Be Your Downfall

by Lizzie Fox

  That’s it. On a blast of adrenaline, probably egged on by the anxiety as well, I slid my hands under her chin, skirting one into her hair and urged her forward until her lips brushed against mine. They touched tentatively at first, but that was enough. I needed more. I crashed my mouth to hers, moving the rest of my body until I was fully pressed against her. Dear god it was amazing. Hungrily, our mouths joined together and her lips parted. In no time I dove my tongue in, while her hand roved over my chest. The other slid down onto my stomach close to my cock, and gripped the hem of my shirt, fisting it roughly. She moaned quietly, stifled by our kiss, and the sound only encouraged me.

  I broke away after a moment, my head too floaty and incoherent, both from the sexy kiss, and also from the meds. She touched her kiss-swollen lips and looked hesitant. “The meds make me a little woozy.”

  She nodded knowingly but grinned playfully. This time she reached out, threading her fingers in the back of my hair, and pulled us together until our lips met once more in a molten hot, fiery kiss. I stared at her in surprise through my heavily lidded eyes. I didn’t expect that.

  Jessie didn’t say anything else as she stretched out on the sofa, and leaned into my chest, snaking an arm over my stomach. She pointed the remote at the TV and began to flip channels, away from the weather. The storm was mostly forgotten—or I could push it out of my mind enough to relax. I peeled the blanket off my lap and moved to drape it over her and she glanced up at me and smiled. A rush of nerves shivered my body, though this time not from the storm…but from the overwhelming satisfaction I had in holding her next to me like she just… fit. I ran my fingers through her hair as she flipped mindlessly through the channels, landing on some old sitcom on a classic TV channel.

  It wasn’t long before I started nodding off, and she sat up, grabbed my arms, and pulled me into her, and wrapped her arms around me as my head rested against her chest…and I passed out.

  18

  Jessalie

  My eyes opened gently and were assaulted by the bright light flickering from the TV across the room. Wait… why can’t I move?

  I tried to lift my right arm, but noticed it was pinned between the couch, and a tall, black haired, gorgeous musician. Seth breathed evenly as he slept with his head using my chest as a pillow. One of his arms was under my shoulder, the other dropped down at my side. My legs were inappropriately parted and the rest of himself lay between them. My other arm was draped over his back, and somehow my fingers had slipped underneath the waistband of his pants, the tips of my fingers just grazing over the top of one of his asscheeks. Whoops. Slowly, I tried to pull it out, but Seth stirred, so I just left it, for now.

  Despite the fact that I was laying on a throw pillow with my head gently propped up, I was remarkably comfortable. Except for the pulsing bundle of nerves in between my legs that just wouldn’t stop.

  How long had it been since I’d done this? Just slept with a guy? Not sex. Just holding someone, and sleeping? Years probably. Not surprising, Adam wasn’t big on cuddling. Blake was though.

  I’d be lying though if my body wasn’t thrumming with need right about now. It’d been years since I’d had actual, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex. That was probably part of what was confounding my brain right about now into not being petrified over something new: damn hormones.

  Even with Seth’s panic attack, I still wasn’t turned away from taking that step. Maybe I should have been, but I just wasn’t. It was hard to care about the depression, seeing his gorgeous face resting on my breasts, his hair falling into his eyes. He was totally relaxed, and all his fear had subsided. And I realized just how cathartic it was to make him feel better.

  Seth was fighting a battle with his mind. But instead of shutting me out like Blake did—and perhaps Seth was right; he didn’t even fully know what he was doing himself—Seth let me in. And I was successfully able to help him, even if it was just simply being there.

  Smiling gently to myself, I lifted my hand and ran my fingers through the fallen strands in his face, pulling it back with the rest. Geez, he was beautiful. Yes, it was entirely possible for a guy to be beautiful, yet still—a man. Blake was something else altogether, a bit more rugged and tough than Seth appeared to be, about as tall, but stockier. He was gorgeous, yes. Adam was handsome, I supposed. Sandy blonde, pale blue eyed, sharp features. At this point I was biased but at one time I actually did find him quite attractive. Unfortunately, his crappy personality made up for that.

  Seth was something different. Perhaps it was the way his mind worked in combination with how unconventionally attractive he was. Adam looked too—typical. Nothing really stood out about him other than the fact that he was handsome. With Seth any time I looked at him a bit more intently, I found something new. And I was looking…hard.

  Maybe I really could do this. Maybe I could finally let Blake go, and find love with someone else. Even if that person had similar issues. Maybe I needed that. It felt good being able to be here for Seth, the way I couldn’t for Blake. But therein lies another set of issues. I went off with Adam because he was different—totally different. He didn’t need me for things like that. Seth did, perhaps. I didn’t want to transfer my guilt over losing Blake to Seth.

  Sighing quietly to myself, I realized while thinking I’d been consistently and absentmindedly running my fingers through his hair. Even though it was cut short along the sides, it was still very thick, and perfectly straight. Blake’s had had a slight wave to it.

  Stop comparing the two of them! I scolded myself. I pressed my fingers to my forehead, trying to block out the thoughts. It wasn’t fair to either of them, they were completely different people. The only similarities were they both had similar disorders, they both had eyes I loved to get lost in, and they drove motorcycles. That was it—except for the biggest thing of all.

  One was here, one was not. Time to focus on the one that was, and would be…hopefully.

  The thunder still rumbled gently outside, and lightning flashed in the clouds. Narrowing my eyes so the brightness of the TV didn’t overwhelm me, I glanced at the time displayed on the weather forecast which still played; it was nearly 1 A.M. We’d been asleep for hours. I don’t even quite know how we got like this. But I didn’t mind.

  I probably should have woken him and told him to go to bed, but… that meant this had to stop, and I didn’t want it to. So, I allowed my eyes to shut again, dreading the neck pain I was going to have in the morning, and shifted under him until my arms were comfortable. His legs hung partially off the sofa but still, he was completely sound asleep, so it obviously didn’t bother him. It wasn’t long before I drifted off again, my head tilted, and nose buried into the citrus-scent of Seth’s hair, feeling comfortable and…safe for the first time in more years than I could count.

  “Um, good-morning.”

  I felt something brush across my cheek and my groggy eyes slowly opened. My heart immediately skipped a beat, as I was immediately met with Seth’s honey-eyed, sultry face. His hair was slightly mussed on one side and he still appeared lazy from sleep. He was so attractive, even first waking up, it was almost unreal. No human being should be that attractive.

  “Is it morning?” I asked hoarsely, lifting up one of my heavy arms in an attempt to rub the sleepiness out of my eyes. Turning my head slightly to one side I winced, immediately feeling that pain in my neck I was dreading. Blinking roughly, I peered towards the windows. It was overcast and windy, but daytime had definitely arrived.

  “It is.” I glanced back at him and he appeared sheepish. “Um… so I’m like, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep like this. Those meds really knock me the fuck out.”

  I chuckled lightly. “It’s okay. Really. Except for this pain in my neck I didn’t mind it at all. I slept pretty hard, actually.”

  “You don’t normally sleep hard?” A hint of jest spread across his lips, and I gently slapped his bare upper arm.

  “No, I don’t sleep hard. I usually don’t sleep much at all,�
�� I replied.

  “Me either. I have to take things for it sometimes, but…” His gaze shifted downward, appearing to get an eyeful of my chest, and I cocked a brow. “This was better than the medicine, anyway.”

  Rolling my eyes, I snorted. “You’re terrible.”

  “I am a little bit, actually,” he said, slowly lifting himself up, but before he could rise all the way, I grabbed a handful of his shirt, and playfully pulled him back down.

  “You don’t have to go anywhere,” I replied, with a smirk.

  Now it was his turn to give me an odd look. “No? I mean this is awfully…forward… don’t you think? The opposite of slow.”

  “Maybe you don’t need to go so slow,” I suggested.

  “Say what now?”

  “You heard me,” I challenged.

  He closed his eyes briefly and sighed. “Jessie… you’ve been bottling up shit inside for years. Punishing yourself. Now all of a sudden you’re fearless?”

  I narrowed my eyes gently. “I’m hardly fearless. I just realized what I may have been missing all these years.”

  Seth looked up at me, eyeing me skeptically, his face screwed up on one side as he regarded me. “And, what have you been missing?”

  “Someone like you,” I declared in a very small voice, feeling the nerves shake me to the core.

  A slow smile spread over his lips and he crawled over the top of me until his face was directly over mine. My breath hitched and lips parted when he pressed his mouth to mine, and slid his tongue in, tangling it with mine. Immediately the sensation set my body aflame and I moaned gently into his kiss. It had been so damned long since I enjoyed this so much…

  He shifted until his arm was pressed beside my head and I slid my fingers into the back of his hair, urging him closer, intensifying the kiss. If I wasn’t mistaken, I thought I felt a mass of hardness brush against my inner thigh. And that got me going even more, as I clawed at his lower back and pulled apart to do something I’d been wanting to for a while: carefully bite his lower lip, including that damn piercing.

  “Oh shit…” he groaned. His lids were heavy and lips gently swollen, but he struggled to pull himself away. He scrubbed a hand over his sleepy, seductive face and bit his lip. “Not yet, Jessie. Not yet.”

  I narrowed my eyes, touching my finger to my lips where his had just been, finding I really missed them there. “Why not?”

  “You’re not thinking correctly, and I don’t want you hating yourself later.” Seth reached down to grab my hands in his, but I yanked away.

  “You really think I’m not aware of what I’m thinking?” I argued.

  He sighed again. He dropped my left hand and continued to hold the right one, lifting it. “You’re still wearing your husband’s ring, Jessie.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he set a finger on my lips, gently hushing me. “I’m not asking you to take it off. I don’t care if we were together for eighty years and you kept it on. But ask yourself why you’re wearing it. Because you miss him and want to pretend he’s still here? Or because you just want to remember him?”

  “I—” I began, and snapped my jaw shut. Well crap…

  Seth moved until he was sitting at the opposite end of the sofa. I rose slowly, and he took my hands in his again, rubbing his thumbs over the knuckles. “Look, Jessie. If you still want this later…fine. I will take you out tonight. My choice, your choice—I don’t care. If you’re still into…this…then,” he said, motioning between us, “I will happily take you to bed. Happily.” He pressed a hand to his crotch and shifted uncomfortably, flashing a tense smile. I snorted and couldn’t help but giggle.

  “And what is going to change between tonight and now?” I asked, raising a brow.

  “That is the point where my resolve is officially shot.” His expression heated as he looked me over, regarding me. “I’m giving you just a little more time. I’ve waited a year for this. Because once this starts, I’m all in. And I’m not patient. I take what I want. I might be crazy…but I know what I want, and how to get it.”

  Oh hell yes…

  “Well…okay then.”

  19

  Seth

  Jessie and I decided to go do something later—like, an official date, at least that’s what I thought it was—and right now she was in the bathroom, showering or whatever the hell she did to make herself look like an absolute knock-out. She didn’t really need to do anything; she just did. But I appreciated the gesture, and just waited patiently in my room.

  Not like it took me that long to get myself ready. Meds taken? Check. Clean? Yep. Did I smell? No? Good. Pants on? Yep. Good to go.

  So I decided to pass the time by messaging Wes. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple of weeks, and he would probably shit himself when he heard what was going on. After all, he was there that night. He saw her and had been the recipient of my pathetic whining about her for months afterwards.

  Dude, you’ll never guess what happened?

  I waited no less than about a minute for Wes Greenway to text me back.

  Wes: What? Get a record deal?

  I snorted loudly, even though he couldn’t hear me.

  Ha, fucker. Even better.

  Wes: Better? Than a record deal!? You get laid?

  Dear god…the man had no class.

  I plead the 5th. I told you I was looking for a new roommate out here? Couple weeks ago?

  Wes: Ya. Did you find someone? I haven’t heard from you in awhile. You must of.

  Grinning smugly to myself, I typed in the next message. I did, yeah.

  Wes: What’s he like? Gonna cramp your style like the Mitchells?

  No, she is not. I laughed wickedly waiting for him to respond.

  Wes: You’re living with a girl!?

  Not just any girl.

  Wes: She’s hot?

  Remember Fever Pitch at the Lagoona? That first time?

  Wes: Fuck yes. You mooned over that woman for weeks. She was definitely hot.

  Silence. Then…

  Wes: No. You have to be kidding me. Your new roommate is Vodka Girl? That’s impossible!

  Impossible or not, she’s here, and so am I.

  I waited for his next message, but instead my phone started ringing. Not even getting a word edgewise, Wes’ voice boomed on the other end when I picked up.

  “You’re fucking shitting me, Archer.”

  “I’m not, I swear.”

  “No shit? She’s really in Independence Point? How in the hell did that happen?” Wes demanded, amazed.

  I chuckled. “She needed a change, she said. So she started looking for new houses and found this one, and moved.”

  “No shit? Man that’s… intense. What’s she like in bed?”

  Typical Wes. Always thinking with his dick.

  “I am not sure yet,” I replied casually, cringing for the ass-chewing I was about to get.

  “You’re not—what? So wait, you’re trying to tell me that this woman you were fucking hard-on over for a year is there. You’re living in her house. And you don’t know what she’s like in bed?” Wes laughed loudly. “Fuck, man. Are you going for priesthood, or are you secretly gay?”

  “Piss off, man,” I retorted sharply. “It’s complicated. She’s… got a complicated past.”

  “Oh, really? And fucking will make it worse?”

  “Jesus, Wes. Have you always been this much of a dick?”

  “Pretty much.” Shaking my head I just laughed. That was Wes. “Dude, I’m kidding. But…what’s she like? Still hot?”

  “She’s fucking gorgeous. But… she lost her husband years ago and I think she blames herself for it. She’s coming around, but…”

  “Yeah, I get it. That’s tough. What happened to him?”

  “He shot himself.”

  Silence.

  “Well…okay I can understand the problem then. She knows about… your…”

  “Yes she knows I’m mental.”

  “Asshole, quit calling yourself that or so help me go
d I’ll drive out there and shove my fucking boot so far up your ass you’ll be swallowing shoelaces for days,” Wes threatened darkly, and I actually winced.

  “Sorry.” I answered bitterly, but I sighed, realizing he was right. “Well, she watched me have a panic attack last night to a damned thunderstorm. That feels pretty mental.” I groaned at the idea.

  “Still having those issues, man?”

  “Unfortunately.” I sighed. “She didn’t seem to mind, but she’s been skittish so far.” Until last night, at least.

  Wes blew out a breath that made crackling sounds in my ear. I pulled the phone away, scowling. “You don’t usually get a chance with the one that got away, you know. Shit, if I could find that one chick…”

  “Maybe if you didn’t fuck her and leave the next morning it wouldn’t have been a problem!” I protested.

  “Yeah, yeah. I know. I didn’t think I’d have actual feelings for her. If I could find her again though… I’d wait as long as it took.”

  “You? Wait?” I laughed wildly.

  “Fuck you, Archer. All I’m saying is, if she’s worth it, do it. Wait, don’t wait. Jump in her pants or whatever. But don’t do the ‘what if’ shit. It’ll eat you alive. Find out for sure,” Wes said seriously.

  “I plan on it, trust me.”

  “Good. You playin’ this weekend?” He inquired.

  “Yeah. The B & B in Menomonie. You coming?”

  “Not sure. Gonna try. I might need to use Ian’s studio. You bringing the girl—hell what’s her real name?”

  “Jessalie.”

  “Jessa-lee? That’s pretty hot actually.”

  “Yes, it is. I’m not sure if I’ll bring her, it depends on where we’re at by then.”

  “You mean it depends upon if you liked her in bed or not,” Wes said, and I glared so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if he could feel it from where he was in Minneapolis.