Accepting Elijah's Heart

by M. Michelle Derosier

  “This is the size of an inn.”

  Before Eli could answer, an older, attractive blonde came barreling out the front door to greet them in the driveway.

  He saw Reina take a quick breath before she stepped out of the passenger side. She immediately found herself wrapped in an enthusiastic hug.

  “As you’ve seen from the pictures in my apartment, the woman smothering you is my mother, Mrs. Angela Cooper. And they,” Eli pointed to the front door where a man and two other ladies stood, “are the rest of the welcome committee.”

  “May I hold him?” his mother asked Reina, who nodded yes.

  He stepped aside for his mother to take Nate out of the car seat.

  “Wow, Mom. I can’t believe you actually asked Reina’s permission before snatching the baby.”

  “We’re thrilled to have you both here,” Angela stated while walking toward the door with Nathaniel and Reina, completely ignoring him.

  “Thanks. No need to acknowledge my presence.” Eli laughed.

  His mother stopped walking to let him catch up, patted his cheek, and said for his ears only, “Thank you for bringing my future daughter-in-law and grandson to visit.”

  Momentarily taken aback, he barely heard the rest of his family welcome Reina and Nate as they entered the house.

  Chapter 11

  Reina heard a knock on the door and knew instinctively that Eli stood on the other side.

  “May I come in?” His voice confirmed.

  She walked to the door and pulled it open softly. His caressing gaze was her thank you.

  He strode to the rocking chair tucked away in the corner with the view of the lake, though it was too dark to see, and turned it the opposite direction to face the door. He offered her the seat. She settled in the chair and nestled her upper body in the curve of its rounded hoop back. Slowly, she rocked. He sat on the edge of the bed watching her, enjoying her carefree delight in the rocker.

  Reina gazed around the room, once again admiring it through the eyes of a stranger. The room, like the family, embraced you as if you were the person it waited patiently for years to visit. She could imagine the many happy visitors who must have felt so welcomed over the years. Everyone from one-time guests in the form of rarely-seen friends to regular occupants in the form of family members celebrating the holidays. Her contended sigh drew a questioning glance from Eli.

  “I can’t picture you as a boy sitting still enough to enjoy the rocking chair.”

  “I enjoyed it alright.” The twinkle in his eyes reflected his mischievous words. “Enjoyed rocking back and forth so hard I split my chin open on a table during an especially forceful forward motion.”

  “I’m sure Nate’s going to give me enough gray hairs on his own. Don’t encourage him by sharing that story.”

  “Why are moms so sensitive about these things? Those stiches were a badge of honor for my seven-year-old self.”

  “Good to know what I have to look forward to.”

  He jokingly raised his hand in the Scout signal. “Nate and I won’t be any trouble. We promise.”

  She tried to fake stern but found it hard to resist his charm.

  “Remind me to tell your mother on you.”

  “And test her longstanding belief that her children are never too old to lose dessert privileges? I’ll pass.”

  “The more I learn about your mother, the more I like her.”

  “She’ll be pleased to hear it. You’re already one of her favorite people.”

  It warmed her heart to hear it. “Yours must have been the house all the kids flocked to.”

  “That’s because my mother went out of her way to make it that way.”

  She yawned and Eli moved to get off the bed. “Ready to join Nate in dreamland?”

  She looked over by the bed, where Nate was snuggled in the cradle that numerous generations of Coopers had slept in. Eli hadn’t had room in his car for the playpen. He’d assured her they could easily bring down an old cradle from the attic. He’d failed to mention that the “old” cradle, though aged, was beautifully crafted. Though worn, it showed signs of having been cared for with thought and love by generations of Cooper mothers.

  She noticed his movement toward the door.

  “You don’t have to leave yet.”

  He stopped.

  “It’ll take me a while to fall asleep.”

  He walked back and reclaimed his seat. “I’ll take my leave at the first sound of a snore.”

  “Ladies do not snore. We murmur softly.”

  “If a roaring Mack truck is your definition of murmur softly, I’m in complete agreement.”

  She exaggerated a yawn. “On second thought, I’m asleep as we speak.”

  The corners of his mouth turned upward.

  They sat in quiet comfort, content to enjoy each other’s presence.

  Reina was first to speak. “It’s been years since I’ve thought about the love between my parents.” His face voiced his interest to learn more. “Watching your parents interact at dinner earlier tonight felt unnervingly familiar.”

  “How?”

  “Very little things.”

  His eyes prompted her to continue.

  “Without anyone noticing, your dad put his last piece of cake on your mother’s plate.”

  “She’s notorious for her sweet tooth.”

  “When she noticed it on her plate and caught his eyes, he winked, and she smiled. They had everyone around them but shared a moment that was just theirs.” She couldn’t keep the wonder out of her voice. “I didn’t mean to spy on their moment, but such love passed between them, I couldn’t make myself turn away.”

  “Were your parents very expressive with their love?”

  The question summoned a wide smile. “‘Dad. Mom. Stop kissing. That’s gross!’ was my childhood mantra.” She chuckled. “And theirs was ‘one day we hope you’re blessed with a spouse who loves you enough to show it to your children’.”

  “Wise parents.”

  “Not on the subject of my bedtime.”

  “Obviously.” He agreed with a grin. “What do you remember most about them?”

  “They were funny.” She found herself recalling her parents with joy despite still missing them. “My daddy was a practical joker and mom was forgetful—always misplacing her keys. Most days he found them sitting on a table somewhere. One day he found them in the refrigerator and decided to play a prank on her instead of giving them back right away.”

  Eli laughed loudly then quickly quieted down to avoid waking Nate. “I see she passed that forgetfulness gene on to you.”

  “Any chance you’ll get amnesia about me looking for my phone while I was on it talking to you?”

  “Not even amnesia’s going to erase that hilarious moment from my memory.”

  She exhaled a Lauren-worthy sigh. “I can hope.”

  “What’d your dad do with your mother’s keys?”

  “The logical thing, obviously. Placed them in a bowl of water which he put in the freezer. He presented the frozen block to her a week later.”

  Reina bubbled over with laughter as she remembered her mother’s face.

  “‘Well played’ she told my dad and dad said to me, ‘That’s why I love your mother. She puts up with these stunts’.”

  She remembered how her father had walked over and hugged her mother and how her mom had pulled her into the hug as well.

  “She told dad we’d be plotting our revenge at our next mommy and Rei lunch date. We had one every other month.”

  “That’s good quality time.”

  “My dad was quick to remind her that our daddy and Rei day was coming up next month and that we’d be plotting too.”

  They had spent the rest of that day as a family, playing board games, talking and then making pizza—her favorite—for dinner.

  “That was the last Saturday they were alive,” Reina said and tried to keep the sadness out. “When I could finally smile and laugh again after their
deaths, that was my first happy memory of them.”

  At some point during their conversation Eli had taken hold of Reina’s hand. Now they sat across from one another. Reina was keenly aware of his presence.

  Eli cleared his throat. “Sounds like the kind of home most kids could only hope to grow up in.”

  “I didn’t realize how special it was until it wasn’t there anymore.”

  “We very rarely do,” Eli agreed.

  “Years after the civil lawsuit against the drunk driver who killed them, I read a newspaper article about it that quoted some stranger. She said it was terrible that the child—me—lost her family, but at least she was compensated.”

  “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

  “Funny enough, I don’t think she was being malicious.” He didn’t look like he agreed. “I pray she’ll never have to be comforted by money.”

  “I know the money from that wrongful death suit was significant, but no amount can ever make up for their lives,” Eli said.

  “When I was finally of age to access it, I didn’t touch a dime. It was only after Nate was born that I decided to use some of it so I could quit work and stay home. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him in someone else’s care so soon after losing Jared. Some irrational part of me was scared I’d lose him too if I let him out of my sight.”

  “Natural human reaction considering everything you’ve been through.”

  “I’ve been asking God to give me peace about it. Every time I think I’m strong enough not to be so anxious about losing Nate, something happens that shows me I’m not.”

  He squeezed her hand.

  “The fear is so much worse when I lean on my strength instead of focusing on God’s.”

  “Lesson you’ve come to terms with?”

  “Coming to terms. I’m not there yet. The work God’s been doing in me since Jared’s death is showing how much I need to stop relying on my own power.”

  “As you’ve reminded me, we can’t do it on our own.”

  “Sounds like I’m not the only one He’s working on.”

  He hesitated.

  “Don’t worry. It’s none of my business.”

  “No. It’s not that at all.” He raised a shoulder. With the truthful humility she’d come to expect from him, he admitted, “What I have to say doesn’t show me in the best light.”

  “I’d be a hypocrite to judge.” She squeezed his hand in encouragement.

  “I haven’t always been the nicest guy to women.” He confessed, frowning.

  “In what way?”

  “I was never disrespectful or abusive or anything like that.”

  “I wouldn’t think so.”

  “Did I ever tell you I used to date Sophia?”

  She swallowed an uncomfortable lump at the thought and tried to hide her disappointment, if not her surprise, when she responded, “No. I would have remembered that.”

  “It was only for a few months but practically a lifetime when you’re in high school.”

  Some of the discomfort eased at his response. Many years since high school. Feelings changed. People changed. You hope, a little voice within her whispered.

  “What ended things?”

  “My roving eyes.” He looked ashamed at his admission.

  “You cheated on her?”

  “Not cheating. I dumped her for a new transfer student who joined our Algebra class the first half of our senior year.”

  “You were young.”

  “What’s the excuse for continuing my behavior as an adult?”

  “Like I said, we all have things in our past we’re not proud of. All we can do is seek God’s forgiveness and trust that He won’t hold our transgressions against us.”

  “I’ve been seeking forgiveness for the way I treated Sophia and so many other women after her.”

  “How did you treat them?”

  “Carelessly. Without much thought for their feelings. When I broke up with Sophia, I told her she no longer held my interest. Melanie, her replacement, did.”

  “Ouch.” The word escaped her thoughts and made its way out of her mouth before she could retract it. She didn’t want to make him feel worse. She started to apologize but he stopped her.

  “I was harsh. I didn’t realize how much until I overheard her crying to a friend days later. I was too self-absorbed to appreciate her feelings.” He let go of her hands, as if he didn’t deserve to keep holding on to her. “The only time in our friendship Jace and I ever got into a physical fight.”

  She’d wondered about Jason’s reaction. “It had to be difficult for him to be stuck between his two best friends.”

  “I didn’t make it any easier. We didn’t speak for three months after the fight.”

  “You were both angry. Takes time to cool down.”

  “I know my actions put everything in motion, but I was pissed that he almost let the whole thing ruin our friendship.”

  “What saved it?”

  “Our mothers.” He smiled for the first time since starting the story. “You’ll see soon enough they both can be very persuasive. They talked to us about forgiveness and subtly threatened to disown us if we couldn’t put it into practice.”

  Reina chuckled. “Guess you guys enjoyed having a roof over your heads and food at your disposal.”

  “And television. Don’t forget the television.”

  She nodded. “I assume Sophia forgave you, too.”

  “She did by the time we graduated.”

  “But?” She questioned his unexpressed thought.

  “Eighteen years later and I still can’t get past what I did to her to be friends with her again.”

  “You guys talk, don’t you? How can you not when you have Jason in common?”

  “We’re acquaintances.”

  “You talk about the weather?”

  “Mostly superficial, polite topics. At least it was that way for years until Jace was shot.”

  “Tragedy is a powerful bridge.”

  “It was that night. A few days into Jace’s coma, when the doctors were starting to worry he’d never come out of it, I walked in on her praying in the hospital chapel.”

  “I didn’t know she’s a believer.”

  “She’s not, or at least she wasn’t that day. When she spotted me at the chapel, she called me in to sit with her.”

  “’People say there’s a God, but how do you talk to Him?’” she’d asked me. “I was surprised by the question.”

  “Makes sense,” Reina responded. “You never know what people will ask you about God when they know you’re a Christian.”

  “‘You’re the one who grew up going to church’ Sophia said when I hadn’t answered quickly enough. ‘Isn’t that one of those things they teach you? I could use some pointers here. Anything to help save his life’.”

  “That’s a heck of a jump from ‘what wonderful weather we’re having’,” Reina remarked.

  He nodded his agreement. “I was petrified. Yes, I’d grown up going to church, but I wasn’t that much more at ease talking to God than she was. I felt like a hypocrite. Most of my adult life was spent away from God and the church. I had no idea what to tell her.”

  “Did you end up saying anything at all?”

  “Somewhere in the crevice of my mind I remembered my parents saying God just wanted to hear our sincere thoughts.”

  “Very true. He wants us to come to him as is, with a heart that’s genuine.”

  “And that’s what we did. That day we both told God the truth. Jace meant a lot to us and the world would miss out on so much if he died.”

  “He saw the sincerity of your hearts.”

  “Maybe. Whatever it was, He heard our prayers and had mercy on Jason.”

  “There’s a lot there to build from with your relationship with Sophia.”

  “I hope so. Once I gave my life to God, I asked him to help me be a light to her and Jace. I don’t think she’s accepted His saving grace yet, but it looks like He�
�s softened her heart to make that happen.”

  “And He’s welcoming you to come alongside Him to help make it so.”

  “Come alongside.” He considered the idea. “I like it.”

  “A pastor said it once and I’ve always kept it with me. God invites us to come alongside Him to do the work of His kingdom.”

  “Amazing privilege.”

  “I’d say so.”

  “What’s more amazing is why He would want me to. He knows the kind of life I was living.”

  “That’s the point of grace. You don’t do anything to deserve the invitation, so you can’t do anything to lose it.”

  “Grace,” he said in reverence. “Funny how so few letters can have such a powerful impact on a life.” Eli took a deep breath. “The last woman to say I’m incapable of love would be right to say I don’t deserve God’s grace.”

  Reina knew he was reaching the heart of his shame. She was humbled that he felt comfortable enough in the friendship to share. She wanted to be there for him as a source of encouragement, the way he’d been there for her from day one. She watched him struggle with whether to continue and was pleased when he shared the rest.

  “The high school incident with Sophia became the pattern for my love life—up until last year anyway,” he said. “I’d date a woman for a few weeks and then break things off the moment I suspected her feelings for me were more than casual.”

  Reina could feel Eli watching her face. She wondered if he was searching for signs of disgust and condemnation. She didn’t feel that way. She sat patiently awaiting the rest of his story. She hoped he could tell from her expression that there was no judgment.

  “Most of the women I was with were happy to keep things casual. They weren’t any more interested in a serious commitment than I was.”

  “But there were those who dreamed of wedding bells.” She guessed.

  He nodded.

  “I dated Molly for three months before Jace’s shooting. Coincidentally, the day before it happened, she had admitted she loved me. I knew I didn’t feel the same about her.” He took a breath and continued. “I had an experience before her where another woman, Anne-Marie, held on hoping I would change my mind and love her back. I should have broken up with Anne-Marie much sooner than I did. I regretted not having done so because she was a lot more hurt in the end when she realized I wasn’t going to change my mind.”