The more Cade learned about Michael Porter, the more he wished the man was alive so that he could punch him in the face. Carrie was a sweet woman with a kind heart. So, she didn’t know how to plant a garden or... cook a meal. There were other good qualities about her, and it took a man like Cade to see them.
“Thank you for telling me, Tilly. I promise not to treat her that way.”
Tilly gave him a wide grin. “Oh, I know you won’t, Mr. Hamilton. I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her lately, and Michael has never looked at her that way.”
Although excitement shot through him to think he might have a chance to convince her that they were meant to be together, his heart still ached that she had been in such a pathetic marriage.
He stepped away, but then Tilly grasped his arm, stopping him. “One more thing,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“Don’t you let that Mrs. Barnes in there try to tell you she knows more about doctorin’ than you do.” Tilly nodded sharply. “All she knows is how to deliver babies.”
Cade chuckled softly. Maybe Tilly had read his mind earlier, after all. “If you say so.”
“Oh, I do say so.” She straightened her shoulder and lifted her chin. “There was no way that woman would have known how to treat my pneumonia. I would have died if not for you.”
He loved hearing those words, even though he doubted they were true. Tilly could have probably overcome her sickness in time. Then again, she’d had a very high fever, so maybe...
His mind halted as realization struck. Had he been a good doctor after all? If only he could believe that.
He pushed the thought aside. He’d think about that later. Right now, however, he needed to find answers about Carrie’s sudden attitude shift. So... while she was in the nursery visiting with her friend, maybe Cade should do some snooping through her drawers to see if he could find anything that would help him understand his wife.
TWELVE
Cade was still awake when Carrie left PJ’s room. Her son had finally allowed her to place him in his bed and walk out the door without crying. Her arms ached from holding him so much, but her heart hurt more. Not knowing what was causing his ailment bothered her more than she could understand. She was the mother. She should know what was wrong with her own child.
As she took quiet steps toward Cade, sitting on the couch in the living room as he stared at the full fire in the hearth, her heart hurt again, but differently this time. She had wanted to love him, but she feared his rejection. She hadn’t planned on telling him about Michael’s confession, yet, if Cade ever found out, he’d hate her. She wouldn’t be able to handle that, especially if PJ looked up to him as a father.
The best way for keeping her heart – and the heart of her son – intact was not to love Cade at all. Yet, could they stay married and live in the same house without that deep bond?
What needed to happen was to tell Cade the truth. Then, he could have the marriage annulled and leave town. Or she could take PJ and return to New York to live with her parents.
That, right there, might be the best course of action.
She moved past Cade to sit on the couch. He continued to stare at the fire. The frown on his face was deep. She couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad. She waited a few moments for him to say something, but he didn’t. It was up to her to start this most awkward and disheartening conversation.
Rubbing her nervous hands together, she collected her thoughts, trying to breathe calmly. “PJ finally let me lay him down in his bed.”
Cade’s expression remained the same as he stared at the fire. “Hopefully, he can sleep better tonight.”
“That’s my hope, too.”
“And how are you holding up?”
“I’m exhausted physically and emotionally.”
He nodded, not moving his stare. “As would any good Mother be.”
His nonchalant attitude worried Carrie. Cade wasn’t usually like this. Her stomach twisted, wishing she didn’t care about him so much. “Yes, I suppose any good Mother would feel like that.”
Her hands turned colder due to her nerves, so she left the couch and stood in front of the hearth, letting the heat from the fire warm her. She glanced over her shoulder at Cade. He still had a blank stare as he watched the flames licking up the brick wall.
“Cade? Is something amiss?”
He didn’t budge, and he didn’t answer for a few seconds. “Why would anything be amiss?”
She wanted to scream and shake some sense into him. “Cade, look at me.” Finally, his gaze lifted to her face, but his expression stayed the same. “What is wrong?” she asked.
“What makes you think something is wrong?”
“Cade Hamilton,” she snapped, turning and folding her arms across her bosom. “Your answers are driving me mad. Will you just tell me what’s wrong.”
He arched an eyebrow. At least he wasn’t giving her the same look. “Tell you what’s wrong? So, you’re telling me that I should open up to you, but you aren’t going to open up to me?”
Perhaps she had deserved his bitter tone. After all, she had been withdrawn, especially since reading Michael’s journal. “What do you want me to tell you?”
He exhaled slowly. “Let’s start by telling me why all of a sudden, you want to change your son’s name and why your grieving came to a quick stop.”
Cade was correct. She needed to tell him everything. “When you had mentioned your friend, Parker Jo, and where you met her, I started putting the puzzle pieces together in my mind about when Michael had wanted to name our baby. A few things had happened during my pregnancy that, at the time, didn’t seem odd, but they did after our conversation. I had realized that Michael had been in love with Parker Jo. It wasn’t until recently when I discovered that he had wanted to marry her, but his parents didn’t approve of the match. That is why he married me... because I came from the right kind of background.”
Cade nodded and scratched his chin. “All right. That makes sense as to why you would want to change your son’s name.”
Her breath was still ragged as she tried to build up the courage to tell him more. “That day is when I decided Michael didn’t deserve my grieving.” She paced the floor, from one wall to the other, in front of Cade. “I knew I should move forward with my new life.” She stopped in front of him. “That’s why I’d acted the way I did.”
“That’s why you let me kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“And then the next time, you kissed me.”
She nodded.
“And yet, the day we went into town when you returned from the bank, you were completely different.”
A knot of emotion caught in her throat. “Yes.”
“I want you to tell me why.”
I can’t tell him... Inwardly, Carrie’s mind fought a battle with her heart. She must tell him the truth no matter how it would hurt her – and him.
She licked her dry lips. “Mrs. Sterling found a journal Michael had kept at the bank.”
Cade didn’t remove his stare from her, which made her heart pound harder.
“I left the bank and opened it. I’d realized Michael was indeed in love with Parker Jo and that that hadn’t changed after he married me. I also stumbled across another entry.” She swallowed, although it was difficult. “He’d been driving a carriage and hit an older man. In his journal, Michael wrote that he didn’t stop because Parker Jo was with him, and he didn’t want anyone to see them together. He later found out who the man was that he’d hit.” She inhaled shakily. “He knew the man was an accountant... Mr. Hamilton.”
Cade’s lips tightened in a straight line, and his eyes misted. He bunched his hands into fists. His chest rose and fell quickly. Carrie waited for him to say something because she wasn’t sure if he wanted her to go on. However, she wasn’t finished with her confession.
She licked her dry lips again. “Upon reading that journal entry, I crumbled to the ground and cried. I was so afraid
to tell you.”
“Why?”
“Because... I had feelings for you, and even PJ was starting to take to you. I knew that if I told you that my deceased husband killed your father, that you wouldn’t be able to live with me any longer.” She brushed away a stray tear rolling down her cheek. “I’m prepared to let you seek an annulment.”
“Is that what you want?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to stay married to a man who can’t stand to look at me because of what Michael did.”
Slowly, Cade stood and stepped in front of her. “Were you married to Michael at the time of the accident?”
“No, but we were engaged.”
“Then you had no control over what Michael did or didn’t do. Correct?”
“Well, I suppose.”
He shrugged. “You said he was with Parker Jo at the time, so I can assume you didn’t have control over that.”
“Of course, not.” Her voice broke. “I had no clue he was still seeing his former love.”
“Then why should I blame you, Carrie?” Cade’s expression relaxed, and he cupped the side of her face. “I would never blame you for something you didn’t even know about.”
She wanted to cry with relief, but she’d done enough crying these past few months that would last her a lifetime. “Do you forgive me?”
“For what Michael did?” He shook his head. “There’s nothing to forgive on that matter. However, I do forgive you for not telling me right away.”
She hiccuped a laugh. “Yes, I’m sorry about that. I was so conflicted. My heart was breaking because I thought our marriage was over.”
Slowly, a smile stretched across his face. “Your heart was breaking over that?” He winked. “Now that is a good thing. That tells me that you like me as much as I like you, and it tells me that you want to work on our marriage just as much as I do.”
“Yes, I do, Cade.” She stepped closer to him, gingerly, laying her hands on his chest. “In just a little time, I’ve realized how much better you have treated me than the man I’d been married to for five years.”
He was quiet for a few moments, staring at her with his dreamy green eyes.
“Carrie? I need to know... do you feel that way about me because I’m a doctor?”
She shook her head. “What you learned in school doesn’t make you the man you are today. What defines you is your giving heart and willingness to help a woman and her child who were down on their luck and needed help.” She smiled wider. “You’ve come a long way since we were children.”
“And to think, I was the one who used to pull your pigtails.”
She chuckled. “And now, you are the one who is pulling on my heartstrings.”
“That’s all right,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. “Because you are pulling on mine, too.”
“You know,” she said huskily, “I’d never realized what I’d been missing in my first marriage until I met you.”
“And what was that?” His voice lowered as he stared at her mouth.
“Affection.”
“Oh, my darling, Carrie, I promise to make up for what you’ve lost.”
When their lips met, the kiss turned passionate almost immediately. Carrie clung to him as she responded to his urgent kiss, hoping to show him exactly what her heart was doing at this very moment.
Once again, she compared Cade to her first husband, and once again, Cade had left Michael in the dust. Why had she never noticed that when Michael kissed her, it wasn’t passionate? Why hadn’t Carrie noticed that when Michael held her, it wasn’t so close she could feel the beat of his heart against her bosom? But now that she realized this, she never wanted to let Cade go. He completed her, and she’d never felt more like a desirable woman than she did right now.
Heavens, he was such a good kisser, and she was proud to know that he was hers – forever.
“Carrie,” he muttered as his lips trailed from her mouth down her neck. “May I suggest we move this into our bedroom?”
Tingles multiplied over her body as her heart sang with happiness. “If you don’t, I will.”
He chuckled and lifted her into his arms. Gasping from surprise, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Cade? What are you doing?”
“Well, the first time I carried you over the threshold after we were married, you had passed out on the lawn.” He grinned. “I thought I’d do it the correct way this time.”
“Oh, Cade.” Her heart melted. “You are the most amazing man.”
“And you, my darling wife, are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
As he carried her toward their bedroom, she knew the moment was right. She anticipated becoming his wife in the most meaningful way. She had a feeling that Cade would surpass her first husband in this regard, as well.
They reached the bedroom, and he kicked the door closed with his foot. Carrie loved the look in his dreamy eyes, and for the first time, she felt truly loved. Michael had never looked at her that way.
But now it was time to forget about the man she had first married. From this point forward, the only man in her life would be Cade – until PJ reached that age, and then she’d have two men in her life.
Of course, having more children with Cade was something to consider. There was no better way to bring their family together.
Just as Cade placed her on the bed, PJ started crying from the nursery. Groaning, she closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. It wouldn’t be right to have Tilly mind the baby so that Carrie could get intimate with Cade. Apparently, they weren’t supposed to consummate their marriage just yet.
Cade sighed, and his shoulders drooped. “I suppose this will have to wait until later.”
Carrie nodded. “Yes, it will.” She moved to stand, but he placed his hand on her shoulder, stopping him.
“You need your rest. Let me take care of PJ tonight.”
Could she love her husband any more than she did at this moment? “Thank you. But if you get tired, come wake me up, and we’ll switch.”
He bent and kissed her briefly on the lips. “Sweet dreams, my darling.”
As he walked out of the room, Carrie wondered how she’d gotten so lucky. Now, to make everything perfect, they just needed to figure out what was wrong with her son. She prayed Cade would remember his medical knowledge and find a cure for whatever was ailing poor PJ.
THIRTEEN
Cade hummed a song to little PJ in his arms while sitting in the rocking chair, moving slowly back and forth. The nursery lamp was low, as was the fire in the hearth, but Cade could still study the sick little boy’s face. PJ had retained the same symptoms since that first day – low fever, clammy skin, red rashes all over his body, and a sick stomach. Of course, the queasy stomach and fever were never consistent.
There was also another symptom Cade noticed today. The boy was scratching his face and arms as though something bothered his skin. All of this was too confusing for Cade.
Earlier today, Tilly had mentioned that Mrs. Barnes would research these symptoms to see if she could discover what was wrong with PJ. Cade’s gut twisted in annoyance. He really didn’t want a midwife to be the doctor in this situation. He had taken the proper schooling to be a doctor, not her! And if he really thought about it, he wanted to do this – not only for PJ’s sake but also because Cade didn’t want Carrie to believe that he was a failure. It was bad enough that he thought that way about himself already.
Sighing, he closed his eyes. It wasn't easy to think straight when he and his new wife were about ready to become intimate. The passion in her eyes – and especially in her kiss – let him know how she felt. He wanted to erase every memory she had of Michael and replace them with blissful moments with her new husband.
It had thrilled him to know that she didn’t just love him because of his medical background. Being a doctor had given him an oversize ego at one time, and he had believed that women desired him because of that. At first, Cade thought Carrie
was like this, but he was happy to see she wasn’t.
Because of that, he now wanted to make her proud. He didn’t want Mrs. Barnes to take the credit if she found PJ’s ailment. If Cade was going to be Last Chance’s doctor, he didn’t want them to doubt him even once. He must be the one who found a cure for whatever was wrong with PJ.
“Oh, Lord,” Cade whispered, hoping to get help from the highest, “please help me. Guide my thoughts to that which I have learned so that I will know how to treat PJ.”
He continued to rock the little boy in his arms as his mind returned to yesteryear. While living in Peru, Cade had studied for a few years, doing nothing but reading out of books and learning from pictures. Finally, he was allowed to follow a doctor in the local hospital to see what was done.
During this time, Cade asked as many questions as he could. Patients came in for all manner of ailments – from broken bones to Cholera, influenza, and even consumption. One time, they thought the town had been exposed to yellow fever, but thankfully, that wasn’t the case.
Cade had gone from watching a doctor in a hospital to finally working beside Doctor Dawson. Brian Dawson was the best, in Cade’s opinion. He was very friendly with his patients, and he teased and made the children laugh. Everyone loved that doctor, and Cade wanted to be just like him. He had been on his way to being a revered physician, but then when Clarence died, something inside Cade had been killed along with the boy.
However, Carrie’s words filled his head. He had tried to be God. He shouldn’t have taken on that responsibility. All Cade could be was God’s instrument. And, right now, that was exactly what Cade wanted. Through God’s help was the only way PJ would be cured.
PJ had stopped fussing and itching a half an hour ago, and finally, the boy was falling asleep again. Cade was tempted to lay the boy in his bed, but then he realized Carrie would more than likely be asleep when he came to bed. She needed rest, and he’d give it to her.
He groaned softly. Life was simpler when he was young and being raised on a farm. All he had to learn was how to take care of the animals, plant, and harvest. Cade had been good with the animals. He’d trained the horses, and cows had come to trust him.
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