by Garon Whited
I had my shower, breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, and four lunches. Then I went back to Flintridge to see how Mary’s scrying was coming along.
She was still in the containment facility, staring into a mirror. I was glad she wasn’t looking at her reflection. Her appearance alone told me she was tired. Her eyes were red and watering a bit. She was damp with sweat and a few strands of hair were trying to escape. It wasn’t as bad as a day at the gym, of course, but she would be annoyed with herself for showing weakness.
She had detailed layouts sketched on two of the three places and was working on the third. I chose not to interrupt. Instead, I examined her sketches. They were floor plans with little notes penciled in. “Do not open this door; it has an alarm.” “Caution: attack dogs (3).” “The blonde woman is armed.” She wasn’t just doing a walkthrough like a tourist with a video camera. She was doing a complete analysis. In Flintridge’s wimpy magical environment? No wonder she was tired.
She finished with the last layout, sat back with a groan, and ground the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“I have a headache,” she announced.
“Me, too. It was a long morning enchanting probe-gates.” I rustled her papers. “Your morning was pretty tiring, too.”
“No kidding. Your Numbskulls better be grateful!”
“I know I am. You’ve done remarkably well. No one else could have done it.”
“You could.”
“I could cast the scrying spells more easily, but I wouldn’t know what to look for. Not like you. I wouldn’t have noticed alarms on the doors, for example,” I added, indicating the map.
“Yeah, well, it’s not the same as doing an actual search. I don’t guarantee I found everything.”
“Duly noted. I’ll make sure to write up a disclaimer and a warning label.”
“So, what now?”
“You eat something, take a hot shower, and lie down for a bit.”
“I meant after that.”
“We wait until sunset and I hand all this over to Theodore. Then we wait some more.”
“I can be patient,” she decided. “It’s a weird feeling, though.”
“Being patient?”
“Preparing for a big heist—I’ve never stolen a vampire!—and handing it over to someone else to carry out.”
“Do you want to steal a vampire?”
“No. Not really.” She leaned back in her chair and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m a mess.”
“We can wait in Apocalyptica. It has better bathrooms and a fantastic chef.”
“I like this plan.”
“Good. You can also help me enchant probe gates.”
“I am suddenly less pleased with this plan.”
While Diogenes held a micro-gate to the facility, Mary and I got even more of a mystical workout. We tag-teamed the enchantment diagram, forging rings of power—probe-gate rings, that is. We called it quits after only a dozen or so. I still had to build Ted his own compass and surveyor’s glass for detecting Boojum-class vampires. All this kept us busy until nightfall in Flintridge.
“Do you want to overwatch while I deliver kidnapping plans to the Numbskulls?” I asked, while we showered again.
“Yes. I don’t trust them as far as I can comfortably spit molten tar.”
“There is no way to comfortably spit molten tar.”
“Good. I was afraid I was being too subtle for you.”
“Got it. You don’t trust them. Neither do I. I’m pretending to trust them so we can both get things we want.”
“You sound like a politician.”
“I have soap,” I pointed out. “I can wash your mouth out.”
“I apologize and take it back.”
“Take back the apology? Or the comment about sounding like a politician?”
“Whichever will get me out of trouble quickest.”
The logistics were a trifle complicated. Mary and I could shift back and forth through the containment facility’s temporary shift-booth, but Bronze wouldn’t fit through most of the doors. She was still outside the mine. I went directly through to the mine to go with Bronze back to the lair. Mary went straight to the lair to bring papers, the compass, and the surveyor’s glass.
It was a nice night for a run. I enjoyed it, Bronze enjoyed it, and we both enjoyed the other enjoying it. It’s a positive feedback thing and one I need to trigger more often.
Back at our lair, Bronze dressed herself in an Impala, Mary and I slid into the seats, and we gunned down the highway like any other vampire couple out for a nighttime drive in a possessed car.
Lights were on at Ted’s house. The driveway was full of cars and three more were parked along the curb. A radio played music inside the house. The curtains were drawn, but it was apparent a moderate gathering was underway. Maybe it was bridge night for the ladies and poker night for the gents, all at once.
“Do we bother them?” Mary asked, from our vantage at the corner.
“I’m not sure. I see something.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. Give me a minute.”
The glow around the house was partly from the outside lights and the windows. There was also the usual aura of the charm on the house. There was something new, however. It was definitely an energy manifestation of some sort, invisible to mortal eyes and possibly invisible to wizard eyes, as well. I stared at the house for a while, trying to pick out the pattern of it among the other colors and lights. Then I had it.
Someone placed a faith-based charm on the house. For lack of a better term, someone blessed it. I can’t see the aura of holy ground—or I don’t think I can. I haven’t tried to work out a way to detect it—but this was an aura I could see. While I doubted it would set me on fire for walking in, it would certainly be uncomfortable. How uncomfortable was another question. There’s plenty of room between “itchy” and “immolated.” It would be worse for the black-hearted local vampires, but I certainly wouldn’t enjoy it. I explained as much to Mary.
“Okay, so, we wrap everything up neatly, strap it to a manhole cover, and Frisbee the thing in through a window.”
“Whatever happened to the subtle, sneaky thief?” I asked, surprised.
“There’s a time for subtle and I don’t think this is it.”
“Quite possibly. I bet my introduction of the Numbskulls to the religious nuts is what brought this on. The house didn’t used to have this sort of defense.”
“Quick question,” Mary offered. “Could they have consecrated the place to be holy ground?”
“No. Well… in theory. I’m told holy ground has a certain mystical resonance with the entity to which it’s consecrated. It’s tuned, so to speak. But it’s limited to places where the activities are also in tune with the entity. If you have a lot of… what’s the word? Profane? No… Secular, I think. Anyway, the ground has to be maintained by near-constant reinforcement through religious activities. If you do non-religious things, it tends to mess it up.”
“And…?”
“And what?”
“Look, I’m okay as a wizardess, but my theology still needs work. Dumb this down for me.”
“They could consecrate the place, yes, but it wouldn’t last long. It’s a home, not a church, and I doubt the Reynolds family is going to keep up a constant stream of prayer to keep the ground tuned in. Moreover, they have their own charm on the house, along with a faith-based charm on the house, which tells me they don’t trust any hokey religions to make their yard a sacred yard dedicated to the almighty Lord of Crabgrass.”
“No holy ground, just a charm on the house. Got it. That’s all you had to say.”
“I’ll remember for the future.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“And I remember it. Doesn’t mean I’ll change.”
“Good. So, how do you want to deliver the package?”
“I’m thinking I’ll test the defenses.”
“Oh?”
&nbs
p; “Yes.”
“Kick down a door?”
“I was thinking of walking up the front walk, putting it all down in front of the door, ringing the doorbell, and running away.”
Mary sighed.
“Practical. Direct. No fun.”
“Look if you want to taunt them after we analyze a Boojum, I’m okay with it. Until then, they’re our best shot for doing this without having it reflect back on us. I don’t know for sure we need them as a firewall between us and the Boojum, but I don’t want to find out by having the Boojum crawl out of a kidnapped bloodsucker and start chewing on us. I’ll know more after I analyze one of the things.”
“I acknowledge and accept your stodgy, cautious, pragmatic logic.”
Bronze rumbled softly up the street, drifted to a silent halt, and I accepted the package from Mary. Walking up the bricks to the front porch was no problem. Approaching the house became uncomfortable. It felt a lot like my twice-daily transformations—lots of needle-legged insects crawling all over my skin, each leg giving me a tiny zap as it skittered under my clothes. I tried not to let it bother me, but it was a continuous feeling all over my body.
I put the package down on the porch and rang the doorbell. Coming in contact with the structure of the house was more unpleasant than the walk up. Still, I succeeded in ringing the bell without damaging myself. It was like touching a live electrical wire, but it was only a fleeting contact. I turned and fled back to the car, slid in, and we were in motion as I settled into my seat, or a hair sooner.
From a reasonable distance, I watched the front door open and watched Martin—the eldest, I believe—take the package inside.
“We should be getting a call soon,” I observed.
“More waiting,” Mary groused.
“Whatever happened to the patience of the legendary thief?”
“It’s not my caper,” she countered. “All I’m doing is paving the way for a bunch of mortal amateurs!”
“Is that all? I think we can fix that.”
“Oh?”
“Ted-Theodore doesn’t know you. They never saw who shot their cars and suchlike. You can be a professional housebreaker—a mortal—I’ve hired to help with the alarms, locks, and whatever else. They can handle the brute-force part while you take care of the subtleties. They could use a professional, couldn’t they?”
Mary was startled, then thoughtful.
“It could work,” she admitted. “I kind of like the idea of being the day-walking vampire masquerading as a mortal with the vampire hunters. But won’t it screw up the plan of having them do the vampire-stealing?”
“Just don’t have anything to do with the vampire or moving him,” I decided. “Unlocking locks, disabling alarms, doing a Tongoese neck twist on a guard—that shouldn’t put you on the magical radar. If you help hoist a steel coffin, that’s another story. Hmm.”
“Hmm?”
“These vampires, are they in bolted-down steel vaults?”
“No. They have actual coffins, complete with dirt.”
“I wonder why they need the dirt.”
“That’s one of the things you’ll find out.”
“Possibly, but it’s not high on my list. I was worried we would need a cutting torch to get them out of a steel box set in the concrete of the basement floor. Then we would need a vampire carrying case, too.”
“The hard part is getting to the coffin,” Mary assured me. “There shouldn’t be any trouble about simply picking it up and making off with it. I think it’s a safety thing. Their servants can evacuate them in case of fire or similar disasters.”
“Ah. Yes, I can see that. Okay. So you make it easy to get to the coffin and cover them as they escape. You’re involved, but you’ll lack most of the mystic signature necessary for locating you.”
“You want to explain that one to me again?” she asked, doubtfully.
“When you swipe an object—and object with which I am familiar—it’s possible I can ping it, locate it, and recover it. Under ideal conditions, anyway. If it can get it back, whoever stole it leaves a sort of psychic fingerprint on the object. It can be detected, amplified, built up into a signature I can trace to find the culprit. Imagine a camera built into the coffin. The room is foggy, though, so only the people grabbing it and carrying it are at all clear in the photos. The shadowy figure of you, off to the side, is a minor figure, possibly an accomplice, possibly something else. Regardless, the people to look for are the ones in sharp focus and easy to identify.”
“Which brings me to another thing,” Mary added. “Aren’t these guys going to get their collective butts eaten by the Boojum?”
“It’s possible. Unlikely, though. They’re experienced vampire hunters. Experienced in dealing with the Boojum-class bloodsuckers, anyway. The Lord of Light has a thing for me, specifically, and if I do this, he’ll be extraordinarily cheesed. Half the bloodsuckers on the planet might start looking for me, if they aren’t already. If they are, the other half will join in.
“But if some human hunters continue to do what they always do?” I continued. “Well, that’s just the cost of doing business. He loses bloodsuckers all the time. The key here is to not let him catch wind of me being involved. He’s liable to take it personally. That’s what we’re trying to avoid.”
“Got it. Okay. I’d like to—” she broke off as my Diogephone buzzed. I took it out, unfolded it once to avoid deploying the screen, and answered.
“Hello?”
“Professor, you have a call.”
“I was expecting it. Put him through.”
“Hello?”
“Hello. Theodore?”
“Yes. I take it you sent a package over?”
“I did. You got the layouts, the warnings, and the gadgets?”
“I did. We’re looking them over now.”
“Excellent.” I winked at Mary as I continued. “I reviewed the obstacles listed and, if you like, I’m pretty sure I have a professional housebreaker who can help.”
“Housebreaker?”
“Thief. She’s good with locks and alarms, that sort of thing. She’s a professional, so she’s expensive when it comes to commission jobs, but I’ll pay her fee if you think she’ll be of use.”
“How good is she?”
“Ever been to the Louvre?”
“Yes.”
“Did you see the Mona Lisa?”
“Yes.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Ted was silent for several seconds, digesting that.
“I would be happy to meet her,” he decided.
“Wonderful. I’ll see if I can get her on short notice. If I can, I’ll send her the information to study immediately. Should she drop by in the morning, assuming?”
“Morning? You mean she’s mortal?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I just thought… well, you’re a vampire.”
“Look, Ted—wait. Not to derail the conversation, but do people call you ‘Ted,’ or is it ‘Theo,’ or even ‘Theodore’?”
“It’s ‘Ted’.”
“Thanks, Ted. What I was saying is I don’t have a dozen vampires or other such things goofing off until I want them to do something. I have money. Lots of money. I don’t grab people by the brainstem and turn them into mindless minions. I hire them. They don’t need to know what I am. I spent over a million pounds sterling to build a school in England. As far as I know, nobody knew a thing about my nocturnal habits, and there were hundreds of laborers on that project. I could have saved a fortune my dominating the minds of the contractor and the company owner and suchlike, but I find it distasteful, even objectionable. But I can spend money and people do things willingly, even creatively. It’s better to persuade people to work together for mutual benefits than to dominate and control. See what I mean?”
“Roger that. It just didn’t seem… Nevermind. All right. If you can hire her, I’ll expect a visitor.”
“No problem. And when would you like to tour
the facility? The place to keep the thing while we examine it?”
“Uh… when would be a good time?”
“Well, it’s a couple of hours driving. Tomorrow night?”
“I can do that. Give me directions.”
I did so, explaining about the turnoff on the gravel road and cautioning him on where to park. Lots of scrap metal lying around makes for unhappy tires.
Then again, Bronze was standing outside, left to graze for quite some time. It might not be nearly so dangerous to tires.
We hung up on the most amicable note we’ve ever had.
Karvalen, Tuesday, February 14th, Year 9
We spent most of the night on probe-gate manufacture. There were still hundreds of the things to get through, but it goes faster at night. At night, we can handle more power without risking damage.
When morning rolled around, Mary went to visit the Reynolds household while Diogenes listened in through her Diogephone. It’s not that I don’t trust her to be discreet, clever, and deceptive. I don’t trust people.
I, on the other hand, was too nervous about her going into the lion’s den, as it were, to listen to the pleasantries. What I wanted to do was sit outside the Reynolds’ house in a Bronze APC while wearing full armor and carrying Firebrand. Firebrand was all for it, of course. I recognized my own limitations, though. If I did that, I’d be chewing my nails through the gauntlets and sweating like a sunrise.
Mary and I discussed where she wanted me. She felt confident she could handle a daytime meeting. I had to pretend to be just as confident. She didn’t buy it. She sent me to Karvalen, knowing there would be things to distract me. She was right, of course.
Bronze chose to come along, so we arrived via the upper gate in the mountain-palace. Bronze’s favorite metal suit simply will not fit through the temple shift-booth. No one was waiting to attack us and no obvious detection spells went off. A trio of Knights of Shadow took a knee as we came through, though.
I can’t get away from these guys.
“Good day,” I offered. They saluted. “Does Beltar have you on door-duty?”