by Eden Beck
Now I have it all, but that’s the one thing I can’t have.
Victoria is going to pay for what she’s done. I’m going to make sure of it.
If all this is true, and I really am an heir … then when I get back to Hawthorne Academy, there truly will be nothing she can do to stop me.
Chapter 4
In just the course of a few short hours, everything has changed.
I’ve gone from a destitute orphan to a wealthy heiress. It should be a fairytale … but all I can think of now is how much easier it’ll be to get my revenge.
“Come and see us soon. We want to be an active part of your life.”
Dane looks at me intently from where he’s standing in the doorway to the massive estate, looking out, and I nod.
“Sure. I’d like that,” I answer, not entirely sure if I will like it or not. He grunts a little and nods. We stand awkwardly, me on the front steps waiting for Eli to pull the car back around to the front of the house. They offered for me to stay the night, but I’m not sure I could stand a whole night waiting around in that empty mausoleum of a house.
We both look relieved as soon as we spot the car crunching up the gravel towards us.
Dane scratches the back of his neck. “I’m not going to pretend this whole situation isn’t utterly outrageous,” he says. “Two years ago, hell, one year ago I would never have imagined …” he looks me over again, and somehow, the skeptical look on his face breaks that awkward tension that’s been hanging between us since we met again this morning.
I breathe out a long sigh. “I know,” I say. “Me either.”
The car pulls to a stop at the base of the stairs, and Eli leans over while he rolls down the window.
“All aboard for Hawthorne Express?”
Even Dane rolls his eyes. Maybe we’ll learn to get along, he and I.
Either way, all I know as the car rolls out of the huge iron gates is that my entire life has just changed forever.
Eli drops me at the school after a long and quiet car ride. As he pulls up, I reach for the door handle and he looks over at me.
“Are you okay?” He looks genuinely concerned. There haven’t been that many adults in my life who were genuinely concerned if I’m all right or not, so it’s a welcome, if unusual, sight.
“I guess so,” I start, about to brush off his concern when suddenly, I change my mind. “Or, I guess not. I don’t know. I just lost a father I never knew I had, and it sucks, learning that he wanted me in his life. I have all this money now, but I’d give it all up just to have a chance to get to know him.” I can feel a knot forming in my throat.
What a spoiled brat thing to say, I know. The money … it should be what I’m focusing on, but it’s not. Somehow, for the first time, that greedy street urchin in me is silent.
Eli reaches a compassionate hand up to my shoulder. “I wish it had worked out differently. I really do. I was so excited to tell him about you, to see him light up like a kid on Christmas morning. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to know him, but from his side, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him.”
I swallow hard, forcing the rising emotion back down in me. “Thank you for doing everything that you did. I might not have been able to meet him, but what you did changed my life forever. Now I at least some family. It changes everything for me.”
He nods and smiles. “I was glad to do it. Listen, if you need anything, you give me a call. Here’s my number. Call anytime. Your dad was one of my best friends. I’m glad to help you with whatever I can.”
I take the card he gives me and tuck it into my back pocket. I can’t believe this is my life now. I always thought money would change everything. I know, eventually, it will. For now, however, everything just feels like a distorted version of the same.
“Thank you, I appreciate this, and all that you’ve done.”
I leave the car and head into the school, feeling as if I’m not myself at all anymore; like I’m somebody else who’s replaced who I used to be.
I head up the hill wishing so much that Dana could be there, in our room, waiting to talk with me. She should be here, but she won’t be out of the hospital and back to school for a long while. That is, of course, if her parents even let her come back at all.
When I walk into the building, my mind is swirling with emotion and thoughts. I’m so caught up in what’s going on in my head that I don’t realize it at first, but as I’m climbing the stairs, everyone I pass is staring at me. I straighten my clothes and look away from them, wondering what the big deal is.
They stared when they found out that I was lying about being Sadie White, before they all decided to ignore me instead, and now they’re doing it again. I’m being stared at like I’m an alien, and I don’t know why, and to be honest, I don’t really care why. All I want is my room and my bed. It’s been one of the worst and strangest days of my life.
I need time to process.
I get to my room and close the door. I glance in the full-length mirror on the back of it and take a look at myself. I look fine. Not a hair out of place.
The other students must have just all lost their minds.
It’s cold outside, but it’s warm in my room, and I strip down to my tank top and a pair of shorts, and snuggle down into the covers with my head buried in the pillow.
All I want is for the world to go away. A few tears begin to fall as I think of how I almost had a dad, and from the sounds of it, a good one. I think of what he’s done for me, leaving me everything he had. He did it before he even met me, or before he was on his way to meet me.
I have a small family now. An aunt and an uncle, and at least that’s something. Something is better than nothing. It’s not the loving family that I always wanted; the adoring parents, the siblings, the close sense of belonging, but at this point in my life, I didn’t expect to have a family anyway.
I realize then that I do have a family, in a way. I have for a while. Wills and Blair. They’re my family. The two of them are so precious to me; so close to me. I remember when Astor was a part of that, and I wish more than anything that he could still be. I know Wills and Blair feel it too, even when we’re all together. There’s a piece missing, but he won’t leave his ivory tower for me, so I lose out. We both lose out.
There’s a knock at the door and for a moment I consider ignoring it. Then the knock sounds again.
I sigh and push the covers down, calling out, “I’m not home!”
The knock is more insistent. With a grumble, I fling the covers aside and stomp over to the door, wondering who isn’t about to take no for an answer. I pull the door open, standing behind it as I’m not really dressed.
My jaw falls open as I look up into those same beautiful brown eyes I miss so much.
“Astor! What are you doing here?” I can barely speak, and the roil of emotions in me goes full tilt. Now I’m feeling confusion, frustration, and anger on top of everything else.
Great. That’ll help.
“I have to talk with you,” he says quietly, and he plants his hand on the door and pushes it open, making me stumble back a little before I can close it behind him.
“Astor, you can’t come barging in here like this and demand to talk to me! Especially today! God, it’s been one of the worst days of my life!” My hand flutters up to cover the top half of my face. “Now I have to deal with you? What are you doing here? What do you want?”
I stand before him, my other hand on my hip, a dark scowl on my face.
Astor turns to face me and just stares for a moment. His eyes travel down the length of me, and I can see that he’s lost his focus and his breath all at once. I grit my teeth and maintain my edge.
It takes him a long moment, but he gathers himself and draws in a deep breath, finally meeting my eyes with his. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I wanted to talk with you at the party, but that didn’t happen …” He trails off and looks away for a moment, and I realize that he’s actually been affected by
the loss of his friends, despite the stony exterior he’s maintained for the last two weeks.
Maybe his heart might not be completely hardened and ice cold after all.
Or maybe it’s just that I’m too exhausted to hate him right now.
“I remember,” I tell him, thinking back to how he was hounding me at the Christmas party, trying to get me to talk with him while Eli was trying to introduce me to my dad. Yet another distraction that kept me from what was rightfully mine.
“I wanted to talk with you today, at the funeral, but …” He trails off quietly again and I finish his sentence for him.
“But the whole school was there and god forbid anyone sees you actually speaking to me in public?” I narrow my eyes at him. Last year when Wills stood by me and no one else did, Astor took me aside into a darkened corner and tried to kiss me, tried to get me to agree to be with him behind Victoria’s back while he dated her in public. It disgusted me.
Astor shakes his head in irritation. “That’s not it!”
“No? What is it then, Astor? What do you want?” I demand fiercely.
I can see the frustration in his face and eyes. He comes to me so swiftly, I barely realize it until he is standing before me with my face cupped in his hands, looking up at him.
“You want to know what it is? Fine! I’ll tell you what it is! I can’t stand being without you! I can’t stop thinking about you! I try … god I try, and nothing pushes you out of my mind! You’re always there. Even when I’m trying to focus on anything else, you’re hovering at the edge. I can’t stand it that you’re always with Wills and Blair! I’m … I’ll admit it … I’m jealous of them! Why should they always get to have you?”
I stare at him, wide-eyed. “What? I tried to bring you back with the boys and me, but you chose Victoria! Now you’re telling me you want me?”
“I told you that I wanted you last year!” he growls darkly at me, his hands firm on my face as he glares into my eyes. “Isn’t that enough?”
“Yeah, you wanted me in secret like I was something to be ashamed of, and you still stayed with Victoria. How am I supposed to believe that you want me now?” I demand.
I realize too late the folly of my demands. He brings his mouth to mine, pressing his lips in a hard kiss, and everything in me feels like it’s rushing in every direction.
I’m torn. Part of me wants to push him away completely, and the other part of me wants nothing more than to totally melt into him. It wants me to lose myself in the heady passion that’s engulfing me from the inside out.
I struggle with it as his tongue sweeps around mine, and it isn’t until I hear a soft moan from my own throat that I decide I have to stop him. I push my palms against his chest and twist my face away from his, trying to catch my breath.
“Astor don’t! I’m not going to do this with you.” I try to sound more adamant than I feel, but my words break on him like an ocean wave on a jetty, relentless but ignored. He only trails his burning lips across my cheek and down my throat as his hands leave my face and move across my back, pulling me hard against him.
“I don’t want Victoria,” he grumbles against my skin breathlessly. “I want you! I’ve always wanted you since you came here, and I’m not going to sit by anymore and watch Blair and Wills have all the best of you while I’m stuck with her. I don’t even want to hear her name … nothing about her. I only want you right now. I want nothing but you. All of you.”
I want to yell at him. I want to stop him from everything he’s doing, but more than that, I want him to hold me. I want to feel his lips on me. I want to feel everything he’s doing, and it’s overwhelming me completely.
“Astor …” I try weakly, feeling a heady rush as his fingers slip beneath my tank top.
“I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed feeling you close to me like this. Haven’t you missed me? Haven’t you missed how it feels to be this close to me?” He takes my face in his hands, breathless and hungry for me, and he stares into my eyes.
I feel my throat tighten slightly as tears sting at the back of my own eyes.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper back to him. He brings his mouth to mine again and kisses me so deeply that the rest of the entire world vanishes.
“Then let’s share this time together. Let’s not lose this. We’ve lost enough today.” He murmurs, his lips brushing mine. I can’t say no to him, and in his ever-cocky way, he knows it. I’ve never seen him so ravenous, so passionate before, and it ignites a fire so strong that it engulfs me.
“Let me have you tonight.” He breathes into my ear as his hands move up my bare back beneath my tank top. “Say yes. Please … say yes.”
I can feel myself falling over the edge of a waterfall of desire. “Astor!” I plead once more, not really meaning no, but sort of wishing that I could.
“Say it …” His hands move around my waist and come so close to moving up to a danger zone.
I can’t deny him. I want him too much. “Yes,” I barely manage to speak.
I hear Astor groan deeply and it makes my blood rush as he pulls me to my bed and slides my clothes off of me like he’s opening his best gift on Christmas morning. He touches me everywhere, like he can’t get enough of me. I have never felt so wanted, so desired in my life. I lose myself in the intense feel of it, and of becoming one with him. It’s so unlike anything that I’ve known with either of my other boys, and I just can’t get enough of him.
Astor takes his time with me, savoring every single moment of it, and I know it’s because we’ve both wanted it and had to wait so long for it. He is letting down every wall he’s had up between the two of us, letting me in completely, to places in him that he has never let me see or know before.
I’m learning so much about him, and he is doing the same with me, with every touch, with every kiss, with every moment that we hold so tightly to one another.
It’s a long, long time before we tremble together in our release, and when we can finally breathe peacefully again, laying in each other’s arms, he stares at me and traces his hand over my cheek and lips.
“I can’t believe that this finally happened. I’ve wanted this for so long,” he says to me.
I answer him by leaning in close to kiss him softly for a moment before I look at him again. I should just let the moment stretch, no words, no complications … but I’m no good at holding my tongue.
“I’ve waited a long time for this,” I tell him earnestly, opening my heart up to him. “What changed it for you? What was it that made you finally give up on her and come to me?”
I have to know. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk with me about her, but everything is different now between us, and I want to know how we got here. It matters to me.
Astor smiles and weaves his fingers into mine, holding my hand as he gazes at me. “It’s who you are, Teddy. It’s all changed now.”
Confusion kind of freezes me for a moment and I give him a funny look. “What are you talking about? What do you mean, who I am?”
Astor brings my fingers to his lips and kisses them lightly and then smiles happily at me. “Everyone knows, Teddy. As soon as Eli Hamilton talked about it at the funeral this morning, word spread like wildfire. You’re Paul White’s daughter. We all knew him, or at least, of him. The man is a billionaire. Or was … I guess. I’m sorry that he’s gone.” He looks at me with some sympathy, and everything in my mind locks onto a sickening realization.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I pull my hand free of his and lean up on one elbow, my eyes steady on his.
Astor looks at me as if I should already understand what he’s saying. “You were nobody before. No money. No family. Now it’s different. It’s changed. Now you belong in my world. We can be together and no one will care.”
He reaches out to me to stroke the side of my face, but I pull back. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
My brain feels like it’s on fire, and my heart is blazing as well, but not with th
e heat of passion anymore. No. It’s burning with anger and injustice. I sit up straight and look down at him as I pull the sheet up over my body to shield myself from him
“So this is all about the money? Is that what you’re saying? That’s what makes the difference?” I am so deeply angry with him that my hands and voice have begun to tremble.
I should have known.
I should have known the news would spread. I should have known this … visit … was something other than a reunion. I should have known Astor Hawthorne is a shallow, selfish, ass with no thought for anyone other than himself.
Astor frowns and pushes himself up to a sitting position as well. “Teddy, we’ve talked about this. You know how much pressure I’m under to be with the ‘right kind of girl’. My family expects it. I can’t just be with anyone I want.”
“Unless she finds out she’s a billionaire heiress,” I say.
He shoots me a look.
“There are so many rules I have to conform to in my position. I have social responsibilities. I have obligations to my family.”
I shake my head at him. “So, you’re true to everyone else but yourself. And me. Definitely not to me or to what we share together, or I thought we shared, at least until now. So just because I have money and the right name now, you can be with me in public.” I can’t stand it. I’ve been through this before once, with Blair, and I’m not going to do it again.
I start pushing him away with the palms of my hand, toward the door. “Astor, I’m not doing this with you. Get out.”
His mouth falls open and he stares at me. “What? Are you serious? After what we just …” He shakes his head in complete disbelief.
I leap up off of the bed and wrap myself in the sheet like a toga. “I am so serious right now Astor! You only came in here because of the money and the name? That’s so unbelievably shallow. I thought you were here because you cared about me. About me, Astor, not who I have suddenly become because I happened to win the DNA lottery this morning.”
My hands dig into the roots of my hair. “This is all just another, what? A business transaction?”