incredibly understanding of the fact that, in some parallel dimension, I should've been sitting under the stars with Damien, my husband, since it was our sixteenth wedding anniversary.
We pondered the meaning of it all. He told me he and Heidi had broken up before he went to London with Paul and Morten but he often thought of her, and wondered what life would've been like if they’d stayed together. I told him they’d had two sons.
He explained his daughter was the product of a brief fling with the organiser of this program and he was grateful for her. He said it was a relationship that never had a future but they were friends and helped each other out where they could, hence, the reason a-ha were part of the program.
He asked if I knew how to go back or if I even wanted to. I told him I needed some time and space to think things through.
At some level I still loved my husband and I wasn't ready to cheat on him. Over the past twelve months, Damien had been doing his best to keep our marriage together, and I realised, in that moment, just how unhappy and self-absorbed I'd been. I hadn't appreciated his efforts, unwilling to meet him halfway in his attempts.
I told Magne I’d see him in the morning and let him know then, what I'd decided.
Sleep eluded me. So, I ventured out to the deckchairs filled with restlessness and sadness. I hoped the stars and crashing waves would provide more inspiration than the white ceiling fan droning in my room.
I pondered the option of the two possible lives before me, neither of which was perfect.
Which would be easier to rectify and enjoy?
Was it possible to bring in some stable, committed and considerate energy from my first life to my Sara Blake existence? And, if I could, would that sort out her relationship issues? Was it possible that Magne represented the relationship that could change all the hurt from the past for Sara Blake?
Or, was it better to bring some of this ‘me’ back into my original life, so I could start living and creating consciously again?
I recalled the passion and excitement I'd felt at meeting Damien for the first time at his 21st birthday party in August 1992. It had been love at first sight, for both of us. And, despite the perception that the passion and excitement had gone from our relationship, I was unwilling to give up on him, our two sons, and the life we had together.
I knew I was the one with the issue. I'd buried my passion for living. I'd stopped making life an adventure when I unconsciously suppressed my creative expression years ago.
Was it possible to rekindle the passion that had been left to smoulder and almost die?
I fell asleep, my questions unanswered, and my confusion reflected in chaotic dreams where I was being chased by dark forces and falling from great heights.
I managed to make it to the restaurant in time for breakfast and was greeted by Magne as I walked through the door.
He invited me to join him and the other a-ha boys at their table. I accepted gratefully. Magne explained it had been during a visit to Paul and Lauren in New York that he'd first noticed my work. And, I shifted instantly into my Sara Blake life when Paul expressed a keen desire to discuss my work. Not needing to be asked twice, I channelled her effortlessly as I began to wax lyrical about my next exhibition. Morten was less interested and left within minutes of me arriving because he had a meeting with the event coordinators to discuss the possibility of a similar event in Norway.
Paul took his leave once I'd finished my egotistical summation of my work. He was in the creative process of writing for the next a-ha album. I was excited to hear there was another one when I thought Foot of the Mountain would be the last they'd produce, given their farewell in 2010.
When we were alone again, Magne took my hand and asked if I'd decided what I was going to do.
My life as Sara Wright had been a bit unsatisfying at times, and I had to admit that life as Sara Blake seemed so much more exciting as I sat and looked, silently, into Magne's eyes, while he reiterated all the reasons why I should stay.
“I’m going to return to my other life," I finally announced when he took a breath. "But, I won't forget what you've shown me in terms of living life fully. And, I intend to rekindle the creative energy that I've mastered in this life."
I'd come to the conclusion that this would be easier then it would be to deal with the challenges I faced as the compulsively obnoxious Sara Blake. Well, that's what I felt.
I'd read more of the journal before going to breakfast that morning and I was convinced Sara Blake couldn't be saved.
I smiled, but tears welled in my eyes as somewhere inside I grieved momentarily for the lost possibilities of the life I was rejecting. Magne brushed my cheek.
“I’m sure I can take some of the vibe of this life back to my original life. I know how it feels in my body to be confident, creative and fun now. So I can have the best of both worlds.” It was my new affirmation.
Magne said he was sad to see me go and thought he might still attempt to connect with me the next time he was in New York, in the hope that Sara Blake was something like me. I suggested he might want to rethink that, and perhaps he'd benefit by calling on Heidi when he got back to Norway.
I'd anticipated the way back into my original life would be through intention, but I wasn't entirely sure. Nevertheless, I stood in the same spot where I'd first noticed the flyer in my hand, the cleared verandah, and a watch on my wrist that wasn't mine.
I glanced again at the wristwatch, closed my eyes and turned away from the cabin as I touched the tree that I'd leaned on just prior to the parallel life jump. The nausea and dizziness immediately arose. I kept my eyes shut until the sensations eased and I blinked hard to clear my vision once I was ready.
There was no watch on my wrist. I turned and looked at the cabin.
“It worked!” The verandah was laden with wetsuits and strewn flippers and reef shoes. Relief washed through me.
I could still recall the vibration, the energy, of my other self, and feel how my body felt as that person. And, while it wasn't something I was fully familiar with yet, I knew it would become more comfortable in time, and as a result, I envisioned renewed creativity, passion, possibility and fun in my life with my husband and children.
Up until that point, during the whole time we'd been on the island, I'd chosen to spend time on my own. I'd resisted every minute of the family time Damien and our children had anticipated and instigated. But, in that moment, I felt more aware and ready to be part of the family.
Walking through the door I immediately recognised no time had passed while I'd been on my transformative adventure.
My two sons and my husband were getting ready to go for a snorkel at the lighthouse, knowing I wouldn't be joining them because that's what we'd argued about - twenty-four hours ago, from my altered perspective - a few minutes ago.
My lack of participation in anything proposed, so far on our holiday, had been a contentious issue.
"I've changed my mind. I'm going to join you," I said smiling as I walked through the door. The smiles on their faces made my heart melt.
I'm still not quite sure how it happened but that experience was what I needed to give my creativity a chance for expression.
Damien was overjoyed when I told him I wanted to resume my architecture studies after twenty years. And, once I completed my degree he was offered an international work transfer to Norway, of all places. So, I applied for a graduate architect internship position in Oslo, and got it! And here we were, at a social event connected to my first project.
I glanced at Damien. He was smiling proudly at me and within seconds was by my side offering me a glass of champagne and a passionate kiss.
"Happy Anniversary," I whispered and took a sip from my glass, noticing Magne and Heidi on the other side of the room. They were having a quiet moment together, looking very much in love.
All was right in the world.
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A Note from the author
This story is
a work of fiction. The seed inspiration came during a family holiday on Lady Elliot Island, in 2013 as I processed the impact of sudden marriage breakups on both mine, and my husband's side of our family. The story, however, is purely fictional. These events didn't happen on Lady Elliot Island or anywhere else.
I strongly believe a lot of marriages could be saved if women would dare to go out and find their inner muse and allow their own creativity to be the doorway to greater enjoyment in daily life. However, I absolutely do not advocate women staying in situations that are verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive.
A-ha has been my favourite band since I was a teenager. I saw them in concert, for the first time, in Brisbane, in 1986. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for the many hours of musical magic and inspiration they've been in my life and apologise if my story offends any of the members of a-ha, their families, friends, and associates.
I've been happily married for twenty years and live on the beautiful Sunshine Coast, Australia with my husband, our two children and two Devon Rex cats. We had the opportunity to live in Switzerland from 2000-2003 where my husband and I had the great pleasure and honour of seeing a-ha perform in concert in Stuttgart, Germany and Zurich and Wöhlen, Switzerland. We were also at The O2 in London for the Foot of the Mountain tour in 2009. I'm beyond excited about the release of their Cast In Steel album and their associated tour.
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Transformation in Coral Page 3