“Care to share it with me?” he asked.
“I’ll do one better,” she replied, her voice taking on a steely quality. “Do a little search on Mr. Greenburg. You can draw your own conclusions.”
“Right.” Brand tapped his pen against the desk.
“I need to go,” Karen said. “If you’re really Zach’s friend, you’re lucky. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known. Maybe the best. Tell him I miss him.”
Brand stared at his computer screen for a moment after she hung up. His heart raced and his palms were suddenly sweaty. He typed in Rick Greenburg’s name and held his breath as he began to read through the search results.
Chapter Twenty
ZACH AND Brand walked over to the bike rental building not far from the ferry landing. The sun shone brightly, and only a few wisps of clouds laced the blue sky. Zach hadn’t made it out to the island this past season, and being here made him remember why he regretted that. The water was bluer and the sand whiter than at the more crowded beaches, and the scent of salt water always helped him relax.
All the way over on the ferry, Brand had been more subdued than usual. Zach didn’t mind. He hadn’t dreamed the night before, but he hadn’t slept well either. The second cup of coffee he’d drunk before they’d boarded wasn’t doing the trick. The projected high today was in the low seventies, but the island breeze made it feel cooler, so Zach reached into his backpack and pulled out the windbreaker he’d stowed there.
“I was thinking maybe a nap on the beach before lunch?” Brand said. “We can ride over to the far end of the island near where the old lighthouse used to be and find a sunny spot, if that’s okay with you.”
“Sounds good.”
Brand looked like he could use a good nap too. For the first time since Zach met him, there were faint circles under his eyes. Probably a late night at the station. Taking a day off in Brand’s line of work wasn’t a simple thing.
The ride across the island was easier with the cooler weather. Even the hills didn’t slow them down much. They left the bikes near the beach entrance and walked barefoot onto the sand. Any doubts Zach had about whether Brand wanted to be with him vanished as Brand took Zach’s hand and gently squeezed.
“One of the producers has a place out here.” After they decided on a spot, Brand pulled a few blankets out of the large duffel he carried. “He had a party on the Fourth of July. That was the first time I’d ever been.”
“How was the party?” Zach took two corners of one of the blankets and they stretched it over the sand.
“I hate those kinds of things.” Brand smiled. “But before that, I never realized how wonderful this place was. If I had, I’d’ve come here a lot sooner.”
“My new reporter has a boat. He sails here a lot with his boyfriend. We’ll have to bum a ride sometime.”
“Sounds great. Not that I’m all that helpful on a boat.”
“Growing up on Long Island, you never sailed?” Zach asked as they settled onto the blanket and pulled the extra over their legs.
“Nope. My dad was in construction. I don’t think he knew which end of the boat was port or starboard.”
Zach chuckled. “Forward and aft. Starboard’s right and port’s left.”
“See?”
“I’ve got a little center-console powerboat I store right outside town. I’ll have to take you out, show you the ropes.” He winked.
“You need ropes on a powerboat?” Brand put his arm around Zach and held him. “See? I make a pretty good pillow.”
“Not bad.” Zach smiled and settled into the crook of Brand’s arm. The warmth of Brand’s body and the sound of the surf had him drifting off a few minutes later.
Zach awoke to find Brand gazing at him. “This was a great idea.”
“Thanks. I do okay sometimes, huh?”
“More than you know.” Zach kissed Brand.
“You were out for about an hour and a half,” Brand said.
“What time is it?”
“Almost two. Interested in some lunch?” Brand offered.
“That’d be great.” Zach’s stomach rumbled its approval as Brand set finger sandwiches and fruit on the blanket. Zach picked up one of the sandwiches and bit into it.
“Whatcha think?” Brand asked.
The taste was delicate and refreshing, a perfect complement to the clean air and the soft rumble of the ocean. “Cucumber and cream cheese with… is that fresh dill?”
Brand beamed. He’d clearly put his heart into making the lunch. As he does everything. “They’re delicious. Reminds me of the appetizers my grandmother used to set out before Thanksgiving, only they taste a lot better.”
“You ate finger sandwiches at Thanksgiving?”
Zach laughed. “We had turkey too, but she was big on ‘canopies,’ as she called them. I didn’t have the heart to correct her.”
“Grammar geek?”
“Totally.” Zach rolled onto his back and rubbed his belly. “I’m going to need to run an extra ten miles this week, as much as I’ve been eating.”
“Let’s take a walk. I could use the exercise too.” Brand stood and offered Zach a hand. Zach took it and didn’t let go.
“Spending a day at the beach was a great idea. I needed it.” Zach felt a lot better than when they’d left that morning.
“I’m glad you think so.” Brand grinned. “I needed it too. I love my job, but dinner out after a long day at work isn’t the same as relaxing.”
“It’s hard to find time off in this business.” For the most part, Zach didn’t mind his crazy life. “It’s definitely better here than in was in New York.”
“I can imagine.”
Zach stopped and turned to face the water. The surf was still relatively warm. “I loved working in Manhattan. I loved how there was always something going on, a story to follow. I remember stepping off a plane at LaGuardia after traveling and how my body seemed to move faster. Sometimes I still miss it.”
“Sounds exciting.”
Zach nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. Why I left.” The dreams—memories really—had started after he’d decided to give things with Brand a chance. He doubted the timing was a coincidence. Brand needed to know the truth. He deserved it. And maybe if Zach faced it head-on, he’d finally be able to leave it behind for good. “I want you to know what happened.”
“You mean the reason you quit?”
Zach nodded. “I did my best to forget, but lately the memories have been creeping in. Sometimes in dreams, and other times…. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass the last few days. That sort of shit messes with sleep.”
Brand wrapped his arms around Zach’s shoulders with his chest pressed against Zach’s back. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready, you know.”
“I want to tell you.” And if you decide after you hear the truth that you want to run as far away from me as possible, I won’t blame you.
Brand kissed Zach’s cheek. “I’m listening.”
He’d do this. Maybe talking through it would get the memories out of his system. He took a long breath and watched the waves roll in over the sand. “I got the word that the big boss wanted to see me.” He’d played it cool with Kevin and Karen, but he’d been a nervous wreck. “Kevin, my producer, used to call Rick Greenburg’s office the holy of holies. Top floor, killer view. I’d never been up there before, even though I’d met the man a few times over the years I worked for BeaconCorp.
“He was sitting at his desk, sizing me up. He said he’d heard good things about me, but he was the one to make the final decision about the anchor job.” Zach’s mouth felt dry, like the sand that blew across the beach with the stiff breeze.
“Take your time.” Brand held Zach closer.
“Thanks.” Zach breathed in the smell of the water. Out here, on the island, New York felt like a different universe. Surreal. Like his life there had been a movie about someone else. As if that Zach was another incarnation of the person h
e was now.
“He offered me a drink,” Zach said after a long pause. “I turned him down. There were… rumors. The kind of rumors that make you careful. Whispers about men who’d been promoted….” He closed his eyes, then opened them again. “I thought I had things under control until he grabbed my dick like he owned it.”
Rick’s words were imprinted on Zach’s brain. The way he said it too, as though the outcome was inevitable. “Have it your way. You get what you want, and so do I.”
“I told him—as nicely as I could—that I wasn’t interested. It didn’t matter. He smiled like he knew he had me.”
In spite of the sound of the surf, Zach heard Brand’s sharp intake of breath.
“I got the hell out of his office.” Zach closed his eyes again and forced himself to relax. “I was sure I’d lose my job—I wasn’t even thinking about the promotion to the national job. And then I got the letter congratulating me.”
“He promoted you even though you turned him down?”
Zach nodded. “Some of the newsroom staff took me out for drinks to celebrate. I expected some of the whispers…. I was naïve.”
“How’s that naïve?”
“I thought I’d won. I thought I’d faced down a fucking dragon and that I’d gotten the job because I deserved it.”
“I thought you got the job.”
“I did. I just didn’t think about the consequences of turning down a man like Rick Greenburg.” He closed his eyes. “I asked my partner to come celebrate, but he never showed. I didn’t think about it much—Greg worked production on a weekly news show, and his schedule was as crazy as mine. But when I got home….”
The water lapped at Zach’s feet. The tide had made its way to where they stood, and he hadn’t even noticed. “He was angry. He’d heard the rumors about Rick. I just assumed… I shouldn’t have…. I was sure he knew I wouldn’t let someone fuck me for a job.” Zach laughed, and the pain felt the same as it had that day, like the walls around him were squeezing him, sucking the life from him. He opened his eyes again and breathed through the sensation, focusing on the water and a lone sailboat headed out the inlet to the ocean.
“He knew you’d have to go through Rick to get the job, right?” Brand asked.
“Yeah. And he supported me. I knew he was worried, but he seemed okay with it. But Rick set me up. He may even have started the rumors about how I’d slept with him. It doesn’t really matter now. He did better than just rumors to make a point. He sent flowers to my apartment… made sure the card didn’t have a name on it. Greg opened the card….”
“Greg didn’t believe you that nothing had happened?”
“No.” He’d had a bag packed when Zach got home. “I called his cell, tried to get him to talk about it, but he wouldn’t answer. Would take my calls at the office either.”
“Shit, Zach. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I let my ego get in the way of my good judgment. I brought it on myself. Ironic, isn’t it? I got exactly what I wanted, but I was so disgusted with myself for letting myself be manipulated, I couldn’t face my colleagues.” Zach turned met Brand’s gaze. “I ran.” He’d lived with the shame of running for so many years now, it was like an old friend.
“What happened to him?” Brand asked.
“Greenburg?”
Brand nodded.
“He left the company a few years ago. Some sort of golden parachute deal to make way for new blood. Good riddance.”
“He was a predator.” Brand seemed angry and more than a little protective.
Always the white knight on his horse. “Sure he was a predator. So what? You’re going to tell me that what he did was wrong? Of course it was.”
“Zach.” Brand put his hand to Zach’s cheek. “He was the one with the power. You stood up to him, and he worked it out so you’d blame yourself for it.”
Zach stared at Brand. “Haven’t you been listening?”
“I have. And it’s killing me. I want to tear him into little pieces and make him suffer. And even that wouldn’t be enough.” A muscle in Brand’s cheek twitched. “Have you ever asked yourself if he really left to make way for new blood? BeaconCorp was making a shit-ton of money under his direction, wasn’t it? Why get rid of the guy at the top when the company’s doing well?”
Zach rubbed the bridge of his nose. “There was a rumor going around that he got on the wrong side of a major stockholder and the board kicked him out.”
“Not true. He was kicked out because he tried to pull the same shit on another employee. That drink you turned down? They found GHB in his office. The company killed the story, but word is he used that drug on at least one other man.”
“GHB?” Zach had done a story on date rape at college campuses, and he’d heard of it. Salty, but tasteless in alcohol, and it didn’t change the color of the drink like other drugs. He’d been so focused on what Brand said, it only now hit him that Brand had been doing research. Research on me? Zach pulled away from Brand. He wasn’t sure why, but the realization hurt. “You…. How did you find out about all that?”
“I dug a little.”
“You… dug? Like for a story? I’m not a fucking story.”
Brand paled. “Of course you’re not a story. I was worried about you, so I poked around. I spoke with Karen Lester. I dug up a copy of an out-of-court settlement in a case that sounded a lot like yours. The only difference is that you managed to stop it before it went too far. I’m sorry. Zach, I know it’s none of my business, but I needed to know why you’ve been pushing me away. Why you push anyone who gets too close away.” Brand seemed to realize he’d stepped over the line, because he swore under his breath and paled.
“Damn straight it’s none of your business.” Zach’s stomach roiled as all of the anger he’d shoved deep down exploded, white-hot. He’d pushed Brand away because he hadn’t been interested in a relationship. He’d been right. He didn’t need this. If only Brand hadn’t been so dogged—
“Zach, I’m sorry. I only wanted to help.”
“I don’t need your help.” This was exactly why relationships were fucked-up. “I’m not some pathetic kid needing to be rescued. And by whom? Someone who’s been in the business a couple of years and has no fucking idea about anything? I don’t need this shit. Not the psychoanalysis, and certainly not the pity. And I sure as hell don’t need someone prying into my past.”
Zach turned and headed back down the beach. He’d spent years putting his life back together, making sure the memories stayed in the recesses of his heart. But now everything felt so raw. If Brand touched him…. If Brand said something kind….
“Zach, please, don’t run away from me.”
Zach gritted his teeth against the ache in his chest. “Leave me alone.” He needed to go somewhere. By himself. He needed silence.
“Zach!”
He was running now, back to where they’d left their shoes. He hopped on the bike without even thinking and headed for the ferry landing.
Chapter Twenty-One
BRAND WALKED over to where they’d left their things. He’d pushed Zach too hard. He’d been so angry at the bastard who’d hurt Zach that he hadn’t thought about how Zach might react to him prying into his past. This was Zach’s story to tell, not something for the six o’clock news.
It took him about thirty minutes to make it back to the harbor, so by the time he dropped off the rental, he’d missed another ferry. By now Zach was probably back home in Wilmington and he doubted Zach would speak to him again. He felt worse than shit.
So much for a romantic beach date.
He bought a soda at the dock house and made his way to the ferry landing. The next ferry would leave in forty minutes. He walked through the empty queuing area and looked for someplace to sit. That was when he saw Zach seated on a bench by the water. Waiting for him?
He swallowed hard and sat next to Zach, ready for Zach to tell him to leave and afraid to hope otherwise. Instead Zach said, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I’m sorry.” Zach stared at the harbor.
From time to time, a fish jumped from the water, breaking the surface. A gust of wind caused the ropes on some of the sailboats to tap against their masts, reminding Brand of tiny bells ringing.
“I’m the one who’s sorry.” Brand strangled a sigh. “Were you really waiting for me?”
Zach nodded.
“Thank you.”
“What does it say about me as a reporter that I didn’t even consider the men who might end up in the same position, or worse?” Zach’s words were a monotone. “I can’t help but think if I’d done something… said something….”
“It wasn’t a story. This was about you. It’s hard to see things when you’re right in the middle of the shitstorm. It’s like the mugging, only a million times harder.” Brand ran a hand through his hair. “Same goes for me.”
“You?” Zach finally turned to him.
“Yeah. Me thinking I can make everything okay for you. Wanting it to be okay because I… I care about you.” He swallowed hard. He wouldn’t risk telling Zach how he really felt. Not now.
Zach pressed his lips together and frowned. “I was angry.”
“You have every right to be.”
“I’m not anymore. At least not with you.” Zach’s smile was forced. “You were never the person I was angry with.”
“You have every right to be angry with the bastard who hurt you.”
“Sure.” Zach shook his head. “But I’m mostly angry with myself.”
“You still blame yourself.”
“I do.”
Brand tried not to react, but he couldn’t help himself. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You know that, right?”
“I sort of know that up here.” Zach put a finger to his temple. “But here….” He put his hand on his chest and seemed to struggle again to keep it together. “I don’t want to be a victim.”
Brand swallowed back his words and nodded. Telling Zach he wasn’t a victim wouldn’t change the way Zach felt.
“I was never the biggest kid in my class,” Zach continued after a moment. “I got beat up a few times before I decided I’d had enough. That’s why I got my black belt. I never had to beat the shit out of anyone because the bullies knew I could and they stayed away.
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