed you though, so the others have to pick someone else.”
My stomach twisted uncomfortably. “That’s insane.” I shook my head. “How does she get to claim me?” Trina gave me another shrug. “Well, it’s not going to happen. I don’t date, and besides that, they’ve got it all wrong. I don’t expect girls to…” I ran a hand over my face and exhaled a heavy breath. This conversation was getting awkward.
“It doesn’t matter, David. It’s none of my business, anyway. I’m just glad I’m still fifteen so I can use that as my excuse to stay out of it all. I hate how focused on sex everyone has become. I’ve barely kissed a guy. I’m not ready to go all the way just yet.” Hearing those words made me feel a little calmer. She wasn’t ready. Thank god.
“I count you as my first kiss,” I said, needing her to understand it was important to me. While I was never go
ing to be relationship material, I was always going to hold on to that moment. A flash of innocence and beauty before my world fell apart and became more difficult than it already was. I’d wanted my dad to go, but I wasn’t prepared for the reality of it—my mum’s depression, my own feelings of inadequacy when I found her crying over our finances. It all sucked. And Trina was the only constant in there. She didn’t change. Until now. Now, we’re growing up. Everything is changing. She’s interested in other guys.
You can’t protect her from everything.
“I shouldn’t have said it didn’t count,” she said, sliding forward on the bed. “I’m sorry.” Then she slipped her arms around my neck, sighing as she gripped me tightly. “I’m glad my first kiss was with you.”
Hugging her back, I inhaled deeply, taking great comfort in the smell of her hair, her skin. I didn’t know if it was her soap or her shampoo, but it smelled like home to me.
Pulling away, she looked into my eyes. “Can we make a deal here and now?”
“Sure,” I replied, drawing the word out.
“We stay completely out of each other’s relationships. I don’t ever question you about your hookups or the rumours I hear. And you don’t get to go all big brother on me every time you see me with a guy. I already have a big brother, and he’s protective enough all on his own. You’re my best friend, and I want it to be that way forever. If we start letting our friendship get mixed up in this relationship stuff, then it’s going to ruin us.”
“I don’t get to look out for you anymore?” I asked, clenching my jaw in the knowledge that it would be a hard task to accomplish.
“Look out for me, sure. Just no more dragging me out of places.”
“OK. I suppose I can do that.”
“I’m serious. I need your word on this one.”
“I said I’d do it. It’s fine, Trina. I give you my word.” I added a smile to reassure her, even though I hated the idea of letting any guy touch her. But my mum was right, I had to let her make her own choices and mistakes or she’d end up hating me.
“Thank you, David.” She grabbed my face and kissed my cheek happily. “Now go home so we can both get some sleep.”
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 32