“Really? Where have you been staying?”
“Well, first it was friends, then it was wherever I could find, and then with more friends. When I have some money I stay in cheap motels.”
“What about that bruise on your face. Do you want to tell me who hit you?”
“Not really.”
“I wish you would.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
When we arrive back at his place, Matthew is sitting in front of the television and barely even glances in our direction. He doesn’t seem very happy to see me. The most he does is look at my backpack and roll his eyes.
I lean toward Ed and whisper. “If this is a problem, I can work something else out.”
“No. It’s fine. Isn’t is Matt?”
“Yeah. Whatever.”
I excuse myself and go to shower. I’m thankful I have somewhere to stay for now. But I can’t allow myself to get comfortable again. I made that mistake last time. I need to view this as a temporary situation and make plans to do something to take care of myself. Especially considering Ed’s housemate seems to hate me.
Nineteen
Six months faking it with Ed
Happy birthday to me.
I’ve turned seventeen.
But nobody knows it.
They think I’m twenty-three.
Well, twenty-two actually. Linda's birthday isn’t for another couple of months, and since I'm still pretending to be her, the only birthday celebration I get is when I’m looking in the mirror, whispering my little song.
“Happy birthday, Paige,” I say to my reflection, keeping my voice low to I can't be overheard. It’s not easy becoming someone else. I've had to put Paige in the mirror and leave her there, learning to respond to a different name and come from a different background. I probably could have told Ed the truth about who I am on that first day. But if I told him my age, I doubt he would have been so willing to keep me around. I’m the only one who knows who Paige is anymore. And even that's a bit of a stretch. I think I've lost myself. Somewhere in the middle of all this deceit, I’ve lost sight of who I am, the girl in the mirror.
Life with Ed is… simple. He’s some sort of engineer and works in the city Monday to Friday. He’s gone from about seven-thirty every morning and doesn’t get home until after six at night. Then he’s exhausted and all he really cares about is eating and watching TV before taking me to bed so I can service him. I say it like that because he still hasn't shown any interest in learning about how to get me off. But since I’m his girl now, I don’t want to complain. Fights make relationships end. I can't afford for this to end. So it's easy enough for me to just get myself off when he falls asleep. I can be very discreet.
Outside the bedroom, Ed is as good as it gets. He’s a textbook perfect boyfriend. It seems as though he’s decided it’s his mission in life to take care of me. He likes having me at home waiting for him each day. He’s kind. He’s caring. He’s considerate. It pains me to understand that he cares more for me than I do for him. That’s how I know I’m a bad person now. Because I keep doing this anyway.
“Don’t you work?” Matthew asks when he walks into the lounge room where I’m sitting reading. It almost lunch time and he’s just waking up since he worked late last night. His dirty blonde hair is sticking up all over the place, and he’s wearing only a long pair of pale blue pyjama pants that tie with a drawstring and ride low on his hips.
As easy as things are between Ed and me, they're equally as tense between Matthew and me. He’s about a year into his residency at The Royal Prince Alfred Hospital and works obscenely long hours and different shifts. Sometimes, I barely see him. Sometimes he has a few days off in a row, and we’re in the house together all day.
He hardly speaks to me. I feel as though he’s either glaring at me or pretending I’m not here. I find him unsettling but not frightening. I try to be polite and talk to him when I can though, because if I’m going to stay with Ed, I need his friend to like me.
“Ed likes me home,” I reply, swallowing hard as my eyes travel over his well-defined chest involuntarily. He pauses in front of me, frowning like my answer left a sour taste in his mouth. Wow. He has great abs. My cheeks flame, and I drop my gaze, embarrassed about the thoughts flashing through my mind at the sight of his naked torso. He even has a sexy little snail trail going on. Shit. Look away.
When I shift my gaze to the window, he shakes his head. “If you had a job, it might fix that homeless problem you have. You wouldn't need to keep sponging off Ed.”
My mouth drops open. “I’m not a sponge. I just told you, he wants me at home."
“Home.” He sits next to me, and I move back slightly, afraid of having him so close since the last time we touched set my nerve endings on fire. “This is my home too.”
“I’m trying to stay out of your way.”
"I've noticed. I’ve also noticed Ed is blind when it comes to you. I don’t know what you’ve told him, but I’m not buying it. You’re not being honest.”
“What do you mean?” I ask warily.
“I watched you at the club that night. You preyed on him.”
“No… I didn’t.”
He sits back and laughs to himself. “You sought him out. I watched you. I watch you now. You’re using him.”
“I’m not using him,” I argue. My voice comes out small, and I’m having trouble maintaining eye contact.
“So you’re in love with him then? You want to build a life with him? Maybe get married? Have a couple of kids?”
I drop my face and close my eyes tightly to get some control before boldly saying, “What do you want from me?”
“The truth.”
“About what?”
“About what you’re doing with my friend.”
We sit and stare at each other for a moment. Me refusing to answer, and him refusing to look away. There’s a tension in the air between us, and it’s making me angry. It makes me nervous.
He wins. I’m the first to break the stare.
“I don’t have to listen to this,” I say as I stand up with the intent to go into Ed’s room and lock the door. But, I’m halted when Matt’s hand takes hold of my arm. Electricity floods my body. “Please let go,” I whisper.
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-two.”
“You don’t look twenty-two. I don’t believe you.”
He stands behind me. So close. I turn around and look into his eyes, my body shaking. “I’m twenty-two,” I repeat, my voice a little more convincing this time.
“Then why are you afraid of me?”
“I’m not,” I whisper, snatching my hand out of his. Another staring competition ensues. I don’t like this. I turn on my heel and practically sprint for Ed’s room, locking the door behind me. “Shit!” I slide down to the floor and try to breathe. Fuck.
A soft tap makes its way through the door above me. “Linda? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t,” I say defiantly.
“Will you come out? I just want to talk to you.”
I sit in silence. He did scare me. I’m afraid to spend time with him. Somehow, without even knowing me, he manages to see right through me to find answers I don’t want to give. He’s dangerous to me.
After a while, I hear him let out his breath and shuffle his feet back from the door. “I’m sorry, OK? I’m not trying to mess up your life. I just want to understand. You don’t have to hide.”
He waits for a few moments. When I don’t respond, I hear a sigh before he retreats down the hall. I stand and open the door slightly, peering through the gap with one eye. He pauses and looks back at me. My chest tightens. He really does look concerned and sorry. This is so confusing.
“Why don’t you like me?” I ask through the gap in the door.
“I do like you. I like you a lot actually.”
“But you don’t trust me?”
“I don’t know you well enough to trust you
.”
“But you think I’m lying to Ed.”
“I do.”
“What have you said to him?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you going to?”
“No. Like I said, I want to understand who you are. Why you need to be here.”
We lock eyes, and I study the sincerity in his. I have so many questions but instead of asking them, I close the door and lock it. Then I stay put, pretending not to listen to Matthew moving around the house all day while I wait for Ed to return.
Twenty
I wonder if I’m failing at this bad guy thing. If I was any good at it, I’d tell Ed that Matthew creeps me out, or that he tried to hit on me. I could come between them, get Ed to choose me over his friend. But I can't do that to them. They've been best friends since primary school. And since I know more than most that good friends are hard to come by, I do my best to avoid Matthew instead. His roster is pinned against the refrigerator door, so I can make sure I’m out when I know he’s home. No more confrontations.
I don’t have much money, and I hate asking Ed to give me more. So I spend a lot of time at the local library. I’ve even got a library card now by using Linda’s ID, so I can take books back home with me. Between reading and running errands for Ed, I’m kept fairly busy.
“What are you reading?” a soft voice asks from behind me a few weeks into my avoidance plan. I almost jump out of my seat.
“I thought you were at work.” My hand flies up in an attempt to still the thudding of my chest. Matthew stands in the doorway wearing his trademark sleepwear.
“I pulled a double shift and swapped with someone,” he explains. “Why? You trying to avoid me?”
“I’ll um… go and read in the bedroom,” I say instead of answering as I rise from the couch.
“You don’t have to. Please don’t hide from me.”
I stop where I am and turn toward him in a rare moment of honesty. “I have to. You ask too many questions.”
“Because I want to get to know you. We live in the same house, and I don’t know much about you.”
“Matthew, every interaction we’ve had has been super tense. I don’t know if you want to kill me or fuck me. But I think it’s best for both of us if I stay out of your way.”
“I don’t want to kill you,” he says, those blue eyes of his getting darker. “I don’t want you to keep avoiding me either.”
“Then what? You want to fuck me?”
He hesitates like he’s considering it before he looks away. “I want you to answer my questions.”
“You ask the wrong ones.”
“But they’re important.” He moves closer to me, and places his hands on my upper arms. That wonderful flood of electricity flows again and I have to close my eyes. What is this? “Will you answer just one?”
“Just one,” I whisper.
“Your name.”
“What?” I frown, meeting his searching eyes.
“I want to know your name.”
“You know my name.”
“No,” he says, pulling me closer. “When I first met you, you hesitated before telling me your name. I looked you up. You’re not Linda Alessi. And you aren’t twenty-two. I see patients all day and all night. I’m pretty good at picking ages. You couldn’t possibly be over eighteen.”
Tears prick behind my eyes. “Why are you doing this?”
He moves even closer. So close I can feel his warm breath on my face. “Because. I have to know what you’re hiding from,” he whispers, a slight frown creasing his brow as he lifts his hand to move my hair back. “Just like I have to know why your face was bruised, who hurt you.” His deep blue eyes move side to side as he searches my face for answers, his hands moving to hold either side of face. I can't think when he's touching me like this. “Please tell me your name.” His eyes demand an answer from me and I feel like I’m trapped.
“Paige. My name is Paige,” I breathe out, squeezing my eyes shut so I can’t see his anymore.
He rests his forehead against mine and lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
When he moves back, I’m shaking, confused. This man is so intense it’s scary. How can he act like he doesn’t even like me one minute, and the next he’s trying to get to know my soul just by staring at me?
Without another word, he leaves me standing in the lounge room and disappears into the kitchen. I blink rapidly, trying to stop myself from crying. The interaction has rattled me beyond measure.
I can’t stay here. I rush down the hall and shove my things into my backpack. That was a colossal mistake. Matthew is Ed’s best friend. As if he isn’t going to tell him who I am. This has all gone to shit. I’ve fucked up.
You are far more stupid than I gave you credit for.
Wiping at my angry tears, I sling my meagre possessions over my shoulder and head for the front door.
“What are you doing?” Matthew asks causing me to gasp. I can’t even escape without him busting me.
“I’m leaving.” I put my hand on the door knob and open it. “Tell Ed I’m sorry, OK?”
“Paige.” He rushes me and pushes it shut, blocking my exit. “I don’t want you to go.”
I press my forehead against the door, my head pounding from the stress. The sound of my real name, after months of pretending to be someone else affects me. Tears spring from my eyes, and I drop my bag before turning to face him.
“Please stop,” I cry. “You’re confusing the hell out of me.” He stands so close that it fogs my mind. “I can’t breathe around you.” I place my hands on his chest and push, but he doesn’t budge. Instead he places his hands either side of me so I’m caged against the door.
We’re breathing heavy, and we haven’t done anything except stare and be near each other. One of his hands moves and takes me by the base of my skull, bringing my face closer to his.
“Don’t,” I whisper.
But he does.
The moment our mouths connect, every orgasm I’ve missed out on with Ed bubbles to the surface, and I’m suddenly desperate. I wrap my arms tightly around Matthew as he pulls my body up against his and slides his hands underneath my shirt, his hands on my back.
I let go and remove my shirt hurriedly. Months of banal love making has made me greedy for this spark from my skin pressed against his. I want that electricity from his touch all over me.
The moment my shirt is over my head, he releases the clasp on my bra. I fling it off my arms, moaning when I feel his warm hard chest against mine.
“Paige. I want you,” he whispers, cupping my breast with his hand and kissing my neck. “Ever since I saw you dancing in that club, I wanted you.”
A slight whimper escapes my lips at the sound of my name. My name. Just the simple sound of me, makes me want him even more. My fingers thread through his hair as I pull him towards me, our attraction palpable in the air around us.
Attempting to move towards his room, we don’t make it far, our impatience getting the better of us. We’re against the wall, one hand holding my head steady as his mouth moves with mine in a heavy, devouring movement. He slides his other hand purposefully down, over my breasts and stomach until he reaches the waistband of my pants. His breathing quickens.
I gasp in anticipation when he pops the top button of my jeans. The zip slides down easily, and I rock my hips forwards as his hand travels south. The moment his finger slips underneath my panties and between my folds, my knees almost buckle.
“Oh.” I moan into his mouth as his fingers tease my throbbing clit then push into my depths. “Oh, God.” I shake in his arms, about to burst. I’ve missed this.
He pushes more of his hand inside me, filling me with his fingers and pulsing in and out, in time with my rocking hips.
“Holy fuck.”
“Come for me, Paige.”
Tilting my head back and breaking our kiss, I’m lost in the ecstasy of his touch and can’t seem to function beyond staying upright. His teeth graze along my chin
as his hand moves, the heel of his palm pressing firmly against my clit. My fingers clench in his hair, my orgasm bursting out of me as I cling to him, moaning loudly while my eyes roll back and my body shudders against his.
Gripping my hair, he crashes his mouth against mine with a guttural moan as he slows down his movement and brings me back to earth.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful when you come,” he growls, sucking on my lips. His kisses travel down, pausing slightly at my breasts as he swirls his tongue around my nipple and removes his hand from my pants. Gently, he drags my jeans and panties down my legs, lowering himself to his knees as he does so.
I feel his breath, hot on my mound as he slides his tongue between my folds. “And you taste good, too.” The moment his tongue flicks over my engorged nub, my hips jolt forward, causing him to look up and grin wickedly.
He stands, sliding his hands under my buttocks and lifting me against him. He looks into my eyes for a moment, and I feel like he and I are the only two people in the world, that destiny has had a hand in this, that we’re meant to me. It feels too good in his arms for it to be anything else.
When his lips reconnect with mine, I’m sure we are. This feels otherworldly to me. I’ve never felt such passion before.
Carrying me to his room, he drops me on the bed, raking his fingers down my body, sending erotic shivers racing over my skin, before he stands to remove his pants.
Climbing between my legs, he sits back on his knees and reaches into his drawer to get a condom. “Are you ready for me?”
I nod then he grabs my thighs and pulls my legs either side of him. My hips jolt as he uses his tip to slide around my opening and up over my clit to distribute my juices.
“Get inside me,” I gasp, so keyed up I feel like I might burst before he enters me.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted just that,” he says, gripping my hips. “Watching you bend to pull something out of the oven, curled up on the couch reading a book. It’s been driving me crazy.” He pushes his formidable length inside me as he talks. I gasp out at the size of him and grab at his arms, needing something to cling to. “I need this.”
Beautiful Boxset: Beautiful Series, books 1-4 Page 78